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What  Happened  to  Johnston 

By    J.    P.    JOHNSTON 


Author  of 
"Twenty  Years  of  Hus'ling" 

and 

"The  Auctioneers'  Guide" 


The  personal  experi- 
ences of  a  man,  who  in  the 
making  and  losmg  of  one 
large  fortune,  and  many 
smaller  ones,  never  gives 
up,  but  with  indefatigable 
energy  and  undaunted  cour- 
age, and  with  an  indomit- 
able will,  once  more  climbs 
to  the  top  round  of  the 
ladder. 


A  Sequel  to  "Twenty  Years  of  Hus'ling* 


Illu^rated  by  Howard  Heath 


CHICAGO 
THOMPSON  &  THOMAS 

1904. 


Copyright,  1904 
by  J.  P.  Johnston. 


All   Rights'  Reserved 


MY  APOLOGY. 

Since  the  publication  of  "Twenty  Years  of 
Hus'ling,"  I  have  received  over  ten  thousand  personal 
letters  from  its  readers,  from  all  quarters  of  the  globe, 
many  of  whom  expressed  a  desire  for  another  book, 
while  others  were  anxious  to  know  "What  had  hap- 
pened to  Johnston,"  hence  this  volume. 

To  my  dear  friend,  Mrs.  Eva  Whinery  Mertz,  whose 
valued  services  were  rendered  in  the  editing  of  its  con- 
tents, I  respectfully  dedicate  this  volume. 


TABLE  OF  CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  I. 

In  the  Wholesale  Jewelry  and  Optical  Business — Orig- 
inator of  the  Exchange  System  Selection  Package 
Scheme — A  Great  Success — Carrying  Out  the  Bluff 
— How  I  Kept  in  the  Game — Express  Charges  from 
Five  Hundred  to  One  Thousand  Dollars  per  Day — 
Business  Booming — A  Frightened  Eastern  Salesman. 

CHAPTER  n. 

Helping  an  Old  Schoolmate  Through  College — Giving 
Him  a  Send-off  as  a  Practitioner — "Bread  Cast  Upon 
the  Water" — Striking  a  Bonanza  in  a  Dakota  Farm — 
Two  Bright  Laddies  Worsted — How  I  Got  Their 
Money — Trading  Dakota  Real  Estate  in  Qiicago — A 
Deal  for  Twenty-one  Fine  Horses — Selling  Them  at 
Auction — How  I  sold  a  Pair  of  Colts  for  Twelve  Hun- 
dred and  Twenty-five  Dollars — Had  Offered  Them  for 
Four  Hundred  and  Fifty  Dollars  Three  Hours  Before 
— A  Unique  Letter  from  the  Klondike. 

CHAPTER  HL 

Manufacturing  Car  Seats — How  I  Got  In — How  I  Got 
Out — Easy,  but  Expensive — Buying  a  Summer  Home 
at  LaPorte,  Lidiana — Our  First  Few  Weeks'  Experi- 
ence There — Lots  of  Fun  Trading  Horses — Back  to 
Chicago. in  the  Fall. 

CHAPTER  IV. 

Trading  Watches  for  Horses — A  Half  Interest  in  the 
Livery    Business   in   Chicago — Traded   for  a  Kicker — 


TABLE  OF  CONTENTS  7 

A  Providenlial  Runaway  of  a  Horse — How  I  Settled 
for  an  Uprooted  Tree— A  Narrow  Escape  on  Derby 
Day— Giving  a  Newsboy  a  Job— How  He  Came  to 
the  'Top"— A  Smooth  Man  on  Slippery  Streets— An 
Amusing  Meeting  with  a  Witty  Won'ian- An  Un- 
conscious Elopement— Visited  by  a  Country  Cousin— 
A  Tip-up  and  Mix-up— Just  How  It  All  Happened. 

CHAPTER  V. 
A  Trip  to  California— A  Practical  Joke  on  a  Hebrew — 
A  Threadbare  Story— A  Sporty  Old  Dutchman— Sum- 
mer m  the  Morning,  Winter  at  Noon— The  Sandwich 
Story. 

CHAPTER  VL 

The  World's  Fair  Panic  Approaching— Selling  Out  My 
Wholesale  Jewelr)-  and  Optical  Business— Opening  a 
Retail  Jewelry  Store  in  La  Porte,  Indiana— A  News- 
paper Fight— Selling  On\.  the  Retail  Store— SeiHng 
Our  Summer  Home— Owner  of  a  Grocery  and  Meat 
Market— Delivering  a  Lecture  at  LaPorte— Horse- 
trades  too  Numerous  to  Mention. 

CHAPTER  VII. 
A  Trip  to  Hot  Springs.  Arkansas— My  First  Fox  Hunt 
—How  I  Procured  the  Use  of  a  F'ine  Saddle  Horse 
Free— Winner  of  the  "Brush"— My  Excursion  Into 
the  Scantily  Settled  Portion  of  Arkansas— Swimming 
the  Washita  River  on  Horseback— Camping  Out- 
Good  Luck  in  Hunting — Shooting  My  First  Wild 
Turkey— Trading  a  Watch  for  a  Rifle— An  Interest- 
ing Conversation  Between  Two  Natives  of  Arkansas. 

CHAPTER  VIII. 

An  Interesting  Character— An  Evening  With  a  Rich  Ar- 
kansas Farmer— Delineating  Character  by  Phrenology 
—How  it  Paid— Camping  Out  at  Night— A  Funeral 
on  My  Hands — Conducting  the  Burial  Services. 


8  TABLE  OF  CONTENTS 

CHAPTER  IX. 

Meeting  an  Old  Acquaintance  of  Boyhood  Days — A 
Queer  Coincidence — The  Biggest  True  Fish  Story  on 
Record — SelHng  Out  Catch  at  Auction — Conducting  an 
Auction  Store — Fitting  Spectacles — The  Witty  Tow- 
headed  Boy. 

CHAPTER   X. 

A  Combination  that  Paid — On  the  Road  with  a  Lucrative 
Business — Trading  for  Anything,  from  a  Cambric 
Needle  to  a  Grindstone — A  Queer  Turkey  Deal — Trad- 
ing for  an  Ox-team  and  Wagon — Another  Trade  for 
a  Mule — A  Regular  Caravan  in  Appearance — Selling 
the  Outfit  at  Auction — Giving  a  Lecture  to  a  Full 
House — Killed  My  First  and  Only  Bear — How  it  Hap- 
pened— Selling  the  Carcass  to  a  Butcher — A  Valuable 
Lesson  m  Salesmanship — My  Return  to  Hot  Springs 
— Posing  as  a  "Crack"  Shot — How  I  Asked  the  Bless- 
ing. 

CHAPTER  XL 

Arrival  Home  from  Arkansas — Business  Getting  Worse 
Every  Day — A  Trip  Down  East — Procuring  a  Year's 
Extension  from  Creditors — A  Mix-up  in  Boston — A 
Unique  Real  Estate  Deal — The  Professor  and  His 
Bad  Hand  Shake — How  He  "Did  the  Town" — Trad- 
ing Our  Summer  Home  for  Tennessee  Property. 

CHAPTER  XH. 

Making  an  Assignment  for  the  Benefit  of  Creditors — 
Paying  Home  Obligations — Forcing  Creditors  to  Take 
Their  Pay — A  Few  Business  Men  Taught  Some  Wis- 
dom— My  Settlement  With  Creditors — An  Expensive 
Experiment — The  Pick-out  Scheme — How  it  was 
Worked — A  Novel  Plan  to  Decoy  Customers — 
Worked  to  a  Charm — The  Kalamazoo  Authorities  Out- 
done. 


TABLE  OF  CONTENTS  9 

CHAPTER  XIII. 

The  Pick-out  Scheme  in  Ch.icago — Trading  Jewelry  for 
Five  and  Ten  Cent  Stores — Disposing  of  These  Stores 
— A  Big  Business  m  a  Small  Room — What  Location 
Means  in  Business — An  All-night  Business — Squeezed 
by  High  Rents — In  the  Lecture  Field — Broke  Again 
— How  I  I\Iade  a  Raise. 

CHAPTER  XIV. 

A  Profitable  and  Interesting  Lecture  Tour — Tangled  in 
My  Lecture — Escaped  by  Telling  an  Amusing  School- 
boy Experience — My  Experience  with  a  Brother  K.  of 
P. — Dr.  Johnson  and  His  Millionaire  Sweetheart — Tlic 
Street  Doctor  and  His  Stomach  Cure — How  it  Cured 
Him. 

CHAPTER  XV. 

A  Bad  Man  in  a  Small  Town— Settled  With  Him  With- 
out an  Argument — The  Audience  Surprised  and 
Pleased — The  Landlord  and  His  Early  Riser — No 
Changing  Minds  in  Flis  Hotel — A  Bad  Case  of  In- 
somnia— Went  Sound  Asleep  While  Lecturing — A 
Terrible  Experience — Owned  a  Boat  and  Acted  as 
Captain  for  One  Day — Sold  Out  at  a  Profit — Mark 
Twain  and  His  Lecture — Buying  and  Selling  a  Gro- 
cery— An  Interesting  Newspaper  Report  of  my  Lec- 
ture— Delivering  the  Lecture  to  a  One  Man  Audience. 

CHAPTER  XVI. 

Back  to  Chicago — How  I  Lost  a  Thousand  Dollars — An 
Unexpected  Find — In  the  Street  Auction  Business — 
Cornering  the  Show  Business  on  an  Indiana  Fair 
Ground — Over  Six  Hundred  Dollars  Profit  in  Three 
Davs. 

CHAPTER  XVII. 

Visiting  a  Book  Auction  in  Indianapolis — Employing  an 
Assistant  Auctioneer — A  Case  of  Clothes  Not  Makin"- 


10  TABLE  OF  CONTENTS 

the  Man — A  Transformation  Scene — Money  Well  In- 
vested— A  Disastrous  Trip  to  the  South — A  Barefooted 
Audience — Everything  Sold  but  Soap — Returning 
North  Nearly  Stranded — A  Grand  Bluff  With  Empty 
Boxes  our  Financial  Salvation. 

CHAPTER  XVIII. 

Getting  Back  Into  Indiana — An  Interesting  Interview 
With  a  Newspaper  Man — How  I  Got  His  Money — 
Buying  and  Selling  Second  Hand  Furniture — Bad  Fri- 
day at  Seymour,  Indiana — Skunked  for  the  First  I'ime 
— A  Combination  Auction  Sale — Patent  Rights  a  Side 
Issue — Closing  out  the  Auction  Stock. 

CHAPTER  XIX. 

An  Interestmg  Trip  to  Tennessee — Investigating  Real 
Estate  at  Harriman — Two  Quick  Deals — On  to  Chat- 
tanooga— The  Small  Boy  and  the  Frogs — Assuming 
to  be  Stranded,  With  Plenty  of  Cash  on  Hand — A 
Unique  Experiment — The  Jew  and  His  Socks. 

CHAPTER  XX. 

A  Visit  to  the  Inman  Mines — Releasing  a  Prisoner  on 
a  Writ  of  Habeas  Corpus — My  Extraordinary  Experi- 
ence With  the  Convict — A  Visit  to  the  Mines  and  the 
Stockades — Our  Visit  to  the  Battlefields  of  Chicka- 
mauga  and  Lookout  ^Mountain — Returning  to  the 
North — A  Business  Venture  in  Indiana — Wiped  Out 
of  Business  by  a  Fire — Stranded  Once  More — How  I 
Made  a  Raise — A  Stirring  Week's  Business — The 
Fake  Doctor  and  His  Weak  Patient. 

CHAPTER  XXI. 

A  Friend  in  Need  was  Friend  Indeed — A  Few  Sugges- 
tions— Our  Departure  With  the  Sway-back  Horse 
and  Auction  Wagon — A  Breakdown  and  a  Back-up — 
How   We    Surprised   a   Blacksmith — Mrs.    Johnston's 


TABLE  OF  CONTENTS  11 

Departure  for  Chicago — I  Continue  Through  Indiana 
— An  Early  Morning  Sale^ — How  I  Surprised  the  Na- 
tives— How  the  Natives  Fooled  Me — Six  Auction 
Sales  in  One  Day — Decided  to  go  Into  the  Optical 
Business — How  I  Went  About  It — The  Meeting  of  a 
Former  Protege — A  Few  Remarks  About  Moralizing. 

CHAPTER  XXII. 

Closing  Out  the  Auction  Stock — Embarking  in  the  Ex- 
clusive Optical  Business — Back  to  LaPorte,  Indiana — 
A  Trip  to  Ohio — The  Optical  Business  a  Success — A 
Few  Amusmg  Incidents — Dealing  With  a  Few  Pre- 
varicators— The  Difference  Between  a  Liar  and  a  Pre- 
varicator— The  Coal  Dealer  and  His  Hundred  Dollar 
Bill. 

CPIAPTER  XXIII. 

Our  Trip  to  Freemont.  \^isiting  Relatives — An  Interest- 
ing and  Amusing  Experience  With  a  Typical  Irish 
Woman — Mrs.  Johnston's  Advent  in  the  Optical  Busi- 
ness— Our  First  Hotel  Experience  in  Fitting  Glasses 
— A  Long  Wait,  but  a  Successful  Ending — A  Few 
Suggestions  About  Advertising — Local  Opticians  as 
Heavyweight  Advertisers — A  Few  Suggestions  About 
Spectacle  Peddlers. 

CHAPTER  XXIV. 

Another  Long  Wait  at  Upper  Sandusky — How  They 
Came  at  Last — A  Narrow-minded  Optician  with  a 
Narrow-minded  Proposition — Almost  Stranded  in 
Southern  Ohio — Our  Return  North — Big  Success  at 
Warren,  Ohio — Locating  in  Cleveland — Methods 
Which  Led  to  Success — Building  a  Residence  in  Cleve- 
land— Purchased  an  Automobile — How  I  Forgot  to 
Stop  It — The  Darky  and  the  Automobile. 


12  TABLE  OF  CONTENTS 

CHAPTER  XXV. 

Annoyed  by  Impostors — How  We  Ran  One  Down — It 
Cost  Him  Over  Five  Hundred  Dollars — How  Other 
Opticians  Copied  Our  Advertising — Mrs.  Johnston's 
Death — My  Mother  and  I  Living-  Under  the  Same  Roof 
for  the  First  Time  in  Thirty-five  Years — The  Circum- 
stances Which  Led  to  My  Writing  "What  Happened 
to  Johnston." 


LIST  OF  ILLUSTRATIONS. 

Page. 

J.    P.   Johnston Frontispiece 

"  Say,  by  Jove,  I  have  an  engagement  with  a  man  down  at 

the    Pahner   House  " 25 

I  took  the  thing  quite  seriously,  not  allowing  them  to  think 

I   was  j  oking 31 

I  called  my  last  bid  and  he  raised  it  to  $850 39 

Enclosed    find    scarfpin,    the    retail    price    of    which    is    fifty 

cents     43 

"  Well,  have  you  got  a  cur  dog,  a  rat-trap,  or  any  old  thing 

that  you  would  be  willing  to  trade  for  this  team?" 63 

As  quick  as  a   flash  he  handed  me  a  dime 75 

"Is  this  to  be  a  waltz  or  schottische,"  she  asked "JJ 

They    were    certainly    a    study    to    the    student    of    human 

nature     81 

He  began   to   laugh  occasionally 93 

"  Not  vone  of  dose  stories  vas  yourn  own  pearsonal  ex- 
perience,  no   sir,   not   vone." 95 

"This   is   a   river  and  it's  three  miles  wide" 98 

"  I'll  bet  you  be  traveling  on  a  pass  and  ain't  got  not  vive 

cents   to  your   name,  you  big  red-headed   lobster" loi 

"What  in  thunder  is  this,  anyhow;    can  you  tell  me?"....   109 

Began  yelling   like   Comanche   Indians 122 

Invariably    had   a   broad    grin    on 125 

"  For  the   instant   I    thought   of   Doomsday,   Judgment   Day 

and  the   Day   of   Resurrection  " 141 

"I   had  at  last  killed  a   wild   turkey" 147 

"  Back  up  there.  Blue,  an'  straiten  yewself  'round,  yew  old 

hypocrite"     151 

When  I  struck  his  bump  of  benevolence  I  wondered  at  my 

ever  getting  him  to  give  up  his  dollar 155 

"Very  well,"  said   I,  "loan  me  your  Bible  "....  = 165 

"Delivered   my   formerly   prepared   eulogy" 168 

The     Fish     Auction — the     whole     population     turned     out 

en   masse   ready   to   do  business    181 

The    farmer    wanted    to    know    what    kind    of    an    infernal 
machine    I    had    there,    anyhow   195 

Put   up  large  hand-printed  bulletins   in   every  town    201 

"  I  took  both  the  calf  and  sheep  alive  to  the  nearest  town 
and  sold  them  to  a   butcher " 202 


14  LIST  OF  ILLUSTRATIONS 

Page 
"  The    whole    town — men,    women    and    children — following 

him "    204 

"  A  worse  scared  man  I  never  saw  " 207 

"  But,"  said  I,  "  I  hired  you  to  find  me,  so  begin  at  once". ..  219 
"  Professor,   it's  a  queer  coincidence   that   two  '  sharks '  like 

you  and  I  should  have  struck  such  a  small  town  as  this 

at    the    same    time " 227 

"But,"  he  insisted,   "I  just  can't  make  it  out  to-day" 234 

''  Yes,  yes,  de  main  spoke ;  is  he  in  ?  " 253 

His  two  salesmen  came   in  from   a   long  walk    271 

"  Every    healthy    man    belches  " 272 

Struck  on  his  head  in  front  of  the  building    278 

"  Veil,"    whined    the    Jew,    "  but    I    didn't   change    my   mind 

till    you    call't    me " 283 

"Absolutely   the   only  ones   who   didn't   laugh" 297 

"The  entire  audience  came  forward  and  embraced  me"....  30c 
"  Only    twenty    cents :    the   paltry    sum   of   twenty   cents    for 

this    wonderful    book" 317 

We  sold  a  very  little  of  everything  but  soap 323 

"  Right   there   is   your   man,    sir " 334 

"  Auction  !  "    342 

"  Well,  I  like  your  style,  anyhow,"  said  the  Judge 357 

"  I'll  bet  the  man  doesn't  live  that  can  sell  a  bill  of  goods 

in  this   infernal  town  " 359 

"  You     Mumzer     Benhanedy.     you     got     dose     socks     for 

nothing "     364 

"And  now  we  will  have  the  balloon  ascension" 381 

"  It  will  cost  you  eighty-four  dollars  and  ninety-six  cents". .  384 
"  At   first  thought   that   one   of   them   aire  automobiles  he'd 

been  readin'  about,   had  arrived  " 391 

"  We  searched  the  rooms  high  and  low,  but  no  glasses  could 

be    found"    410 

"  Now,    my    dear    brother,    can    you    doubt    the    efficacy    of 
prayer  ?  "     423 

"Just  look  at  that.  Mary;    I  can  see  de  birds  on  do  top  of 

de   telegraph   poles  " 425 

"  Great  Caesar,  get  out  of  the  way " 449 

"  Well,    for   de   Lawdy   sake,    I   hope   yo   ain't   comin'    back 
again,     is    ye  ?  " 451 


WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON. 


CHAPTER  I. 

In  the  Wholesale  Jewelry  and  Optical  Business — Orig- 
inator of  the  Exchange  System  Selection  Package 
Scheme — A  Great  Success — Carrying  Out  the  Bluflf 
— How  I  Kept  in  the  Game — Express  Charges  from 
Five  Hundred  to  One  Thousand  Dollars  per  Day — 
Business  Booming — A  Frightened  Eastern  Salesman. 

Readers  of  my  book  entitled  "  Twenty  Years  of 
Hus'ling  "  will  remember  that  at  the  time  of  its  com- 
pletion I  was  engaged  in  the  wholesale  jewelry  and 
optical  business  at  No.  243  State  street.  Chicago. 

At  that  time  there  was  no  reason  on  my  part  to 
suspect  for  a  single  moment  that  the  time  would  ever 
come  wdien  I  should  again  see  the  need  of  a  dollar. 

An  inventory  of  my  books  showed  a  balance  of  two 
hundred  and  fifty  thousand  dollars  in  my  favor,  in 
merchandise  on  hand,  outstanding  accounts,  real  es- 
tate, personal  property  and  cash  in  bank,  after  deduct- 
ing the  amount  of  my  liabilities,  which  exceeded  one 
hundred  and  fifty  thousand  dollars. 

A  few  years  before  this  I  had  originated  what  was 
known   as   the   "  selection   package   exchange    system 


16         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

plan,"  which  did  away  entirely  with  the  employing  of 
traveling  salesmen. 

The  plan  was  to  make  np  an  assorted  lot  and  send 
it,  express  prepaid,  to  every  general  store  merchant, 
druggist  or  jeweler,  who  had  a  satisfactory  mercan- 
tile rating,  without  soliciting  his  order  or  consulting 
him  in  any  way.  A  letter,  of  course,  was  sent  appris- 
ing him  of  the  fact  that  a  package  had  been  forwarded 
to  him  by  express,  and  requesting  him  to  receive  it, 
open  it  up,  place  it  on  sale  in  his  show  case  for  ten 
days,  and  at  the  expiration  of  that  time  he  could  sim- 
ply pay  for  what  he  had  sold,  or  possibly  selected,  and 
return  the  balance  at  my  expense.  If,  however,  he 
should  desire  to  .purchase  the  entire  package  outright, 
he  could  do  so  on  terms  set  forth  pertaining  to  my  new 
and  original  exchange  plan. 

From  the  very  start  it  was  a  grand  success,  which, 
however,  necessitated  the  carrying  of  an  immense 
stock  of  goods,  and  the  employment  of  a  large  force 
of  clerks,  stenographers  and  book-keepers. 

Since  1  had  (with  but  forty-two  dollars'  worth  of 
jewelry)  made  my  start  as  a  wholesaler,  delivering 
goods  to  the  merchants  for  cash,  T  was  not  in  a  finan- 
cial position  to  order  and  pay  cash  for  the  large  quan- 


CARRYING  OUT  THE  BLUFF  17 

tities  of  goods  necessary  to  make  my  scheme  a  big 
success. 

I  had,  during  my  few  years'  stay  in  Chicago,  estab- 
lished and  carefully  guarded  a  very  good  credit 
amongst  the  Eastern  manufacturers,  but  now  had 
come  a  time  when,  to  make  money  c|uickly,  on  a  plan 
which  I  had  fully  demonstrated  was  a  success,  re- 
quired some  thought,  considerable  tact  and  a  whole 
lot  of  nerve. 

As  before  stated.  I  had  established  a  very  good 
credit  Avith  the  manufacturers,  with  which  I  could  have 
run  along  in  the  regular  routine  way  and  fashion  of 
the  over-cautious  man.  and  no  doubt  eventually  de- 
veloped a  fairly  prosperous  business. 

But  life  seemed  too  short  to  think  of  letting  things 
drag;  besides  there  was  in  my  mind  the  fear  of  the 
ever-present  "  Ape."  the  imitator,  who  always  stands 
ready  to  profit  by  the  ideas  of  others,  and  realizing 
that  there  was  a  danger  of  some  one  of  my  employes 
divulging  the  secret  of  my  plan  to  outsiders,  I  decided 
to  act  at  once. 

The  first  thing  I  did  was  to  rent  three  extra  rooms, 
connecting  w'ith  the  one  I  was  occupying  as  an  ofiice. 
and  began  knocking  down  the  thick  wall  partitions. 


18         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

When  this  was  done  I  put  up  thin  board  partitions, 
so  that  no  one  could  see,  but  could  hear  almost  every- 
thing that  was  going  on  upon  the  inside,  and  then 
placarded  the  doors  "  No  Admittance." 

I  then  instructed  the  few  employes  I  had  to  take 
special  pains  to  make  all  the  noise  and  hubbub  possi- 
ble while  billing  and  calling  off  goods,  after  which  I 
announced  I  had  the  biggest  scheme  on  earth  for  un- 
loading jewelry  without  the  use  of  traveling  sales- 
men. 

When  representatives  of  Eastern  manufacturers 
called  on  me  I  looked  wise,  ordered  lots  of  goods  and 
made  no  apologies, 

I  never  had  a  single  manufacturer  refuse  to  ship, 
and  as  soon  as  the  goods  began  piling  in  I  increased  my 
office  force,  and  kept  increasing  it  until  it  reached  over 
two  hundred  employes. 

The  jjusiness  began  booming  immediately  after  the 
first  big  lot  of  packages  were  sent  out. 

Our  records  showed  that  over  sixty  per  cent  of  all 
goods  consigned  were  kept,  and  the  largest  part  paid 
for  on  a  ten  days'  basis. 

This,  of  course,  gave  me  plenty  of  ready  money, 
and  as  I  was  buying  my  goods  on  four  and  six  months' 


CARRYING  OUT  THE  BLUFF  19 

time,  I  was  enabled  to  surprise  many  of  my  creditors 
with  remittances  long  before  their  bills  were  due. 

I  made  no  pretense  of  keeping  a  bank  account,  but 
fired  all  my  surplus  cash  into  the  coffers  of  the  manu- 
facturers. 

This  was  the  best  lubricator  in  the  world. 

The  machinery  was  now  running  as  smooth  as  oil ; 
every  fellow  was  at  his  post ;  salesmen  came  thicker 
and  faster,  and  it  seemed  to  me  that  everybody  in 
Chicago  wanted  to  hire  out  to  me. 

Every  day  brought  forth  better  results;  things  kept 
getting  hotter  and  hotter;  my  scheme  was  the  talk  of 
the  town,  and  just  to  keep  up  the  interest  I  bought  a 
handsome  pair  of  horses  and  a  fine  carriage. 

Observing  what  a  salutary  effect  this  had  on  every 
one,  I  soon  purchased  another  pair  of  fine  Kentucky 
saddlers. 

My  wife  being  a  Southern  woman,  accustomed  to 
horseback  riding  and  driving,  we  were  not  only  in  a 
position  to  keep  up  the  interest,  but  were  enabled  to 
enjoy  a  much  needed  exercise  and  recreation. 

Mrs.  Johnston,  since  our  marriage,  was,  and  had 
been,  my  most  able  assistant  in  the  management  of 
every  detail  of  my  business;  therefore  I  had  regarded 


20  WHAT  HAPPEN  ED  10  JOHXSTON 

her  as  my  business  partner,  and  no  man  ever  had  a 
better  one. 

When  a  salesman  whom  I  had  the  shghtest  idea 
was  skeptical  about  my  financial  standing  came  to 
town,  I  took  him  a  whirl  down  the  boulevard  behind 
as  fine  a  pair  of  horses  as  any  man  drove,  and  if  he 
carried  a  line  of  goods  such  as  I  needed,  I  had  no 
trouble  in  buying. 

Of  course,  I  didn't  forget  to  keep  reminding  my 
employes  of  the  importance  of  keeping  up  the  noise 
and  racket  when  billing  and  shipping  out  goods,  and 
cautioned  them  in  particular  about  doing  so  when 
Eastern  salesmen  were  around. 

I  realized  that  my  salvation  was  to  make  the  bluff 
go,  and  as  I  had  the  most  implicit  confidence  and  faith 
in  the  scheme,  and  no  other  thought  in  my  mind  but 
to  pay  one  hundred  cents  on  the  dollar  for  every  dol- 
lar's worth  of  goods  ordered,  I  knew  that  apologies 
and  explanations  would  only  cripple  my  cause,  and 
therefore  determined  to  carry  out  the  thing  with  a 
bold  front  and  a  grand  flourish  of  trumpets. 

One  day,  when  I  first  began  my  scheme,  several 
Eastern  salesmen  were  waiting  out  in  the  hall  for  their 
turn  to  show  me  their  samples,  when   I  happened  to 


CARRYING  OUT  THE  BLUFF  21 

step  into  the  shipping-room,  and,  noticing  that  about 
fifty  packages  were  ready  for  shipment,  I  hastily  called 
to  me  five  young  men  who  were  employed  as  stock 
clerks,  shipping  clerks,  office  boys,  etc.,  and  instructed 
each  to  fill  his  arms  with  packages  and  at  intervals  of 
one  minute  march  out  past  the  waiting  salesmen,  down 
one  flight  of  stairs,  enter  our  office  in  the  rear  unseen, 
and  to  keep  on  repeating  the  act  until  told  to  stop. 

After  a  few  minutes  I  opened  the  door  of  my  pri- 
vate office  and  with  a  great  deal  of  gusto  invited  the 
whole  "bunch"  of  salesmen   inside. 

They  all  seemed  much  excited,  and  as  they  entered, 
one  big  fellow  by  the  name  of  Kingman  said :  "  Gee 
whiz !  Johnston,  you  must  be  doing  a  devil  of  a  busi- 
ness. My  sakes !  Your  pay-roll  must  be  something 
awful.  Why  I  counted  ninety  fellows  passing  out,  all 
loaded  with  packages  just  while  I  stood  there,  and 
they  are  still  at  it." 

"  Well  yes."  said  I,  "  it  does  make  a  big  pay-roll ; 
those  youngsters  you  saw  are  my  office  boys;  you 
ought  to  see  the  force  of  m.en  and  women  I  employ." 

Another  thing  I  did  to  give  a  better  aspect  to  the 
business  was  to  have  a  huge  sign  made  and  hung  the 
entire  length  of  the  immense  building  in  which  was 


22         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

my  office.  It  contained  the  lettering,  "  J.  P.  JOHN- 
STON, WHOLESALE  JEWELER,"  in  very  large 
letters. 

I  then  had  the  building  photographed  with  my  sign 
as  one  of  the  most  conspicuous  features. 

Next,  I  had  a  cut  made  from  it  which  I  used  on  my 
letterheads  and  all  my  advertising. 

This  not  only  gave  confidence  to  the  Eastern  manu- 
facturers, but  to  the  merchants  to  whom  I  was  cater- 
ing for  business. 

Judging  from  the  general  appearance  of  the  big 
sign,  one  could  easily  imagine  that  I  occupied  the 
whole  building. 

It  was  not  long  until  I  instructed  my  employes  to 
make  it  their  business  to  send  out  one  thousand  pack- 
ages a  day,  and  as  the  express  charges  were  all  pre- 
paid, in  addition  to  paying  the  express  on  all  pack- 
ages returned,  it  can  readily  be  seen  that  my  daily 
expense,  on  this  item  alone,  was  no  trifling  affair. 

The  records  of  the  Adams,  American,  United  States 
and  Wells-Fargo  Express  Companies  will  show  that 
during  those  busy  times  these  expenses,  altogether, 
amounted  to  from  five  hundred  to  one  thousand  dol- 
lars per  day ;  but  as  a  large  percentage  of  the  goods 


CARRYING  OUT  THE  BLUFF  23 

were  kept  and  the  money  kept  pouring  in,  why  should 
I  worry  over  these  expenses?  The  more  goods 
shipped  out  the  higher  expenses  and  hkewise  the 
greater  the  sales.  The  only  question  was  to  get  the 
goods  in  large  enough  quantities  to  keep  up  the  good 
work.  To  do  this  the  manufacturer  must  have  his 
money,  and  with  a  correspondence  numbering  thou- 
sands of  letters  and  receiving  hundreds  of  remittances 
daily,  it  was  getting  easier  and  easier  every  day. 

In  making  up  this  great  number  of  packages  it  was 
necessary  to  buy  in  exceedingly  large  quantities,  and 
in  this  connection  there  were  many  amusing  little 
things  happened. 

One  day  a  representative  of  an  Eastern  manufac- 
turer of  solid  gold  goods  called,  and  about  the  first 
thing  he  showed  me  (a  pair  of  ear-drops)  was  just 
what  I  had  been  looking  for,  for  a  special  purpose,  and 
in  fact  was  the  only  thing  he  had  among  his  samples 
that  I  cared  for  or  wanted.  They  were  listed  at  thirty- 
six  dollars  per  dozen.  After  getting  his  very  best  dis- 
count,  which  was  one-third  and  ten  per  cent  off,   I 

said : 

"  You  may  send  me  twelve  gross.' 


24         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

"  Why,  no !  yon  don't — you  don't  mean  twelve 
gross,  you  mean — you  mean  twelve  pair." 

"  No  I  don't."  said  I,  "  I  mean  just  what  I  say — 
twelve  gross." 

The  poor  fellow  turned  pale  and  gasped  for  breath, 
and  fairly  clung  to  the  railing  on  the  counter  to  keep 
from  staggering,  and,  on  recovering  sufficiently,  look- 
ing toward  the  clock  and  under  apparent  excitement, 
said : 

"  Say,  by  Jove!  I  have  an  engagement  at  ten  o'clock 
with  a  man  down  to  the  Palmer  House,  and  I'll  run 
down  and  see  him  and  come  back  again." 

"  All  right,"  said  I,  "  but  are  you  going  to  ship 
those  ear-drops  ?  " 

"  We  will  fix  that  when  T  come  back,"  he  yelled  as 
he  flew  out,  and  the  look  of  satisfaction  on  his  face 
as  he  passed  out  of  the  door  and  made  good  his  escape 
was  indeed  amusing  to  me. 

In  about  two  hours  Horace  Steere,  who  represented 
Fred  I.  Marcy  &  Co.,  of  Providence,  R.  L,  came  in 
laughing  fit  to  kill,  and  said : 

"  Say,  Johnston,  was  there  a  fellow  up  here  this 
morning  showing  you  some  gold  goods,  and  had  to 
leave  suddenlv  to  meet  a  man  at  the  Palmer  House? 


CARRYING  OUT  THE  BLUFF 


25 


Well,  sir,  as  I  came  into  the  hotel  a  few  moments  ago 
he  came  rushing  up  to  me  and  said :  '  Say,  what  do 
yon  think?  I  called  on  a  certain  wholesaler  this  morn- 
ing and  the  first  darn  thing  he  laid  his  hands  on  was 
a  pair  of  solid  gold  ear-drops  at  thirty-six  dollars  a 


"Say,  by  Jove,  I  Jiavc  an  engagement  icith  a  man   doivn  at  the 
Palmer  House." 

dozen,  and  dang  me  if  he  didn't  order  twelve  gross, 
or  over  three  thousand  dollars'  worth,  rigfht  off  the 
reel,  and  you  bet  1  made  an  excuse  that  I  had  an  en- 
gagement with  a  man  at  the  Palmer  House  at  ten 
o'clock  and  skipped  out.' 


26         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

"  Yes,  yes,"  said  Mr.  Steere,  "  I  understand,  and 
I  can  tell  you  who  the  wholesaler  is,  too ;  it's  J.  P. 
Johnston.  Now,  then,  you  go  right  back  and  take 
his  order  for  all  the  goods  he  will  buy.  I  have  sold 
him  three  bills  of  over  ten  thousand  dollars  each,  in 
sleeve  buttons  alone,  and  he  owes  our  house  twenty- 
one  thousand  dollars  right  now,  and  can  owe  us  three 
times  that  amount  if  he  wants  to." 

Later  in  the  day  the  fellow  came  back  with  a  pleas- 
ant smile  and  a  cordial  "  How  d'  do?" 

But  I  told  him  it  would  be  impossible  for  me  to 
look  his  line  over  again,  as  I  had  an  engagement  with 
a  man  at  the  Palmer  House. 


TRADING  DAKOTA  REAL  ESTATE  27 


CHAPTER  II. 

Helping-  an  Old  Schoolmate  Through  College — Giving 
Him  a  Send-off  as  a  Practitioner — "Bread  Cast  Upon 
the  Water" — Striking  a  Bonanza  in  a  Dakota  Farm — 
Two  Bright  Laddies  Worsted — How  I  Got  Their 
Money — Trading  Dakota  Real  Estate  in  Chicago^ — A 
Deal  for  Twenty-one  Fine  Horses — Selling  Them  at 
Auction — How  I  sold  a  Pair  of  Colts  for  Twelve  Hun- 
dred and  Twenty-five  Dollars — Had  Offered  Them  for 
Four  Hundred  and  Fifty  Dollars  Three  Hours  Before 
— A  Unique  Letter  from  the  Klondike. 

I  mentioned  in  "  Twenty  Years  of  Hus'ling  "  my 
experience  with  an  old  friend  whom  I  nicknamed  Dr. 
Frank,  in  consequence  of  his  success  while  on  our  trip 
selling  the  Incomprehensible  furniture  and  piano  pol- 
ish, in  setting  a  sprained  ankle  for  an  old  lady  living 
near  Lima,  Ohio,  who  had  fallen  down  stairs. 

I  also  mentioned  how%  many  years  afterward,  I  had 
paid  his  expenses  through  the  Hahnemann  Medical 
College,  of  Chicago,  where  he  graduated  with  high 
honors.  His  full  name  was  Frank  Hassler.  He  had 
been  raised  at  Attica,  Seneca  County,  Ohio,  w^hich  was 
an  adjoining  county  to  Sandusky,  where  I  was  raised, 
and  we  had  been  friends  from  boyhood.     I  was  es- 


28  WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

pecially  proud  of  his  fine  record  as  a  student,  and 
overjoyed  with  the  fact  that  I  had  been  able  to  render 
him  the  necessary  financial  aid  to  accomplish  what 
he  had  so  ambitiously  set  out  for. 

A  few  days  after  his  graduation  I  bought  him  a 
number  of  surgical  instruments,  several  books  for  his 
office,  a  new  suit  of  clothes,  an  outfit  of  linen  and 
toilet  articles,  a  ticket  for  Pierre,  Dakota,  and  gave 
him  a  tw^enty-dollar  gold  piece  as  a  little  surplus. 

The  very  first  day  of  his  arrival  there  a  little  child 
of  the  landlord  with  whom  he  was  stopping  had  been 
given  up  to  die  by  three  of  the  very  best  physicians  in 
the  city,  and  as  he  had  an  old  school-mate  practicing 
law  there,  by  the  name  of  Harry  Ernst,  who  recom- 
mended him  highly,  the  case  was  immediately  turned 
over  to  him,  and  inside  of  twenty-four  hours  he  had 
the  child  completely  out  of  danger;  and  before  he  had 
time  to  hang  out  his  shingle  business  had  begun  in 
earnest,  and  in  no  time  he  had  the  practice  of  the  city. 

But  practicing  was  one  thing,  and  collecting  ac- 
counts was  another. 

No  one  seemed  to  have  a  dollar,  and  for  five  years 
he  was  kept  busy  every  day,  but  was  seldom  ever  able 
to  collect  enough  to  pay  his  hotel  liills. 


TRADING  DAKOTA  REAL  ESTATE         29 

His  indebtedness  to  me  was  over  one  thousand  dol- 
lars. 

He  was  anxious  to  pay  me,  but  unless  collections 
should  get  better  the  prospects  would  not  be  flattering. 

During  his  stay  there  he  had  managed  to  get  pos- 
session of  ai  hundred  and  sixty  acres  of  land,  twelve 
miles  from  Pierre,  and  one  day  I  received  a  letter  from 
him  saying  he  had  a  chance  to  trade  it  for  another 
hundred  and  sixty  acres  right  near  Pierre,  and  if  I 
would  pay  the  one  hundred  and  forty  dollars  "  boot  " 
money  demanded,  he  would  turn  over  the  whole  char- 
ter section  to  me  to  liquidate  his  indebtedness,  and  as 
times  were  very  close  there,  with  little  prospect  of  his 
being  able  to  pay  me  the  cash,  he  believed  it  the  best 
thing  for  me  to  do. 

I  likewise  accepted  his  offer,  and  aside  from  keep- 
ing the  taxes  paid  every  year,  I  gave  the  matter  no 
thought  whatever,  until  one  day,  while  on  a  business 
trip  to  St.  Paul,  I  noticed  squads  of  men  at  different 
times  and  places  in  the  city,  loaded  with  baggage,  ap- 
parently about  to  leave  for  other  parts. 

I  asked  a  man  with  whom  I  was  ha\ing  soiue  busi- 
ness what  it  all  meant. 

He  said  they  were  on  their  way  to  Pierre,  Dakota. 


30         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

where  a  big  boom  was  on,  on  account  of  that  city 
having  recently  been  made  the  capital  of  South  Da- 
kota. 

I  then  remembered  having  read  something  about 
it,  and  immediately  wired  my  wife  to  forward  to  me 
my  deed  and  power  of  attorney  to  sign  her  name,  and 
decided  to  take  a  wdiack  at  the  boom  myself. 

As  soon  as  my  papers  arrived  I  started  forthwith. 

The  entire  train  was  crowded  with  men  of  all  na- 
tionalities. Among  others  with  whom  I  soon  became 
acquainted  were  two  young  men  from  Wisconsin, 
sons  of  wealthy  lumber  dealers. 

They  were,  to  use  a  slang  phrase,  "  very  fresh,"  the 
"  Mr.  Jolly  "  sort  of  fellow^s. 

No  one  in  our  end  of  the  car  escaped  them,  and 
after  they  had  a  whole  lot  of, fun  with  several  elderly 
gentlemen,  they  turned  to  me  and  began  amusing 
themselves  by  opening  their  purse,  and  while  expos- 
ing several  thousand  dollars  in  drafts  and  certificates 
of  dqDosit,  offered  me  first  forty  dollars  for  my  quar- 
ter-section, and  then  eighty  dollars,  and  finally  offered 
to  throw  in  a  yellow  dog,  and  at  last  added  a  three- 
blade,  bone-handle  jack-knife  as  a  special  inducement. 


TRADING  DAKOTA  REAL  ESTATE         31 

I  took  the  thing  seriously,  not  allowing  them  to 
think  for  a  moment  that  I  thought  they  were  joking. 

In  consequence  of  their  unusually  "  fresh  "  meth- 
ods, I,  like  all  others,  took  a  decided  aversion  to  both 
of  them,  and  made  up  my  mind  that  it  would  be  a 


"/  took  the  thing  quite  seriously,  not  allowing  them  to  think  I 
■ivas  joking." 

Splendid  lesson  for  them  to  get  their  eye-teeth  cut  as 
soon  as  possible. 

Although  Dr.  Frank  had  left  Pierre.  I  knew  that 
our  old  friend,  Harry  Ernst,  was  still  there  in  the  law 
and    real    estate   business;    therefore,    when   the   train 


32  WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHXSTON 

stopped  one  day  for  dinner,  I  took  a  quick  lunch  and 
then  shd  out  to  the  telegiaph  office  and  wired  Mr. 
Ernst,   saying  : 

"Will  arrive  there  at  six  o'clock  to-morrow  (Sat- 
urday) evening  with  two  '  freshies.'  Don't  recognize 
me,  but  locate  my  Hassler  land  when  I  ask  you  to  do 
so  and  offer  me  one  hundred  dollars  per  acre  for  it." 

On  returning  to  the  train  I  set  to  work  to  win  the 
good  graces  of  the  two  "  funny  "  men,  and  very  soon 
had  an  understanding  with  them  that  we  were  all  to 
stop  at  the  same  hotel  at  Pierre. 

Arri\ing  there,  I  helped  them  carry  their  baggage, 
as  I  had  only  a  small  hand-bag,  and  thereby  kept  them 
company  on  the  way  up  town. 

I  kept  my  eye  skinned  for  Harry  Ernst's  sign,  and 
finally  came  upon  it,  and,  as  if  being  suddenly  struck 
with  the  idea,  I  stopped  and  said : 

"  Say,  let's  go  into  this  real  estate  office  and  see 
what  they  say  about  my  land." 

"  All  right,  all  right,"  they  sang  out  in  a  chorus, 
"  let's  do." 

As  we  stepped  in  I  found  Mr.  Ernst  sitting  at  his 
desk  and  said : 

"Can  you  locate  a  piece  of  land  for  me,  sir?" 


TRADING  DAKOTA  REAL  ESTATE         33 

"  Well,  yes."  be  replied;  "  I  can  if  you  have  a  de- 
scription of  it." 

I  produced  the  deed,  and  instantly  he  said :  "  Ah, 
ah  !  A\'ell  I  think  I  can  locate  it,  and  very  quickly, 
too,  sir.  Here  it  is  (pointing  on  the  map),  and  front- 
ing right  on  the  river,  and  as  handsome  a  quarter- 
section  as  you  ever  laid  eyes  on.  What  will  you  take 
for  it?"  he  asked  with  apparent  excitement. 

"  Well,"  I  replied,  "  I'm  sure  I  don't  know  what 
.it's  worth.     How  much  will  you  give  me?" 

"  Well,  sir,"  said  he,  "  I'll  give  you  sixteen  thou- 
sand dollars   for  it." 

"In  cash?"  I  asked. 

"  No,  not  all  cash,"  he  answered. 

"  Well,"  said  I,  "  I  guess  I'll  keep  it." 

By  this  time  my  two  friends  were  "  w^ay  up  in  the 
air." 

I  took  the  matter  very  coolly.  We  started  for  the 
hotel,  and  before  reaching  there  they  w^ere  both  "  red 
hot  "  for  a  deal  for  a  half  interest. 

"  Now,"  said  I,  "  I'll  tell  you  what  I'll  do.  I  know^ 
no  more  about  this  property  than  you  do,  and  if  you 
want  to  buy  a  half  interest  in  it,  without  either  you  or 
nie  making  any   further  inquiries  alwut   it  or  its  lo- 


34         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

cation,  I'll  let  you  have  it  for  eight  thousand  dollars, 
provided  you  close  the  deal  within  thirty  minutes. 
You  to  agree  to  pay  the  surveyor  for  platting  into 
tow^n  lots." 

Then  they  began  to  tell  about  sixty-tw^o  lots  in 
some  small  tow^n  in  North  Dakota  and  a  quarter-sec- 
tion of  land  in  Iowa,  and  another  quarter  in  Nebraska, 
which  they  owned  and  figured  as  being  worth  five 
thousand  five  hundred  dollars,  and  which  they  offered 
with  two  thousand  five  hundred  dollars  in  cash  for  a 
half  interest  in  my  property. 

I  took  them  up  before  they  had  time  to  take  an- 
other breath,  and  immediately  took  them  to  a  notary 
public. 

There  the  papers  were  made  out  and  drafts  and  cer- 
tificates of  deposit  to  the  amount  of  twenty-five  hun- 
dred dollars  were  turned  over  to  me. 

We  then  called  upon  a  surveyor  and  arranged  to 
have  him  plat  them  in  twenty-five-foot  front  lots  of 
forty-eight  in  a  block.  He  was  to  color  the  blocks 
alternately  red  and  blue.  I  was  to  own  the  blue  ones 
and  they  the  red. 

On  leaving  the  surveyor  I  threw  him  down  fifty 
dollars   and  told  him  to  make  my  papers  out  extra 


TRADING  DAKOTA  REAL  ESTATE         35 

fine  and  send  them  to  me  at  Chicago  as  soon  as  pos- 
sible. 

I  then  sought  out  the  associated  press  reporter,  and 
through  the  influence  of  my  lawyer  friend  had  no 
trouble  in  interesting  him  in  sending  a  press  report 
of  the  entire  transaction  as  follows : 

"  THE  LUCK  OF  A  CHICAGO  MAN. 

"  J.  P.  Johnston,  of  Chicago,  well  known  as  the 
author  of  '  Twenty  Years  of  Hus'ling,'  arrived  in 
Pierre  this  evening  at  six  o'clock,  and  before  ten 
o'clock  had  disposed  of  a  half  interest  in  a  c|uarter- 
section  of  land  for  eight  thousand  dollars. 

"  He  had  owned  the  land  for  several  years,  having 
taken  it  for  debt,  and  hardly  considered  it  worth  the 
taxes.  The  property  will  be  sub-divided  into  city 
lots." 

By  the  time  I  reached  Chicago  every  trader  and 
speculator  in  the  city  was  ripe  for  a  deal. 

The  first  man  to  call  was  a  book  publisher,  who 
offered  to  print  me  two  thousand  dollars'  worth  of 
"  Twenty  Years  li  Hus'ling  "  for  a  block  of  forty- 
eight  lots. 

Then  came  several  cash  buyers  for  from  one  to  ten 
lots,  all  anxious  to  get  on  the  ground  floor. 

Finally  one  of  the  best  known  and  most  notorious 
traders  in  the  United  States,  John  Hughes,  of  Crown 


36         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

Point,  Ind.,  came  in.  I  had  known  him  for  several 
years,  and  knew  that  with  him  it  w^as  a  big  deal  or 
nothing. 

When  he  asked  to  see  my  property  I  handed  him 
the  plat  and  blue  prints,  and  after  studying  them  care- 
fully for  a  few  moments,  he  said : 

"  Say,  Johnston,  this  is  as  fine  a  piece  of  property  as 
I  have  seen  for  a  long  time." 

"  But,"  said  I,  "  you  haven't  seen  the  property.  All 
you  have  seen  is  the  papers." 

"  Yes,  I  know,"  he  replied,  "  but  fine  papers  make 
fine  property,  and  this  is  surely  fine." 

Inside  of  an  hour  I  had  dealt  him  a  number  of 
blocks  and  received  from  him  twenty-one  head  of 
horses  at  Crown  Point,  two  western  farms  of  a  quar- 
ter-section each,  two  equities  in  houses  and  lots  in 
Chicago,  and  one  thousand  dollars  in  cash. 

I  took  his  word  for  the  description  he  gave  of  the 
horses  and  traded  the  same  as  he  did  for  the  lots, 
without  having  seen  them. 

He  told  me  that,  with  but  two  exceptions,  the 
horses  were  all  first-class,  and  the  only  surprising 
thinsr  about  the  deal  was  that   when   I   came  to  see 


TRADING  DAKOTA  REAL  ESTATE         37 

them  they  were  all  far  superior  to  what  I  had  expected. 
In  fact,  they  were  a  fine  lot. 

I  shipped  them  to  Chicago  and  immediately  adver- 
tised in  all  the  leading  daily  papers,  to  sell  them,  to- 
gether with  four  other  horses,  at  auction  at  the  Pal- 
mer House  livery  barn,  I  to  act  as  my  own  auctioneer. 

Among  the  lot  of  Crown  Point  horses  were  a  pair 
of  Nutwood  four-year-old  colts,  half  brothers,  and 
foaled  on  the  same  day.  They  were  an  exceptionally 
handsome  pair,  perfectly  sound,  gentle  and  well  broke, 
quite  speedy  and  well  matched. 

On  the  morning  of  the  day  of  the  sale  I  called  on 
the  manager  of  the  Palmer  House  stable,  Mr.  Moon, 
and,  after  explaining  to  him  that  I  dreaded  the 
thoughts  of  offering  the  Nutwood  colts  at  auction,  in 
the  fear  of  having  to  sell  them  at  a  great  sacrifice, 
offered  them  to  him  for  four  hundred  and  fifty  dol- 
lars. 

He  scoffed  at  the  idea  and  offered  me  two  hundred 
and  fifty  dollars  for  them,  which  I  indignantly  re- 
fused. 

Leaving  him  in  disgust,  T  went  directly  to  the  Grand 
Pacific  Hotel,  where  I  had  an  office  for  the  sale  and 
exhibition  of  car  seats,  which  I  was  at  that  time  in- 


38         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

terested  in  manufacturing  as  a  side  line  from  my 
wholesale  jewelry  business. 

I  had  scarcely  been  there  ten  minutes  when  Donald 
McLean,  president  of  the  Pacific  Short  Line  Rail- 
road, a  man  with  a  salary  of  twenty-four  thousand 
dollars  a  year,  came  in  and  said : 

"  Say,  J,  P.,  you  are  quite  a  horseman,  tell  me 
where  I  can  find  a  handsome  pair  suitable  to  present 
to  a  lady  friend  of  mine  at  Stamford,  Conn." 

"  Well,  sir,"  I  replied,  "  you  needn't  look  any  fur- 
ther; just  come  with  me;  Pll  show  you  just  what  you 
are  looking  for." 

I  'phoned  over  to  the  stable  to  have  the  colts  hitched 
up  and  in  fifteen  minutes  more  we  were  on  the  boule- 
vard. Mr.  McLean  was  doing  the  driving  and  before 
we  had  gone  a  mile  he  said : 

"  Well,  I've  been  a  lover  and  owner  of  horses  all 
my  life,  but  I  never  have  seen  or  driven  a  nicer  pair 
than  this.     What  do  you  want  for  them,  Johnston?" 

"  Fifteen  hundred  dollars,"  was  my  prompt  reply. 

Instantly  raising  his  index  finger,  he  said :  "  I'll 
give  you  a  thousand-dollar  bill  for  them." 

Had  he  held  up  the  thousand-dollar  bill  where  I 
could  have  easily  said,  "  All  right,"  and  reached  for 


"I  CALLED  MY  LAST  BID  TO  HIM  AND  HE  RAISED  IT  TO  $850. 00". 


TRADING  DAKOTA  REAL  ESTATE         39 

it,  I  should  have  been  too  glad  to  have  taken  him  up, 
but  I  fully  realized  that  it  might  prove  rather  disas- 
trous to  fall  five  hundred  dollars  without  a  first-class 
opportunity  to  nip  the  thing  in  the  bud  and  close  the 
deal  instantly,  so  I  refused  the  offer  with  scorn,  but 
finally  said : 

"  Now,  I'll  tell  you  what  I'll  do.  I  am  going  to 
make  an  auction  sale  of  this  team  and  twenty-three 
other  horses  to-day,  and  if  you  want  to  offer  one 
thousand  dollars  as  a  starter,  I'll  protect  them  to  that 
amount." 

"  All  right,"  said  he,  "  I'll  do  it." 

When  the  sale  opened  I  sold  all  the  other  horses 
first  and  then  began  on  one  of  the  Nutwood  colts,  the 
better  one  of  the  two,  and  after  getting  my  first  bid 
of  two  hundred  and  fifty  dollars  ran  him  up  on  twenty- 
five  dollar  bids  until  I  had  reached  eight  hundred  dol- 
lars. 

At  this  moment  Mr.  McLean  came  w^alking  in  the 
barn,  when  I  called  my  last  bid  to  him  and  he  raised 
it  to  eight  fifty,  then  suddenly  all  the  other  bidders 
quit,  and  not  another  bid  could  I  get.  At  last  I 
knocked  him  off  to  Mr.  McLean. 

I  then  started  the  other  one  which  Mr.  ]\IcLean  also 


40         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

bid  in,  but  at  three  hundred  and  seventy-five  dollars, 
making  a  total  of  twelve  hundred  and  twenty-five  dol- 
lars. 

Stepping  up  to  my  wife,  who  was  standing  near  by, 
he  gave  her  the  thousand-dollar  bill  he  had  previously 
offered  me,  and  two  one  hundred  dollar  bills  and  a 
twenty  and  a  five  besides. 

As  soon  as  the  purchase  was  made  Mr.  McLean 
asked  me  to  show  him  to  a  first-class  harness  store, 
which  I  did. 

He  purchased  a  very  handsome  light  harness,  for 
which  he  paid  one  hundred  and  seventy-five  dollars. 

And  to  show  how  it  often  happens  that  when  a  man 
gets  things  to  coming  his  way,  it  never  lets  up : 

Three  months  after  this  transaction  when  my  wife 
and  1  had  just  arrived  home  from  an  extended  trip, 
I  called  at  this  same  harness  store,  and  after  pur- 
chasing a  riding  whip,  was  about  taking  my  departure 
when  the  foreman  of  the  place  said : 

"  Say,  Johnston,  just  wait  a  minute."  Then,  step- 
ping up  to  the  cashier  and  receiving  a  roll  of  money, 
came  up  and  iiandcd  it  to  me,  saying: 

"  Here  is  fifty  dollars  we  placed  to  your  credit  as 


TRADING  DAKOTA  REAL  ESTATE         41 

commission  on  that  harness  we  sold  to  your  man, 
McLean." 

Up  to  this  time  I  had  had  about  seven  years  of  as 
smooth  saiHng  as  any  man  could  wish  for.  Ever}^- 
thing-  I  had  touched,  except  the  car  seat  business,  had 
invariably  turned  into  money,  and  this  little  incident 
was  but  one  of  many  illustrations  of  what  seemed 
to  be  more  good  luck  than  good  management. 

My  auction  sale  was  a  grand  success  and  imme- 
diately thereafter  I  set  to  work  to  dispose  of  my  vari- 
ous pieces  of  real-estate  which  I  had  received  for  the 
Pierre  lots,  and  in  the  general  wind-up  I  found  that 
after  deducting  all  expenses,  I  had  cleared  over  four- 
teen thousand  dollars  on  the  quarter-section. 

Having  never  seen  the  land,  and  as  I  had  made  no 
inquiries  a1x)ut  it  while  at  Pierre.  I  hadn't  the  slight- 
est idea  how  far  from  the  city  it  was  located.  When- 
ever the  question  was  asked  me,  I  evaded  it  by  point- 
ing to  the  map  and  saying : 

"  Why,  can't  you  see?  Here  it  is  fronting  right  on 
the  river." 

About  three  years  after  I  had  cleared  out  all  of  the 
lots,  I  received  a  letter  from  a  man  'way  up  in  the 
Klondike,  saying  he  owned  a  nice  lot  in  J.  P.  John- 


42  WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

ston's  sub-division  in  the  city  of  Pierre,  South  Dakota, 
which  he  would  trade  to  me  for  jewelry,  and  that  he 
would  leave  it  entirely  with  me  how  much  jewelry  I'd 
give  him  for  it.  He  gave  a  glowing  description  of  the 
property,  and  wound  up  by  saying  that  he  had  seen  it 
and  would  vouch  for  its  being  a  nice  lot. 

I  immediately  answered  his  letter  and  enclosed  a 
fifty-cent  scarf  pin,  saying : 

"  My  Dear  Sir : — Your  proposition  to  trade  me  a 
lot  in  J.  P.  Johnston's  sub-division  to  the  city  of 
Pierre,  Dakota,  for  jewelry,  leaving  the  amount  to  me, 
has  been  received  and  I  hereby  accept  your  offer. 

"  Enclosed  find  a  scarf  pin,  the  retail  price  of  which 
is  fifty  cents. 

"  Kindly  make  out  your  deed  and  mail  it  to  me  at 
your  earliest  convenience,  and  oblige,  etc.,  etc." 

A  few  weeks  later  I  received  the  deed  and  a  letter, 
saying : 

"  I  am  highly  pleased  with  your  liberality  and  here- 
with enclose  deed  as  requested. 

"  I  have  already  sold  the  scarf  pin  for  thirty-five 
dollars. 

"  As  you  may  some  day  wish  to  visit  your  property, 
perhaps  I  might  give  you  some  little  information  as  to 
how  to  reach  it.  When  you  get  to  Pierre,  take  the 
first  train  out  in  the  morning,  get  off  at  the  first  station 
east  and  walk  eight  miles,  in  almost  any  direction,  till 
you  come  to  a  man  herding  sheep  and  he  will  tell  you 
where  to  find  it." 


Enclosed  find  scarfpin,  the  retail  price  of  which  is  fifty  cents. 


44         WH/JT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

When  on  a  visit  to  one  of  the  largest  cities  in  Kan- 
sas a  few  years  ago,  I  found  a  Chicago  acquaintance 
there  in  charge  of  a  street  railway,  and  learned  that 
the  former  owners  had  traded  the  entire  plant,  rail- 
road franchise  and  equipment,  for  a  hlock  of  forty- 
eight  of  these  lots,  and  seemed  to  be  happy  in  the 
thought  of  having  made  a  "Cracker  Jack"  deal. 

When  Dr.  Frank  reads  this  book,  if  he  ever  does, 
it  will  be  the  first  information  he  has  ever  had,  at  least 
from  me,  as  to  how  I  came  out  with  the  land  deal. 

After  leaving  Pierre  he  went  to  Detroit,  Michigan, 
where  he  married  and  began  the  practice  of  medicine 
and  surgery,  and  I  am  in  receipt  of  a  letter  the  very 
day  this  chapter  was  written,  saying  that  he  had  been 
one  of  the  chief  promoters  of  a  Canadian  Electric 
Railway,  by  which  he  has  cleared  for  himself,  during 
the  past  eight  months,  fifty  thousand  dollars  in  cash. 
So,  hurrah  for  Dr.  Frank! 


MANUFACTURING  CAR  SEATS  45 


CHAPTER  III. 

Manufacturing-  Car  Seats — How  I  Got  In — How  I  Got 
Out — Easy,  but  Expensive — Buying  a  Summer  Home 
at  LaPorte,  Indiana — Our  First  Few  Weeks'  Experi- 
ence There — Lots  of  Fun  Trading  Horses — Back  to 
Chicago  in  the  Fall. 

At  the  time  of  my  Dakota  land  deal  I  was  inter- 
ested in  manufacturing  a  reclining  car  seat,  in  addi- 
tion to  my  wholesale  jewelry  and  optical  business. 

My  better  judgment  had  always  told  me  that  con- 
centration to  the  one  principal  object  was  essential  to 
the  average  man's  success,  and  while  I  had  always 
adhered  to  the  principle,  and  believed  in  it  most  thor- 
oughly, yet  I  allowed  two  inventors,  one  a  relative 
of  mine,  Avho  had  invented  a  new  thing  in  car  seats, 
to  persuade  me  to  advance  sufficient  money  to  build 
the  first  sample  seat,  which  would  cost  about  three 
hundred  dollars,  in  consideration  of  which  I  was  to 
have  a  third  interest. 

No  sooner  had  the  first  sample  been  completed  than 
one  of  them  came  forward  w'ith  an  improvement,  which 
not  only  necessitated  considerable  expense  in  attor- 
ney's fees   in  getting  it  patented,  but  called   for  an- 


46         IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

other  three  hundred  dollars  for  a  sample,  and  to  my 
great  surprise,  hy  the  time  this  was  completed,  the 
other  inventor  had  a  still  greater  improvement.  Of 
course,  we  saw  the  necessity  of  adopting  every  im- 
provement, and  as  I  had  unconsciously  been  drawn 
into  the  business,  as  its  principal  Ijacker,  there  was 
but  one  thing  to  do,  and  that  was,  keep  spending  my 
money  for  improvements  in  the  hope  of  getting  it 
back  sooner  or  later,  with  possibly  a  good  profit  added. 

This  experimental  scheme  kept  going  on  until  at 
last  I  woke  up  one  morning  to  find  that  I  had  about 
five  thousand  dollars  invested  in  a  single  sample  car 
seat  and  its  patents. 

About  this  time  one  of  the  inventors  received  an 
order  from  the  C,  B.  &  0.  R.  R.  Company  for  several 
thousand  dollars'  worth  of  seats,  and  giving  me  every 
assurance  that  the  filling  of  that  order  would  clear  us 
at  least  four  thousand  dollars,  I  gladly  furnished  the 
money  to  build  them. 

When  completed  and  the  cash  received  for  them,  we 
took  an  in\'entory  and  discovered  we  had,  or  rather  I 
had  lost  six  thousand  dollars. 

How  this  could  be  was  a  mystery.  However,  I  ac- 
cepted their  explanation  that  it  was  because  everyone 


MANUFACTURING  CAR  SEATS  47 

connected  with  the  concern,  mechanics  and  all,  were 
new  in  the  work. 

About  this  time  we  received  an  order  for  fifty  thou- 
sand dollars'  worth  from  the  Chicago  &  Northwestern 
Railroad,  and  twenty-seven  thousand  dollars'  worth 
from  the  Pullman  Palace  Car  Company.  I  felt  certain 
that  to  go  ahead  and  complete  these  orders  would 
surely  pull  me  out,  and  therefore  immediately  set  the 
ball  to  rolling. 

More  orders  came  pouring  in,  requiring  still  more 
money.  Finally  we  ran  up  against  a  very  serious  ob- 
stacle. These  seat  ends  were  made  of  malleable  iron, 
and  there  being  but  one  concern  in  the  country  where 
we  could  procure  them,  and  they  having  received  so 
many  orders  that  they  could  not  possibly  get  our  orders 
out  for  us,  \\e  were  delayed  in  the  completion  of  our 
seats,  and  consequently  "held  up"  from  making  our 
deliveries  and  getting  our  pay  from  the  various  com- 
panies. 

This  very  soon  began  to  tell  on  my  bank  account, 
and  I  found  it  necessary  to  arrange  for  a  loan  to  carry 
me  through.  This  I  found  no  trouble  in  doing,  after 
showing  my  order  books  to  the  president  of  the  bank, 


48         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

and  in  no  time  found  myself  indebted  to  my  bank 
for  sixty  thousand  dollars.- 

By  this  time  we  had  a  fully  equipped  factory  with 
over  three  hundred  employes. 

Finally,  there  came  a  lull  in  business  enabling  us 
to  fill  all  orders,  and  after  receiving  our  cash  for  them, 
paying  up  my  bank  loans  and  taking  an  inventory,  I 
found  that  instead  of  retrieving  my  losses,  I  was  now 
twenty-seven  thousand  dollars  "  in  the  hole,"  and  being 
obliged  to  close  down  the  factory  and  let  our  experi- 
enced men  go,  it  was  plain  to  be  seen  that  when  we 
received  more  orders  we  would  be  obliged  to  repeat 
our  former  experince  of  engaging  green  men.  with  an- 
other severe  loss,  as  we  had  learned  that  after  two 
men  had  worked  together  six  weeks  on  the  seats,  they 
could  get  out  three  seats,  where  they  could  get  out  but 
one  in  the  beginning. 

To  overcome  this  trouble,  I  was  anxious  to  add  to 
our  business  that  of  manufacturing  furniture,  by  wliich 
we  could  keep  our  woodworkers  and  upholsterers  con- 
stantly employed  and  therefore  always  ready  to  take 
up  the  car  seat  work  whenever  orders  should  come  in. 

By  this  time,  however,  we  had  had  our  company 
incorporated  under  the  laws  of  Illinois,  and  when  it 


MANUFACTURING  CAR  SEATS  49 

came  to  a  question  of  this  kind  it  had  to  be  voted  on, 
and  although  I  was  the  sole  loser,  I  was  at  the  mercy 
of  the  other  members,  and  was  voted  down  on  my 
furniture  proposition. 

To  make  a  long  story  short,  I  began  to  skirmish 
around  for  a  buyer  for  my  stock,  and  was  successful 
in  closing  out  and  cleaning  up  with  a  total  loss  of 
just  fifteen  hundred  dollars. 

During  this  experience,  my  wholesale  jewelry  and 
optical  business  had  been  suffering. 

I  had  always,  throughout  my  whole  life,  been  op- 
posed to  anything  like  a  partnership  business.  I  had 
always  had  an  abhorrence  to  being  handicapped  in  any 
shape  or  form  by  the  opinion  of  others,  and  this  car 
seat  affair  convinced  me,  more  than  ever,  that  I  had 
always  been  right,  and  to  this  day  there  is  nothing 
that  any  "  fool "'  can  do  to  rouse  my  ire  more  than  to 
call  on  me  with  some  promoting  or  partnership  scheme. 
These  fellows  always  have  an  axe  to  grind,  and  are 
looking  for  some  pushing,  wide-awake  man  with  money 
to  lose,  to  grind  it  for  them. 

It  doesn't  take  me  long  to  straighten  those  fellows 
out  nowadays  when  they  come  to  see  me,  and  the  woods 
are  full  of  them  all  the  time. 


50         IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

I  now  gave  my  personal  attention  to  my  wholesale 
jewelry  and  optical  business. 

During  the  many  years  that  I  had  been  in  Chicago, 
I  had  confined  myself  closely  to  business  and  un- 
wisely refused  to  take  my  summer  vacations,  the  result 
of  which  was  that  I  was  now  suffering  from  a  severe 
nervous  strain  and  very  much  in  need  of  rest;  besides 
I  had  grown  exceedingly  tired  of  the  busy,  noisy  hub- 
bub of  city  life.  I  felt  that  a  log  hut,  located  a  thou- 
sand miles  from  nowhere,  as  the  saying  is,  with  a 
cow,  a  pig,  a  horse  and  a  dozen  chickens,  would  be  an 
ideal  life  to  live,  and  my  wife  joined  me  in  this  belief. 
Anything  to  get  away  from  the  turmoil  of  city  life. 

I  had  been  raised  on  a  farm,  and  while  I  had  readily 
adapted  myself  to  city  life  and  customs  for  the  sake 
of  advantages  in  business,  yet  when  at  last  feeling  the 
need  of  a  change,  the  free  country  farm  life  was  what 
I  longed  for. 

About  this  time  an  old  friend  told  me  one  day  of 
an  ideal  country  home  of  ten  acres  of  land,  near  La- 
Porte,  Ind.,  which  he  knew  was  for  sale,  and  de- 
scribed as  being  one  mile  out  of  that  city,  containing 
two  and  one-half  acres  of  front  yard,  with  sixty  va- 
rieties of  trees,   all  of  which   had  been  growin.":  for 


MANUFACTURING  CAR  SEATS  51 

twenty  years,  an  eleven-room  house,  bank  barn  and 
fruit  trees  of  all  kinds. 

I  took  the  first  train  for  LaPorte  and  bought  the 
place  for  six  thousand  five  hundred  dollars  in  less  than 
two  hours  after  my  arrival  on  the. premises. 

I  had  always  heard  of  this  city  as  being  one  of  the 
most  citified,  up-to-date  towns  of  its  size  in  the  coun- 
try. 

It  had  the  reputation  of  being  the  wealthiest  city 
of  its  size  in  the  United  States,  therefore  when  we  got 
ready  to  move  to  our  new  country  house,  that  same 
year  in  July,  without  giving  the  matter  a  second 
thought,  I  shipped  our  entire  outfit  of  eight  very  fine 
horses,  a  fifteen  hundred  dollar  victoria,  a  twelve  hun- 
dred dollar  lady's  phaeton,  with  rear  rumble  for  foot- 
man, a  fine  Gladstone  surrey,  a  closed  coupe,  and  a 
handsome  canopy  top  buckboard,  and  harness  to  cor- 
respond, together  with  a  very  fine  pair  of  high-bred 
greyhounds.  We  had  one  pair  of  Kentucky  combina- 
tion driving  and  saddle  horses,  of  a  handsome  cream- 
color,  with  white  mane  and  tail,  well  matched  and  very 
handsome  also. 

Another  pair  of  black  mares,  evenly  matched,  but 
an  inexpensive  team  which  Mrs.  Johnston  drove  to  her 


52         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

phaeton.  These  with  four  others  of  different  colors, 
white,  sorrel,  bay  and  brown,  made  up  a  nice  bunch 
for  general  use,  and  by  matching  and  cross  matching 
in  the  many  different  ways  possible,  I  could  come  out 
every  day  with  a  new  combination,  and  as  we  were 
there  for  rest  and  pleasure,  to  remain  only  during  the 
hot  season,  we,  of  course,  naturally  enjoyed  the  coun- 
try air,  fine  roads  and  excellent  fishing. 

This  was  the  first  year  of  the  publication  of  my 
book  "  Twenty  Years  of  Hus'ling,"  and  a  canvassing 
agent  had  been  to  LaPorte  a  few  months  before  we 
moved  there  and  sold  about  two  hundred  copies  by 
subscription. 

Many  of  the  citizens  had  read  it,  and  as  soon  as  I 
had  registered  at  the  hotel  on  my  first  day's  arrival 
there  to  look  at  the  property,  the  clerk  recognized  the 
name,  and  asked  if  I  was  the  man  who  wrote  the 
book. 

I  told  him  that  I  was. 

As  soon  as  he  learned  that  I  had  bought  a  summer 
home  there,  he  imparted  the  fact  to  the  newspapers, 
and  in  no  time  it  became  known  that  I  was  soon  to 
become  a  citizen  of  their  city. 

When  I  shipped  my  horses  and  carriages,  I  arranged 


MANUFACTURING  CAR  SEATS  53 

with  a  liveryman  to  receive  them  and  care  for  them 
until  I  should  arrive. 

He  had  all  the  carriages  bunched  together  in  one 
part  of  the  barn,  and  likewise  the  horses,  occupying  a 
space  by  themselves. 

I  reached  LaPorte  in  the  afternoon  of  the  day  they 
had  arrived,  and  immediately  went  to  the  barn  to  see 
about  them.  As  I  turned  down  the  street  leading  from 
the  hotel  to  the  barn,  I  noticed  a  big  crowd  of  men  and 
boys  in  front  of  the  barn,  and  on  arriving  there  found 
the  barn  full. 

I  a.sked  a  young  man  standing  by,  on  the  outside, 
what  the  excitement  was. 

He  said  he  guessed  a  circus  had  struck  town  er 
suthin'  else. 

On  entering  the  barn  I  found  the  crowd  inspecting 
my  horses  and  carriages ;  employes  of  the  barn  were 
leading  the  horses  to  and  fro. 

I  took  in  the  situation  without  exposing  my  iden- 
tity, and  was  very  much  amused  with  the  different 
comments  and  suggestions  offered  by  those  present 
and  many  new  comers. 

The  first  man  came  rushing  in  with,  "  What  is  this, 
a  circus?  " 


54         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

"  No,"  came  the  reply  from  one  of  the  attendants. 
"  This  stuff  belongs  to  Mr.  Johnston,  thet  feller  'et 
wrote  thet  book  '  Twenty  Years  of  Hus'ling.'  He's 
goin'  to  move  here." 

"  Great  Heaven !  "  replied  the  questioner,  "  I  should 
think  he  had  already  moved  by  the  looks  of  things." 

"  Say,"  another  man  said,  "  I  wonder  if  he  made  all 
of  this  property  selling  the  Incomprehensible  Furniture 
and  Piano  Lustre?  " 

''  I  reckon  he  traded  some  feller  patent  rights  for 
most  of  it,"  said  a  young  man  who  said  he  had  just 
finished  reading  the  book  and  didn't  believe  a  dern 
Vv^ord  of  it. 

Another  man  said  he  had  read  the  book,  and  if  there 
was  any  truth  in  it  he'd  bet  some  one  got  "  soaked  " 
for  all  them  horses  and  rigs,  either  with  patents  or 
cheap  jewelry. 

A  well  dressed,  middle  aged  gentlemen  stood  by  and 
said  he  had  read  the  book  also,  and  he  didn't  see  that 
Johnston  had  done  anything  that  almost  anyone  else 
would  not  have  done  to  get  three  meals  a  day,  and  he'd 
like  to  meet  the  feller  darn  well. 

At  this  I  stepped  forward  and  extending  my  hand, 
said: 


MANUFACTURING  CAR  SEATS  55 

"  Well,  sir,  here's  your  chance.  I  am  the  man,  and 
we  will  just  have  a  pair  of  these  horses  hitched  to  my 
little  road  wagon,  and  I'll  take  you  a  drive." 

So  saying-,  I  had  my  favorite  pair  hitched,  and  he 
and  I  took  a  drive  round  the  lakes. 

He  proved  to  he  Henry  ]Morrison,  President  of  the 
First  National  Bank  of  LaPorte,  and  from  that  day  on 
he  was  one  of  my  best  friends. 

He  was  quite  a  trader,  and  we  had  some  rather 
amusing  deals  at  different  times  during  my  stay 
there. 

Owing  to  the  reputation  the  town  bore  as  being  a 
strictly  up-to-date  and  citified  place,  I  supposed,  of 
course,  that  my  horses  and  vehicles  would  be  quite 
ordinary  as  compared  with  those  belonging  to  some  of 
the  millionaires  there.  In  this  I  was  greatly  mistaken. 
The  prevailing  popular  conveyance  there  was  the  two- 
seated  open  surrey,  to  which  was  driven  the  family 
horse.  When  the  ladies  made  their  afternoon  calls, 
one  of  the  four  occupying  the  surrey  did  the  driving, 
and  held  the  horse  while  the  other  three  made  the 
calls. 

This  was  a  novel  method,  and  to  say  the  least,  an 
economical  one,  and  to  me  was  an  illustration  of  one 


56         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

of  the  many  metliods  by  which  they  had  nearly  all 
become  millionaires. 

It  had  always  been  my  policy  that  "  when  in  R.ome 
do  as  Rome  does,"  but  in  this  case  it  was  too  late. 

We  realized  right  in  the  start  that  we  were  "  in  for 
it,"  and  consequently  must  make  the  best  of  it. 

After  getting  settled  in  our  country  home,  we  ar- 
ranged to  have  a  half  dozen  Chicago  friends  come  to 
visit  us. 

The  next  day  after  their  arrival  we  hitched  up  two 
of  our  best  turnouts  and  took  them  around  the  city. 

This  being  our  first  day  out  upon  the  streets,  every- 
one seemed  filled  with  curiosity  and  interest. 

Wherever  we  made  a  short  stop  at  a  grocery  store, 
postoffice  or  market,  crowds  gathered  in  numbers,  some 
appearing  pleased,  while  others  looked  down  their 
noses  with  apparent  envy  or  disgust. 

The  first  day  was  rather  interesting  to  us  and  we 
had  about  concluded  that  all  was  well  and  would  end 
well. 

The  next  day,  however,  when  we  again  appeared 
on  Main  street,  wc  noticed  most  of  the  men  had  turned 
their  backs  to  the  street  with  their  hands  behind  them, 


MANUFACTURING  CAR  SEATS  5t 

looking  up  at  tlie  buildings  as  though  something  un- 
usual had  happened. 

On  arriving  home  that  evening  ,and  while  at  dinner, 
I  made  mention  of  my  observation  of  this,  when  all 
the  guests  and  Mrs.  Johnston  declared  that  they  had 
also  noticed  this  queer  action  of  so  many  of  the  men, 
and  wondered  what  interested  them. 

The  following  day  we  changed  our  driving  outfits 
entirely  and  started  down  street  for  another  afternoon's 
ride,  and  to  our  amazement,  not  only  most  of  the 
nien,  but  many  of  the  women  were  still  interested  in 
gazing  at  the  buildings. 

Wliile  making  a  stop  at  one  of  the  groceries,  a  gen- 
tleman whom  I  had  met  was  standing  on  the  street, 
taking  in  the  situation, 

T  asked  him  what  was  interesting  the  people  so 
much  in  the  buildings  all  along  the  streets.  He  smiled 
blandly  and  said : 

"  Well,  I  heard  one  of  those  fellows  remark,  as  he 
noticed  you  approaching,  that  he  wouldn't  be  guilty 
of  lookin'  at  sich  durn  fools,  and  thus  saying,  instantly 
followed  suit  and  turned  his  back  with  the  rest  of 
the  disgusted  ones." 

This  was  more  fun  than  I  had  had  in  many  a  day  and 


58         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

thereafter  I  took  special  pains  to  come  out  with  some- 
thing new,  by  cross  matching  my  horses  and  changing 
from  one  vehicle  to  another  every  time  I  was  out. 

Then,  again,  we  often  appeared  on  horseback  with 
a  pair  of  finely  gaited  Kentucky  saddlers  and  our  grey- 
hounds accompanying  us. 

For  several  days  it  was  a  question  with  us  whether 
the  people  were  really  mad,  or  just  playing  mad.  At 
any  rate  we  didn't  lose  any  sleep  over  the  matter;  so 
long  as  it  didn't  affect  the  fishing,  and  the  roads  re- 
mained good,  we  were  all  right. 

We  remained  there  the  balance  of  the  Summer. 

Dining  this  time  I  had  still  continued  by  acquaint- 
ance with  my  friend  Mr.  Morrison,  and  througli  him 
we  met  all  the  m.embers  of  his  family  and  several  rela- 
tives and  friends,  all  of  \\hom  we  found  to  be  thor- 
oughly up-to-date  and  of  the  wide-gauge  sort. 

During  the  Summer  Banker  Morrison  had  expressed 
a  desire  to  purchase  my  wife's  pair  of  black  mares. 

I  allowed  him  to  take  them  to  his  own  barn  and  keep 
them  and  use  them  for  three  weeks.  He  was  well 
enough  pleased  with  them,  but  thought  six  hundred 
dollars  was  too  much  to  pay  for  a  team  that  had  no 


MANUFACTURING  CAR  SEATS  59 

more  speed  than  they  had,  therefore  the  deal  was  off 
and  I  took  them  back  to  my  barn. 

As  soon  as  cold  weather  set  in,  we  began  to  arrange 
to  leave  the  Summer  home  and  return  to  the  city. 

I  had  sold  one  pair  of  my  horses  to  an  Eastern  buyer 
during  the  Summer,  leaving  six  on  my  hands,  and  de- 
cided to  try  tO'  sell  two  pair,  leaving  the  pair  of  cream- 
colored  Kentucky  saddlers  to  take  back  to  the  city. 

One  morning  at  the  breakfast  table,  I  said  to  Mrs. 
Johnston :  "  Now,  I  am  gomg  to  sell  two  pair  of  these 
horses  to-day.  The  pair  of  black  mares  we  will  in- 
voice at  just  what  they  cost  me  in  Chicago  (two  hun- 
dred and  fifty  dollars)  and  I  am  going  to  sell  them 
to-day  to  Henry  Morrison  at  some  price;  if  I  sell  for 
less  than  two  hundred  and  fifty  dollars,  we  wull  figure 
our  day's  losses  at  whatever  the  amount  is  less  than 
the  invoice  price,  and  if  I  sell  them  for  more  than  that 
amount,  whatever  that  amount  is,  w-e  must  figure  it 
as  so  much  made  to-day." 

Then  I  invoiced  the  other  team  at  a  very  low  price 
(one  hundred  and  seventy-five  dollars),  as  the  best  one 
of  the  two  had  gotten  slightly  sore  in  his  front  feet 
and  shoulders.  After  breakfast  we  had  the  black  mares 
hitched  to  the  light  road  wagon.     Mrs.  Johnston  ac- 


60         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

companied  me  and  we  drove  directly  to  Mr.  Morrison's 
bank.  On  inquiring  we  learned  that  he  had  just  gone 
over  to  a  livery  barn  which  he  was  the  owner  of.  We 
drove  there  directly  and  found  Mr.  Morrison  standing 
in  front  of  the  barn.  On  our  way  there  IMrs.  John- 
ston asked  me  if  I  would  hesitate  long  and  try  to  get 
more,  should  Mr.  Morrison  offer  me  my  invoice  price, 
two  hundred  and  fifty  dollars. 

"  No,"  I  replied,  "  I  would  take  him  up  before  he 
had  time  to  change  his  mind." 

Finding  him  standing  in  front  of  the  barn  I  said  : 
"  Mr.  Morrison,  I  am  going  to  sell  this  pair  of  mares 
to  you  to-day." 

"  Well,  I'll  bet  you  won't,"  was  the  reply. 

'*  But  I  will,  and  you  wall  own  them  before  noon, 
so  get  to  talking." 

"  Well,  I  guess  I  won't  talk.  You  will  not  sell  them 
to  me,  you  can  bet  on  that.  I  have  a  barn  full  of 
horses  eating  their  heads  off  now." 

"  But,"  said  I,  "  you  haven't  as  nice  a  pair  as  these, 
anyhow,  there  is  no  need  for  an  argument ;  this  team 
will  belong  to  you  before  noon.  Now  talk,  and  talk 
quickly,  and  to  the  point.     Come  now,  say  something." 

I  was  on  the  verge  of  telling  him  that  I  was  de- 


MANUFACTURING  CAR  SEATS  61 

termined  to  sell  them,  and  would  make  him  a  cash  price 
that  would  scare  him,  when  he  said  : 

"  See  here,  you  tell  in  your  book,  '  Twenty  Years  of 
Hus'ling.'  about  your  many  horse  trades.  Now,  I'll 
tell  you  what  I'll  do.  I  have  a  six-year-old  gray  horse 
in  the  barn  that  I'll  trade  you  for  this  pair.  Come, 
now,  let's  see  if  you  have  any  stuff  in  you." 

"  Bring  him  out,"  I  replied. 

He  did  so  and  I  said  : 

"  How  much  v>ill  you  give  to  boot?  " 

"  Three  hundred  dollars,"  was  his  offer. 

"  No,  sir,"  said  I,  "  make  it  three  fifty  and  we'll 
trade." 

"  I'll  split  the  difference,'   said  he. 

"  All  right,  it's  a  trade." 

He  immediately  drew  me  his  check  for  the  amount, 
when  I  said :  "  Now,  what  shall  I  do  with  this  gray 
horse?  " 

"  Well."  said  Mr.  ]\Iorrison,"  there  stands  an  old 
German  right  across  the  street,  who  just  offered  me 
seventy-five  dollars  for  him,  but  my  price  was  one 
hundred  and  twenty-five." 

"  Call  him  over,"  said  I. 

He  did  so,  and  addressing  him,  I  said : 


62         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

"  Do  yon  want  to  bny  this  horse?  " 

"Veil,  ves;  vor  seventy-five  dollars." 

"  All  right,"  said  I,  "  give  me  the  money,"  which 
he  did,  making  me  fonr  hnndred  dollars  for  my  two 
hundred  and  fifty  inventory. 

I  immediately  hitched  np  the  other  team  and  called 
upon  a  couple  of  men,  partners  in  a  livery  business,  one 
of  whom  had  spolcen  to  me  about  buying  them. 

I  said  to  them,  "  Gentlemen,  I  am  going  to  sell  you 
this  team  to-day." 

"  O,  I  guess  not,"  replied  one  of  them. 

"  But  I  am,  and  you  will  own  them  before  five 
o'clock  this  eve,  so  get  to  talking,  say  something  and 
we  will  do  business  in  mighty  short  order." 

Instead  of  talking,  they  each  got  their  jack-knives 
out  and  closing  their  mouths  like  clams  went  to  whit- 
tling. 

I  tried  all  the  difl^erent  methods  I  could  think  of  to 
draw  them  out,  and  said  and  did  everything  I  could 
think  of  to  impress  them  with  the  idea  that  the  cash 
would  buy  them  exce]itionally  cheap,  expecting  tliat  if 
they  should  become  enough  interested  to  ask  the  price, 
to  make  a  Oat  offer  to  sell  them  for  one  hundred  and 


Well,  have  you  got  a  cur  dog,  a  rat-trap,  or  any  old  thing  that 
you  zvould  be  willing  to  trade  for  this  team?" 


64         IVH/}T  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

seventy-five  dollars;  but  no,  I  couldn't  budge  them; 
they  kept  on  whittling  and  I  did  all  the  talking. 

At  last  I  said  : 

"  Well,  have  you  got  a  cur  dog,  a  rat  trap,  or  any 
old  thing  that  you  would  be  willing  to  trade  for  this 
team?  " 

At  this  one  of  them  had  the  courage  to  remark  that 
they  each  had  a  three-year-old  colt  which  they  would 
like  to  trade  in,  and  pay  the  difference  in  cash. 

"Where  are  your  colts?"  I  asked. 

"  One  of  them,"  they  said,  "  was  six  miles  out  in 
the  country  and  one  only  a  mile  out." 

I  asked  them  to  describe  them,  which  they  did. 

I  then  said :  "  Now,  one  of  you  get  in  and  we  will 
go  and  see  the  one  a  mile  out,  and  if  he  fills  the  de- 
scription given,  I  will  take  your  word  for  the  other 
one." 

So  saying,  one  of  them  accompanied  me  to  the 
pasture,  where  we  found  the  colt,  and  I  announced  that 
I  was  perfectly  satisfied. 

On  returning  to  the  barn  they  wanted  to  know  how 
I  would  trade. 

I  asked  two  hundred  dollars  to  l^oot. 

They  offered  me  one  hundred  and  fifty. 


MANUFACTURING  CAR  SEATS  65 

We  then  agreed  to  split  the  difference  and  they  paid 
me  my  invoice  price,  one  hundred  and  seventy-five 
dollars  to  boot. 

I  shipped  the  colts  to  Chicago  and  sold  them  to  Mr. 
Leroy  Payne,  proprietor  of  the  Palmer  House  livery 
barn,  for  two  hundred  and  fifteen  dollars. 

When  ready  to  leave  in  the  fall,  we  hired  a  man  and 
his  wife  to  take  care  of  the  premises  and  look  after 
some  stock  and  a  number  of  fine  chickens,  and  we  re- 
turned to  Chicago,  and  again  resumed  the  manage- 
ment of  our  wholesale  jewelry  and  optical  business. 

Both  Mrs.  Johnston  and  myself  had  been  greatly 
benefited  by  this  Summer's  outing  and  took  hold  of  the 
work  with  renewed  energy  and  vigor. 


66         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 


CHAPTER  IV. 

Trading  Watches  for  Horses — A  Half  Interest  in  the 
Livery  Business  in  Chicago — Traded  for  a  Kicker— 
A  Providential  Runaway  of  a  Horse — How  I  Settled 
for  an  Uprooted  Tree — A  Narrow  Escape  on  Derby 
Day — Giving  a  Newsboy  a  Job — How  He  Came  to 
the  "Top" — A  Smooth  Man  on  Slippery  Streets — An 
Amusing  Meeting  with  a  Witty  Woman — An  Un- 
conscious Elopement — Visited  by  a  Country  Cousin — 
A  Tip-up  and  Mix-up — Just  How  It  All  Happened. 

There  seemed  to  be  just  enough  Yankee  in  me  to 
always  to  be  trading  and  trafficking,  and  the  very  first 
punishment  I  ever  received,  or  the  first  I  remember  of, 
was  for  trading  a  brand  new  pocket  knife  for  an  old 
broken  handled  one,  with  only  half  of  a  blade  left, 
and  receiving  two  cents  to  boot. 

Being  in  the  jewelry  business  and  handling  w^atches, 
silverw-are,  diamonds  and  many  other  things  that  al- 
most anyone  who  had  a  horse  to  trade  would  be  apt 
to  deal  for,  I  always  made  it  a  part  of  my  business 
every  fall,  when  I  knew  that  any  number  of  people 
would  be  glad  to  get  rid  of  their  horses  rather  than 
winter  them,  to  put  an  ad  in  the  papers,  offering  to 
trade  a  watch,  diamond  or  something  else  for  a  horse. 


TRADING  WATCHES  FOR  HORSES        67 

I  had  an  old  bam  rented  in  the  suburbs  of  the  city 
and  when  spring  came,  I  always  had  a  lot  of  horses 
for  sale,  besides  I  would  often  trade  for  carriages  and 
single  and  double  harness  and  almost  anything  that  1 
thought  I  could  turn  into  cash. 

The  fall  that  we  came  back  to  Chicago  from  La- 
Porte  I  again  began  my  trading  and  by  spring  I  had 
enough  stock  to  start  a  fairly  respectable  livery  barn. 
This,  however,  I  had  no  thought  of  doing,  but  ex- 
pected to  make  my  usual  auction  sale  as  soon  as  pleas- 
ant weather  came. 

About  this  time,  an  old  acquaintance,  formerly  a 
resident  of  Clyde,  Ohio,  my  old  boyhood  town,  came 
there  from  Cheboygan,  Michigan,  to  look  for  a  loca- 
tion to  open  a  livery  barn. 

Being  a  stranger  and  not  accustomed  to  the  ways 
of  a  large  city,  he  declared  that  he  hadn't  nerve  enough 
to  tackle  it  alone,  so  I  offered  to  turn  in  the  stock  I 
had,  as  a  half  interest,  which  amounted  to  about  thirty- 
five  hundred  dollars,  he  to  take  the  exclusive  manage- 
ment of  it.  with  the  privilege  of  buying  me  out  at  any 
time,  with  a  profit  of  ten  per  cent  per  annum  to  me  on 
the  amount  of  my  investment. 

While  making  these  trades  for  horses,  I  received  a 


68         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

letter  from  a  man  near  Grand  Crossing,  saying  that 
if  I  would  bring  a  lot  of  watches  out  there,  he  would 
give  me  any  kind  of  a  trade  I  wanted,  as  he  had  a  barn 
full  of  horses. 

The  next  day  I  loaded  up  my  pockets  with  watches, 
chains  and  charms  and  went  out. 

He  was  a  hard  man  to  deal  with,  but  at  last  I 
traded  a  watch  and  chain  for  a  fairly  good  looking 
switch  tail  mare  and  light  buggy  and  harness. 

One  of  the  things  I  had  always  declared  I  would 
not  own  was  a  balky  or  kicking  horse  and  especially 
the  latter,  because  the  person  behind  such  an  animal 
is  entirely  at  its  mercy,  therefore  I  was  always  very 
particular  about  making  inquiries  as  to  the  possibility 
of  an  animal  having  these  faults,  and  I  did  so  in  this 
case,  when  the  fellow  assured  me  that  the  horse  was 
perfectly  kind  and  gentle. 

I  started  back  to  the  city,  driving  along  congratu- 
lating myself  that  I  had  made  a  good  deal,  when  sud- 
denly, biff!  bang!  came  his  heels  against  the  dash- 
board, sending  the  pieces  in  every  direction,  then  he 
began  to  run,  and  just  as  we  were  passing  Grand 
Crossing  he  blazed  away  again,  both  heels  flying  in 
the  air.     Again  he  grabbed  the  bit  and  I  soon  found 


TRADING  WATCHES  FOR  HORSES         69 

that  I  might  as  well  try  to  hold  a  locomotive,  then 
suddenly  he  kicked  again.  As  he  did  so,  I  gave  a  quick 
jerk,  landing  him  on  his  haunches  just  long  enough 
for  me  to  jump  out  and  throw  the  lines  over  the  dash- 
board, when  I  yelled,  "  Git  out  of  here,  you  old 
villain." 

The  way  he  went  down  the  street  was  a  caution,  I 
couldn't  begin  to^  count  the  number  of  times  he  kicked, 
but  in  each  instance  he  kicked  so  high  that  he  came  no- 
where near  striking  the  buggy. 

The  last  I  saw  of  him  he  was  still  running  and  kick- 
ing, still  hitched  to  the  buggy  and  having  a  high  time 
all  to  himself. 

I  then  started  for  the  depot,  close  by,  and  approach- 
ing a  man  who  had  been  standing  on  the  platform 
witnessing  the  performance,  I  asked : 

"  What  time  does  the  next  train  go  to  the  city?  " 

"  In  about  ten  minutes,"  he  replied,  and  then  asked : 

"  Don't  that  rig  belong  to  you  ?  " 

"  Not  much !  "  I  answered.  "  It  was  mine,  but  not 
now.     I  wouldn't  own  such  an  outfit." 

I  returned  home  on  the  cars,  and  just  for  curiosity, 
watched   the   papers,    and    the   next    morning   read   a 


70         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

notice  that  a  runaway  horse  and  part  of  the  harness 
could  be  found  in  charge  of  a  west  side  pohce  station. 

I  said  nothing,  preferring  to  make  the  city  a  present. 

While  interested  in  the  livery  business  I  kept  my 
private  team  there,  and  one  day  I  had  a  runaway  with 
one  of  my  Kentucky  horses  that  made  my  hair  kink. 

This  horse  had  suddenly  taken  to  scaring  at  bicycles 
and  while  out  riding  in  a  single  top  carriage  I  had 
just  turned  from  JNIichigan  boulevard  on  24th  street 
when  the  horse  scared  at  three  bicycles.  He  lurched 
forward  and  when  suddenly  I  drew  up  the  line,  the 
rubber  bit  broke  and  the  bridle  stripped  over  his  head, 
and  if  anyone  thinks  that  Kentucky  horses  can't  run, 
they  should  have  seen  this  one  going  down  the  street 
with  me  sitting  in  the  buggy,  wholly  and  entirely  at 
his  mercy. 

I  instantly  determined  to  take  the  matter  as  coolly 
as  possible.  He  was  going  directly  toward  the  lake, 
and  realizing  the  great  danger  of  having  my  brains 
dashed  out  when  he  should  turn  a  corner,  going  either 
north  or  south  (which  he  must  necessarily  do),  I  de- 
cided that  I  would  be  safer  on  his  back  than  in  the 
buggy,  and  instantly  reached  for  the  crupper  of  the 
harness,  and  no  sooner  had  I  done  so  than  the  horse 


TRADING  WATCHES  FOR  HORSES         71 

turned  toward  the  sidewalk.  A  small  maple  tree 
standing  on  the  curbing,  in  some  mysterious  way,  how 
I  never  could  imagine,  got  tangled  up  in  the  buggy 
wheels  and  was  jerked  right  out  by  the  roots  and 
thrown  with  a  vengeance  clear  over  in  the  OAvner's 
yard. 

The  next  thing  we  struck  was  a  dooryard  gate, 
which  happened  to  be  standing  half  open.  Just  about 
as  mysteriously  the  front  wheel  caught  it  and  jerked 
it  off  of  its  hinges  and  I  don't  know  but  it's  going  yet, 
for  I  never  did  learn  what  became  of  it. 

The  next  instant  we  were  heading  for  a  very  large 
maple  tree. 

I  braced  myself  in  readiness  for  the  final  collapse, 
and  while  approaching  the  tree,  among  a  million  other 
things  I  thought  of,  was  the  story  of  the  old  Irishman 
who  fell  from  the  twenty-three-story  Masonic  Temple 
building  in  Chicago,  and  as  he  was  about  to  land  on 

the  pavement  below,  he  shouted,  "Now  for  a  d 

good  bump." 

And  sure  enough,  it  was  a  d good  bump.     The 

felloes  and  spokes  flew  in  every  direction.  The  whif- 
fletree  and  holdback  straps  broke  and  the  horse  ran 
down  the  street  about  twenty  rods,  when  he  stopped 


72         IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

and  turning  facing  the  wreck,  dropped  his  head  as  if 
ashamed  of  what  he  had  done,  and  waited  to  be  led 
back. 

When  the  carriage  struck  the  tree,  being  braced  for 
the  colhsion,  I  stepped  out  on  the  ground  without  as 
much  as  receiving  a  jar. 

After  employing  an  expressman  to  remove  the  car- 
riage and  horse  to  the  barn,  I  was  about  to  start  for 
a  car,  when  I  heard  the  voice  of  a  lady  calling: 

"  Mistah,  Mistah,  will  you  please  step  this  way?  " 

I  discovered  at  once  that  she  was  sitting  on  the 
porch  of  the  house  in  front  of  which  had  stood  the 
small  maple  tree. 

As  I  walked  up  to  the  porch,  she  said,  in  a  sort  of 
hesitating  way :  "  Allow  me  to  congratulate  you  on 
making  your  escape  from  instant  death.  I  certainly 
expected  to  see  your  brains  dashed  out." 

I  thanked  her,  and  when  about  to  take  my  departure, 
she  said : 

"  Ah — by  the  way, — how  about  that  maple  tree  you 
pulled  out  by  the  roots?  " 

"  By  Jove !  "  said  T,  "  that's  so !  Now,  this  is  a  bad 
thing.  Why,  do  you  know,  that  when  T  left  home  it 
never  occurred  to  me,  not  for  a  single  instant,  that  a 


TRADING  WATCHES  FOR  HORSES         73 

thing  of  this  kind  was  going  to  happen,  and  I  never 
brought  a  single,  solitary  tree  along  with  me?  " 

She  gave  a  sickly  sort  of  smile  and  said : 

"  Well,  then,  we  will  just  let  it  go  and  I'll  speak 
to  my  husband  about  it  when  he  comes  home,  and  I 
guess  he'll  fix  it." 

This  accident  occurred  on  Friday.  The  next  day 
was  Derby  day  at  Washington  Park,  and  my  wife  and 
I  had  two  lady  friends  engaged  to  accompany  us  in 
our  Gladstone  surrey,  to  which  I  was  to  drive  my 
high-spirited  pair  of  Kentucky  horses.  I  had  always 
used  rubber  bits  in  all  my  driving,  but  on  arriving 
at  the  barn  after  this  accident  I  instructed  the  man 
who  had  the  care  of  my  horses  to  change  the  rubber 
bits  of  my  double  harness  to  steel  ones,  which  he  did 
at  once,  and  while  doing  so  one  of  them  actually  came 
apart  while  unbuckling  the  strap.  On  investigating 
we  found  that  in  one  place  a  small  piece  of  the  rubber 
had  rotted  out,  and  in  this  vacant  space  the  piece  of 
steel  which  ran  through  the  rubber  had  rusted  clear 
through  and  broken  apart. 

On  Derby  days  the  boulevards  were  literally 
thronged  with  vehicles  of  every  kind  and  description, 
and  one  can  imagine  what  might  have  been  the  conse- 


74  IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

quences  had  that  bit  broken  on  such  a  day  with  a  pair 
of  high-spirited  horses.  I  have  ahvays  regarded  that 
accident  as  providential. 

The  most  trifling  incident  often  changes  the  course 
of  a  man's  whole  life. 

One  day  I  had  an  appointment  with  a  man  at  22nd 
street,  and  was  waiting  for  an  approaching  street  car, 
when  I  discovered  that  I  hadn't  a  cent  of  money  with 
me.  At  that  instant  a  newsboy  came  rushing  up  calling 
"  Papers,  papers,"  when  quickly  turning  to  him,  I  said : 

"  Kid,  loan  me  ten  cents." 

As  quick  as  a  flash  he  handed  me  a  dime. 

I,  in  turn,  gave  him  my  business  card  and  said : 

"  Come  to  that  address  to-morrow,  and  I'll  give  you 
fifty  cents." 

The  next  morning  he  was  on  hand,  and  after  making 
my  promise  good,  I  began  making  inquiries  about  his 
family  and  future  prospects. 

I  had  been  forcibly  impressed  with  his  generous, 
libera]  manner,  and  was  now  more  impressed  with  his 
pleasing  countenance  and  frankness,  and  offered  him  a 
position  as  an  office  and  errand  boy,  provided  he  would 
attend  evening  school  at  my  expense  for  a  few  months. 

He  accepted  the  position  and  in  no  time  was  pro- 


.-xt^\^.. 


As  quick  as  a  flash  lie  handed  mc  a  dime. 


76         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

moted  to  the  shipping  room,  and  from  there  to  the 
stock  room  and  then  to  the  bilHng  department,  where 
he  began  showing  a  decided  talent  for  penmanship  and 
eventually  became  one  of  our  most  valued  employes. 

The  last  I  heard  of  him  he  wrote  me  that  he  had 
a  fine  position  with  a  New  York  wholesale  jewelry 
house,  was  married,  had  a  nice  family,  owned  a  home 
of  his  own  and  had  a  nice  bank  account. 

One  cold  winter  morning  I  started  for  my  office 
and  found  the  streets  literally  covered  with  ice  and 
sleet. 

The  first  man  I  met,  a  tall,  heavy  built,  ministerial 
looking  gentleman,  came  around  the  corner,  slipping 
and  sliding,  and  on  the  verge  of  landing  on  his  back, 
when  instantly  I  yelled,  "  Whoa !  "  at  the  top  of  my 
voice. 

He  instantly  came  back  on  his  feet,  but  had  no  sooner 
started  off  again  than  he  slipped  and  slid  in  every 
direction  as  before. 

Once  again  I  yelled  "  Whoa !  "  and  again  he  landed 
squarely  on  his  feet  and  made  another  start,  only  to 
l^egin  again  to  slide  about,  if  anything,  Avorse  than 
ever,  when  for  the  third  time  I  yelled  "  Whoa!  "  and 
for  the  third  time  he  pulled  himself  together  and  after 


•IS  THIS  TO  BE  A  WALTZ  OR  A  SGHOTTISCHE?"  SHE  ASKED. 


TRADING  WATCHES  FOR  HORSES         77 

taking  a  careful  survey  of  things,  started  off  on  safe 
footing,  and  turning  to  me,  without  cracking  a  smile, 
said : 

"  Thank  you,"  and  passed  on. 

I  had  not  gone  two  blocks,  when  I  met  a  stylishly 
dressed  and  a  very  handsome  young  lady.  The  streets 
were  crowded,  and  as  I  turned  to  the  right  to  pass  her, 
she  turned  to  the  left,  and  then  began  a  regular  side 
step  act,  one  to  the  right,  the  other  to  the  left.  Six 
months'  practice  could  not  have  made  us  better.  Sud- 
denly both  came  to  a  standstill,  face  to  face,  each  star- 
ing at  the  other,  then  identically  as  before  both  started 
in,  one  to  the  right  and  the  other  to  the  left. 

By  this  time  many  pedestrians  had  stopped  and  were 
taking  in  the  performance,  when  once  more  both  came 
to  a  standstill  at  the  same  instant,  then  with  a  twinkle 
in  her  eye  and  a  smile  overspreading  her  countenance, 
she  asked : 

"  Is  this  to  be  a  waltz  or  a  schottische?  " 

One  evening  my  wife  and  I  went  to  a  restaurant  for 
dinner  and  when  passing  out  with  many  others,  some 
one  took  me  by  the  arm.  I  supposed,  of  course,  it 
was  my  wife. 

Passing  out  to  the  sidewalk  we  had  gone  possibly 


1^         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

a  half  a  block,  when  I  felt  her  hand  in  my  outside  over- 
coat pocket. 

Wondering  what  kind  of  a  joke  she  was  playing  on 
me,  I  asked : 

"  What  are  you  doing  with  your  hand  in  my 
pocket?  " 

Instantly  there  came  a  shriek  from  a  strange  voice, 
and  the  next  histant  she  was  scrambling  for  my  over- 
coat pocket,  and  yelling,  "Give  me  my  purse.  Heavens ! 
I  thought  you  were  my  husband.  Give  me  my  purse, 
please,  please  give  it  to  me." 

Placing  my  hand  in  the  pocket,  sure  enough,  there 
I  found  her  purse  tucked  away  for  safe  keeping. 

As  she  and  I  turned  back,  there  stood  her  husband 
and  my  wife,  both  fairly  craning  their  necks  and  their 
eyes  almost  popping  out  of  their  heads  in  a  vain  en- 
deavor to  understand  what  we  were  up  to. 

One  day,  after  having  my  baggage  delivered  at  the 
Chicago  and  Northwestern  depot,  preparatory  to  mak- 
ing a  trip  to  Oconto,  W^isconsin,  I  started  to  walk  to 
the  depot,  as  I  had  just  about  time  enough  to  make 
my  train. 

I  was  always  a  very  fast  walker  and  on  my  way 
north   on   Clark   street   a   lady   coming  west   on   East 


TRADING  WATCHES  FOR  HORSES         79 

Madison  street  and  myself  brushed  up  close  enough 
together  so  that  one  of  the  buttons  on  my  long  linen 
ulster  got  caught  in  her  open  work,  lace  overskirt. 

Of  course,  before  either  knew  what  had  happened 
we  wxre  brought  to  a  sudden  standstill. 

Dropping  my  small  hand  valise,  I  set  to  work  to  un- 
ravel the  mixup,  but  manlike,  only  made  a  worse  job 
of  it. 

Then  she  tried  and  failed. 

I  began  to  get  nervous  about  my  train  and  said : 

"  By  Jove!     I'm  afraid  I'll  miss  my  train." 

"  What  train?"  she  asked. 

"  The  Chicago  and  Northwestern,"  I  answered. 

"  Well,  for  gracious  sakes !  "  she  yelled,  "  then  come 
on.    That's  the  very  train  I  want  to  catch." 

And  the  way  we  piked  it  down  that  street  together 
in  our  mix-up  and  tangle  was  a  caution. 

The  more  we  thought  of  it  the  more  ridiculous  it 
seemed. 

We  both  laughed  until  we  became  so  exhausted  as 
to  almost  fall  to  the  street. 

On  reaching  the  depot  we  bought  our  tickets  to- 
gether, checked  our  baggage  together,  entered  the  car 


80         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

together  and  took  a  seat  together  before  attempting 
to  unravel. 

We  introduced  ourselves  and  soon  learned  that  she 
was  on  her  way  to  Green  Bay,  Wisconsin,  to  visit 
friends,  who  were  also  friends  of  mine. 

In  "  Twenty  Years  of  Hus'ling,"  I  mentioned  hav- 
ing worked  eleven  days  for  a  farmer  in  Branch  County, 
Michigan,  for  a  dollar  a  day  and  my  board. 

I  really  think  that  of  all  the  men  I  ever  met  in  all 
of  my  many  experiences,  this  farmer  was  actually 
the  stingiest,  the  most  tricky,  the  worst  dressed,  the 
most  poorly  fed,  and  the  wildest  eyed  specimen  of  hu- 
manity, for  a  rich  man,  that  I  ever  laid  eyes  on. 

I  think  a  visit  from  the  devil  and  six  imps  would 
have  pleased  me  ten  times  better  than  a  visit  from  this 
man  and  his  family. 

By  some  hook  or  crook  he  had  learned  of  my  where- 
abouts in  Chicago  and  about  my  success  in  the  whole- 
sale jewelry  and  optical  business. 

One  simimer  afternoon  who  should  come  stamping 
into  my  store  but  this  freak  accompanied  by  his  wife 
and  sixteen-year-old  daughter. 

They  were  certainly  a  sight  to  behold. 

He,  six  foot  two,  with  his  long  jet  black  hair  sleeked 


THEY  WERE  CERTAINLY  A  STUDY  TO  THE  STUDENT  OF 
HUMAN  NATURE. 


TRADING  WATCHES  FOR  HORSES         81 

down  over  his  ears  and  reaching  almost  to  his  shoul- 
ders, a  narrow  pointed  chin  and  his  long,  stingy  nose, 
the  two  almost  meeting,  a  fringe  of  whiskers  extend- 
ing from  ear  to  ear,  just  between  the  neck  and  chin; 
an  old-fashioned  roundabout  coat,  with  sleeves  reach- 
ing half  way  between  the  wrists  and  elbow,  no  cuffs, 
a  pair  of  cotton  trousers,  reaching  within  about  four 
inches  of  his  instep,  a  pair  of  stogy  boots,  with  about 
a  pound  of  tallow  spread  over  them. 

His  wife  and  daughter  were  dressed  correspondingly. 

As  they  made  their  appearance,  hands  and  arms 
filled  with  bundles,  baskets,  bottles,  cheap  pasteboard 
boxes  and  telescope  cases,  they  were  certainly  a  study 
to  the  student  of  human  nature. 

The  instant  they  entered,  the  store-room  became 
filled  with  the  odor  and  fumes  of  stale  bread  and  but- 
ter, dried  herring,  onions,  garlic  and  Swiss  cheese 

After  taking  plenty  of  time  to  pile  their  baggage 
in  a  heap,  Mr.  ,  after  making  a  general  sur- 
vey of  the  surroundings,  sauntered  up  to  the  book- 
keeper's desk,  and  in  his  backwoods,  yeahawk  twang, 
asked : 

"Is  Perry  in?" 


82         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

"Perry;  Perry?"  repeated  the  bookkeeper,  and 
turning  to  his  assistants,  asked : 

"  Have  we  anyone  working  here  by  the  name  of 
Perry?  " 

"  Not  that  I  know  of,"  they  cried  in  chorus. 

"  Haint  this  his  store?''  asked  Mr. ,  his 

eyes  almost  popping  out  of  his  head  from  fright  and 
disappointment. 

"  What  sort  of  a  looking  chap  is  this  man  Perry?  " 
asked  the  bookkeeper. 

"  Gosh !  I  haint  saw  him  fer  twenty  years.  When 
I  knowed  him  he  had  red  hair  and  worked  fer  me  on 
a  farm  in  Michigan." 

"  Well,  then,"  said  the  bookkeeper,  "  I  guess  this 
isn't  the  man  you  are  looking  for." 

"  Whose  store  is  this?  "  he  then  queried. 

"  This  is  Mr.  Johnston's  store." 

"Well,  but  haint  it  Perry  Johnston's  store?"  he 
asked,  his  face  lighting  up. 

By  this  time  all  of  the  hundred  and  fifty  employes 
were  interested  listeners  and  business  had  come  to  a 
standstill. 

At  his  last  suggestion  several  of  the  employes  cried : 


TRADING  WATCHES  FOR  HORSES         83 

"  Oh,  ves !  yes,  Mr,  Johnston's  given  name  is  Perry, 
sure  enough." 

"  Gosh  a'mighty !  I  feel  better.  Is  he  in  ?  "  asked 
Mr. ,  greatly  elated. 

Stepping  to  the  door  of  my  private  office,  the  book- 
keeper said : 

"  Mr.  Johnston,  there  is  a  gentleman  and  two  ladies 
out  here  who  wish  to  see  you." 

The  moment  I  entered  the  room  I  recognized  him. 

My  first  impulse  was  to  give  him  the  cold  stare 
and  a  frosty  welcome. 

My  next  thought  was  that  I'd  better  make  the  best 
of  it.  and  at  the  same  time  teach  my  employes  a  lesson 
in  "  gratitude,"  although  I  realized  that  to  do  so  I 
must  play  the  hypocrite,  and  play  it  well.  Therefore, 
instead  of  "  turning  them  down,"  I  rushed  up  to  him 
and  extending  both  hands,  grabbed  hold  of  him  and 
swung  him  around  once  or  twice,  then  shaking  him 
by  the  hand,  again  slapped  him  on  the  back  affection- 
ately and  repeated  many  times  over  how  glad  I  was  to 
have  him  visit  me. 

After  receiving  an  introduction  to  his  newly  wedded 
second  wife  and  daughter,  I  hus'led  them  into  my 
private  office,  and  quickly  returning  to  the  store  room 


84         IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

said  in  a  very  high  pitched  voice:  "  My  conscience! 
I  wouldn't  have  missed  having  that  man  visit  me  for 
a  thousand  dollars.  Why,  do  yon  know,  he  did  me  a 
favor  twenty  years  ago  that  I  shall  never  forget,  and 
a  thousand  times  since  I  have  wondered  if  I  should 
ever  he  able  to  repay  him,  and  this  is  my  opportunity. 
I  shall  certainly  give  him  a  good  time." 

One  of  my  employes,  B.  T.  Wales,  a  former  Clyde 
boy  who  had  charge  of  the  billing  department,  after- 
ward told  me  that  when  I  had  finished  this  little  speech 
and  had  left  the  store  room,  several  of  the  young  men 
and  women  in  his  department  said  : 

"Say,  isn't  J.  P.  the  stuff?" 

"  Holy  Mackinaw !  I  wouldn't  be  caught  on  the 
streets  with  that  bunch  for  a  million  dollars,"  said  one 
young  man. 

"  Yes,  but  J.  P.  is  made  of  better  stuff  than  that," 
said  Mr.  Wales. 

"  You  bet  he  never  forgets  a  friend,"  chimed  in  an- 
other youngster. 

And  so  it  went.  None  of  them  could  quite  under- 
stand, however,  how  I  could  possibly  have  the  courage 
to  be  caught  in  the  dark  with  such  an  outfit. 

My  wdfe  had  gone  to  an  afterr.oon  matinee  and  it 


TRADING  WATCHES  FOR  HORSES         85 

sj  happened  that  on  her  return  to  the  office  she  and 
I  met  in  the  store  room,  when  I  explained  that  some 
very  dear  friends  of  mine  from  Michigan  had  come 
to  visit  us.  and  were  ^\•aiting■  in  my  office. 

To  quietly  pave  the  way,  I  pointed  to  the  heap  of 
bundles,  baskets  and  boxes  and  said : 

"  Seel    There's  their  baggage." 

She  gazed  at  the  pile  a  moment  and  asked : 

"  What  kind  of  people  are  they  ?  Indians  from  the 
north  woods?  Where  does  that  aw'ful  odor  come 
from  ?  Do  for  gracious  sakes  let  me  see  them.  Are 
they  to  go  to  our  house  tonight?  " 

I  replied  that  they  were  right  up-to-date  people,  at 
any  rate  they  were  good  enough  for  me  to  associate 
with. 

I  then  told  her  about  how  this  man  had  done  me  an 
everlasting  favor  twenty  years  before,  and  how  glad 
I  was  to  be  able  to  reciprocate. 

"  Well,"  she  remarked  as  we  were  about  to  enter 
my  office  where  they  were  bunched  together,  "  if  that's 
the  case  we  must  give  them  a  good  time." 

As  we  passed  in  they  all  jumped  to  their  feet. 

After  the  introduction,  I  stepped  back  to  my  desk, 
leaving  Airs.  Johnston  to  entertain  them. 


86  IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

I  don't  think  she  ever  came  nearer  sinking  io  the 
floor -than  on  that  occasion.  However,  she  was  equal 
to  the  emergency  and  akhongh  her  black  eyes  fairly 
snapped  and  her  fingers  twitched  nervously,  and  for  a 
moment  she  seemed  tO'  be  confused  and  talking  at 
random,  she  very  soon  came  to  her  senses  and  made 
them  feel  quite  at  ease. 

We  took  them  to  our  home  at  Woodlawn  Park,  and 
the  next  morning  with  the  understanding  that  Mrs. 
Johnston  should  go  along  and  sit  in  the  front  seat  with 
me,  I  hitched  a  pair  of  horses  to  the  Gladstone  surrey, 
i.  e.,  a  surrey  with  two  seats,  backs  together. 

We  put  the  three  freaks  on  the  rear  seat  and  started 
out. 

Everything  went  well  until  while  crossing  the  river 
on  our  way  back  from  the  north  side,  the  bridge  turned 
to  allow  several  large  vessels  to  pass. 

While  we  were  waiting  an  Italian  peanut,  fruit  and 
popcorn  vender  came  up  with  his  two  wheeled  cart  and 
backing  it  right  up  to  the  rear  of  our  surrey,  left  it 
there  and  stepped  back  to  the  railing  of  the  bridge. 

No  sooner  had  he  done  so  than  all  three  of  our 
guests  jumped  from  their  seat  and  turning  about  facing 


TRADING  WATCHES  FOR  HORSES         87 

the  river,  began  pointing  out  different  things  and  talk- 
ing very  loud  and  under  much  excitement. 

Mrs.  Johnston  and  myself  both  cautioned  and  al- 
most pleaded  with  them  to  sit  down,  but  the  excite- 
ment was  too  great  for  them  and  in  just  about  a  second 
both  horses  stepped  forward  suddenly,  when  the  whole 
bunch  landed  on  their  heads  right  on  top  of  the  rear 
end  of  the  peanut  vender's  go-cart. 

Of  course  the  weight  up-ended  the  thing,  when  pop- 
corn, peanuts,  fruit  and  taffy  candy  went  in  every  di- 
rection and  certainly  made  a  bad  enough  mixture,  but 
what  made  it  still  worse,  the  Italian  had  placed  in  the 
front  of  the  cart  a  tin  bucketful  of  melted  butter  which 
he  used  as  seasoning  for  his  popcorn. 

The  biggest  part  of  this  landed  fairly  and  squarely 

on  top  of  Mrs.  glossy  head  of  black  hair, 

enough,  however,  went  spattering  over  all  of  them, 
which,  when  mixed  with  the  poor  vender's  stock  in 
trade,  made  a  sorry  looking  spectacle  of  the  entire 
outfit. 

Of  course  the  Italian  wanted  pay  for  his  ruined  stock, 
and  I  thought  he  ought  to  have  it. 

I  attempted  to  argue  with  Mr. that  he 


88         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

should   settle   with   the   poor    fellow,    but   no,    sir;   he 
couldn't  see  it  in  that  light. 

He  said  I  was  to  blame  for  not  holding  the  horses 
and  failed  to  see  how  he  could  be  blamed. 

The  women  folks  were  furious  at  the  merest  sug- 
gestion of  their  being  responsible. 

Two  policemen  soon  came  up  and  about  forty  Ital- 
ians gathered  around. 

I  once  more  tried  to  convince  Mr. that  he 

was  tO'  blame  and  told  him  there  would  very  likely  be 
more  or  less  trouble  if  he  didn't  do  something  at  once, 
but  no,  sir,  not  a  cent  would  he  give  up,  because  they 
were  not  in  any  way  to  blame. 

The  excitement  kept  growing  as  more  Italians  con- 
gregated, and  I  was  the  one  they  all  looked  to  for  a 
settlement. 

I  was  certain  that  if  we  didn't  all  get  in  jail,  I'd  be 
mobbed  unless  something  was  done  and  done  quickly. 

I  therefore  began  to  negotiate  for  a  settlement.  I 
had  the  whole  gang  to  deal  with.  Some  of  them 
wanted  fifty  dollars,  others  thought  twenty-five  would 
l^e  about  right.     The  owner  decided  to  take  twenty. 

I  offered  ten  and  after  a  few  moments'  parley,  com- 


TRADING  WATCHES  FOR  HORSES         89 

promised  at  fifteen  dollars,  which  I  gladly  paid,  myself, 
and  we  hurriedly  made  our  escape. 

Would  anyone  suppose  that  this  wolverine  would 
stand  by  and  let  me  pay  this  bill? 

That  was  just  what  he  did  do,  nor  did  he  offer  to 
pay  any  part  of  it,  and  as  1  was  counting  out  the  cash 
he  remarked  that  it  didn't  pay  to  have  such  fractious 
horses. 

I  drove  directly  to  my  ofiice  and  after  learning  that 
they  had  nothing  but  light  baggage  and  no  clothing, 
I  showed  them  that  their  clothes  were  literally  ruined 
and  unfit  to  wear,  when  they  decided  to  let  me  take 
them  to  a  good  place  where  they  could  purchase  new 
outfits. 

Before  starting  out  with  them,  I  called  up,  by  tele- 
phone, three  different  departments  of  a  well  known 
store,  the  managers  of  which  I  was  well  acquainted 
with,  and  told  them  what  had  happened  and  how  I 
had  been  "  strung,"  and  asked  them  to  charge  from 
twenty-five  to  fifty  per  cent  extra  for  every  purchase 
they  made,  and  give  it  to  me  as  a  commission. 

Mrs.  Johnston  and  myself  accompanied  them  and 
when  we  got  through  with  them,  there  had  been  quite 


90         IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

a  transformation  scene,  at  an  expense  of  about  eighty 
dollars  to  Mr.  . 

We  used  tact  enough  to  get  rid  of  them  very  soon, 
in  fact  they  took  a  train  for  home  that  evening. 

A  couple  of  days  later  I  called  for  my  commission, 
which  amounted  to  twenty-seven  dollars. 


A  TRIP  TO  CALIFORNIA  91 


CHAPTER  V. 

A  Trip  to  California — A  Practical  Joke  on  a  Hebrew — 
A  Threadbare  Story — A  Sporty  Old  Dutchman — Sum- 
mer in  the  Morning,  Winter  at  Noon — The  Sandwich 
Story. 

In  the  interest  of  the  Car  Seat  Company,  of  which 
I  was  president,  I  made  a  trip  to  California,  my  wife 
accompanying  me,  for  the  pleasure  of  the  trip. 

About  this  time,  my  book  "  Twenty  Years  of  Hus'- 
ling,"  was  having  its  biggest  sale. 

I  had  spent  ten  thousand  dollars  in  cash,  advertising 
it  in  newspapers  and  on  street  cars  throughout  the 
United  States  before  putting  it  on  the  market  at  all, 
and  for  many  months  its  sale  averaged  a  thousand 
copies  per  day. 

The  newsboys  on  trains  were  reaping  a  harvest  from 
its  sales  and  w-hile  the  paper  edition  was  supposed  to 
retail  at  fifty  cents,  many  of  the  train  boys  were  get- 
ting as  high  as  a  dollar  and  a  half  for  it. 

The  first  day  out  on  this  trip  one  of  the  newsboys 
handed  me  a  copy  of  it  and  said : 

"  Here   is   a  very   humorous   and   instructive  book. 


92         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

and  this  is  the  last  edition  that  will  ever  be  printed 
of  it,  because  the  plates  were  destroyed  by  fire  and 
the  author  of  it  is  dead  and  they  can  never  print  any 
more." 

"How  much?"  I  asked. 

"  A  dollar  and  fifty  cents,"  he  replied. 

"  So  the  plates  have  been  burned  and  the  author  is 
dead?" 

"  Yes,  sir,"  said  he, 

I  asked  if  it  hadn't  occurred  to  him  that  the  pub- 
lishers might,  in  such  an  event,  make  up  another  set 
of  plates  from  one  of  the  remaining  copies  of  the 
book. 

He  replied  that  he  hadn't  thought  of  that.  Anyhow, 
that  was  the  way  it  had  been  explained  to  him. 

A  gentleman,  directly  across  the  aisle  from  us, 
bought  a  copy,  and  after  reading  awhile,  began  to 
laugh  occasionally  at  incidents  related. 

Finally,  I  went  over  and  sat  down  by  him  and  asked 
him  to  read  aloud,  which  he  did. 

He  very  soon  came  to  another  story,  which  he 
laughed  heartily  over,  but  I  could  see  nothing  funny 
about  it  and  told  him  so. 


A  TRIP  TO  CALIFORNIA 


93 


Then  a  moment  later  he  came  to  another  incident 
that  amused  him. 


"He  began  to  laugh  occasionally." 

I,  as  before,  declared  that  I  couldn't  see  anything 
funny  about  that  either. 

Then  the  third  and   fourth  time  it   was  the  same. 


94         IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

and  at  last  he  quit  reading  aloud,  and  apparently  dis- 
gusted, partially  turned  his  back  on  me  and  read  to 
himself. 

Then  once  more  he  began  to  laugh,  when  I  said : 
"  Read  aloud,  let's  see  if  there  is  anything  in  that 
book  that  is  really  funny." 

"  Funny !  Funny !  "  he  repeated.  "  Caesar's  ghost ! 
I  don't  believe  you  have  the  slightest  appreciation  of 
anything  funny.  I  think  your  vein  of  humor  is  mighty 
small  for  as  big  a  man  as  you  are." 

Among  others  on  our  car  who  had  been  reading  it 
was  a  shrewd  little  Hebrew  on  his  way  to  San  Fran- 
cisco. 

That  evening  I  stepped  into  the  smokers'  compart- 
ment and  there  found  the  little  Hebrew,  the  gentle- 
man whom  I  had  urged  to  read  aloud,  and  four  other 
men.  two  of  whom  had  also  been  reading  the  book 
during  the  day. 

They  were  in  turn  relating  personal  experiences. 
When  an  opening  came,  !  started  in  and  related  one 
of  the  stories  in  the  front  part  of  the  book  as  one  of 
my  own  experiences. 

The  effect  was  at  once  noticeable. 


NOT  VONE  OF  DOES  STORIES  VAS  YORN  OWN  PEARSONAL  EXPERIENCE. 
NO  SIR,  NOT  VONE  '. 


A  TRIP  TO  CALIFORNIA  95 

Glances  went  from  one  to  the  other,  as  much  as  to 
say,  "  How  is  he  for  a  Har?  " 

After  each  had  told  another  story,  I  gave  them  one 
more  from  the  book,  after  which  I  made  an  excuse  to 
go  to  the  water  tank  for  a  drink. 

From  the  httle  I  could  hear  and  see,  when  glancing 
back  into  the  smoking  room,  convinced  me  that  they 
were  having  a  whole  lot  of  fun  at  my  expense,  and 
when  I  returned,  all  eyes  were  on  me,  and  an  incredu- 
lous smile  was  on  every  countenance. 

At  the  first  opportunity  I  told  still  another  which 
the  book  contained. 

This  was  too  much  for  the  little  Hebrew,  and  what 
surprised  me  most  was  that  he  had  the  courage  to 
almost  call  me  a  liar,  for  he  said : 

"  Mine  friendt,  you  should  not  tell  such  stories  as 
your  own  pearsonal  experience.  Not  vone  of  does 
stories  vas  your  own  pearsonal  experience.  NO;  sir; 
not  vone." 

"  Well,"  said  I,  indignantly,  "  I  guess  I  know 
whether  they  are  or  not,  and  I'll  bet  you  the  wine  for 
the  crowd  that  they  are  and  I  can  prove  it." 

"  Veil."  said  he,  "  I'll  joust  bet  you  and  I'll  prove 
dey  are  not." 


96         WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

So  saying,  he  shook  hands  and  he  said : 

"  You  vait  a  minute  till  I  l)ring  a  book,''  which  he 
did,  and  on  opening  it  up  with  a  flourish,  said : 

"  Now,  mine  friendt,  every  story  you  told  as  your 
own  personal  experience  is  in  this  book  by  J.  P.  John- 
ston." 

"  Yes,  I  know,"  said  I.  "  I  don't  deny  that,  but  I 
am  J.  P.  Johnston,  the  man  who  wrote  the  book." 

"  Oh,  ho!  you  vas,  eh!  "  cried  the  Hebrew.  "  Veil, 
I  guess  nit." 

"  But,"  said  I,  "  Pll  show  you  my  name  on  my  lim- 
ited ticket.  Besides  look  at  the  frontispiece  and  see 
if  it  isn't  my  picture." 

The  crowd  gathered  about  as  he  turned  to  it,  and 
instantly  the  little  Hebrew  said : 

"  Holy  Moses !  another  vone  of  your  d prac- 
tical jokes.  Bring  us  de  vine,  Mr.  Porter,  bring  us 
de  vine." 

One  particularly  amusing  observation  we  made  on 
this  trip  was  that  as  soon  as  we  reached  the  Rocky 
Mountains,  it  didn't  matter  how  large  or  how  small 
a  mountain  peak  happened  to  be,  if  we  asked  any  of 
the  people  there  how  far  it  was  to  this  one  or  that  one, 
the  answer  came,   "  Eighteen   miles,"  and  so   it  con- 


A  TRIP  TO  CALIFORNIA  97 

tinned  throughout  the  trip.  Everything  was  eighteen 
miles  distant. 

As  soon  as  we  struck  this  mountainous  region,  every 
one  would  explain  why  long  distances  looked  so  short 
by  saying  it  was  the  exceedingly  clear  atmosphere,  and 
then  they  would  tell  the  story  of  two  men  starting  for 
a  mountain  peak  which  to  them  seemed  not  over  a 
half  mile  away,  and  after  having  traveled  about  four- 
teen miles  they  came  to  a  stream  of  water  not  over  two 
feet  wide,  when  one  of  them  began  to  disrobe  and  his 
companion  asked  him  what  he  was  going  to  do. 

"  Why,"  he  answered,  "  I  am  going  to  swim  this 
river." 

"  River?  "  replied  his  companion.  "  Why,  my  dear 
man,  this  is  only  a  two-foot  ditch." 

"  No,  indeed !  it  is  not ;  this  is  a  river  and  it's  three 
miles  wide." 

I  don't  think  we  met  a  new  comer  during  the  entire 
trip  who  faikd  to  tell  us  this  ditch  story  and  on  all 
occasions,  every  mountain  or  object  of  any  kind  was 
eighteen  miles  distant. 

One  day  the  train  stopped  at  a  small  town  twenty 
minutes  for  supper. 

Mrs.  Johnston  and  I  had  eaten  in  the  dining  car 


This  is  a  river  and  it's  three  miles  zvide: 


A  TRIP  TO  CALIFORNIA  99 

that  evening,  and  while  waiting  I  stepped  out  on  the 
platform  and  there  towering  away  above  the  town 
was  an  immense  mountain. 

It  actually  appeared  to  be  not  more  than  twenty 
minutes'  walk  distant,  but  when  I  asked  a  young  man 
standing  by  how  far  away  it  w'as,  he  said : 

"  Eighteen  miles." 

"  Oh,  pshaw !  "  said  I,  "  you  are  mistaken.  I  can 
walk  from  here  there  and  back  in  thirty  minutes." 

"  How  much  will  you  bet  on  that,"    he  asked. 

"  ril  bet  you  five  hundred  dollars." 

"  \\>11,  you  just  wait  a  minute  and  I'll  get  a  man 
who  has  the  cash,  and  will  bet  you  " 

So  saying  he  started  off. 

A  few  minutes  later  he  came  rushing  up  followed  by 
a  big  German,  who  under  apparent  excitement,  was 
carrying  his  hat  in  one  hand  and  a  big  roll  of  money 
in  the  other. 

Approaching  me,  he  said : 

"  You  vant  to  bet  you  can  valk  by  der  mountain  and 
back  in  dirty  minutes?  Veil,  youst  put  up  your  vive 
hundredt  dollars." 

"  Very  well,"  said  I,  "  but  you  wait  until  I  see  the 
conductor.     I  want  to  arrange  with  him  to  hold  the 


100        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

train  till  I  get  back.  I  know  I  can  make  it  in  thirty 
minutes." 

He  became  more  excited  and  said : 

"  You  vas  a  d fool.     You  have  no  vive  hun- 

dredt  dollars,  and  I'll  bet  you  be  traveling  on  a  pass 
and  aint  got  not  vive  cents  to  your  name,  you  big, 
red-headed  lobster." 

We  stopped  off  at  Salida,  Colorado,  over  night, 
that  we  might  leave  there  at  eight  o'clock  the  next 
morning  and  go  over  Marshall  pass  in  the  day  time. 

An  interesting  feature  of  this  day's  experience  w^as, 
that  when  we  left  Salida  at  eight  o'clock  on  a  beautiful 
April  morning  the  inhabitants  were  up  and  out.  culti- 
vating flowers,  making  gardens,  etc. 

At  eleven  thirty  that  same  day  we  landed  on  top 
of  Marshall  pass,  to  find  fourteen  feet  of  snow  on  a 
level  and  icicles  three  feet  long  on  the  snow  sheds. 

There  were  three  sections  to  our  train,  and  three 
engines  to  each  section. 

\\'e  were  in  the  observation  car  of  the  second  sec- 
tion, but  on  account  of  the  skillful  engineering  in  the 
construction  of  this  wonderful  ]Mece  of  railroad  it 
would  have  been  impossible  for  us  to  have  told  which 
rcction  we  were  on.     Tn  our  view  from  the  window, 


''  /■//  bet  you  be  traveling  nn  a  pass  and  ain't  got  not  five  cents 
to   vdiir   ntiiiie.  ji'.'n   b!g,   red-headed   lobster." 


102        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

as  we  were  making  the  ascent,  one  time  our  section 
would  appear  to  be  taking  the  lead,  and  in  ten  minutes 
later  the  two  other  sections  were  to  all  appearances 
ahead  of  ours.  Then  again  we  would  be  the  second 
or  middle  section,  just  as  we  had  started  out  in  the 
morning. 

Of  course  the  trip  over  the  Rocky  Mountains  and 
through  the  Royal  Gorge  was  grand. 

On  arriving  at  Salt  Lake  City  we  decided  to  remain 
a  few  days,  and  just  as  I  had  registered  at  the  hotel 
an  old  friend,  a  Chicago  newspaper  man  who  had  re- 
cently taken  charge  of  a  newspaper  there,  came  up, 
shook  hands  with  me  and  a  few  minutes  later  intro- 
duced me  to  Congressman  Cannon,  and  then  inter- 
ceded in  having  the  congressman's  nephew  show  us 
around. 

By  his  courtesy  we  entered  and  went  to  the  top  of 
the  unfinished  Mormon  temple,  a  privilege  seldom 
granted  to  gentiles. 

Salt  Lake  City  struck  me  as  being  an  ideal  western 
city,  strictly  up  to  date,  and  a  flourishing,  enterprising 
place. 

There  was  nothing  of  special  interest  on  our  trip 
westward,  except  that  we  passed  o\-er  the  Sierra  Ne- 


A  TRIP  TO  CALIFORNIA  103 

vada  mountains  in  a  terrific  snow  storm  and  through 
snow  drifts  ten  feet  deep,  and  arrived  two  hours  later 
at  Sacramento,  Cahfornia,  in  a  city  of  roses  and  sun- 
shine. 

If  there  was  a  residence  in  that  city  the  front  of 
which  was  not  hterally  covered  with  beautiful  roses, 
I  failed  to  see  it. 

One  of  the  first  things  that  attracted  our  attention, 
on  alighting  from  the  train,  was  an  orange  tree  loaded 
with  oranges,  standing  on  the  property  of  the  railroad 
company,  directly  in  front  of  the  depot. 

The  weather  was  balmy  and  summerlike  and  the 
air  fragrant  with  the  perfume  of  flowers. 

This,  contrasted  with  our  experience  of  two  hours 
before,  was  something  we  had  heard  of,  but  never  be- 
fore seen. 

After  leaving  Sacramento  we  visited  San  Francisco 
and  Los  Angeles,  remaining  several  days  in  each 
place. 

I  had  always  felt  that  I  should  like  to  live  in  some 
large  western  city,  and  altliough  I  was  favorably  im- 
pressed with  all  the  different  places  we  had  visited,  yet 
somehow  this  trip  satisfied  me  that  thousands  of  East- 


104        IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

eni  people,  in  going  west,  had  left  behind  them  far 
better  and  wider  fields  for  business. 

On  our  trip  home,  via  the  Santa  Fe  railroad,  we 
had  an  amusing  experience  with  a  colored  porter  in 
charge  of  a  buffet  car. 

Having  made  a  couple  of  stops  in  Ncav  Mexico,  one 
morning  we  boarded  a  buffet  car  for  a  day's  journey 
before  making  another  stop.  It  so  happened  that  we 
were  the  only  passengers  aboard  during  the  first  half 
of  the  day. 

At  noon  time  we  ordered  luncheon,  and  among  other 
things  I  ordered  was  a  chicken  sandwich,  and  in- 
structed the  waiter  to  spread  the  bread  with  butter  and 
put  a  few  slices  of  pickle  in  with  the  chicken. 

After  a  tedious  wait  of  nearly  an  hour  he  came 
saimtering  in  with  our  kuich. 

My  sandwich  was  certainly  the  curiosity  of  al!  the 
curiosities  we  had  seen  on  our  trip. 

Two  thick  slices  of  bread,  with  no  butter,  between 
which  was  a  chicken  leg  and  a  wing  and  a  large  pickle. 
The  top  piece  of  bread  was  tojipling  about  and  on  the 
N'erge  of  falling  off  as  he  passed  it  to  me. 

For  the  instant  I  felt  like  "  wringing  his  neck,"  but 


A  TRIP  TO  CALIFORNIA  105 

when  viewing  the  ridiculous  side  I  was  greatly  amused, 

and  said  to  him : 

"Why,  man  alive,  haven't  you  any  string?" 

"String?*  string?"  he  muttered;  "I  doesn't  know 
what  you  mean  l)y  de  string." 

"  Well,"  said  I,  "  you  wouldn't  serve  a  chicken 
sandwich  without  a  string  tied  around  it,  would  you?  " 

"  Now,"  I  went  on,  "  just  look  at  this  sandwich ; 
can't  you  sec  how  rickety  it  is  and  that  the  top  piece 
of  bread  is  almost  falling  off?  Where  under  the 
heavens  did  you  learn  to  make  chicken  sandwiches? 
Are  you  from  the  north  or  the  south  ?  " 

"  I'se  from  de  souf,  sah,  and  dis  am  de  fust  trip  I'se 
ebeh  made  on  de  buffet  car.'' 

"  Well."  said  I,  "  you  are  mighty  lucky  that  it  was 
I,  instead  of  some  of  the  officials  of  this  road,  to  whom 
you  served  a  chicken  sand^^■ich  without  a  string  tied 
around  it,  and  don't  ever  do  it  again. 

He  said,  "  Well,  mistah.  T  don't  know  if  I'se  got 
any  string  or  not.  Init  I'll  look  and  see." 

"  Never  mind,"  said  I,  "  just  bring  me  some  butter, 
and  this  time  I'll  eat  mine  without  any  string." 

Abcmt  one  thirty  in  the  afternoon  two  gentlemen, 


106        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

one  a  very  tall  man,  boarded  the  car  together  and  im- 
mediately called  for  the  bill  of  fare. 

For  fear  that  neither  of  them  would  order  a  chicken 
sandwich,  I  entered  into  conversation  with  them  by 
asking  a  few  questions  about  the  country  and  then 
told  them  that  we  had  just  had  our  lunch  and  that 
about  the  only  real  good  thing  they  had  on  the  bill  of 
fare  was  the  sandwiches,  especially  the  chicken  sand- 
wiches.    The  tall  man  ordered  a  chicken  sandwich. 

When  the  darkey  left  for  the  buffet  with  his  order 
I  followed  him  out  and  said : 

"  By  Jove !  do  you  know  that  that  tall  man  is  one 
of  the  officials  of  this  road?  Have  you  got  plenty  of 
string  to  tie  around   his  sandwich?" 

Reaching  to  one  of  the  shelves  he  produced  a  small 
piece  of  common  string. 

"  No,"  said  I,  "  that  won't  do ;  it  isn't  stout  enough." 

Looking  into-  a  market  bcisket,  he  found  a  long  piece 
of  what  we  used  to  call  wool  twine. 

"  That,"  said  I,  "  is  exactly  what  you  want.'" 

"  Now,  have  you  more  chicken  legs,  and  wings,  and 
a  nice  large  pickle?" 

He  said  that  he  had. 

"  One  thing  more,"  said  I ;  "  you  should  cut  your 


A  TRIP  TO  CALIFORNIA  107 

bread  thicker  than  you  did  mine  and  then  take  this 
string  and  wind  it  two  or  three  times  around  the  sand- 
wich, sidewise,  and  then  as  many  times  lengthwise, 
and,  after  tying  it  in  a  nice  bow  knot,  cut  the  ends  off 
and  serve,  and  mind  what  I  tell  you,  you  will  make  a 
hit  with  that  official,  as  sure  as  fate." 

I  then  returned  to  my  seat  and  awaited  develop- 
ments. 

At  last  he  made  his  appearance,  the  chalky  part  of 
his  eyes  and  his  pearly  teeth  showing  as  his  face  fairly 
beamed  with  delight. 

He  served  every  other  part  of  their  order  first,  keep- 
ing back  the  chicken  sandwich  till  the  last,  and  if  I 
were  to  live  a  thousand  years  I  am  sure  I  should  never 
forget  the  look  on  that  tall  man's  face  as  the  little 
darkey  put  that  thick,  bunglesome  sandwich,  with 
about  eight  yards  of  heavy  twine  wrapped  around  it, 
down  by  his  plate. 

"  Great  heavens !  "  the  man  shouted,  as  he  jumped 
to  his  feet  in  a  rage  and  almost  frothing  at  the  mouth, 
"  what  the  devil  is  this,  and  where  did  you  get  it?  " 

Then,  raising  it  from  the  table  and  scrutinizing  it  a 
little  closer,  again  asked: 


108       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

"  What  in  thunder  is  this,  anyhow,  can  yon  tell 
me?  " 

"  Yes,  sah,"  said  the  darkey,  half  bewildered ;  "  dat 
sah,  am  de  chicken  sandwich." 

After  another  general  survey  of  the  thing,  both  the 
tall  man  and  his  companion  burst  out  laughing,  and 
finally  the  tall  man  said  : 

"  Young  man,  where,  under  the  light  of  heavens, 
did  you  learn  to  make  chicken  sandwiches?  Tell  me, 
do  tell  me  where  you  learned  the  business." 

The  darkey,  fairly  quaking  in  his  shoes,  said : 

"  I  learned  to  make  de  sandwich  in  de  souf,  but  de 
gemman  across  de  way  told  me  about  de  string." 


"WHAT  IN  THUNDER  IS  THIS  ANYHOW,  CAN  YOU  TELL  ME"? 


A  NEWSPAPER  FIGHT  109 


CHAPTER  VI. 

The  World's  Fair  Panic  Approaching — Selhng  Out  My 
Wholesale  Jewelry  and  Optical  Business — Opening  a 
Retail  Jewelry  Store  in  LaPorte,  Indiana — A  News- 
paper Fight — Selling  Out  the  Retail  Store — Selling 
Our  Summer  Home — Owner  of  a  Grocery  and  Meat 
Market — Delivering  a  Lecture  at  LaPorte — Horse- 
trades  too  Numerous  to  Mention. 

About  the  time  of  our  arrival  home  from  California 
the  question  of  having  the  World's  Fair  held  in  Chi- 
cago had  h.een  settled. 

No  sooner  had  this  announcement  been  made  than 
the  bottom  seemed  to  have  fallen  completely  out  of 
the  wholesale  jewelry  business  in  that  city. 

An  opportunity  presented  itself  by  which  I  was  en- 
abled to  sell  out  my  wholesale  business,  and  this  I 
took  advantage  of. 

I  paid  all  of  my  eastern  and  other  obligations  and 
had  a  nice  surplus  left,  and  thousands  of  dollars  in 
outstanding  accounts  and  notes  due  me  besides. 

The  coming  fall  and  winter,  when  cold  weather 
began  to  set  in.  I  had  a  severe  attack  of  neuralgia,  and. 
after  suffering  terrilly  for  several  weeks  and  getting 


no       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

no  relief  from  physicians  or  patent  medicines,  we  de- 
cided to  go  to  our  La  Porte,  Indiana,  country  home 
and  see  if  the  change  would  help  me. 

j\Irs.  Johnston  telegraphed  to  the  man  in  charge  of 
the  premises  to  prepare  for  our  coming  and  meet  us 
at  the  train  that  evening. 

The  altitude  of  La  Porte  is  about  three  hundred  and 
eighty  feet  higher  than  that  of  Chicago,  and  when 
we  reached  what  is  known  as  the  summit  on  the 
Lake  Shore  and  Michigan  Southern  railroad,  between 
Chesterton  and  La  Porte,  my  neuralgia  left  me  com- 
pletely and  has   never  since  returned. 

Had  I  made  a  trip  to  Florida,  at  an  expense  of 
several  hundred  dollars,  as  one  of  my  physicians  ad- 
vised, and  had  gotten  the  same  relief,  T  no 'doubt  would 
have  thought  that  no  other  place  could  have  given  such 
results. 

After  a  week's  stay  in  La  Porte,  I  decided  to  remain 
there,  if  for  no  other  reason  than  for  my  general 
health. 

I  liad  always  been  afflicted  with  throat  and  catarrhal 
troubles  while  in  Chicago,  and  liad  never  remained 
awav  from  there,  in  any  other  climate,  ten  days  with- 
out getting  relief,  therefore,  I  decided  to  start  a  retail 


A  NEWSPAPER  FIGHT  111 

jewelry  store  in  La  Porte  and  make  it  my  permanent 
home. 

No  sooner  had  I  rented  my  storeroom  and  begun 
fixing  it  up  than  one  or  two  of  the  retail  jewelers 
there  began  to  attack  me  through  the  newspapers,  not 
by  what  I  considered  fair,  square  and  open  methods, 
but  by  sly  little  hints  and  insinuations. 

Of  course  I  at  once  realized  that  a  downright, 
"  open  and  above  "  newspaper  fight  would  be  a  good 
advertisement,  and  therefore  decided  to^  force  it  to 
this  sort  of  an  issue  if  possible. 

One  firm,  the  name  of  which  was  Bagley  and  Ober- 
ich,  I  attacked  through  the  newspapers  as  Hagley  and 
Blowheight. 

I  thought  I  gave  them  a  pretty  good  drubbing  in 
my  first  attempt,  and  I  am  sure  I  did,  but  I  soon  dis- 
covered that  I  had  awakened  a  mighty  lively  adver- 
sary. 

Each  of  the  papers  set  aside  certain  space  and  we 
took  it,  turn  about,  from  one  issue  to  the  other,  and 
when  we  w'ound  up  with  our  Christmas  trade  that  year 
I  had  in  my  employ  fifteen  clerks  and  had  had  an  im- 
mense business. 

At  a  New  Year's  ball  that  winter  T  personally  met 


112        IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

Mr.  Oberich  for  the  first  time  and  found  him  to  be  a 
pleasant,  courteous  gentleman  and  a  mighty  good  fel- 
low. 

He  declared  that  of  the  many  }'ears  his  firm  had 
been  there  they  had  ncAer  before  been  blessed  with 
any  such  business. 

We  shook  hands  and  called  the  fight  off  for  the  time 
being. 

I  ran  the  retail  business  until  the  next  fall,  when  I 
sold  out,  clearing  about  twenty-five  hundred  dollars 
in  the  transaction. 

I  had  sold  my  wholesale  business  in  Chicago  to  a 
relative  and  former  employe  and  had  taken  judgment 
notes  for  nineteen  thousand  dollars  back  payments. 

His  business  kept  dropping  ofi^  gradually.  Every 
month's  lousiness  showed  a  loss  instead  of  a  gain.  He 
was  unable  to  meet  any  of  his  payments  due  me,  and 
at  last  I  was  obliged  to  foreclose  and  take  possession. 

Inasmuch  as  T  had  recommended  him  very  highly 
to  the  eastern  manufacturers  for  credit,  when  I  took 
the  stock  back  1  felt  morallv  responsible  for  the  pay- 
ment of  these  liills:  besides  he  had  been"  a  considerable 
loser,    therefore   J    verv   foolishlv   assumed   all   of  his 


A  NEWSPAPER  FIGHT  113 

eastern  indebtedness,  amounting  to  over  forty  thou- 
sand dollars. 

I  say  foolishly,  because  it  was  a  purely  business 
transaction,  and  from  this  standpoint  I  should  have 
taken  what  simply  belonged  to  me  and  let  the  other 
fellow  take  care  of  himself. 

I  had  always  kept  my  name  and  credit  good,  and, 
as  I  had  sold  out  to  a  relative  and  recommended  him 
to  the  manufacturers  for  credit,  and  then  taken  the 
business  back,  I  realized  that  the  transaction  might 
appear,  in  the  eyes  of  the  creditors,  as  rather  unsavory, 
and  therefore  voluntarily  assumed  his  obligations. 

I  was  now  nicely  settled  in  La  Porte  and  was  en- 
joying the  best  of  health,  and  therefore  decided  to 
move  my  wholesale  jewelry  business  to  that  point. 

In  looking  about  for  suitable  rooms,  I  found  them 
hard  to  get,  and  decided  tr  put  up  a  building  of  my 
ovv'n  at  my  summer  home  a  mile  out. 

While  it  was  being  built  I  replenished  the  stock  by 
the  purchase  of  over  a  hundred  and  twenty-five  thou- 
sand dollars'  worth  of  new  goods,  and  when  the  build- 
ing was  completed  T  wos  ready  f(ir  business. 

T  had  a  heavy  covered  wagon  built,  with  a  long 
body  and  a  seating  capacity  of  about  twenty  persons. 


114        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

and  every  morning  my  man  would  call  down  town  for 
the  employes  and  return  to  town  with  them  in  the 
evening. 

We  began  shipping  out  packages  by  the  hundreds  to 
our  old  and  new  customers,  all  over  the  United  States. 

For  a  time  everything  went  smoothly,  but  nowhere 
near  as  it  had  in  the  palmy  days  of  selection  packages 
in  Chicago. 

The  very  first  obstacle  (and  a  very  serious  one)  we 
encountered  was  that  hundreds  of  wholesale  jewelers 
in  all  parts  of  tlie  country  had  gone  into  the  selection 
package  business :  many  of  them  not  understanding 
how  to  manipulate  the  business  so  as  to  sell  their  goods 
outright,  had  been  sending  them  broadcast  on  six  and 
eight  months'  consignments. 

This,  of  course,  was  a  great  handicap,  especially 
when  considering  the  immense  amount  of  my  ofd  and 
new  lial)ilities,  the  greater  portion  of  which  must  be 
settled  from  the  proceeds  of  stock  on  hand. 

However,  I  pushed  the  business  to  the  very  utmost. 

In  less  than  six  months  after  erecting  the  new  store 
building  I  had  on  offer  of  ten  thousand  dollars  for 
mv  country  home,  three  thousand  five  hundred  dollars 
in  cash  and  a  grocery  store  and  meat  market  on  Cot- 


A  NEWSPAPER  FIGHT  115 

tage  Grove  avenue.  Chicago,  invoiced  at  fifteen  hun- 
dred dollars,  the  balance  on  time. 

I  accepted  the  offer,  retaining  the  store  building, 
which  I  very  soon  moved  to  a  ^'acant  lot  down  town. 

By  this  transaction  my  profits  on  the  summer  home 
were  just  what  I  had  received  in  cash,  as  first  pay- 
ment, three  thousand  five  hundred  dollars. 

I  then  made  an  auction  sale  of  all  of  my  household 
furniture  and  utensils,  live  stock  and  everything  ex- 
cept one  pair  of  horses  and  a  carriage  for  personal 
use,  when  my  wife  and  I  took  quarters  at  the  hotel. 

One  day  I  called  at  the  ofiice  of  the  La  Porte  Daily 
Herald,  when  the  editor,  Mr.  Maloy,  bantered  me  to 
deliver  a  lecture  at  the  opera  house,  the  subject  to  be 
"  Twenty  Years  of  Hus'ling." 

I  replied  that  I  would  if  he  and  the  other  papers 
would  do  the  advertising  free,  and  also  arrange  to  get 
the  opera  house  free. 

He  agreed,  and  as  I  left  his  oftice  I  said : 

"  I'll  be  ready  in  two  weeks,  so  you  make  the  ar- 
rangements accordingly." 

At  the  expiration  of  that  time  I  was  ready,  and  the 
night  that  I  delivered  it  the  house  was  filled. 

The  object  of  such  a  lecture  or  talk  was  merely  to 


116        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

entertain,  to  make  the  audience  laugh,  and  to  ascer- 
tain how  well  I  succeeded  one  of  my  employes  kept 
a  record  of  the  hearty  laughs  and  applauses  during 
the  ev^ening,  which  amounted  to  nearly  fifty. 

My  previous  experience  in  talking  to  the  public  as 
an  auctioneer  had  served  me  in  good  stead  on  this 
occasion ;  at  any  rate  I  was  not  affected  with  stage 
fright,  and  I  never  had  been  very  bashful,  so  I  really 
surprised  my  most  intimate  friends  and  myself  as 
well. 

The  papers  gave  me  splendid  notices ;  in  fact,  two 
and  three  columns  were  devoted  to  giving  a  full  ac- 
count of  the  lecture  in  all  the  papers,  consequently  it 
was  but  a  few  days  when  I  began  to  receive  calls  from 
many  different  clubs  and  organizations  to  give  it  under 
their  auspices. 

I  had  no  trouble  in  contracting  with  those  who  be- 
came interested  for  a  stipulated  fee  of  from  thirty- 
five  to  one  hundred  dollars  ])er  night. 

This  gave  me  ((uite  a  new  experience,  and  nothing 
T  ever  did  gave  me  more  pleasure  or  satisfaction ;  but 
one  thing  was  evident  right  in  the  start,  and  that  was 
that  an  hour  and  thirtv  minutes'  talk  would  in.yariablv 


A  NEWSPAPER  FIGHT  117 

aggravate  my  bronchitis,  tiierefore  I  could  not  expect 
to  make  that  my  permanent  business. 

The  Slayton  Bureau  of  Chicago  was  anxious  to 
book  me,  but,  following  my  physician's  advice.  I  de- 
cided not  to  bind  myself  under  any  contract,  but  keep 
free  and  make  occasional  outside  dates  with  lodges, 
etc. 

I  one  time  had  an  experience  of  "  The  overrated 
man."     It  was  at  Adrian,  Mich. 

I  was  dated  to  give  this  lecture  at  the  opera  house 
there,  under  the  auspices  of  the  Knights  of  the  Mac- 
cabees. 

They  had  taken  a  whole  page  in  each  of  two  or  three 
daily  papers,  in  which  they  had  used  a  large  number 
of  small  cuts  of  a  funny  man  in  as  many  different  at- 
titudes, and  had  exploited  J.  P.  Johnston  as  absolutely 
the  most  excruciatingly  funny  man  in  the  world — the 
king  of  all  entertainers,  no  one  ever  equaled  him. 

A  few  moments  before  I  was  to  appear  on  the  plat- 
form the  mayor  of  the  city,  who  was  to  introduce  me, 
showed  me  one  of  these  papers  and  instantly  I  said : 

"  T  shall  never  be  able  to  satisfy  this  audience  to- 
night, because  I  have  been  over  advertised  and  they 
will  expect  too  much." 


118        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

He  laughed  and  said  he  guessed  it  would  be  all 
right,  and  when  he  introduced  me  he  d'd  not  mend 
matters  much,  because  he  lauded  me  to  the  skies,  and 
I  thought  for  a  time  that  he  would  never  quit. 

When  he  sat  down  and  I  was  ready  to  begin,  every 
person  in  the  audience  held  his  breath  and,  placing  his 
hand  behind  his  ear,  leaned  forward  as  much  as  pos- 
sible to  catch  the  first  sound  of  my  voice. 

I  would  have  given  four  hundred  dollars  to  have 
been  four  hundred  miles  away  at  that  moment. 

In  an  instant  I  felt  thp  cold  perspiration  starting  out 
all  over  my  face  and  body,  then  I  said  to  myself,  "  This 
won't  do;  I  must  go  after  these  people  as  if  I  knew 
they  had  never  heard  of  me."  Then  spotting  a  large, 
fleshy,  good-natured  looking  man  in  the  audience,  I 
never  took  my  eyes  off  of  him  during  the  whole  even- 
ing, and  very  shortly  had  him  shaking  with  laughter, 
when  I  felt  better  and  more  sure  of  my  footing. 

With  this  su])ject  for  a  starter,  I  soon  had  the  en- 
tire audience  just  where  I  wanted  them,  and  ended 
my  talk  that  evening  with  the  most  responsive  encore 
I  had  ever  received. 

During  our  stay  on  the  farm  T  had  many  amusing 
little  experiences  in  making  trades  of  all  kinds. 


A  NEWSPAPER  FIGHT  ll9 

My  Yankee  intuition  for  "  swapping "  made  my 
place  the  center  of  attraction  to  every  trader  or  spec- 
ulator for  miles  around. 

One  day  two  men  came  in  La  Porte  with  a  drove 
of  wild,  Montana  horses. 

Some  one  down  town  told  them  that  if  they  had 
any  trade  in  them  they  could  do  business  with  me,  and 
directed  them  to  my  place. 

They  started  forthwith,  driving  the  entire  bunch 
into  my  barnyard. 

When  we  got  through,  they  had  two  watches,  a 
shotgun,  a  cutter  road  wagon  and  a  single  harness, 
while  I  owned  eight  of  these  wild,  white-eyed,  spotted 
horses  or  ponies. 

The  first  thing  I  did  was  to  try  my  skill  in  break- 
ing one  of  them,  a  handsome  little  mare  and  the  wild- 
est of  all  wild  animals  I  ever  saw. 

With  the  assistance  of  my  two  men,  we  corralled 
her  and,  after  putting  a  halter  and  bridle  on  her,  with 
a  long  rope  we  hobbled  her,  after  which  we  turned  her 
loose,  one  of  the  men  hanging  to  the  end  of  the  rope 
with  instructions  to  throw  her  as  quickly  as  possible 
the  moment  she  started  to  run,  which  he  did,  and  the 
instant   she   landed   broadside   on   the   ground   T   used 


120       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

the  whip  on  her  just  enough  to  let  her  know  what  it 
was  for,  and  then,  after  petting  her  a  few  moments, 
repeated  the  performance  twice  more,  after  which  I 
took  hold  of  the  halter  strap  and  switched  her  front 
legs  with  the  whip  only  a  few  seconds,  when  she 
humbly  came  walking  up  to  me.  And  after  one  more 
hour  in  training  her  to  follow  me  and  to  come  to  me 
when  I  cracked  my  whip,  we  removed  the  hobble  and, 
throwing  tlie  strap  over  her  neck,  she  followed  me 
around  the  yard  like  a  pet  dog,  and  ever  afterward, 
when  I  went  to  the  pasture  and  cracked  my  whip, 
while  every  other  animal  would  scamper  to  the  far 
end  of  the  field,  she  never  failed  to  come  to  me  in  the 
most  docile  and  affectionate  manner,  and  eat  shelled 
corn  out  of  my  hand,  which  I  never  failed  to  carry  to 
the  field  with  me,  a  practice  I  had  begun  at  the  very 
first  lesson  I  gave  her. 

In  a  short  time  I  sold  her  to  a  Chicago  man  for  his 
young  son,  for  a  good  round  sum,  and  really  felt  sorry 
to  part  with  her,  as  she  had  become  such  a  pet  and  so 
great  a  favorite  with  me. 

Our  experience  in  breaking  the  next  one  we  tackled 
was  quite  different. 

Selecting   the   largest   one   of   the   lot,    we   had    no 


A  NEWSPAPER  FIGHT  121 

sooner  gotten  a  rope  around  her  neck,  while  under  a 
shed  in  the  rear  of  the  barn,  than  in  her  frenzy  she 
dehberately  backed  away  as  far  as  possible  and  with 
a  lunge  landed  head  foremost  against  the  high  brick 
walls,  dashing  her  brains  out  in  an  instant. 

The  next  day  I  sold  a  young  dare-devil  of  a  fellow 
his  pick  of  two  of  the  six  remaining  unbroken  ones. 

After  picking  out  and  ropmg  the  two  he  wanted, 
he  and  a  friend  of  his  took  them  out  in  the  road  and, 
unhitching  the  team  they  were  driving,  with  the  help 
of  my  two  men  harnessed  and  hitched  these  ponies  to 
an  old  buggy,  after  which  they  both  piled  in  and  began 
yelling  like  Comanche  Indians. 

On  seeing  what  they  intended  doing,  I  had  saddled 
one  of  my  stable  horses  and  was  mounted  ready  to 
witness  the  fun. 

First  one  of  them  made  a  lunge,  then  stopped ;  then 
the  other  did  likewise,  and  for  the  first  ten  rods  it  was 
a  case  of  see-saw.  first  one  and  then  the  other  lunging 
and  stopping;  then  they  both  started  down  the  road 
under  a  dead  run.  both  men  yelling  at  the  top  of  their 
voices. 

After  running  about  two  miles,  they  began  to  fag 
out.  and  before  going  another  mile  had  settled  down 


A  NEWSPAPER  FIGHT  123 

to  an  old-fashioned  trot,  as  natural  as  a  pair  of  well- 
broken  stage  horses,  but  with  the  sweat  fairly  running 
off  of  them. 

The  driver  kept  urging  them  on,  at  the  same  time 
giving  them  all  the  practice  possible  in  guiding  them 
with  the  reins  from  one  side  of  the  road  to  the  other. 

This  was  all  he  ever  did  in  breaking  them,  except 
to  teach  them  to  stop  at  the  command  "  Whoa !  "  and 
to  start  when  clucking  to  them. 

I  noticed,  though,  that  he  kept  them  on  the  go 
every  day,  and  eventually  had  a  well-broken  team. 

This  was  "  a  new  one  on  me  "  in  the  art  of  horse 
training.  However,  I  had  "no  desire  nor  inclination  to 
try  the  system,  and  very  soon  sold  off  the  other  four 
ponies  to  a  fairly  good  advantage,  without  breaking 
them. 

About  the  worst  "  soaking "  I  got  while  in  La 
Porte  was  the  making  of  three  successive  trades  with 
a  young  man  by  the  name  of  Abe  Summerfield,  whose 
business  was  that  of  a  wholesale  dealer  in  scrap  iron 
and  making  an  occasional  horse-trade. 

Abe  had  always  had  a  great  admiration  for  my 
handsome,  oak-finished  Studebaker  buckboard  wagon. 


124       IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

for  which  I  had  originally  paid  three  hundred  and 
fifty  dollars. 

He  and  I  had  heen  trying  for  some  time  to  get  to- 
gether on  a  trade  of  some  kind,  and  at  last  succeeded 
in  making  a  shift  of  several  horses  and  vehicles  in  a 
single  trade,  among  which  I  let  him  have  my  buck- 
board. 

In  about  three  days,  having  entered  into  the  spirit 
of  the  thing,  we  made  another  trade,  and  inside  of 
a  week  still  another. 

I  noticed  thereafter  that  whenever  and  wherever  I 
met  Abe  he  invariably  had  a  broad  grin  on,  as  much 
as  to  say,  "  Come  again,  Johnston," 

I  hadn't  as  yet  taken  the  time  to  figure  on  how  I 
had  come  out  in  my  dealings  with  him  and  concluded 
that  I'd  better  do  so. 

After  a  careful  inventory,  I  found  that  Abe  had 
just  "  done "  me  out  of  my  buckboard,  slick  and 
clean,  in  the  three  trades. 

The  last  I  heard  of  the  little  "  rascal  "  he  had  mar- 
ried one  of  the  most  popular  young  ladies  in  the  town 
and  was  running  the  best  and  most  up-to-date  livery 
barn   in  northern  Indiana,  and  why  not! 

Within  six  months  after  selling  my  country  home. 


A  NEWSPAPER  FIGHT 


125 


the  man  who  bought  it  failed  in  business  and  on  pay- 
ment of  fifty  dollars  he  deeded  it  back  to  me,  and  in 
the  spring  we  moved  back  for  the  summer. 

By   employing   competent   help    I   had   successfully 
conducted   the   grocery   business   in   Chicago,   until   I 


"  Invariably  had  a  broad  grin  on." 

found  a  buyer,  when  I  sold  out  for  just  what  it  had 
been  invoiced  to  me ;  therefore  the  five  thousand  dol- 
lars received  was  all  profit,  but  the  money  soon  went 
in  the  payment  of  eastern  bills. 

By  this  time  it  had  been  j^iretty  thoroughlv  demon- 


126        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

strated  that  the  wholesale  jewelry  business  in  and 
around  Chicago  was  in  an  unhealthy  condition. 

For  five  hundred  miles  in  any  directipn  out  of  Chi- 
cago the  retail  jewelry  business  was  absolutely  dead, 
and  had  been  from  the  time  it  was  first  announced  that 
the  World's  Fair  would  be  held  there. 

Jewelers  everywhere  complained  that  all  their  cus- 
tomers were  tightening  up  on  their  purse  strings,  pre- 
paratory to  visiting  the  fair,  and  those  who  had  con- 
templated buying  a  watch,  diamond  or  piece  of  jew- 
elry of  any  value  were  waiting  to  make  their  invest- 
jnent  at  that  time. 

As  a  result  of  this  condition  of  affairs,  it  was  not 
only  the  next  thing  to  impossible  to  collect  old  or  new 
accounts,  but  positively  beyond  the  cjuestion  when  it 
came  to  selling  goods.  Therefore,  as  can  readily  be 
seen,  to  use  a  slang  phrase,  "  I  was  up  against  it." 

My  indebtedness  at  this  time  was  about  one  hun- 
dred and  forty  thousand  dollar?  in  the  east  and  nearly 
fourteen  thousand  dollars  at  the  First  National  Bank, 
La  Porte. 

All  of  the  latter  had  been  secured  by  possibly 
thirty-five  thousand  dollars'  worth  of  commercial 
paper. 


A  NEWSPAPER  FIGHT  127 

While  the  eastern  manufacturers  were,  as  a  whole, 
very  liberal  with  me ;  in  fact,  exceedingly  so,  there 
were  a  few  Jew  firms  who  had  to  be  handled  with 
gloves. 

My  idea  w-as  to  hang  on  as  long  as  possible,  not 
only  with  a  view  to  reducing  my  liabilities  as  much  as 
possible,  but  with  a  lingering  hope  that  "  something 
might  turn  up  "  to  avert  the  apparently  coming,  inevita- 
ble collapse. 

Shortly  after  I  had  ordered  and  received  the  large 
quantity  of  goods  to  replenish  my  stock  at  La  Porte, 
developments  plainly  showed  that  we  were  on  the 
verge  of  a  panic. 

About  this  time  three  old-time  friends  of  mine,  who 
always  traveled  together,  and  who  were  among  my 
heaviest  creditors,  called  on  me  one  day  and  in  the 
course  of  our  conversation  one  of  them  asked  me  how 
many  creditors  I  had  and  how  much  I  owed. 

I  explained  that  my  liabilities  would  exceed  a  hun- 
dred and  fifty  thousand  dollars,  and  that  I  hadn't  over 
thirty  creditors,  and  further  explained  that,  with  the 
exception  of  but  one  firm,  to  whom  I  owed  only  one 
thousand  dollars,  all  of  the  rest  of  the  accounts  w^ould 


128        IVH.^T  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

run  from  about  four  thousand  to  possibly  ten  thousand 
dollars  each. 

He  asked  me  who  the  firm  was  that  I  owed  but  a 
thousand  dollars  to. 

I  told  him  and  explained  that  it  wouldn't  be  due 
for  four  months. 

"  Well,"  said  he,  "  that  is  the  meanest  Jew  firm  in 
the  east  and  the  moment  the  bill  comes  due  they  will 
jump  on  to  you." 

And  then  he  inquired  if  T  had  ever  dealt  with  them 
before. 

I  replied  that  I  had  not. 

"  Well,"  he  asked,  "  how  do  you  think  that  you 
can  satisfy  them  ?  " 

I  simply  answered,  "  You  needn't  worry  at  all." 

Before  these  gentlemen  had  left  LaPorte  I  went  to 
the  telegraph  ofifice  and  wired  the  Jew  firm  to  dupli- 
cate last  order  and  rush. 

Every  three  weeks  thereafter,  for  nine  weeks,  I 
wired  to  duplicate  again  and  send  immediately. 

The  fact  of  the  matter  was  that  tliis  firm's  goods 
were  among  our  best  sellers  and  had  been  from  the 
time  we  began  handling  them.  T  had  been  in  need  of 
more  of  them  to  Iielp  sort   up  j^ackages  and  thereby 


J  NEWSPAPER  FIGHT  129 

enable  me  to  send  out  quantities  of  goods  that  were 
lying  in  the  safe  because  of  a  lack  -of  variety. 

I  had  refrained  from  ordering,  hoping  that  times 
would  brighten,  but  now  decided  to  order  all  I  needed 
to  even  up  my  stock,  which  I  did,  and  which  resulted 
in  the  closing  out  of  a  large  quantity  of  surplus  stock 
that  otherwise  would  have  remained  idle. 

Three  months  later,  when  these  eastern  traveling 
men  called  on  me  again  and  asked  how  I  had  come 
out  with  the  Jew  firm,  I  replied  that  I  was  now  in 
very  much  better  shape  with  them  than  when  they 
were  here  before. 

"How  so?"  they  asked. 

"  Well,"  I  explained,  "  they  feel  ver}^  kindly  toward 
me  now,  as  I  have  been  doing  a  lot  of  business  with 
them  lately/'  and  showed  up  my  books. 

None  of  the  three  men  made  any  comments,  but 
seemed  to  be  perfectly  satisfied  that  with  the  friendly 
relations  existing  there  would  he  no  trouble. 

Another  Jew  firm  of  Providence  sent  one  of  their 
firm  here  to  try  and  get  a  settlement  for  a  claim  of 
nearly  five  thousand  dollars,  and  during  his  stay  a 
number  of  my  employes  and  myself  had  a  lot  of  fun 


130        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

out  of  it  and  managed  to  keep  him  in  a  position  where 
he  did  the  "  floor  walking,"  if  there  was  any  done. 

Immediately  on  his  arrival  in  town  I  called  to  me 
several  of  my  most  trusted  employes  and  explained 
to  them  that  evidently  he  had  come  to  force  a  settle- 
ment, and  instructed  them  that,  should  he  and  I  at  any 
time  get  to  talking  together  confidentially,  one  of  them 
should  call  me  over  to  his  or  her  desk,  and  that  we 
must  always  manage  to  take  up  an  hour  or  two  in 
looking  over  some  very  important  matter. 

This  plan  was  followed  to  the  letter. 

Whenever  things  got  monotonous  I  would  turn  to 
him  and  in  the  most  jovial  way  say : 

"  Let's  see,  I  haven't  taken  you  out  to  such  and  such 
place,  or  this  or  that  lake,  have  I?  Well,  then,  I  will 
take  you  out."  So  saying,  I  would  be  sure  to  hitch 
up  to  a  two-seated  conveyance  and  have  my  wife  and 
some  friend  of  hers  accompany  us,  thus  obviating  any 
possibility  of  his  having  any  sort  of  a  private  conver- 
sation with  me. 

During  his  four  days'  stay  there  we  hadn't  given 
him  the  slightest  opportunity  to  mention  business  at 
all,  and  when  three  or  four  of  my  young  men  employes 
and  myself  escorted  him  to  the  train,  on  his  departure, 


A  NEWSPAPER  FIGHT  131 

he  looked  more  like  a  dead  man  than  a  Hve  one,  but 
was  game  enough  to  say  that  he  had  always  wanted 
to  make  me  a  visit  and  was  glad  he  came,  as  he  had 
had  a  splendid  time. 

In  reply  I  said : 

"  Well,  send  your  brother  out  and  we'll  give  him 
a  good  time,  too,  won't  we  boys  ?  " 


132       PVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 


CHAPTER  VII. 

A  Trip  Lo  Hot  Springs,  Arkansas — My  First  Fox  Hunt 
— How  I  Procured  the  Use  of  a  Fine  Saddle  Horse 
Free — Winner  of  the  "Brush" — My  Excursion  Into 
the  Scantily  Settled  Portion  of  Arkansas — Swimming 
the  Washita  River  on  Horseback — Camping  Out — 
Good  Luck  ni  Hunting — Shooting  My  First  Wild 
Turkey — Trading  a  Watch  for  a  Rifle — An  Interest- 
ing Conversation  Between  Two  Natives  of  Arkansas. 

A  few  weeks  later  my  wife  had  a  relapse  of  inflam- 
matory rheumatism,  an  affliction  with  which  she  had 
suffered  off  and  on  for  years. 

This  time  the  doctors  insisted  that  she  should  be 
taken  to  Hot  Springs,  Arkansas. 

There  was  no  business  to  speak  of,  everything  hav- 
ing come  to  a  standstill,  and  as  I  was  able  to  procure 
free  transportation  there  and  back,  through  a  railroad 
official  who  was  an  old  friend,  we  decided  to  take  the 
physician's  advice. 

The  second  day  following  our  arrival  at  Hot 
Springs  there  was  to  be  a  big  fox  hunt,  and  every 
one  in  the  city  was  preparing  to  join  it. 

On  account  of  her  affliction,  Mrs.  Johnston  could 
not  leave  her  room,  but  after  placing  her  in  the  care 


MY  FIRST  FOX  HUNT  133 

of  trained  nurses  I  decided  to  join  the  chase,  provided 
I  could  hire  a  suitable  horse  for  the  occasion. 

Of  over  a  dozen  stables  at  which  T  called,  every 
saddle  horse  had  been  engaged. 

Finally  the  proprietor  of  one  stable  said  he  had  the 
best  Kentucky  saddle  horse  in  the  state,  but  he  was 
so  fractious  and  such  a  terror  that  no  one  dared  to 
"  tackle  "  him. 

I  told  him  that  I  had  my  own  saddle  and  bridle  with 
me  and  that  1  had  never  seen  a  horse  that  I  was  afraid 
of  or  couldn't  handle,  and  that  I  understood  Kentucky 
saddlers  especially  well. 

He  said  if  I  would  agree  in  the  presence  of  wit- 
nesses to  take  my  own  chances  should  I  get  killed  or 
injured,  he  would  let  me  try  the  liorse,  and  if  I  could 
handle  him  he  would  charge  me  nothing  for  the  use 
of  him  for  two  weeks,  provided  I  would  ride  him 
every  day.  rain  or  shine,  and  give  him  plenty  of  it. 

This  I  readily  agreed  to,  and  sent  to  the  express 
office  for  my  equipment. 

When  they  brought  the  horse  out  of  his  box  stall, 
head  and  tail  up,  nostrils  distended  and  his  big  eves 
bulging  from  their  sockets,  he  was  certainlv  a  pic- 
ture. 


134        JVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

I  spent  five  or  ten  minutes  leading  him  back  and 
forth  in  the  barn,  patting  him  on  the  neck,  now  and 
then,  and  talking  to  him  kindly. 

With  the  assistance  of  one  of  the  barn  men,  with 
much  difficulty  T  succeeded  in  getting  my  saddle  se- 
curely huckled  on  him,  then  leading  him  in  the  mid- 
dle of  the  street  I  quietly  put  my  foot  in  the  stirrup 
and  mounted  him  before  he  knew  what  had  happened. 

The  next  instant  he  was  standing  straight  up  o^n 
his  hind  feet. 

1"he  moment  he  struck  the  ground  with  his  fore  feet 
I  eased  up  on  the  rein  and,  giving  it  a  slight  twitch 
with  the  left  hand,  such  as  I  knew  would  be  familiar 
to  the  average  Kentucky  saddler.  He  instantly 
started  off  on  a  fox  trot. 

Ten  rods  away  I  gave  the  slightest  pressure  on  the 
side  of  the  neck  with  the  rein,  when  he  turned  about 
like  a  Hash,  then  raising  my  right  hand  and  pointing 
u])ward  with  the  index  finger,  he  started  back  under 
the  most  graceful  canter  one  could  imagine. 

Then,  with  the  difi^erent  maneuvers  of  the  rein,  of 
which  both  tlic  hdrsc  and  myself  were  familiar,  I  gave 
t!ic   lix'crvman    and    a    lariie   cnn\ d    of   bvstanders    an 


MY  FIRST  FOX  HUNT  135 

exhibition  of  a  well-broken  saddle  horse  which  aston- 
ished them. 

The  owner  of  the  horse  said  that  he  would  have 
been  glad  to  ha\-e  taken  a  hundred  and  fifty  dollars  for 
him,  but  now  five  hundred  was  the  very  least  that 
would  buy  him. 

Dynamite  (as  I  named  him)  and  I  were  the  best  of 
friends  from  that  day  on. 

The  next  day.  Saturday,  which  was  alwa}^  my 
lucky  day.  was  the  day  for  the  fox  hunt,  and  by  one 
o'clock  one  hundred  and  eighty  men  and  women  were 
mounted  ready  for  the  chase. 

A  wild  fox  had  been  turned  loose  in  the  woods  about 
seven  miles  distant,  at  about  three  o'clock  that  morn- 
ing. 

An  old  darkey,  mounted  on  a  mule  with  a  cow- 
bell around  its  neck  and  he  carrying  a  tin  horn,  was 
master  of  hounds,  of  which  there  were  about  twenty. 

The  entire  crowd  fcillowed  the  pompous  gentleman 
and  his  assistant,  and  when  within  a  mile  of  the  spot 
where  the  fox  had  been  turned  loose  they  stopped  and, 
turning  the  heads  of  their  mules  toward  the  crowd, 
and  standing  side  l)y  side,  just  far  enough  apart  so 
that  one  person  on  horseback  could  ]iass  between  them. 


136        IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

the  master  of  hounds  took  off  his  hat  and,  holding  it 
in  his  hand,  beckoned  the  crowd  to  come  on,  and  as 
each  one  of  the  hundred  and  eighty  hunters  passed 
through  a  dollar  was  dropped  into  the  hat. 

This  was  my  first  experience  as  a  fox  hunter,  and, 
being  a  "  tenderfoot,"  I  asked  an  old-timer  to  lay 
down  the  rules  tO'  me. 

He  explained  that  as  soon  as  the  hounds  reached 
the  point  where  the  fox  had  been  liberated  and  had 
taken  up  the  scent  and  started  in  pursuit  that  the  game 
was  to  turn  loose  with  your  horse  and  follow  them  as 
closely  as  possible,  with  a  view  to  being  the  first  man 
in  at  the  death,  and  that  the  first  person  there  would 
be  entitled  to  the  "  brush,"  or  the  fox's  tail,  which 
meant  of  course  the  winning  of  the  honors  of  the 
day,  and  if  a  gentleman  should  be  the  winner  he  must, 
out  of  courtesy,  present  the  "  brush  "  to  some  one  of 
the  ladies  who  had  been  in  the  chase. 

On  reaching  the  point  where  the  fox  had  been  lib- 
erated  the  h(^unds  were  turned  loose,  and  such  baying, 
barking  and  yelping  1  never  heard. 

Every  man  and  woman  plunged  into  the  woods  with 
a  veneeance. 


MY  FIRST  FOX  HUNT  137 

It  my  horse  hadn't  been  "  in  the  game  "  before,  then 
he  was  extremely  apt  and  clever  for  a  new  beginner. 

Everything  was  excitement  and  every  fellow  was 
for  himself,  and  the  "  devil  take  the  hindermost." 

There  wasn't  a  log  too  big,  a  fence  too  high,  nor  a 
ditch  too  wide  for  my  horse  to  go  over. 

He  instinctively  followed  the  hounds  and  took  the 
lead  from  the  start. 

As  for  myself,  I  was  kept  busy  staying  in  the  sad- 
dle. 

How  far  they  ran  I  have  nO'  idea,  but  it  was  the 
most  exciting,  most  hazardous  and  most  fascinating 
sport  I  had  ever  indulged  in. 

At  last  we  all  lost  trace  of  the  hounds  and  gathered 
in  a  bunch  on  a  high  knoll  overlooking  a  ravine. 

Suddenly  we  heard  the  baying  of  the  hounds  and 
waited  to  learn,  if  possible,  which  direction  they  were 
running. 

By  this  time  all  of  our  horses  had  gotten  their  sec- 
ond wind  and  were  eager  for  more  sport. 

At  this  moment  the  poor  fox  came  out  in  the  clear- 
ing, with  the  dogs  in  close  i)ursuit. 

Of  course  every  rider  put  spurs  and  started  for 
the  death. 


138        IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

Dynamite  needed  no  spur.  He  just  took  the  bit  in 
his  mouth  and  it  cHdn't  seem  to  me  that  he  touched 
the  ground  anywhere.  Stumps,  bogs,  logs  and  ditches 
were  as  nothing  to  him,  and  to  his  credit  he  landed 
me  first  at  the  death. 

^^dlen  I  arrived,  every  one  of  the  twenty  dogs  were 
in  a  circle,  each  clinging  to  his  portion  of  the  dead 
fox. 

\yhen  the  master  of  hounds  came  up,  it  being  con- 
ceded all  around  that  I  was  first  there,  he  forthwith 
cut  the  tail  off  and  gave  it  to  me,  and.  on  returning 
to  the  starting  point  of  the  chase,  where  all  had  gath- 
ered, I,  in  turn,  presented  the  "  brush  "  to  what  1 
considered  the  handsomest,  black-eyed  girl  in  the 
"  bunch." 

This,  of  course,  meant  more  laurels  for  Dynamite, 
his  owner  immediately  raising  his  price  to  seven  hun- 
dred and  fifty  dollars. 

My  wife's  rheumatism  loegan  to  improve  right  from 
the  start  and,  being  assured  by  the  j^hysicians  and 
nurses  in  attendance  that  mv  presence  was  not  neces- 
sarily needed,  T  decided  upon  a  two  weeks'  trip  on 
horseback  to  "  the  wilds  of  Arkansas." 

On  referring  to  the  map  T  found  that  from  Little 


MY  FIRST  FOX  HUNT  139 

Rock  one  railroad  ran  to  the  northwest  and  another, 
to  the  southwest,  leaving  a  vast  territory  directly 
w^est  of  Hot  Springs  with  no  railroad  and  settled  with 
but  few  towns  and  villages;  besides  I  had  heard  a 
great  deal  about  the  natives  and  settlers  of  this  por- 
tion of  Arkansas,  and  of  their  crude  methods,  and  de- 
cided to  take  at  least  a  two  weeks'  trip  of  roughing 
it,  if  for  nothing  more  than  rest  and  recreation. 

Giving  due  notice  to  the  owner  of  the  horse  that 
he  possibly  might  not  see  me  for  two  weeks,  and  per- 
haps three  or  four,  I  began  making  preparations  for 
what  proved  to  be  a  very  interesting  and  exciting  four 
weeks'  excursion. 

First  I  purchased  two  small  handbags,  large  enough, 
however,  for  a  change  of  underwear  and  three  extra 
shirts,  collars,  handkerchiefs,  etc.,  and  taking  them 
to  a  saddler,  had  him  arrange  them  into  a  pair  of 
saddlebags. 

I  then  purchased  a  horse  blanket,  a  large  woolen 
blanket  and  a  rubber  coat,  all  of  which  I  tied  in  a 
roll  behind  my  saddle,  and,  after  packing  my  satchels 
or  bags,  was  ready  for  the  start. 

My  first  exciting  experience  (at  least  exciting  to 
me)    was   the    fording  and   swimming  on   horseback 


140       JVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

across  the  Washita  river,  ahout  twelve  miles  from 
Hot  Springs. 

On  reaching  the  river  I  found  two  men  busily  en- 
gaged in  repairing  the  ferry  boat,  and  was  told  that 
it  would  require  at  least  a  half  day  to  complete  it. 

As  I  did  not  relish  the  idea  of  losing  so  much  time, 
I  made  inquiries  alx)ut  the  possibility  of  fording  the 
river  and  was  told  that  in  crossing  the  horse  would 
have  to  swim  about  five  rods. 

When  T  came  to  think  it  over  I  recalled  to  mind 
the  fact  that  in  all  of  my  experiences  I  had  never  yet 
swam  a  horse,  and  decided  at  once  to  take  advantage 
of  this  opportunity. 

The  horse,  as  usual,  was  ready  for  any  emergency, 
and  without  the  slightest  urging  piled  into  the  stream 
with  a  bound. 

The  current  was  very  swift,  and  not  a  thought  had 
I  given  to  anything  like  danger  until  suddenly  we 
struck  a  channel  of  very  deep  water,  when  the  poor 
animal  went  in  clear  out  of  sight,  half  submerging 
me,  and  not  until  he  came  up,  snorting,  struggling  and 
blowing  water  in  every  direction,  did  it  occur  to  me 
that  I  couldn't  swim  a  stroke,  ?-m\  for  the  instant  I 
thought  of  doomsday,  judgment  day  and  the  day  of 


MY  FIRST  FOX  HUNT 


141 


resurrection,  but,  thanks  to  the  horse,  he  was  equal 
to  the  occasion,  for,  after  the  first  struggle,  he  proved 
himself  an  adej^t  swimmer  and  landed  me  safely  on 
the  west  shore. 

Aljout   two  miles  farther  on   I   stopped  at  a   farm 


"For  the  instant  I  thought  of  Doomsday,  Judgment  Day  and  the 
Day  of  Resurrection." 


house,  took  dinner  with  them  and  dried  out  my 
blankets  and  clothing,  leaving  there  alx)ut  two  o'clock 
in  the  afternoon. 

The   weather  \\as  fine  and   the   roads   were  excel- 
lent,  and  the  one  thing  that   especiallv  attracted  my 


142        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

attention  was  the  wonderfull}'  large  number  of 
movers. 

Immense  canvas-covered  wagons,  with  one,  two  and 
three  yoke  of  scrawny-looking  oxen  or  steers,  as  they 
called  them,  hitched  to  them,  were  traveling  in  ever} 
direction. 

In  two  cases  a  mule  and  an  ox  were  hitched  to- 
gether, and  in  one  instance  a  man  had  made  a  pair  of 
shafts  for  an  ox,  and  then  hitched  a  mule  on  one  side 
of  him  and  a  horse  on  the  other. 

Whenever  I  met,  or  in  any  way  came  in  contact 
with  these  movers,  I  managed  to  get  into  conversation 
with  them,  and  soon  learned  that,  with  scarcely  an 
exception,  they  had  become  dissatisfied  with  their  lot 
and  had  simply  packed  up  and  started  out. 

Some  of  them  had,  or  claimed  to  have,  an  objective 
point,  while  others  were  aimlessly  traveling  about, 
camping  out  nights  and  really  having  an  enjoyable 
time. 

Their  diet  consisted  solely  of  hoecakes,  bacon  and 
tea. 

Those  who  drove  oxen  fed  them  on  cottonseed  and 
hay,  while  the  mnle  and  horse  teams  were  provided 
with  corn  and  hay. 


MY  FIRST  FOX  HUNT  143 

Socially,  they  were  a  pleasant,  agreeable  lot,  always 
ready  and  willing  to  extend  a  favor  and  never  willing 
to  take  pay  for  it. 

About  four  o'clock  on  my  first  day  out  I  came  across 
two  men  camping  on  a  beautiful  spot  on  the  bank  of 
a  small  stream  and  on  the  edge  of  a  large  tract  of 
timber. 

They  had  been  traveling  all  day  and  had  just  set- 
tled down  for  the  night. 

I  asked  permission  to  join  them  for  the  night  and 
to  take  supper  and  breakfast  with  them  and  have  my 
horse  fed.  explaining  that  I  had  my  own  blankets  and 
was  willing  to  pay  my  way. 

They  seemed  glad  of  my  company,  but  explained 
that  I  would  have  to  put  up  with  hoecakes,  bacon  and 
tea,  as  that  was  all  they  carried. 

I  assured  them  that  I  was  out  to  rough  it  and  that 
sort  of  diet  was  just  what  I  needed  and  craved.  Any- 
thing for  a  change. 

A  few  moments  later  I  discovered  that  they  had 
with  them  a  half  dozen  pieces  of  firearms,  among  them 
an  almost  new,  breech-loading,  repeating  rifle. 

I   asked    what   kind   of   s:ame   thev    found    in   that 


144       IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

country  and  was  told  that  squirrel  was  about  all  they 
had  tried  to  kill. 

I  then  remarked  that  if  they  would  postpone  sup- 
per for  a  while  and  loan  me  that  fine  rifle  I'd  go  over 
in  the  woods  and  bring  back  a  mess  of  squirrel,  if 
any  could  be  found. 

They  agreed  and  I  started  out. 

Entering  the  woods,  I  found  an  ideal  hunting 
ground  for  squirrel,  just  enough  underbrush  to  afford 
splendid  hiding  places. 

After  traveling  about  three-quarters  of  a  mile  I  se- 
lected an  ideal  place,  where,  by  cutting  a  few  limbs 
and  bushes  to  be  used  as  a  covering,  I  secreted  myself 
and  remained  as  quiet  as  possible. 

In  about  ten  minutes  I  picked  my  first  big  grey 
squirrel  from  the  top  of  a  big  oak,  and  in  less  than  an 
hour  I  had  seven  fine  fellows  scattered  around  on  the 
ground. 

Then  there  came  a  lull  of  about  twenty  minutes  and 
I  was  just  thinking  about  gathering  up  my  game  and 
starting  for  camp,  when  I  heard  the  rustling  of  leaves 
and,  peering  out,  I  saw,  to  my  utter  surprise  and  de- 
light, a  flock  of  about  twenty-five  or  thirty  wild 
turkeys. 


MV  FIRST  FOX  HUNT  145 

They  were  moving  slowly  and  the  leader,  an  im- 
mensely big  gobbler,  kept  looking  up  towards  the  tree 
tops,  and  every  few  steps  would  crouch  down  to  the 
ground  as  if  looking  for  a  roosting  place,  and  as  if 
about  to  fly  up  in  the  trees,  and  so  they  kept  strag- 
gling along  until  they  got  w^ithin  excellent  shooting 
distance. 

I  was  lying  flat  on  the  ground,  with  my  gun  rest- 
ing over  a  small  limb  and  pointing  directly  toward 
them,  therefore  it  was  not  necessary  for  me  to  move 
a  muscle,  and  if  I  ever  came  anywhere  near  having 
"  buck  fever  "  it  was  then  and  there. 

In  my  boyhood  days  I  had  encountered  several 
flocks  of  wild  turkey  while  out  hunting,  but  had  never 
before  been  skillful  enough  to  come  anywhere  near 
getting  a  shot  at  one. 

Here  was  the  opportunity  of  my  life,  and  how  to 
make  the  best  of  it  and  kill  my  flrst  wild  turkey  was 
the  thought  uppermost  in  my  mind. 

First  I  aimed  at  the  body  of  the  big  black  leader, 
then  I  thought  to  myself,  "  I  have  been  hunting  and 
practicing  target  shooting  with  a  rifle  for  five  years, 
and  if  I  can't  hit  that  turkey  in  the  head  I'll  lose  him, 
besides  it's  unfair  to  the  turkey  to  give  him  no  chance 


146       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

at  all."  So  I  changed  my  aim  to  that  of  the  head  and 
banged  away. 

In  an  instant  the  woods  were  fnll  of  turkeys,  scat- 
tering and  flying  in  every  direction,  but  the  old  gob- 
bler was  flopping  on  the  ground,  and  to  my  delight  I 
had  at  last  killed  a  w'ild  turkey. 

On  returning  to  camp  my  t^^■o  newly  made  com- 
panions were  delighted  and  surprised. 

We  were  not  long  in  skinning  that  old  turkey  and 
preparing  him  for  a  feast. 

We  sliced  him  up,  and,  fastening  the  pieces  on  the 
pointed  ends  of  long  sticks,  after  seasoning  well,  hfeld 
them  over  the  fire  until  roasted. 

We  agreed  that  we  hadn't  had  a  better  meal  for 
months,  although  I  am  of  the  opinion  that  had  a  first- 
class  hostelry  served  me  with  as  tough  a  piece  of 
turkey,  I'd  have  fairly  "  kicked  the  roof  off  the  house." 

After  supper  I  began  negotiating  for  that  fine  rifle. 

I  had.  as  usual,  brought  with  me  several  gold-filled 
watches,  with  Elgin  mo\-enients  and  filled  chains  and 
charms,  and  was  not  long  in  trading  one  of  these  out- 
fits for  the  gun. 

That  niglit  T  made  a  bed  under  one  of  their  wagons, 
with  a  Inuich  of  hay  and  a  sheet  they  loaned  me.  and, 


/  had  at  last  killed  a  z^'ild  turkey 


148        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

using  my  saddle  for  a  pillow  and  my  woolen  bkinke'L 
and  rubber  coat  for  covering,  I  retired  for  tbe  night 
with  my  new  gun  by  the  side  of  me. 

I  never  slept  more  soundly  nor  felt  better  than  on 
awakening  the  next  morning. 

We  had  broiled  squirrel,  fried  bacon,  hoecakes  and 
tea  for  breakfast,  and  tea,  hoecakes,  fried  bacon  and 
broiled  squirrel  for  dinner. 

About  one  o'clock  in  the  afternoon  I  bade  my  new 
friends  good-by. 

They  journeyed  east,  while  I  continued  my  course 
to  the  northwest. 

About  three  o'clock  I  came  to  the  home  of  a  very 
rich  farmer  of  whom  I  had  heard  considerable  while 
on  the  road. 

He  owned  an  immense  tract  of  land,  was  a  big 
stock  raiser,  had  four  or  five  barns  and  many  w^ell- 
filled  corn  cribs,  but  lived  in  an  old  log  house. 

All  of  his  immense  droves  of  cattle,  horses,  hogs 
and  a  flock  of  over  a  thousand  head  of  sheep,  were 
sleek  and  fat. 

This  was  a  great  contrast  to  that  of  his  neighbors 
and  of  every  other  farmer  T  had  meL 

As  I  approached  he  was  standing  out  in  front  of 


MY  FIRST  FOX  HUNT  149 

one  of  his  stables,  and  as  was  my  custom  1  stopped 
and  entered  into  conversation  with  him. 

He  was  a  typical  Southerner,  wearing  a  slouch  hat, 
almost  a  counterpart  to  the  one  I  was  wearing  and 
always  have  worn,  big  stogy  boots,  with  the  bottom 
of  his  trousers  tucked  in  the  top,  and  wearing  a  large 
leather  belt. 

An  immensely  big  silver  watch  chain  and  a  large 
silver  w'atcli  constituted  his  outfit  of  jewelry. 

His  hair  and  whiskers,  which  completely  covered 
his  face,  were  as  black  as  jet,  with  piercing  black  eyes. 

His  dialect  was  extremely  Southern. 

He  seemed  to  view-  me  suspiciously,  was  very  reti- 
cent, and  he  could  hardly  take  his  eyes  off  of  my 
horse. 

I  kept  firing  questions  at  him,  however,  and  leading 
him  on  from  one  step  to  another,  until  at  last  he 
warmed  up  a  little,  and  just  as  I  was  about  to  get 
a  little  history  of  his  life,  there  came  driving  up  a  big, 
rickety  old  mover's  wagon,  drawn  by  three  yoke  of 
the  poorest,  scrawniest-looking  steers  I  ever  saw,  and 
loaded  principally  with  tow-headed  children. 

As  it  approached  us  the  driver,  a  tall,  lean,  lank  in- 
dividual with  scarcely  enough  wearing  apparel  to  cover 


150        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

his  limbs  and  1)0(ly,  with  long,  flowing'  auburn  hair 
and  scraggy  beard,  yelled  "  Whoa !  " 

The  oxen  came  to  a  stop,  he  climbed  to  the  ground 
and.  approaching  the  farmer,  said : 

"How  dew  yew  dew?" 

"  Howdy,"  answered  the  farmer. 

Then  began,  in  their  native  dialect,  the  following 
conversation : 

Mover — "  Kain  yew  sell  me  a  couple  bushels  con? 
I  think  them  aire  cattle  orter  hev  som  con,  don't 
yew  ?  " 

Farmer — "  Well.  I  think  maself  they  orter  hev  som 
co'n.  that  is  fact,  but  I  don't  think  I  care  tew  sell  any 
my  co'n  just  at  present  time;  fact  is.  I  don't  think 
yew''d  care  tew  pay  me  what  I  kin  get  at  a  Springs." 

Mover — "How  much  is  co'n  at  a  Springs?" 

Farmer — "  Well,  last  1  sold,  I  got  fifty-five  cents 
fer.  but  I  reckon  it's  'bout  seventy  cents  at  a  present 
time." 

Mover — "  Say,  how  much  yew  ask  me  fer  thet  ar 
wagon  stan'in'  on  yon  bridge,  just  fenence  yon  tree?" 

Farmer — "  Well,  Fll  sell  yew  thet  ar  wagon  fer 
from  fifteen  tew  twentv-five  dollars.      All-fired  stout 


MY  FIRST  FOX  HUNT 


151 


wagon,  been  liauling  on  it  with  mules  fer  six  months. 
I  reckon  it's  mighty  cheap  wagon  at  thet  price." 

Mover — "  Too  much  fer  secon'-hand  wagon.  Say, 
dew  yew  know  of  'bout  fifteen  or  twenty  acres  good 
land  where  I  could  move  on  fer  'bout  year-en-half  er 
two  years?  " 


Back    up,    there,    Blue,    an'   straiten   yeivsclf    'round,    yczv   old 
hypocrite." 

Farmer — "  Wall,  I  got  some  mighty  fine  land  down 
here  on  a  river  bottom ;  hain't  bed  spec  fertilizer  fer 
nigh  on  ter  t\\"enty  years,  and  kin  raise  anything  yew 
wanter  plant." 

Mover — "  Yes,  but  I  don't  keer  tew  live  on  a  river 
bottom ;  lived  on  a  river  'bout  two  years.     Almighty 


152        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

onhealthy.  I  got  'bout  'le\^en  caows  and  two  hun- 
dred cheakins  eighty  miles  back,  where  I  come  from. 
Thought  I'd  Hke  tew  move  down  by  a  Springs  and 
make  some  money  out  of  caows  and  cheakins.  Say, 
kin  you  sell  me  couple  bushels  co'n?" 

Farmer — "  No.  I  don't  think  I  care  to  sell  any  co'n 
jes'  at  present  time. 

Mover—"  Good  day,  sah." 

Farmer — "  Good  day." 

At  this  juncture  one  of  the  mover's  big  white  steers 
became  unruly,  and,  bringing  the  whiplash  down  over 
his  forehead  he  yelled : 

"  Back  up  there.  Blue,  an'  strai'ten  yewself  'round, 
yew  old  hypocrite." 

I  asked  how  he  came  to  call  that  white  ox  "  Blue." 

"  Well,  sah."  he  courteously  answered,  "  I  know 
thet  ar  ox:  he  jes'  'Ixiut  as  white  as  white  kin  be,  but 
dew  yew  know  that  the  skin  down  under  thet  ar  ox's 
hair  is  jes'  as  blue  as  whetstone." 

And  he  called  him  "  Blue." 


A  FUNERAL  ON  MY  HANDS  153 


CHAPTER  VIIT. 

An  Interesting-  Character — An  Evening  With  a  Rich  Ar- 
kansas Earmer — Delineating  Character  by  Phrenology 
— How  it  Paid — Camping  Out  at  Night — A  Euneral 
on  My  Hands — Conducting  the  Burial  Services. 

After  listening  to  the  amusing  conversation  between 
the  mover  and  the  rich  farmer,  I  once  more  entered 
into  conversation  with  the  latter,  and  found  him  to 
be  a  very  interesting  character. 

He  had  run  away  from  his  home  in  Kentucky  when 
a  small  lad,  after  an  altercation  with  his  father,  and 
had  accompanied  a  small  colony  to  Arkansas. 

One  of  his  strictest  rules  was.  and  always  had  been, 
economy.  He  declared  that  he  couldn't  remember 
of  ever  having  spent  a  single  penny  foolishly. 

Pie  had  begun  when  quite  young  by  investing  his 
savings  in  different  kinds  of  stock,  and  when  twenty- 
one  years  of  age  rented  a  large  tract  of  land  and  began 
stock  raising,  and  now  owned  the  very  land  he  first 
rented,  and  hundreds  of  acres  besides. 

He  said  that  the  largest  city  he  had   ever  visited 


154       JVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

was  Hot  Springs,  and  that  he  had  never  eaten  a  meal 
at  a  hotel  or  restaurant. 

When  he  visited  the  Springs  he  paid  forty  cents  per 
day  for  "  yarchng  "  liis  team  and  tlie  privilege  of  cook- 
ing his  meals  and  sleeping  in  "  the  barracks." 

He  had  never  done  a  day's  manual  labor  since  he 
rented  his  first  land,  but  had  always  been  an  employer. 

His  achievements  fully  demonstrated  what  an  edu- 
cated, "  brainy  "  man  can  accomplish. 

The  phrenologist  would  have  delineated  his  char- 
acter about  as  follows  : 

Brain  very  large,  as  also  the  following  organs :  In- 
habitiveness,  continuity,  acquisitiveness,  firmness,  cal- 
culation, individuality  and  human  nature,  with  all 
others  small  or  medium. 

I  asked  him  if  he  believed  in  phrenology  and  if  he 
had  ever  had  his  "  bumps  "  examined. 

He  said  he  hadn't,  but  seemed  at  once  interested. 

I  had,  when  quite  young,  received  instructions  in 
the  work,  and  had  always  been  more  or  less  interested 
in  it,  and  told  him  T  considered  myself  quite  proficient 
in  delineation,  and  if  he  wanted  mc  to  I'd  tell  him 
something  about  himself. 


WHEN    I    STRUCK  HIS   BUMP   OF   BENEVOLENCE.    I    WONDERED   AT    MY 
EVER  GETTING  HIM  TO  GIVE  UP  HIS  DOLLAR. 


A  FUNERAL  ON  MY  HANDS  155 

I  had  no  intention  of  making  a  charge,  until  he 
asked  me  how  much  it  would  cost. 

I  told  him  two  dollars  was  the  customary  price  the 
world  over. 

He  shook  his  head  and  said  that  he  wouldn't  give 
over  a  dollar. 

"  All  right,:'  said  I,  "  I'll  do  it  for  a  dollar." 

By  this  time  his  two  sons  and  three  hired  men  had 
come  in  from  their  work,  and  all  listened  with  much 
interest. 

One  of  the  employes,  a  bright  sort  of  a  fellow,  said 
he  used  to  have  one  of  Fowler's  books  on  the  subject, 
and  was  very  much  interested  in  it. 

As  I  progressed  in  the  examination  and  seemed  to 
strike  him  just  right  from  one  thing  to  the  other,  they 
all  became  more  and  more  enthusiastic  on  the  subject. 

When  I  struck  his  bump  of  benevolence  I  wondered 
at  my  ever  getting  him  to  give  up  his  dollar. 

Before  I  had  finished  with  him  one  of  the  sons 
asked  my  price. 

T  explained  that  the  regular  price  was  l\vo  dollars, 
but  I  had  agreed  to  examine  his  father's  head  for  a 
dollar. 

As  soon  as  I  had  finished  with  the  father,  this  son 


156       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

wanted  me  to  examine  his  head,  for  which  he  would, 
also,  give  a  dollar. 

Before  I  got  through  I  discovered  I  had  struck  a 
regular  bonanza,  and  wound  up  with  having  deline- 
ated the  characters  of  all  six,  and  having  received  that 
many  dollars. 

This  was  a  new  proposition  to  me,  and.  one  I  hadn't 
thought  of,  and  I  was  at  once  sorry  that  I  hadn't 
brought  with  me  a  supply  of  Fowler's  blank  charts. 

They  all  agreed  that  I  had  struck  every  one  of  them 
with  almost  absolute  accuracy,  and  each  gave  up  his 
dollar  freely. 

The  farmer  then  suggested  just  what  I  wanted  him 
to,  that  1  should  put  out  my  horse  and  stay  all  night, 
and  if  I'd  examine  his  little  grandson's  head  and 
"  meby  the  old  woman's,"  that  would  pay  the  bill. 

After  supper  I  "  fixed  up  "  the  boy  and  the  farmer's 
wife,  after  which  I  entertained  them  with  my  old-time 
auction  talk,  and  then  told  them  about  my  books, 
"  The  Auctioneer's  Guide "  and  "  Twenty  Years  of 
Hus'ling,"  and  related  a  few  stories  from  the  latter. 

The  next  morning  one  of  the  hired  men  handed  me 
two  dollars,   the  price  of  the  "  Auctioneer's  Guide," 


A  FUNERAL  ON  MY  HANDS  157 

and  one  of  the  farmer's  sons  ga\e  me  fifty  cents  for 
the  "  Hus'Ier,"  both  books  to  be  sent  by  mail. 

I  gave  them  my  address  and  assured  them  that  I 
would  be  responsible  for  their  safe  delivery  by  mail, 
and  should  they  not  reach  them  within  two  weeks  to 
let  me  know. 

This  farmer  was  an  exception  among  those  of  that 
section  of  the  country  as  regards  providing  for  his 
table.  He  simply  had  the  best  of  everything,  and  his 
wife  was  a  splendid  cook  and  an  ideal  housekeeper. 

They  had  a  brand  new  organ  in  the  house  and  one 
of  the  men  had  traded  for  an  old  violin. 

I  tuned  up  the  latter  as  best  I  could  and  played  the 
only  tune  1  had  ever  learned  to  play  when  I  owned 
one,  "  The  Girl  I  Left  Behind  Me,"  and  as  I  could 
play  "  Tommy,  Don't  Go,"  on  the  organ  and  could 
sing  one  song,  a  Chinese  one  entitled  "  My  Name 
Hasing,"  and  play  the  accompaniment  on  the  organ, 
I  managed  to  wake  things  up  pretty  lively,  and  we 
didn't  go  to  bed  until  after  midnight. 

By  the  way  the  S(Mis  and  the  three  hired  men  seemed 
interested  T  was  afraid  they  would  each  want  to  sad- 
dle a  horse  the  next  morning  and  journey  with  me. 

I  had  explained  that  1  was  out  for  recreation  and  a 


158        IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

little  business  on  the  side,  and  when  ready  to  take  my 
departure  they  all  made  me  promise  to  stop  over  night 
with  them  again  on  my  w^ay  back. 

As  I  continued  my  trip  that  day  there  was  nothing 
of  interest  transpired. 

About  five  o'clock  that  evening  I  came  upon  an- 
other camping  party,  and,  as  the  weather  continued 
fine,  arranged  to  join  them.  Besides,  I  had  enjoyed 
the  previous  night's  sleep  and  the  plain  rough  mode 
of  living  when  camping,  and  was  anxious  to  repeat  it. 

The  usual  hoecake,  bacon  and  tea  was  the  bill  of 
fare  for  supper  and  breakfast. 

I  slept  on  the  ground,  wrapped  in  my  blankets, 
under  a  beech  tree  that  night,  and  enjoyed,  as  before, 
a  sound,  refreshing  sleep. 

I  kept  my  course,  principally  westward,  and  while 
journeying  along  the  next  day,  atout  ten  o'clock,  an 
elderly  man  and  t\\o  women  came  out  of  an  old,  rick- 
ety, barn-like  house  and  watched  me  intently. 

As  I  approached  them  the  man  raised  his  hand,  in- 
dicating that  he  wished  me  to  stop,  which  I  did.  and 
the  first  question  he  asked  was  if  I  was  a  preacher. 

I  laughingly  replied  that   I  had  done  almost  every- 


A  FUNERAL  ON  MY  HANDS  159 

thing  but  preach,  and  inquired  why  he  asked  the  ques- 
tion. 

"  Well"  said  he,  "  I  am  not  joking;  you  look  like 
a  preacher,  and  I  didn't  know  but  that  you  might  help 
us  out  with  a  little  advice,  as  my  oldest  daughter  has 
just  died  with  consumption  and  we  are  here,  miles 
away  from  anyone  and  in  bad  shape  for  money,  and 
don't  know  what  to  do." 

Readily  understanding  the  seriousness  of  the  case, 
I  dismounted  and  offered,  not  only  any  advice  I  might 
be  able  to  give,  but  my  services  as  well. 

He  led  the  way  to  his  house  and  confirmed  his 
statement  by  showing  me  the  remains  of  his  daughter. 

I  asked  him  what  he  wanted  to  do,  and  about  the 
condition  of  his  finances,  etc. 

At  this  he  told  me  his  story  of  how  he  and  his 
wife  and  his  wife's  sister  and  their  three  daughters 
had  moved  there  from  southern  Indiana  a  few  years 
before. 

He  had  purchased  the  forty  acres  of  land  upon 
which  they  were  living  before  leaving  Indiana  and 
without  having  seen  it. 

He  told  of  their  repeated  loss  of  horses,  until  the 
last  one  had  died,  and  of  their  many  failures  of  crops, 


160        JVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

and  almost  constant  sickness  in  the  family,  and  ended 
the  story  hy  saying  that  one  dollar  and  fifty  cents  was 
all  the  money  they  possessed,  and  they  were  anxious 
to  hold  funeral  services  in  a  certain  church,  several 
miles  distant,  and  to  bury  the  remains  in  the  cemetery 
at  the  same  place. 

They  hadn't  a  relative  or  an  intimate  or  close  friend 
in  tlie  state,  and  owed  a  considerable  amount  of  money 
for  which  tliey  had  given  a  njortgage  on  their  farm 
as  security. 

All  in  all,  here  certainly  was  a  pitiful  condition  of 
affairs,  such  as  no  man  could  easily  turn  his  back 
upon. 

The  parents  of  the  dead  girl  were  as  children  look- 
ing for  sympathy  and  advice,  and  were  utterly  at  a 
loss  to  know  which  way  to  turn. 

I  asked  them  why  it  wouldn't  be  a  good  idea  to 
select  as  nice  a  spot  as  possible,  on  some  remote  part 
of  their  farm,  and  there  bury  the  remains,  and  if  they 
wished  to  remove  them  at  some  future  time,  when 
they  were  in  a  better  financial  condition,  they  could 
do  so. 

This  suggestion  reminded  the  mother  that  the 
daughter  had  once  p(Mnted  out  a  Sjwt  over  in  the  grove 


A  FUNERAL  ON  MY  HANDS  161 

where  she  would  like  to  be  buried ;  therefore  it  was 
quickly  agreed  upon  by  both  parents  that  the  body 
should  be  buried  there,  but  the  next  question  was, 
What  about  a  casket?  There  was  no  regular  under- 
taker for  many  miles  distant,  but  an  acquaintance  liv- 
ing eleven  miles  away  was  a  wagon  maker  and  owned 
a  repair  shop,  and  his  wife  ran  a  country  store,  and 
they  believed  he  would  make  the  casket  and  bring  it 
over  and  wait  for  his  pay  if  they  could  manage  to 
send  word  to  him. 

I  consented  to  making  the  trip,  and  assured  them 
that  if  he  refused  to  trust  them  I'd  pay  the  bill  my- 
self, and  as  for  engaging  a  minister  to  conduct  a  short 
service  I'd  do  the  best  I  could  for  them. 

After  taking  the  proper  measurement  for  the  casket, 
arranging  about  the  shroud  and  taking  an  inventory 
of  their  meat  and  grocery  supply,  I  started  on  my 
gruesome  errand,  which  took  me  directly  north. 

About  a  mile  and  a  half  distant  I  came  to  their 
nearest  neighbor  and  informed  them  of  the  death  of 
the  girl,  as  I  did  three  other  families  on  my  way.  and 
asked  them  to  try  and  be  present  at  the  burial  at  two 
o'clock  the  coming  Friday. 

These  four  families  lived  in  "  shacks  or  sheds,"  as 


162        IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

we  Northerners  would  liave  called  them.  The  parents 
and  children  were  half  clad,  and  their  pinched,  pale 
face.'i  showed  a  lack  of  nourishing  food. 

The  faces  of  children  ten  years  of  age  looked  al- 
most the  age  of  forty. 

One  family  of  five  children  and  the  parents  lived 
in  one  small  room,  in  which  they  cooked,  ate  and  slept, 
and  with  only  one  bed — at  least  only  one  in  sight. 

They  all  looked  as  though  they  were  ready  to  drop 
into  their  graves. 

On  arri\'ing  at  my  destination  I  found  a  settlement 
of  about  five  families. 

The  wagonmaker,  or  undertaker,  as  I  called  him, 
and  his  wife,  who  ran  the  store  and  kept  postoffice, 
were  agreeable,  pleasant  and  intelligent  people,  but 
their  neighbors  were  poverty-stricken  to  the  extreme. 

It  was  a  mystery  to  me  how  they  could  keep  up 
their  business,  until  they  ex|)laine(l  that  three  miles 
farther  north  was  a  large  settlement  of  farmers,  from 
which  they  d.rew  a  splendid  patronage. 

When  I  explained  my  mission  to  Mr.  Francis,  the 
wagonmaker,  he  demurred  about  trying  to  make  the 
coffin,  as  he  had  never  attempted  such  a  thing,  and  if 
he  did  he  must  have  his  pay,   as  Mr.    Rathbun,  the 


A  FUNERAL  ON  MY  HANDS  163 

man  whose  daughter  had  died,  was  in  very  poor  finan- 
cial circumstances,  although  an  honest,  upright  man. 

I  consented  to  pay  the  bill  if  he  would  undertake 
and  carry  out  the  task  as  quickly  as  possible  and  de- 
liver the  casket  at  Mr,  Rathbun's  home. 

He  said  that  he  owned  a  horse  and  also  a  light 
wagon,  but  had  loaned  the  latter  to  his  brother  to 
make  a  fifty  mile  trip  and  back,  and  he  would  not  re- 
turn for  four  or  five  days. 

"  Well,  then,"  said  I,  ''  make  it  out  of  as  light  ma- 
terial as  possible,  and  of  boards  as  thin  as  you  dare 
to,  and  you  and  I  will  manage  to  take  it  there  on  horse- 
back by  riding  side  by  side  and  letting  one  end  rest  on 
the  withers  of  my  horse  and  the  other  end  on  your 
horse." 

So  saying,  we  both  went  to  work  from  a  pile  of 
fine  whitewood  lumber. 

We  worked  until  eleven  o'clock  that  night  and  fin- 
ished it  the  following  evening. 

We  lined  it  with  white  muslin  and  stained  it  cherry 
color,  and  when  completed  we  were  both  very  proud 
of  the  job. 

While  we  were  at  work  on  the  casket,  Mrs.  Francis 
and  her  sister  made  a  shroud  of  white  cambric,  and. 


164       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

after  purchasing  a  few  pounds  of  smoked  ham,  three 
pounds  of  crackers  and  some  cofifee  and  sugar,  we 
placed  them  inside  of  the  casket  and  after  screwing  on 
the  cover  were  ready  for  an  early  morning's  start. 

There  was  no  preacher  living  nearby,  and  that  even- 
ing 1  remarked  that  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Rathbun  would  be 
disappointed  in  not  having  some  one  to  conduct  fu- 
neral services.  Mrs.  Francis  remarked  that  I  could 
very  easily  conduct  a  short  service  myself. 

I  assured  her  that  she  would  very  quickly  change 
her  mind  if  she  knew  how  "  shy  "  I  was  on  Scripture 
and  the  little  experience  I  had  had  in  that  line. 

That,  she  declared,  didn't  matter;  she  could  select 
a  chapter  in  the  Bible  for  me  to  read,  as  also  a  prayer 
from  her  prayer  book. 

I  could  open  with  a  short  sketch  of  the  young 
woman's  life  and  close  by  reading  these  selections, 
which,  in  her  opinion,  would  prove  a  great  solace  and 
comfort  to  the  family. 

"  Very  well,"  said  I,  "  you  go  ahead  and  select 
them,  and  loan  me  your  Bible  and  prayer  book  for  the 
occasion  and  I  will  get  to  practicing  right  away." 

So  saying,  I  began  to  ''  frame  up  "  a  sort  of  pro- 
gram. 


Very  well,"  said  I,  "  loan  mc  your  Bible 


166        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

The  first  obstacle  I  encountered  was  the  need  of 
some  one  to  sing  a  hymn  or  two,  when  Mrs.  Francis, 
pointing  to  her  husband,  said : 

"  There  is  your  man ;  he  will  just  fill  the  bill." 

I  suggested  that  he  should  also  conduct  the  services. 

He  replied  that  he  would  do  his  part,  and  I  should 
do  mine. 

He  then  seated  himself  at  the  organ  and  demon- 
strated what  he  could  do,  by  playing  and  singing  sev- 
eral hymns,  which  surprised  me. 

This  gave  me  quite  an  inspiration,  as  I  remembered 
having  seen  an  old-fashioned  melodian  in  the  Rathbun 
home,  and  before  retiring  that  night,  Mr.  Francis  and 
I,  with  a  few  suggestions  from  Mrs.  Francis,  gave 
three  rehearsals. 

The  one  thing  lacking  was  a  few  fitting  remarks  at 
the  grave,  and  I  immediately  set  to  work  to  write 
something,  with  a  view  to  familiarizing  myself  with  it, 
and  with  the  assistance  of  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Francis,  was 
able  to  prepare,  what  we  all  considered  a  quite  appro- 
priate eulogy. 

We  were  up,  ready  for  our  journey,  bright  and 
early  the  next  morning. 

We  partially  filled  two  grain  bags  with  bran  and 


A  FUNERAL  ON  MY  HANDS  167 

oats,  and  threw  one  across  the  withers  of  each  of  the 
horses,  upon  which  to  rest  the  ends  of  the  casket. 

When  first  starting  out,  the  horses  were  somewhat 
excited  over  their  new  experience,  and  naturally  raised 
their  heads  very  high,  when  we  found  the  space,  be- 
tween their  necks  and  our  saddles,  rather  narrow  to 
make  room  for  the  casket,  but  as  soon  as  they  became 
quiet,  and  began  walking  along  with  their  heads  down, 
we  found  no  difficulty  in  making  the  trip  all  right. 

Arriving  at  Mr.  Rathbun's  about  eleven  o'clock, 
on  Friday,  he  told  us  he  had  visited  four  or  five  fami- 
lies, living  in  another  direction  from  where  I  had  been, 
and  they  promised  to  be  present  at  the  funeral. 

I  explained  that  I  could  not  find  a  minister,  but  that 
Mr.  Francis  and  myself  would,  if  they  so  desired,  con- 
duct a  short  service  in  memoriam  of  the  deceased. 

The  family  was  pleased  \\ith  this  suggestion,  and 
after  procuring  from  Mr.  Rathbun  some  information 
regarding  the  date  and  place  of  birth  of  his  daughter, 
together  with  a  sketch  of  her  life,  I  made  a  memo- 
randum of  it  and  Mr.  Francis  and  I  went  out  where 
the  grave  had  been  dug,  and  gave  another  rehearsal. 

By  half  past  one  o'clock,  several  persons  had  arrived 
to  attend  the  services. 


168       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

At  the  appointed  hour,  two  o'clock,  I  opened  the 
services  by  stating  that  I  was  not  a  minister  of  the 
gospel,  but,  in  the  absence  of  one,  I  had  consented  to 
try  and  conduct  a  simple,  short  service  in  memory  of 
the  deceased,  and  then  went  on  with  a  sketch  of  her 


*mfM|. 


-14'/' 


"Delivered  my  formerly  prepared  eulogy." 

life,  after  which  the  singing  and  playing  on  the  melo- 
dian  by  Mr.  Francis,  and  the  reading  of  the  prayer 
and  the  chapter  in  the  Bible  by  myself,  were  success- 
fully carried  out. 

In  closing,  I  announced  that  the  burial  would  take 
place  on  the  premises,  and  that  those  who  wished  to 


A  FUNERAL  ON  MY  HANDS  169 

view  the  remains  could  do  so  by  passing  by  the  casket, 
and  out  at  the  side  door. 

Six  men  bore  the  remains  to  the  burial  spot,  and 
after  lowering  it  into  the  grave,  I  delivered  my  for- 
merly prepared  eulogy,  after  which,  in  the  absence  of 
the  usual  rough  box,  the  casket  was  quickly  covered, 
and  the  grave  filled.  So  ended  my  first  and  last  ex- 
perience of  this  kind,  and  although,  I  dare  say,  T  had 
been  told  a  hundred  times  in  my  life  that  I  looked  like 
a  preacher,  and  should  have  been  one,  it  had  never, 
until  this  experience,  occurred  to  me  that  possibly  I 
might  have  missed  my  calling.  Everything  went  off 
so  smoothly,  and  in  such  a  funereal  way,  that  I  almost 
forgot  that  I  wasn't  a  real  preacher,  and  although  I 
had  stated  right  in  the  beginning  that  I  was  not  a 
minister,  yet,  after  the  services,  I  repeatedly  heard  men 
and  women  asking  who  the  preacher  was,  and  where 
he  was  from. 

After  settling  with  Mr.  Francis,  and  presenting  Mr, 
and  Mrs.  Rathbun  with  ten  dollars  to  bridge  them 
over  a  little,  I  bade  them  goodby  and  made  another 
start,  twenty-five  dollars  poorer  in  purse,  but  richer  in 
experience. 


170       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 


CHAPTER  IX. 

Meeting  an  Old  Acquaintance  of  Boyhood  Days — A 
Queer  Coincidence — The  Biggest  True  Fish  Story  on 
Record — SelHng  Out  Catch  at  Auction — Conducting  an 
Auction  Store — Fitting  Spectacles — The  Witty  Tow- 
headed  Boy. 

After  leaving  the  Rathbun  home,  I  continued  my 
course  to  the  southwest,  reaching  a  small  town  of  about 
two  hundred  inhabitants,  just  at  nightfall. 

On  making  inquiries  for  a  place  to  remain  over 
night,  I  was  directed  to  a  small  building,  with  a 
weather-beaten  sign,  "  Tavern,"  over  the  door. 

On  entering,  I  asked  the  lady  in  attendance,  if  they 
had  a  register. 

She  said  she  didn't  know  what  I  meant. 

When  I  explained  that  it  was  a  book,  usually  kept 
by  hotels,  in  which  guests  wrote  their  names  and  ad- 
dresses, she  laughed  and  said,  that  they  didn't  "  hev 
no  kinder  book  like  thet,  but  if  I  wanted  ter  write  my 
name  real  bad,  I  could  write  it  in  the  Bible." 

"  Very  well,"  said  I,  "  give  me  the  Bible,"  which, 
sure  enough,  she  did,  and  I  wrote  "J.  P.  Johnston. 
Galetown,  Ohio." 


MEETING  AN  OLD  ACQUAINTANCE     171 

Not  wishing  tO'  be  annoyed  by  answering  questions 
about  Chicago,  I  thought  I'd  register  from  the  Httle 
"  four  corners  "  in  Ohio,  where  I  was  raised. 

While  I  was  at  the  barn  looking  after  my  horse,  the 
landlord  came  in  from  a  hunting  trip,  and  his  daugh- 
ter, who  was  acting  as  landlady,  asked  him  if  it  wasn't 
Galetown,  Ohio,  where  he  used  to  live,  and  showed 
him  my  name  and  address. 

He  grew  much  excited  and  wondered  if  it  could  be 
his  old  Galetown  Corners,  where  he  had  lived  three 
years,  and  knew  everybody. 

When  I  returned  from  the  barn,  he  asked  me  what 
county  in  Ohio  my  GaletOAvn  was  in. 

I  replied,  "  Sandusky  County." 

"  Do  you  mean  Galetown  Corners  ?  "  he  asked. 

"  I  do,"  I  replied,  "  I  was  raised  there." 

"  Well,  then,"  he  excitedly  asked,  "  did  you  know 
Mike  Keefer  ? " 

"  I  should  think  I  ought  to,"  I  answered,  "  he  was 
my  step-father." 

"  The  Dickens,  you  say !  You  ain't  that  little  red- 
headed, freckled  faced,  fighting  cuss,  aire  you  ?  Why, 
I  used  to  run  that  blacksmith  shop,  nigh  on  ter  forty 
years  ago,  when  you  wuz  'bout  five  or  six  years  old." 


172     ,  JVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

"  Well  then,"  said  I,  "  your  name  is  Heilman,  Iz 
Heilman." 

"  Yes,  sir ;  yes,  sir ;  that's  my  name." 

"  And,"  said  I,  "  I  can  remind  you  of  an  incident 
that  occurred  when  I  was  between  five  and  six  years 
of  age.  It  was  this  way :  My  step-father  had  an  old 
mare  that  had  been  ruptured,  and  being  of  no  value, 
he  had  you  take  her  down  in  the  woods " 

"  And  shoot  her,"  he  yelled. 

"  Yes,  sir,"  said  T,  "  and  you  tied  her  to  a  tree  and 
your  first  shot  missed,  and  she  broke  away  and  ran  to 
the  lower  end  of  the  woods.  We  followed,  and  when 
she  turned  her  head  toward  us,  we  were  about  ten  rods 
away,  you  put  a  bullet  through  her  brain,  and,  by  the 
way,"  I  went  on,  "  I  have  in  my  possession  an  identi- 
fication pocket-piece,  made  from  a  tooth  from  that  old 
mare's  lower  jaw."  And  explained  that  a  few  years 
before,  I  had  visited  my  old  home,  and  while  squirrel 
hunting  in  the  woods,  had  found  the  skull  near  where 
she  was  killed,  and  removing  this  tooth,  had  had  it 
polished  down,  and  my  initials  and  address  put  on  it. 

This,  to  tlie  old  man,  seemed  one  of  the  queerest 
coincidences  of  his  life,  and  he  became  so  interested 
and  excited  over  it,  that  I  gave  it  to  him. 


MEETING  AN  OLD  ACQUAINTANCE      173 

This  was  enough  to  make  us  old  friends,  and  noth- 
ing in  town  was  too  good  for  me,  and  my  end  of  the 
table  was  never  lacking  for  the  best  in  the  market. 

That  evening,  the  landlord  and  I  called  upon  the 
leading  merchant  in  the  town,  and  in  the  course  of 
our  conversation,  he  said  he  wished  he  could  sell  out 
his  stock  of  goods,  so  he  could  go  back  to  "  God's 
country,"  as  he  termed  it. 

I  suggested  that  he  make  an  auction  sale,  and  let  me 
do  his  auctioneering. 

Observing  that  he  seemed  a  little  doubtful  about  the 
feasibility  of  the  thing,  and  possibly  about  my  ability 
as  a  salesman,  I  gathered  a  few  articles  together,  and 
placing  them  on  the  counter,  gave  him  a  little  demon- 
stration of  what  I  could  do,  by  first  opening  up  a  paper 
of  pins  and  rattled  on  at  lightning  speed,  as  follows : 

"  Now,  ladies  and  gentlemen,  the  first  article  T  am 
going  to  offer  for  your  inspection,  this  evening,  is  the 
old-time  adamantine  pin,  with  solid  heads  and  needle 
points.  The  heads  are  riveted  on,  the  points  are  riv- 
eted in.  There  are  nine  hundred  and  sixty-seven  thou- 
sand four  hundred  and  eighty-two  pins  in  each  and 
every  paper.  They  are  stuck  all  up ;  they  are  stuck  all 
down ;  they  are  stuck  in  the  center  and  all  around ; 


174       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

they  are  stuck  in  the  middle;  they  are  stuck  in  the 
flop ;  they  are  stuck  in  the  bottom ;  they  are  stuck  in  the 
top ;  they  are  stuck  all  out ;  they  are  stuck  all  in,  till 
there  isn't  room  to  stick  a  pin,  and  I'll  stick  'em  into 
you  stingy  devils,  to-night,  at  ten  cents  a  paper.  I'll 
tell  you  what  I  will  do,  just  to  see  if  there  is  a  God  in 
Israel.  I'll  wrap  you  up  two  papers  for  twenty  cents, 
three  for  thirty,  four  for  forty,  and  five  for  half  a 
dollar.  Take  them  along  for  forty-five,  forty,  thirty- 
five,  thirty.  Here  I  am,  like  a  barrel  rolling  down  hill. 
I  never  know  when  to  stop.  I'll  wrap  up  these  five 
papers  for  twenty,  fifteen,  nine,  eight  and  a  half. 
There,  ten  cents  will  buy  the  entire  lot,  '  kit  and  ca- 
boodle,' and  if  that  isn't  enough  for  your  money,  step 
right  up  and  help  yourselves.  Who  will  have  this  lot 
for  ten  cents  ?  Sold  for  ten  cents ;  not  sold,  but  mor- 
ally and  Christianly  given  away.  Where  Christians 
dwell,  blessings  freely  flow.  Would  it  make  any  dif- 
ference to  you,  sir,  if  I  should  give  you  five  more 
papers  in  the  bargain?  All  right,  sir;  here  they  are, 
here  they  are.  You  can't  give  in  vain  to  a  good  cause. 
Remember,  God  loveth  a  cheerful  giver." 

From  this  I  went  on  through  his  stock,  giving  a  full 
line  of  talk  on  everything  I  picked  up,  and  when  fin- 


MEETING  AN  OLD  ACQUAINTANCE      175 

ished,  he  was  ready  to  do  business,  and  we  were  not 
long  in  arranging  a  sale,  he  to  pay  me  the  usual  ten 
per  cent  commission. 

One  of  his  neighbors  had  a  hand  printing  press,  and 
after  writing  up  an  advertisement,  we  had  a  thousand 
circulars  run  off,  announcing  the  beginning,  on  the 
coming  Wednesday,  and  distributing  them  in  the  vil- 
lage and  among  the  farmers,  of  which  there  were  Cjuite 
a  number  in  the  vicinity. 

The  next  Sunday,  I  learned  that  two  of  our  hotel 
boarders,  on  Monday,  were  going  up  the  stream,  which 
bordered  the  town,  in  a  canoe,  for  a  two-days'  fishing 
trip,  to  what  they  called  the  inlet  or  basin,  and,  as 
they  were  going  to  camp  out,  I  became  anxious  to  join 
them,  and  making  the  fact  known,  had  no  trouble  in 
arranging  matters. 

While  we  were  getting  our  boat  ready  at  the  land- 
ing, a  small  tow-headed  lad  came  down  and  talked 
almost  incessantly  about  the  great  luck  he  and  his 
father  and  brother  had,  while  out  fishing,  three  days 
before. 

At  lastj  looking  up  at  him,  I  said : 

"  Say  Kid,  do  you  know  what's  the  matter  with 
me?" 


176        IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

He  hesitated  a  moment  and  said : 

"  No ;  I  don't  know  what's  the  matter  with  you." 

"  Well,"  I  replied,  "  I  talk  too  much." 

He  didn't  seem  to  catch  the  point  and  instantly 
began  talking  as  rapidly  as  ever. 

A  few  moments  later,  I  again  said : 

"  Say  Kid,  do  you  know  what's  the  matter  with 
me?" 

"  No,"  he  replied. 

"Well,  I  talk  too  much,"  I  again  answered,  and  still 
he  kept  talking  away,  telling  his  fish  stories ;  when  the 
third  time  I  said : 

"  Say,  do  you  know  what's  the  matter  with  me?  " 

He  replied,  "No,  I  told  you." 

"  Well,  as  I  said  before,  I  talk  too  much." 

At  this  he  became  very  quiet  and  seemed  to  be  try- 
ing to  think  out  what  I  was  driving  at. 

The  two  men  and  myself  made  the  trip  and  met 
with  unusual  success  in  bass  fishing,  that  afternoon, 
and  had  a  most  enjoyable  night,  camping  at  the  inlet. 

The  next  morning,  one  of  the  men  arose  very  early, 
and  on  going  to  the  landing,  discovered,  when  looking 
into  the  clear  water,  an  enormous  number  of  perch, 
and  came  back  to  notify  us. 


MEETING  AN  OLD  ACQUAINTANCE      177 

We  were  out  and  ready  for  business  in  a  very  few 
moments,  but  discovered  that  in  some  way  we  had 
lost  our  big  can  of  bait.  The  men  said  they  would  cut 
up  a  fish  for  bait,  and  while  doing  so,  I  took  my  hook 
and  line  and  went  where  the  perch  were  so  thick,  and 
noticing  an  old  red  flannel  shirt  hanging  over  the  cor- 
ner of  the  fence,  I  tore  off  a  small  piece,  fastened  it  to 
my  hook  and  threw  it  into  the  water.  In  an  instant, 
it  seemed  to  me  that  a  million  fish  darted  for  it.  and 
instantly,  I  hauled  in  a  beauty,  and  to  make  sure  that 
they  would  come  again,  I  tried  it  once  more,  with  the 
same  result. 

Having  a  large  supply  of  hooks  and  lines,  I  said 
nothing,  but  took  possession  of  the  flannel  shirt,  and 
quietly  returning  to  camp,  I  fastened  eleven  more 
hooks  to  my  line,  one  above  the  other,  on  a  short  line, 
about  six  inches  apart,  and  baited  each  one,  with  a 
piece  of  the  red  flannel,  and  hid  the  rest,  and  returning 
to  the  landing,  T  called  to  the  men  to  watch  me  just 
a  moment,  and  witness  the  greatest  feat  in  fishing  on 
record.  So  saying,  I  dropped  my  twelve  hooks  in,  and 
in  a  jifify,  hauled  out  twelve  fine  perch. 

The  men  came  running  up,  and  under  great  excite- 
ment, asked  for  some  of  the  red  flannel. 


178       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

I  told  them  I  was  very  sorry  there  wasn't  any  more, 
and  suggested  that  I  could  keep  them  both  busy  un- 
hooking my  fish,  and  they  went  to  work,  and  if  I  never 
tell  another  fish  story,  I  want  this  one  to  go  down  in 
history  as  the  biggest  true  fish  story  on  record. 

I  stood  there  for  a  whole  hour,  and  not  in  a  single 
instance  did  I  drop  in  those  hooks  that  I  didn't  in- 
stantly bring  forth  twelve  fine  fish. 

The  only  regret  I  had  was  that  I  didn't  have  three 
just  such  outfits  for  myself,  and  the  two  men  to  un- 
hook them,  so  that  I  could  keep  one  set  of  hooks  in  the 
water  all  the  time. 

At  last,  the  fish  suddenly  quit  biting.  Whether  or 
not  they  had  gotten  "onto  my  game,"  I  don't  know, 
but  not  another  bite  could  I  get. 

The  ground  was  literally  covered  with  fish,  and  one 
of  the  men  suggested  that  we  put  most  of  them  back 
into  the  water,  as  we  couldn't  use  them. 

"  Well,  I  guess  not,"  I  replied.  "If  we  can't  eat 
them,  we  will  sell  them." 

"  Yes  we  will.  I'd  like  to  see  you  sell  anything  in 
our  town,"  remarked  one,  and  said,  if  I'd  give  him 
what  he  wanted  for  his  family,  he'd  take  fifty  cents 
for  his  share  of  all  we  had. 


MEETING  AN  OLD  ACQUAINTANCE      179 

"  So  will  I,"  retorted  the  other. 

"  Very  well,"  said  I,  "  here  is  your  money,"  and 
handed  each  of  them  their  price,  with  the  understand- 
that  they  were  to  help  load  them  into  the  boat. 

One  peculiarity  about  the  people  in  this  country  was, 
that  they  placed  little  or  no  value  on  their  work,  and 
seemed  to  be  devoid  of  judgment,  as  regards  values. 
They  were  always  ready  and  willing  to  do  something 
for  nothing,  were  nearly  all  devout  Christians  and 
strong  temperance  people. 

Having  satisfied  our  ambition  for  fishing,  we  pulled 
for  town,  and  on  arriving  at  the  landing,  I  arranged 
with  the  drayman  of  the  town  to  put  my  fish  into  three 
or  four  boxes  and  drive  up  on  the  street  with  them, 
and  cutting  a  lot  of  my  fish  lines  up  into  small  pieces, 
I  put  the  drayman  and  two  other  men  to  stringing  the 
perch,  six  and  twelve  in  a  bunch,  and  the  bass,  three 
and  six  together;  and  when  completed,  I  mounted  the 
wagon,  and  with  the  hotel  dinner  bell  in  hand,  started 
around  the  little  burg  with  the  drayman  as  driver,  and 
I  did  a  good  job  of  what  the  street  man  would  call 
"  Ballahooing,"  ringing  the  bell,  and  announcing  in 
a  loud  voice,  that  a  large  supply  of  nice  fish  would  be 


180       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

sold  at  auction  to  the  highest  bidder,  and  incited  every 
one  to  turn  out  and  to  come  quick,  and  get  first  choice. 

By  the  time  we  had  driven  around  the  town,  and 
returned  to  the  main  street,  the  whole  population  had 
turned  out  en  masse,  with  baskets,  pails,  dishpans  and 
milkpans,  ready  to  do  business. 

In  five  minutes,  I  was  selling  the  perch  off,  first,  in 
bunches  of  eighteen,  then  twelve,  and  at  last  six,  and 
the  fine  bass  in  lots  of  six  and  three,  and  no  one  ever 
saw  fish  sell  faster. 

Before  I  had  finished,  I  sold  to  several  of  the  first 
buyers,  a  second  lot,  at  a  lower  price  than  at  first. 

After  figuring  up,  I  found  I  had  cleared  a  little  over 
eight  dollars;  better  than  to  throw  them  away — be- 
sides, I  needed  the  money. 

That  evening,  in  the  big  store,  which  I  had  arranged 
to  sell  out  at  auction,  a  large  crowd  had  gathered,  and 
I  was  relating  with  great  gush,  my  phenomenal  fish 
story,  when  suddenly  the  tow-headed  lx)y  came  upon 
the  scene.  He  watched  and  listened  intently  to  my 
repetition  of  the  wonderful  luck  T  had  had,  when,  just 
as  I  had  "  let  up  "  for  a  second,  he  said : 

"  Say,  Mr.,  do  you  know  what's  the  matter  with 
me?" 


THE  Fli.H  AbCTlON-lHi.  WHOLE  POPULATION  TURNED  OUT  ENMASSE. 
READY  TO  DO  BUSINESS. 


MEETING  AN  OLD  ACQUAINTANCE      181 

"  Why,  no,"  I  replied,  "  I  don't  know  what's  the 
matter  with  yon." 

"  Well,  sir,"  said  he,  "  I  talk  too  much." 


182       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 


CHAPTER  X. 

A  Combination  that  Paid — On  the  Road  with  a  Lucrative 
Business — Trading  for  Anything,  from  a  Cambric 
Needle  to  a  Grindstone — A  Queer  Turkey  Deal — Trad- 
ing for  an  Ox-team  and  Wagon — Another  Trade  for 
a  Mule — A  Regular  Caravan  in  Appearance — Selling 
the  Outfit  at  Auction — Giving  a  Lecture  to  a  Full 
House — Killed  My  First  and  Only  Bear — How  it  Hap- 
pened— Selling  the  Carcass  to  a  Butcher — A  Valuable 
Lesson  in  Salesmanship — My  Return  to  Hot  Springs 
— Posing  as  a  "Crack"  Shot — How  I  Asked  the  Bless- 
ing. 

In  arranging  for  the  auction  sale,  the  merchant  fol- 
lowed my  advice  and  brought  out  all  rubbish  and  shop- 
worn goods  to  be  disposed  of  first,  leaving  the  better 
class  of  goods  for  the  last. 

While  going  through  his  stock  I  found  any  quantity 
of  spectacles  and  eye-glasses,  and  several  small  boxes 
containing  gold-filled  and  solid  gold  spectacle  frames, 
and  a  large  number  of  lenses.  When  I  asked  him  how 
he  had  been  doing  his  fitting  of  glasses  he  brought 
forth  an  almost  new  Hardy  Optometer,  with  revolv- 
ing disk  and  several  test  charts  and  said  he'd  like  to 
sell  out  his  entire  spectacle  stock  and  testing  outfit,  as 
he  wasn't  a  success  as  an  optician. 


A  COMBINATION  THAT  PAID  183 

I  traded  him  a  gold-filled  Elgin  watch  and  filled 
chain  and  charm  for  his  entire  spectacle  outfit,  and  im- 
mediately arranged  a  place  for  fitting  glasses  in  the 
back  of  his  store-room,  as  this  privilege  was  a  part  of 
the  deal. 

On  \\'ednesday  evening  we  opened  our  first  auction 
sale,  with  the  most  flattering  success. 

The  people  in  Arkansas,  I  discovered,  were  no  ex- 
ception to  the  rule,  when  it  came  to  buying  old  rubbish 
at  auction  and  paying  more  for  it  than  they  would  for 
the  best  and  newest  goods. 

When  arranging  the  goods  for  sale  I  found  on  one 
of  the  back  shelves  a  part  of  an  old  revolver. 

The  hammer  and  the  cylinder  in  which  the  car- 
tridges were  placed,  v^^hen  loading,  were  missing,  and 
carefully  wrapping  it  in  a  piece  of  tissue  paper  and 
placing  it  in  a  small  pasteboard  box,  I  laid  it  away, 
remarking  that  I'd  have  a  little  fun  with  it  in  the  open- 
ing of  my  sale. 

There  was  a  large  crowd,  the  big  store-room  being 
packed,  as  this  was  the  first  auction  sale  ever  held  in 
the  town ;  besides,  many  of  them  had  never  attended 
an  auction  sale  before. 


184       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

After  making  my  introductory  talk  I  picked  up  the 
old  piece  of  revolver  and  said  : 

"  The  first  article  I  shall  offer  for  sale  is  this  old- 
fashioned,  rusted  out  and  worn  out  weapon,"  and 
holding  my  hand  over  the  part  where  the  hammer  and 
cylinder  once  had  been,  I  said : 

"  It  has  no  cylinder  nor  hammer  and  isn't  worth 
carrying  home,  but  how  much  am  I  bid  for  it? 
Who  will  give  two  dollars  to  start  it  ?  Who  will  give 
a  dollar?    Who  will  start  it  for  fifty  cents?  " 

"  I  will,"  shouted  a  big  fellow,  away  back  in  the 
rear. 

With  this  as  a  starter,  I  ran  it  up  on  ten  cent  bids 
to  one  dollar  and  thirty  cents  and  sold  it.  As  the 
buyer  passed  up  the  cash  I  handed  it  to  him,  saying : 

"  Now,  sir,  if  I  have  misrepresented  this  old  piece 
of  firearms  in  any  way  I'll  give  back  your  money," 

After  he  had  looked  it  over  carefully  I  asked  if  I 
described  it  correctly  and  he  said  T  had,  and  after  the 
crowd  had  had  a  laugh  over  it,  I  told  him  I  wouldn't 
give  back  his  money,  as  it  was  bad  luck  to  give  back 
money,  but  I'd  allow  him  what  he  paid  for  it  in  trade. 

This  pleased  him  and  made  a  good  customer  of  him. 


A  COMBINATION  THAT  PAID  185 

and  made  every  one  in  the  audience  feel  good,  and  our 
first  sale  netted  over  a  hundred  and  fifty  dollars  cash. 

When  the  sale  was  about  half  over  I  took  up  nearly 
twenty  minutes  explaining  that  I  was  from  Chicago, 
where  I  had  resided  for  many  years,  and  was  engaged 
there  in  the  optical  business  and  understood  the  art  of 
fitting  glasses  to  perfection,  and  that  I  was  traveling 
through  that  country  on  horseback  for  health  and  re- 
creation and  had  by  mere  chance  taken  charge  of  that 
auction  sale;  that  when  a  young  man  I  had  followed 
the  business  of  auctioneering  and  this  was  the  first  sale 
I  had  made  for  many  years, 

I  then  began  a  talk  on  the  anatomy  of  the  eye,  its 
defects,  etc.,  and  how  structural  defects  would  cause 
headache,  dizziness,  sick  stomach  and  nervousness,  and 
wound  up  by  saying  that  I  was  prepared  to  give  free 
tests  and  examinations  of  eyes  in  the  back  part  of  the 
room,  and  could  always  be  found  there  when  not  sell- 
ing at  auction. 

This  talk,  which  I  repeated  at  every  sale,  was  better 
than  all  the  advertising  I  could  have  done  in  news- 
papers or  with  circulars,  and  during  my  entire  stay 
there  T  was  kept  busy  fitting  glasses  when  not  auction- 
eering. 


186       IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

My  old  friend  Heilman,  the  landlord,  never  failed  to 
put  in  a  good  word  for  me,  saying : 

"  I  have  knowed  him  ever  since  he  was  three  years 
old,  and  will  vouch  for  anything  he  says  or  does,  by 
gum !  " 

Not  being  provided  with  the  proper  instruments  to 
do  what  is  known  as  compound  work,  I  was  obliged  to 
confine  myself  to  spherical  work  alone. 

In  all  the  bad  cases  I  frankly  explained  that  I  was 
not  prepared  to  fit  them  correctly,  and  charged  accord- 
ingly, and  simply  did  the  best  I  could  with  the  facili- 
ties I  had. 

Old  Nelson  Sizer,  of  New  York,  the  greatest  phre- 
nologist of  his  day,  examined  my  "  bumps  "  when  he 
was  eighty-four  years  of  age,  and  when  filling  out  my 
chart,  he  said : 

"  It's  as  natural  for  you  to  do  business  as  it  is  for  a 
duck  to  swim,  and  you  can't  get  away  from  it  and 
never  will,  if  you  live  a  hundred  years." 

While  in  the  midst  of  this  auction  and  optical  busi- 
ness I  recalled  to  mind  what  he  had  said  and  reflected 
that  I  had  started  out  on  a  trip  for  recreation  and 
pleasure,  exclusively,  and  here  I  was.  in  business  up  to 
mv  ears,  and  also  had  my  first  experience  as  a  fish 


A  COMBINATION  THAT  PAID  187 

peddler,  in  that  same  town.  "  Anyhow,"  I  argued  to 
myself,  "  why  should  I,  or  any  one  in  the  vigor  of 
health,  throw  away  the  slightest  opportunity  for  mak- 
ing a  few  dollars,  when  they  are  always  so  handy  to 
have?  Why  not  turn  everything  possible  into  money, 
and  then  have  the  fun  of  spending  it,  rather  than  not 
make  it  at  all  ?  " 

We  had  nine  evenings  and  five  afternoons  of  auction 
sales  there.  People  came  from  a  distance  of  twenty- 
five  and  thirty  miles  and  camped  out  for  two  and  three 
days,  to  attend  the  sale. 

The  total  auction  receipts  were  a  trifle  over  fourteen 
hundred  dollars.  Aly  commission  was  one  hundred 
and  forty;  besides,  I  had  taken  in  over  one  hundred 
and  fifty  dollars  for  spectacles. 

When  I  came  to  pack  up  my  optical  stock  I  found 
that  I  had  a  bulky  lot  of  goods  to  carry,  and  decided  to 
try  and  trade  for  a  light  vehicle  of  some  kind  and  a 
single  harness  with  which  I  could  drive,  instead  of 
traveling  on  horseback,  and  could  occasionally,  no 
doubt,  fit  a  pair  of  glasses.  Therefore,  I  was  not  long 
in  trading  my  rifle  for  a  light  huckster  wagon  and 
single  harness  and  a  double-barrel  shotgun,  and  on  the 


188        IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

following  Monday  morning,  after  closing  the  auction 
sale,  was  ready  to  resume  my  trip  westward. 

When  I  first  arranged  for  a  few  days'  auction  sale 
in  this  berg  I  had  written  to  my  wife,  explaining  my 
various  experiences,  and  requested  an  immediate  reply, 
which  I  received  the  Saturday  upon  which  we  made 
our  last  sale,  saying  she  was  getting  over  her  rheuma- 
tism and  would  be  ready  to  leave  there  in  about  ten 
days,  or  two  weeks. 

With  this  cheerful  news  I  started  out  with  renewed 
interest  and  found,  in  no  time,  that  it  was  very  hard 
to  pass  a  house  without  stopping  and  introducing  my 
spectacles. 

Realizing  that  cash  was  not  always  available  with 
many  of  the  natives,  and  knowing  that  eggs  and  butter 
were  plentiful,  I  purchased,  at  the  first  small  town  T 
passed  through,  a  tin  can  with  a  cover  to  it,  a  pair  of 
scales  and  a  shoe  box,  which  I  filled  with  oats  and 
bran,  and  after  posting  myself  on  the  market  prices  of 
almost  every  farm  product,  including  sheep  pelts  and 
coon  skins,  I  started  out. 

The  very  first  house  at  which  I  stopped,  after  thus 
equipping  myself,  I  fitted  the  man  and  his  wife,  each, 
with  a  pair  of  spectacles  and  took  my  pay,  ten  dollars 


A  COMBINATION  THAT  PAID  189 

and  fifty  cents,  in  eggs,  live  chickens  and  a  smoked 
ham. 

Wherever  I  found  people  over  forty  years  of  age  I 
had  no  trouble  to  do  business. 

Any  number  of  young,  as  well  as  elderly  people 
were  suffering  with  severe  headaches  and  stomach 
troubles,  all  of  which,  with  but  very  few  exceptions, 
I  found  were  due  to  eye  strain.  Telling  them  so,  how- 
ever, was  one  thing,  and  convincing  them,  another, 
though  I  was  successful  in  converting  a  few  of  these, 
and  fitted  them  with  glasses  no  doubt,  with  per- 
fectly satisfactory  results,  as  the  overcoming  of  these 
troubles  with  glasses  had  for  a  long  time  been  my 
specialty  and  hobby,  and  I  considered  myself  fairly 
competent  in  giving  proper  corrections,  and  always 
took  pains,  when  among  strangers  or  others,  to  be 
as  careful  and  painstaking  as  possible  in  my  examina- 
tions in  all  of  these  headache  cases. 

I  left  my  address  with  them  and  requested  them  to 
write  me  in  a  few  weeks  and  let  me  know  about  results, 
and  afterwards  received  four  letters,  informing  me 
that  three  cases  had  been  entirely  relieved  and  the 
fourth  had  been  benefited  but  the  trouble  not  entirely 
overcome, 


190        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

To  this  person,  after  referring  to  the  record  of  her 
frame  dimensions,  strength  of  lenses,  etc.,  which  I 
always  made  a  practice  of  keeping,  I  sent  another  pair 
with  stronger  lenses,  and  about  three  weeks  later  re- 
ceived a  letter  saying  that  her  headache  had  entirely 
disappeared;  that  she  had  followed  instructions  to  the 
letter,  about  wearing  her  glasses  every  hour  of  the  day, 
and  wouldn't  dispense  with  them  for  any  amount  of 
money.  Therefore,  although  I  always  charged  good 
prices,  I  felt  that  my  trip  through  that  God-forsaken 
country  had  not  been  devoid  of  some  good,  aside  from 
the  real  pleasure  and  fun  I  derived  from  it,  as  well  as 
having  profited  somewhat,  financially. 

One  man,  fifty  years  of  age,  whose  eyes  were  badly 
in  need  of  glasses  for  reading  and  close  work,  but  who 
had  never  worn  them,  became  greatly  excited  when  I 
fitted  him  and  showed  him  the  wonderful  improve- 
ments. 

I  charged  him  seven  dollars  and  fifty  cents.  He 
hadn't  but  fifty  cents,  so  I  asked  him  what  he  had  to 
trade  in  the  way  of  farm  products,  sheep  pelts  or  any- 
thing marketable. 

He  said  his  wife  had  some  butter  and  eggs  and  he 
had  some  coon  skins,  a  fox  skin  and  a  few  sheep  pelts. 


A  COMBINATION  THAT  PAID  191 

After  agreeing  on  the  prices  of  these  things,  and 
figuring  it  up,  we  found  he  was  still  short  a  dollar  and 
a  half,  for  which  I  offered  to  trust  him,  and  let  him 
send  it  to  me  later  on,  but  under  no  circumstances 
would  he  go  into  debt  for  a  penny's  worth.  However, 
he  happened  to  think  that  he  had  two  grindstones  and 
offered  me  my  choice  of  them  for  the  dollar  and  fifty 
cents. 

"  All  right,"  said  I,  "  it's  a  deal,"  and  we  loaded 
the  truck  into  my  "  cracker  wagon  "  and  I  pulled  out. 
Here  was  an  experience  that  amused  me  immensely, 
as  it  brought  me  back  to  my  very  first  business  ven- 
ture, when  I  started  out  buying  butter,  eggs,  chicken 
and  sheep  pelts,  when  but  sixteen  years  of  age. 

I  dare  say  that  had  I,  from  necessity,  engaged  in 
the  business,  it  would  have  seemed  different,  but  the 
fact  that  I  had  started  out  with  no  thoughts  of  any- 
thing of  the  kind,  and  had  simply  drifted  into  it  with- 
out the  slightest  effort,  and,  too,  met  with  such  flat- 
tering success,  made  it  the  more  interesting  to  me,  and 
as  I  was  driving  along  with  this  load  I  thought  to 
myself  that  the  one  thing  I  had  lacked  on  my  first  boy- 
hood venture  was  a  stock  of  spectacles. 

On  entering  the  first  small  town,  after  starting  out 


192       PVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

with  the  wagon,  I  was  loaded  to  the  brim  with  butter, 
eggs,  chickens,  sheep  pelts,  coon  skins,  three  turkeys, 
a  yellow  dog  and  the  grindstone,  and  in  addition  to  all 
this  truck,  I  had  taken  in  twenty-five  dollars. 

I  had  no  trouble  in  disposing  of  everything  I  had, 
and  at  a  slight  advance  over  what  I  had  allowed  for  it, 
until  it  came  to  the  grindstone  and  the  yellow  dog. 

Quite  a  large  crowd  had  gathered  around  my  wagon, 
while  selling  out  to  the  merchants,  and  as  there  seemed 
to  be  no  prospect  of  finding  a  buyer  for  the  dog  and 
grindstone,  I  announced  that  I  would  sell  them  to  the 
highest  bidder,  which  I  did,  and  got  a  dollar  and 
eighty-five  cents  for  the  grindstone  and  thirty  cents 
for  the  dog. 

"  Everything  was  fish  that  came  to  my  net,"  so  I 
arranged  with  one  of  the  merchants  there  to  give  free 
examinations  of  eyes  in  his  store,  after  which  I  got 
up  in  my  wagon  and,  calling  together  all  the  men  in 
the  town,  gave  them  a  thirty-minute  lecture  on  the  eye 
and  its  defects,  and  announced  that  if  any  of  them 
wished  to  have  their  eyes  examined,  free,  to  just  step 
inside  the  store,  and  no  one  need  to  feel  under  the  least 
oliligatinn  to  buy  glasses. 


A  COMBINATION  THAT  PAID  193 

In  this  way  I  sold  four  pairs  for  the  cash  and  again 
started  on  my  way,  rejoicing-. 

That  night  I  took  quarters  with  a  very  well-to-do 
farmer,  and  fitted  himself  and  wife  with  reading 
glasses  and  one  of  their  daughters  with  glasses,  to 
overcome  headache. 

The  next  morning,  at  breakfast,  the  wife  reminded 
her  husband  that  they  were  to  have  company  that  day, 
and  wanted  him  to  kill  a  rooster  for  dinner. 

I  remarked  that  I  had  a  shotgun  with  me,  and  would 
like  the  fun  of  shooting  the  chicken. 

They  agreed,  and  the  farmer  and  myself  started  for 
the  barn,  followed  by  the  whole  family,  as  the  shooting 
of  a  chicken  was  an  event  not  tO'  be  overlooked. 

The  back  barn  door  was  open,  and  as  we  looked  out 
in  the  barnyard  we  spied  a  fine  big  rooster,  directly  in 
front  of  me;  three  fine  turkeys  were  to  my  right,  and 
two  to  my  left. 

As  we  appeared  at  the  door  they  all,  including  the 
chicken,  straightened  up  and  were  apparently  on  the 
verge  of  running  away,  when  I  quickly  took  aim  at 
the  chicken  and  blazed  away.  The  old  gun  exploded 
like  a  magazine  and  kicked  like  a  Confederate  mule, 
and  I  landed  on  a  bunch  of  hay  on  the  barn  floor. 


104       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

When  I  regained  consciousness  the  whole  family 
was  in  an  uproar.  I  had  shot  the  chicken's  head  off 
and  killed  five  turkeys. 

The  farmer  wanted  to  know  what  sort  of  an  infernal 
machine  I  had  there,  anyhow,  and  asked  me  to  explain 
how  in  thunder  I  could  kill  all  the  poultry  on  the  farm 
with  one  shot. 

I  couldn't  explain  it,  and  told  him  so.  His  wife  was 
furious,  and  forthwith  demanded  five  dollars  for  the 
turkeys,  as  settlement,  which  I  paid,  without  an  argu- 
ment, and  so  sooner  had  I  paid  the  money  over,  than 
one  of  the  turkeys  jumped  up  and,  flapping  its  wings, 
began,  "  Quit !  Quit !  Quit !  "  and  being  surrounded 
by  the  family  outside,  ran  into  the  barn. 

Instantly  realizing  that  the  concussion  from  my  old 
gun  had  simply  stunned  them  and  knocked  them  sense- 
less, I  gathered  up  the  other  four,  and  after  procuring 
some  twine  and  tying  their  legs,  we  captured  the  other 
one  and  served  him  likewise. 

When  I  asked  the  women  which  she  wanted  to  do, 
keep  the  five  dollars  or  the  turkeys,  she  reckoned  she'd 
rather  have  the  money  than  five  half  dead  turkeys,  so 
I  loaded  them  into  the  wagon,  and  started  out,  and  had 


,  '..^^., 


'The  farmer  wanted  to  knozv  what  kind  of  an  infernal  machine 
I  had  there,  anyhow." 


196        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

not  traveled  three  miles,  when  I  met  a  man  out  buying 
poultry  and  sold  him  my  fi\e  turkeys  for  seven  dollars. 

One  day  I  drove  up  to  vhere  a  farmer  and  a  mover 
were  having  a  conversation. 

The  mover's  wife  was  driving  a  pair  of  horses 
hitched  to  a  covered  wagon,  while  he  was  driving  an 
ox  team  and  was  trying  to  sell  the  w^agon  and  oxen  to 
the  farmer. 

He  said  he  was  moving  out  into  "  civilization,"  and 
wanted  to  get  some  cash  out  of  the  ox  team ;  besides, 
they  were  so  much  slower  than  the  horses  that  it  was 
very  annoying  to  travel  \\  ith  them. 

The  farmer  said  he  had  no  use  for  them,  so  I  struck 
up  a  deal  and  gave  tlie  niover  a  gold-filled  watch  and 
chain  and  fifteen  dollars  in  cash  for  the  outfit. 

After  making  the  deal  I  turned  to  the  farmer  and 
tried  to  hire  him  to  drive  the  ox  team  to  a  little  town, 
six  miles  distant,  where  I  thought  I  might  dispose  of 
them. 

He  said  he  couldn't  possibly  leave  home,  as  his  wife 
was  very  sick  and  was  not  expected  to  live,  and  T 
thought  myself,  "  I'd  better  dig  out  of  this  before  I  get 
another  funeral  on  my  hands,"  and  as  T  had  it  all  to 
do   myself,    T    hitched    my   horse    behind    the   covered 


A  COMBINATION  THAT  PAID  197 

wagon,  and  taking  up  the  ox  whip,  gee'd  them  around 
and  started,  and  as  one  of  them  was  a  white  ox  I 
called  him  "  Blue." 

About  three  miles  from  where  I  traded  for  the  oxen 
I  came  up  to  a  cheap  farmer,  who  asked  me  if  I  was 
out  swapping. 

I  replied  that  I  made  a  deal  now  and  then,  and  asked 
him  what  he  had. 

He  said  he  had  a  "  darn  "  nice  big  mule  that  he'd 
swap  for  anything  I  had,  as  he  had  never  owned  a 
mule  before  and  wasn't  used  to  them. 

I  found  that  he  hadn't  money  enough  to  pay  the  dif- 
ference between  the  mule  and  my  oxen  outfit,  so  I 
showed  him  my  shotgun,  and  after  testing  his  wife's 
and  his  eyes,  I  gave  them  each  a  pair  of  spectacles  and 
the  shotgun  for  the  oKl  mule  and  harness. 

I  then  gave  him  fifty  cents  for  a  whiffletree  and  his 
wife's  clothesline,  which  1  used  to  lengthen  the  lines 
and  for  the  novelty  of  the  thing  I  hitched  the  old  mule 
in  front  of  the  oxen  and  started  on. 

I  thought  of  how  I  would  enjoy  meeting  my  wife 
and  some  of  our  Northern  friends  about  that  time,  and 
was  in  hopes  that  I  would  have  an  opportunity  to  have 
the  entire  outfit  ]:)hotographed  before  disposing  of  it, 


198        IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

which,  liowever,  I  was  unable  to  do,  as  I  made  short 
work  of  selHng  the  mule,  oxen  and  wagon  at  auction, 
on  arriving  at  the  little  berg. 

Calling  together  every  one  in  town,  I  explained  how 
I  had  come  in  possession  of  the  mule  and  oxen,  and 
then  announced  that  I  was  going  to  sell  them  at  auc- 
tion to  the  highest  bidder. 

Two  or  three  men  wanted  me  to  sell  them  all  in  a 
bunch  together,  but  experience  had  taught  me  to  do 
right  the  opposite.  Therefore,  I  first  sold  the  mule's 
harness  for  two  dollars,  then  the  mule  for  twelve,  and 
when  it  came  to  the  oxen.  T  separated  them  and  first 
sold  the  yoke  for  three  dollars  and  fifty  cents,  then  the 
white  ox  for  seventeen  dollars,  and  the  other  for 
twenty-one  and  closed  the  wagon  out  for  an  even  ten 
dollar  bill,  and  was  readv  to  make  another  start  with 
Dynamite  and  the  cracker  wagon. 

When  I  called  at  a  little  drug  store  for  a  small  pur- 
chase, I  noticed,  lying  on  a  shelf,  a  copy  of  my  book, 
"  Twenty  Years  of  Hus'ling,"  and  noticing  that  the 
druggist  kept  a  few  different  kinds  of  books  for  sale, 
I  asked  if  he  sold  many  of  the  "  PTus'ler." 

He  said  that  he  should  think  that  he  had,  that  he 


A  COMBINATION  THAT  PAID  199 

didn't  think  he  had  sold  less  than  fifty  altogether,  and 
that  all  the  farmers  and  every  one  in  town  had  read  it. 

I  then  said : 

"  Well,  I  suppose  if  the  author  of  this  book  was  to 
give  a  lecture  here,  he  could  get  a  fairly  good  crowd, 
couldn't  he?" 

"  I  should  say  he  could,"  was  the  reply.  "  Is  he 
out  giving  lectures  ?  " 

'*  Well,  now,  I'll  tell  you,"  said  I,  "  I  am  the  author 
of  this  book,  and  I  have  a  lecture  that  I  have  given 
many  times  and  have  never  failed  to  make  it  a  success, 
although  I  haven't  given  it  for  some  time." 

He  looked  me  over  pretty  carefully,  and  as  I  had 
purchased  and  was  wearing  a  long  linen  coat,  as  a 
duster,  and  hadn't  shaved  myself  for  a  few  days,  I  was 
looking  rather  rough,  and  could  see  that  he  was  in- 
clined to  doubt  my  word.  Therefore.  I  showed  him  a 
letter  from  my  wife,  addressed  to  myself,  and  a  few 
other  credentials,  when  he  became  very  enthusiastic 
and  said  he  owned  the  only  hall  in  town,  suitable  for 
entertainments,  and  if  I'd  give  him  a  little  specimen  of 
the  lecture,  and  if  he  thought  it  was  all  right,  he  would 
work  up  a  nice  crowd  and  give  me  sixty  per  cent  of  the 
gross  receipts. 


200        IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

I  gave  him  about  ten  minutes  of  my  lecture,  when 
he  threw  up  his  hands  and  said :  "  All  right,  all  right, 
I  am  in  for  it,  and  we  will  have  it  next  Saturday  even- 
ing, as  on  that  day  and  evening  all  the  farmers  for 
miles  around  will  be  here,  and,  having  read  your  book, 
they  will  all  attend." 

So  saying,  he  went  to  work  with  a  vim  and  put  up 
large,  hand-printed  bulletins  in  every  place  in  town, 
and  sent  word  in  every  direction  regarding  the  lecture. 

We  gave  no  intimation  whatever  to  any  one  that  I 
was  the  man,  and  I  took  quarters  at  the  only  boarding- 
house  in  the  town  and  began  a  quiet  rehearsal  of  the 
lecture. 

By  Saturday  noon,  the  whole  town  and  many  farm- 
ers were  going  to  the  lecture,  but  all  were  wondering 
when,  wherefrom  and  how  Johnston  was  to  get  there. 

The  druggist  assured  them  that  they  needn't  worry, 
that  the  lecture  would  come  off  all  right. 

When  the  doors  of  the  hall  were  opened  that  night 
it  was  a  question  with  me  where  upon  the  face  of  the 
earth  all  the  people  came  from. 

The  hall  was  packed  with  children  at  fifteen  cents, 
and  grown  persons  at  twenty-five,  and  I  never  had  a 
more  appreciative  audience. 


A  COM  BIX  ATI  OX  THAT  PAID 


201 


The  receipts  for  the  night  were  eighty-five  dohars, 
of  which  my  share  \\as  fifty-one,  and  so  the  good  work 
kept  up. 

The  following  ^Monday  T  made  a  new  start,  taking 
an  ahnost  direct  southern  course. 


"Put  up  large,  hand-frintcd  bullet  ins  in  ez'ery  plaee  in  tozvn. 

I  found  money  rather  more  plentiful  in  this  direc- 
tion; yet  was  e)1)liged  to  do  a  little  trading  now  and 
then  to  keep  up  the  excitement. 

I  fitted  one  man  and  his  wife,  each,  with  a  pair  of 
glasses,  for  which  1  took  a  fine  six- weeks  old  calf,  and 
with  another  farmer  1  traded  for  a  big,  fat  sheep. 


: 


7   took   both   the  calf  and  sheep  alive  to  the  nearest  tozvn  and 
sold  them  to  a  butcher." 


A  COMBINATION  THAT  PAID  203 

I  took  both  the  calf  and  sheep,  ahve,  to  the  nearest 
town  and  sold  to  a  ])ntchei'.  I  made  it  a  rule  never  to 
miss  a  sale,  where  it  was  possible  to  trade  tor  any- 
thing, no  matter  what  it  was,  just  so  I  could  load  it 
into  my  wagon  and  try  and  find  a  market  for  it. 

One  Sunday  in  one  of  these  small  inland  towns, 
about  ten  o'clock  in  the  morning  a  small  boy  came  run- 
ning' up  to  my  boarding-house,  or  tavern  as  they  called 
them  in  that  country,  and  under  great  excitement,  and 
all  out  of  breath,  told  the  landlord  that  his  father  and 
himself  had  a  bear  treed  alxDut  a  mile  from  town  in 
the  woods. 

The  landlord  first  scofTed  at  the  idea,  and  was  in- 
clined to  think  that  the  lad  was  crazy,  when  I  said : 
"  If  you  have  a  gun,  let's  go  and  see."  At  this,  he 
grabbed  his  rifle  and  started  off,  following  the  boy, 
and  myself  and  the  whole  town,  men,  women  and  chil- 
dren following  him. 

The  lad  had  spread  the  news  broadcast,  on  his  way 
to  get  the  landlord,  whom  he  knew  to  have  a  good 
rifle. 

By  the  time  we  reached  the  woods  I  had  been  out- 
winded  and  nearly  every  one  was  ahead  of  me. 

When  I  came  to  where  the  bov's  father  and  brother 


A  COMBINATIOX  THAT  PAID  205 

were  still  watching  the  big  tree,  the  landlord  and  the 
whole  crowd  were  looking  straight  up  into  the  tree, 
trying  to  locate  the  bear. 

Noticing  this,  I  stopped  about  eight  or  ten  rods  dis- 
tant and  peered  up  into  the  tree,  where,  in  plain  view, 
was  a  two-thirds  grown  black  l)ear,  with  his  fore  legs 
spread  from  one  limb  to  another,  and  looking  down 
directly  at  me. 

At  this  instant,  I  heard  the  cracking  of  limbs  behind 
me,  and  looking  back,  there  came  a  big.  tall  fellow 
with  an  old-fashioned,  smooth-bore  rifle. 

x\s  he  approached  me,  I  turned  quickly  and  said : 

"  Give  me  your  gun." 

Intuitively  he  did  so.  and  in  a  jiffy  I  put  a  bullet 
through  the  bear's  head,  and  as  he  came  down  through 
those  limbs  with  a  crash,  like  a  thousand  of  brick, 
such  a  scattering  and  screaming  and  scrambling  and 
falling  over  each  other  to  escape  with  their  lives,  I 
never  saw  before,  and  I  guess  some  of  them  are  run- 
ning yet. 

The  landlord  was  the  worst  frightened  of  thein  all. 

He  had  just  spied  the  bear  and  had  cocked  his  gun, 
when  the  climax  came,  and  the  next  instant,  in  his 
wild  scramble  to  escape,  he  fell  headlong  on  the  ground 


206       IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

and,  to  add  to  the  excitement  and  confusion,  his  gun 
was  accidentally  discharged,  and  in  his  second  scram- 
ble, after  having  partially  regained  his  footing,  he  fell 
once  more,  this  time  with  his  full  weight  on  the  gtm, 
breaking  the  stock  from  the  barrel  and  raising  havoc 
in  general. 

A  worse  scared  man  I  never  saw,  nor  a  madder  one, 
after  the  excitement  had  subsided. 

He  didn't  speak  to  me  from  that  time  until  1  left, 
the  next  day,  when  he  did  condescend  to  tell  me  how 
much  I  owed  him,  and  to  say  "  goodby." 

The  butcher  of  the  town  was  present  and  wanted  to 
know  what  I'd  take  for  the  dead  bear. 

I  hadn't  the  slightest  idea  what  it  was  worth,  but 
being  open  for  business,  I  told  him  I'd  take  ten  dollars 
for  him. 

He  offered  five  dollars,  and  I  didn't  dicker  a  minute, 
but  sold  out  on  the  spot.  I  gave  the  man  and  his  two 
sons,  who  treed  the  bear,  and  the  man  from  whom  I 
torrowed  the  gun,  each  a  dollar  and  kept  the  other 
dollar  myself. 

The  next  morning  we,  and  I  guess  every  one  in 
town,  had  bear  steak  for  breakfast,  and  it  was  very 
tender  and  nice. 


A  COMBINATION  THAT  PAID 


207 


Wondering  what  would  happen  next,  I  made  an- 
other start  the  next  morning,  and  inside  of  two  hours 
had  traded  two  pairs  of  spectacles  for  three  geese  and 
a  nice  fat  pig. 

My  next  trade  w^as  for  a  bag  of  cotton  seed,  of  the 


"A  worse  scared  man  I  never  saiv." 

value  of  which  I  knew  nothing,  and  a  crazy  quilt, 
which  the  woman  had  just  finished,  and  parted  with 
for  a  pair  of  solid  gold  spectacles.  This  quilt  I  still 
have  in  the  house. 

I  was  now  in  a  richer  and  better  settled  portion  of 
the  country  and  had,  therefore,  made  some  very  fine 


208        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

cash  sales,  in  addition  to  the  many  unique  trades ;  yet, 
in  this  more  civiHzed  portion  of  the  country,  my  trip 
was  less  interesting  and  I  headed  for  the  nearest  rail- 
road town,  where  I  marketed  my  truck,  packed  up  my 
stock  in  trade  and  shipped  it  home ;  sold  my  wagon 
and  harness  at  auction,  and  headed  for  Hot  Springs, 
on  horsehack,  the  same  as  I  had  started  out,  and  no 
one  knew  better  than  myself  "  What  happened  to  John- 
ston "  on  this  inland  trip. 

I  have  always  said,  since  making  this  trip,  that  from 
one  standpoint,  in  particular,  it  was  of  much  value 
to  me. 

I  had  started  out  with  plenty  of  money  in  my  pocket, 
and  knew  where  to  get  more,  if  I  needed  it,  so  the 
sole  object  of  the  trip  was  for  recreation  and  amuse- 
ment, and  when  I  found  myself  almost  unconsciously 
deluged  with  business  I  looked  upon  it  as  a  part  of  the 
fun,  and,  therefore,  when  it  came  to  making  trades, 
and  especially  when  selling  a  pair  of  spectacles,  I  natu- 
rally had  an  air  of  absolute  indifference  about  me. 
I  simply  explamed  my  theory  of  the  case  and 
in  the  most  independent,  off-hand  manner,  left  it,  more 
to  the  judgment  and  inclination  of  the  patient  than  I 


A  COMBINATIOX  THAT  PAID  209 

would  have  done  had  I  started  out  on  a  purely  business 
proposition. 

I  very  soon  discovered  that  this  indifferent,  inde- 
pendent manner  was  just  what  caught  the  people, 
"  wliere  the  people  were  weak,"  and  I  played  it  for  all 
it  was  worth  and  to  the  limit,  and  have  always  prac- 
ticed and  advocated  that  principle  of  salesmanship  ever 
since. 

For  instance,  were  I  to  make  an  examination  of  the 
eyes  of  some  person  more  or  less  illiterate  and  very 
much  set  in  his  way  of  thinking,  and  should  find  he 
had  a  defect  that  would  surely  cause  headaches,  and 
should  tell  him  so.  and  he  should  attempt  to  take  issue 
w^ith  me  on  the  subject,  I  would  say  to  him :  "  All 
right,  sir,  I  have  passed  the  experimental  stages  of  my 
business  and  know  exactly  what  I  am  talking  about 
and  have  no  time  to  argue  with  skeptics.  Therefore, 
whenever  you  become  far  enough  advanced  in  this 
work  and  know  enough  of  me  so  that  you  can  believe 
in  me  and  my  theories,  please  call  again.  Until  then 
you  and  I  will  not  l)e  apt  to  do  business,  as  I  am  not 
arguing  with,  coaxing  nor  urging  any  one  to  do  busi- 
ness with  me.  I  don't  have  to,  as  I  have  plenty  of 
business  without  it." 


210        JVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

Usually  the  man  or  woman,  to  whom  this  sort  of 
talk  "  has  been  handed,"  will  yield  up  and  lay  down 
the  cash,  with,  profuse  apologies. 

On  arriving-  at  Hot  Springs  T  found  mv  wife  en- 
tirely cured  of  her  rheumatism  and  in  the  best  of 
health,  and  throwing  a  roll  of  money  into  her  lap  that 
almost  took  away  her  breath.  I  explained  that  I  had 
had  lots  of  fun  making  it.  while  she  was  being  cured 
of  her  suffering  and  pain,  and  now  she  could  have  lots 
of  fun  spending  it. 

The  next  day  after  my  arri^'al  we  went  out  for  a 
walk  and  stopped  at  a  shooting  gallery  where  they  had 
a  large  swing  constantly  moving  from  one  side  to  the 
other,  with  eight  glass  bottles  for  targets,  ^xl  they 
were  using  the  Stevens  eight-cartridge  rifles,  the  same 
with  which  Mrs.  Johnston  and  I  had  been  practicing 
almost  every  day  for  five  years. 

There  was  a  big  crowd  present,  and  lianding  her  a 
rifle,  I  asked  her  to  try  it.  and  as  fast  as  she  could 
shoot  she  broke  five  bottles,  one  after  the  other,  then 
missed  one  and  hit  the  next  two  amidst  shouts  from 
all  present;  then  after  new  bottles  had  been  placed. 
I  took  the  same  rlHc  and  sur]M"ised  myself  by  breaking 


A  COMBINATION  THAT  PAID  211 

the  entire  eight  bottles  in  succession,  amidst  another 
round  of  applause. 

Turning  to  Mrs.  Johnston,  I  said : 

"  Let's  get  out  of  here  while  our  credit  is  good." 

And,  so  saying,  laid  down  the  money,  when  the  pro- 
prietor said : 

"  Your  bill  is  paid,  and  any  time  you  folks  come 
here  it  will  cost  you  nothing  to  shoot  all  you  want  to." 

However,  we  made  no  further  visits  to  this  gallery, 
preferring  to  leave  the  impression  that  we  were  "  crack 
shots,"  and  let  it  go  at  that. 

When  relating  the  experiences  of  my  trip  to  Mrs. 
Johnston,  I  mentioned  that  I  had  made  fifty  dollars 
delivering  my  lecture  in  a  small  town,  and  this  re- 
minded her  that  tv;o  ladies  from  Arkadelphia,  Ar- 
kansas, had  been  stopping  at  the  hotel  and  had  told  her 
they  believed  nearly  every  person  in  that  town,  of  over 
three  thousand  inhabitants,  had  read  "  Twenty  Years 
of  Hus'ling." 

"  Well,  then."  said  I,  "  after  I  rest  here  a  few  days 
we  will  go  over  there  and  deliver  the  lecture."  And 
so  we  did. 

The  following  Monday,  I  arranged  with  the  Meth- 
odist school,  a  preparatory  school  for  theological  stu- 


212        JVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

dents,  to  give  it  in  the  auditorium,  and  then  began  ad- 
vertising it  thoroughly. 

Not  being  able  to  procure  satisfactory  accommoda- 
tions at  the  hotels  there,  I  looked  up  a  boarding  house, 
kept  by  a  v\'idow  who  was  a  devout  Christian,  and  who 
had  five  of  these  theological  students  boarding  with 
her. 

At  meal  time  these  five  students  occupied  seats  di- 
rectly opposite  Mrs.  Johnston  and  myself,  while  the 
landlady  was  seated  at  the  head  of  the  table,  with  her 
daughter  and  grandson  at  the  other  end. 

One  of  these  young  men,  a  clean-cut,  smooth-faced, 
tow-headed  chap,  always  asked  the  blessing,  and  this 
is  the  way  he  did  it : 

Bowing  his  head  reverently,  as  did  all  the  rest,  he 
would  mumble  in  a  nasal  tone  of  voice,  "  Heavenly 
Father,  Yum,  Yum     *     *     *     Christsake.  Amen," 

1  asked  my  wife  the  second  day  if  she  could  tell  me 
what  the  fellow  said  between  the  start  and  finish  of  his 
blessing. 

She  said  she  had  tried  to  make  it  out,  but  couldn't, 
as  it  was  always  the  same. 

The  morning  after  T  had  delivered  the  lecture  and 


A  COMBIXATIOX  THAT  PAID  213 

the  day  we  left  there  this  young  man  was  absent  from 
breakfast,  and  to  my  consternation,  the  landlady,  after 
gazing  steadily  at  me  for  a  moment,  in  her  typical 
southern  dialect  drawled  out : 

"  Mistah  Johnston,  will  yew  please  say  grace?  " 

I  hadn't  sense  enough  to  excuse  myself  right  in  the 
start,  and  not  realizing  how  far  out  of  my  line  I  was 
getting,  I  tried  my  best  to  think  of  something  to  say, 
but,  for  the  instant,  was  taken  with  genuine  stage 
fright  and  simply  "  lost  my  head  and  went  all  over  the 
track,"  as  the  old  sport  would  say. 

The  four  young  men  sat  there  waiting  and  starving, 
with  their  heads  bowed,  the  daughter  and  grandson 
also  waiting,  and  the  (^Id  lady  with  her  forehead  rest- 
ing on  her  hand,  all  waiting  for  me. 

After  taking  in  the  situation,  I  looked  pleadingly  at 
my  wife,  and  noticed  that  her  face  was  wreathed  in 
smiles. 

At  last,  coming  to  my  senses,  and  happening  to  think 
of  the  absent  young  man,  I  quickly  bowed  by  head, 
and,  with  exactly  the  same  nasal  twang,  mumbled  out : 

"  Heavenly  Father,  Yum.  Yum,  *  *  *  Christ- 
sake,     *     *     *     Amen." 


214        IVH.'ir  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

Everybody  laughed,  but  myself,  and  the  old  lady 
said : 

"  Well,  I  declare,  Mistah  Johnston,  I'm  suah  you 
did  jus'  about  as  well  as  the  othe'  fellow,  anyhow." 


A  TRIP  DOWN  EAST  215 


CHAPTER  XL 

Arrival  Home  from  Arkansas — Business  Getting  Worse 
Every  Day— A  Trip  Down  East — Procuring  a  Year's 
Extension  from  Creditors — A  Mix-up  in  Boston — A 
Unique  Real  Estate  Deal — The  Professor  and  His 
Bad  Hand  Shake — How  He  "Did  the  Town" — Trad- 
ing Our  Summer  Home  for  Tennessee  Property. 

On  our  arrival  home  from  the  Arkansas  trip,  we 
found  business  about  as  we  had  left  it,  very  nearly  at 
a  standstill. 

When  taking  an  inventory  that  year,  we  found  that 
we  had.  in  outstanding,  open  accounts  due  from  mer- 
chants, scattered  about  in  nearly  every  state  in  the 
Union,  over  one  hundred  and  twenty-five  thousand 
dollars,  in.  promissory  notes,  of  which  many  were  long 
past  due ;  one  hundred  and  fifty-five  thousand  dollars 
and  one  hundred  and  twenty  thousand  dollars  worth 
of  goods  and  merchandise  at  first  cost  from  manufac- 
turers, and  some  real  estate. 

My  liabilities  were  about  one  hundred  and  forty 
thousand  dollars. 

The  one  difficulty  was  that  my  indebtedness  was  all 
past  due.     However,  I  felt  that  with  this  showing,  if 


216        irHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

times  should  improve  a  little,  I  might  he  ahle  to  pull 
through  and  pay  a  hundred  cents  on  the  dollar,  even 
though  I  did  not  save  anything  for  myself,  and  with 
this  object  in  view.  I  made  a  trip  to  New  York,  Provi- 
dence and  Boston,  to  interview  my  creditors,  and  if 
possible,  arrange  for  a  year's  extension,  which,  by  the 
way,  I  had  no  difficulty  in  doing. 

When  I  left  Providence  for  Boston,  a  friend  ad- 
vised me  to  stop  at  Young's  Hotel,  while  there,  as  it 
was  centrally  located,  and  a  first-class  place. 

Arriving  there.  I  engaged  a  carriage  at  the  depot, 
to  take  me  to  Yoimg's,  and  supposed,  of  course,  he  had 
done  so. 

Without  noticing  the  name  of  the  hotel,  I  registered, 
and  took  supper,  after  which,  I  decided  to  see  Boston 
for  the  first  time. 

I  had  always  heard  that  this  was  the  easiest  city  in 
the  United  States  to  get  lost  in,  and  therefore  con- 
cluded to  make  no  pretensions  of  trying  to  keep  my 
hearings,  but  just  go  and  l:eep  going,  see  all  I  could, 
and  when  ready  to  go  to  my  hotel,  to  enquire  the  way. 

About  midnight,  T  a.sked  a  policeman  to  direct  me 
to  Young's  hotel. 

"  Right  there  it  is.  sir.  just  ahead  of  you." 


A  TRIP  DOU'X  EAST  217 

And,  with  the  pleasant  thoughts  of  enjoying  a  good 
night's  rest,  after  an  evening  of  sightseeing,  I  entered 
the  place  to  find  everything  ahsolutely  strange  to  me. 

I  asked  if  that  was  Young's  hotel,  and  was  assured 
that  it  was. 

I  then  inquired  if  there  were  two  Young's  hotels  in 
Boston,  and  was  told  that  there  were  not. 

I  explained  my  predicament  to  the  clerk,  who  really 
acted  as  though  he  was  glad  of  it. 

My  baggage  was  at  some  hotel,  where,  I  didn't 
know,  and  as  for  giving  a  description  of  the  place 
where  I  had  registered,  and  taken  supper,  it  was  simply 
out  of  the  question.  In  fact,  T  had  stopped  at  so  many 
different  hotels  in  my  lifetime,  that,  to  me,  they  were 
like  colored  folks.  ''  all  looked  alike." 

Finally,  the  clerk  warmed  up  sufficiently  to  offer  me 
a  little  advice. 

He  suggested  that  I  employ  a  certain  tall,  slim, 
good-natured,  elderly  cabman,  who  had  been  around 
those  "  diggings  "  all  his  life  and  knew  almost  every- 
thing. 

After  engaging  him.  lie  said  : 

"  Now.  describe  the  ]ilace." 


218       IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

"  Indeed,"  said  I,  "  that's  where  you  '  fall  down.' 
Could  I  describe  it,  I'd  have  been  there  long  ago." 

"  Would  you  know  the  place,  if  you  should  see  it?  " 
he  asked. 

"  Well,  hardly,"  I  answered.  "I  really  don't  think 
I  would,  but  I  might." 

"  Well,  sir,"  said  he,  "  I  guess  you  are  lost." 

"  But,"  said  I,  "  I  have  hired  you  to  find  me,  so 
begin  at  once." 

We  started  out  and  stopped  at  every  hotel  in  the 
city  but  the  right  one,  taking  up  the  balance  of  the 
night,  and  returning  to  our  starting  point  in  time  for 
breakfast,  the  next  morning. 

After  breakfast,  we  were  preparing  to  make  another 
search,  when  I  happened  to  think  that  at  the  time  I 
went  to  the  cloak  room  for  my  overcoat,  the  night  be- 
fore, the  check  that  called  for  it,  was  very  old  and 
badly  bent  up,  and  had  the  name  "  Ouincy  "  on  it. 

I  explained  this  to  the  cabman  and  asked  if  that 
furnished  him  with  any  sort  of  a  clue. 

"  Well,  I  should  say  so,''  he  indignantly  answered, 
"  and  why  in  Blixen  didn't  you  tell  me  this  story  last 
night.  You  are  stopping  at  the  old  '  Ouincy  House,' 
one  of  the  oldest,  but  one  of  the  best  hotels  in  Boston." 


'But/'  said  /.  "/   liircd  you   to   find  me,  so   begin  at   one 


220        IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

Returning  home  with  a  promise  of  an  extension  of 
a  year's  time,  from  my  creditors,  I  felt  certain  that  in 
that  time  I  conld,  at  least,  reduce  my  indehtedness  suf- 
ficiently to  reward  them  for  their  generous  and  liberal 
treatment  in  my  behalf,  and  went  to  work  with  re- 
newed vigor  and  energy. 

Although  in  gaining  this  time  I  had  been  successful, 
even  beyond  my  expectation,  yet  times  kept  getting 
worse,  instead  of  better,  and  at  the  expiration  of  my 
year's  extension,  things  had  come  to  an  absolute  stand  ■ 
still. 

Collections  were  so  slow  that  we  could  scarcely  get 
in  cash  enough  to  meet  expenses. 

I  still  maintained  a  large  force  of  help,  as  it  was 
out  of  the  question  to  let  our  stock  accumulate  and  lie 
idle,  and  therefore  kept  it  moving. 

One  Saturday  morning  (Saturday  being  pay-day), 
I  found  myself  in  need  of  a  hundred  and  fift}'  dollars 
more  than  I  had  in  the  bank  to  meet  my  pay-roll. 

Three  days  before  this.  1  had  been  telling  my  friend, 
Henry  Morrison,  of  eighty  acres  of  land  1  owned  in 
the  Kankakee  marsh,  and  he  told  me  of  sixty  acres  he 
owned  in  Porter  County,  Indiana. 

Being  in  need  of  this  pay-day  money,  I  said  to  my 


A  TRIP  DOWN  EAST  221 

wife,  "  You  get  me  the  deed  of  that  marsh  land  and 
I  am  going  to  sell  it  this  morning  to  Henry  Morrison 
for  one  hundred  and  fifty  dollars,  so  don't  forget  that 
one  hundred  and  fifty  dollars  is  my  invoice  price.  If 
I  take  less,  it's  a  loss,  and  if  I  get  more  it's  a  profit." 
So  saying,  Mrs.  Johnston  and  I  started  out.  Wlien- 
ever  I  wanted  a  sure  thing,  I  always  took  her  along 
as  my  "  Mascot,"  and  seldom  ever  failed  on  a  deal, 
when  I  did  so. 

We  found  Mr.  Morrison  standing  on  the  sidewalk 
in  front  of  the  bank,  and  driving  up  close  by,  I  stopped 
my  team  and  said  : 

"  Say,  Henry,  you  remember  that  eighty  acres  of 
land  I  told  you  about  the  other  day?  " 

"Yes,  that  Kankakee  marsh  land,"  he  answered. 

"  Well,"  said  I,  "  I  am  going  to  sell  that  to  you  to- 
day." 

"  Well,  I  guess  you  won't." 

"  Well,  I  guess  I  will,  and  you  will  own  it  inside  of 
two  hours.  Now,  say  how  much  you  will  give  for  it, 
and  say  quick." 

"  But,  I  don't  want  your  old  land,  and  would  hardh- 
take  it  as  a  gift.     T  have  all  the  land  T  want,  now." 

"  No  matter,  sir,  no  matter,"  I  insisted.     "  You  will 


222        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

own  more  before  noon  to-day.  So  get  to  talking, 
hurry  up,  hurry  up.     I  have  no  time  to  fool  away." 

"  Then,  drive  on,  you  *  Bulldozer,'  I  haven't  asked 
you  to  spend  your  valuable  time  with  me.  So,  go  on, 
I  tell  you,  go  on,"  he  persisted. 

"  But,  that  isn't  the  idea,"  said  I.  "  You  are  to  own 
that  land  before  noon  to-day.  So,  speak  up  and  say 
what  you  will  give  for  it." 

At  last,  after  giving  me  a  sort  of  disgusted  look,  he 
said : 

"  I'll  tell  you  what  I'll  do.  I'll  trade  you  my  sixty 
acres  in  Porter  County  for  your  eighty." 

"  Very  well."  said  I.  "  I'll  trade  with  you,  if  you 
will  pay  the  difference." 

"  How  will  you  trade?  "  he  asked. 

"  Well,  sir,"  said  I,  "  I'll  trade  with  you  on  a  basis 
of  ten  dollars  an  acre,  and  as  I  ovv'n  twenty  acres  more 
than  you  do,  I  want  two  hundred  dollars  in  cash  *  to 
boot'." 

"  All  right,"  said  he,  "  come  into  the  bank  and  make 
out  the  papers  and  get  your  money." 

And  T  nearly  fell  out  of  my  buggy. 

Now  that  I  had  barely  made  my  escape,  in  procuring 
enough  money  to  pay  my  week's  salary  list,  I  made 


A  TRIP  DOWN  EAST  223 

up  my  mind  to  bring  things  to  a  climax,  as  soon  as 
possible. 

It  was  plain  to  be  seen  that  I  had  made  a  great  mis- 
take, in  not  making  an  assignment,  for  the  benefit  of 
my  creditors  the  year  before,  instead  of  procuring  an 
extension  of  time  from  them. 

During  the  year,  I  had  paid  up  most  of  my  indebt- 
edness at  the  bank,  and  secured  the  balance  with  a 
mortgage  on  our  summer  home,  and  had  paid  about 
forty  thousand  dollars  of  other  indebtedness. 

Had  I  made  an  assignment,  the  year  before,  the 
forty  thousand  dollars  collected  and  paid  on  accounts 
would  have  settled  all  of  whatever  compromise  I  might 
have  made  with  my  creditors,  thus  leaving  me  in  fairly 
good  shape,  to  continue  on,  in  business. 

As  it  was,  I  had  paid  out  all  of  my  available  cash, 
in  reducing  my  indebtedness,  only  to  find  myself  in 
a  worse  predicament  than  ever,  for  the  reason  that 
now  there  was  absolutely  no  sale  for  the  goods  I  was 
carrying,  and  only  a  slight  chance  to  collect,  even  a 
portion  of  what  was  due  me,  and  still  with  a  heavy 
indebtedness  on  my  shoulders. 

Just  at  the  time  when  I  was  ha\'ing  my  worst  strug- 
gle with  the  panic,  there  came  a  man  to  LaPorte,  Prof. 


224       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 


-,  whO'  announced  his  intention  of  starting  one 


of  the  greatest  business  colleges  in  the  country,  at  that 
point. 

The  town  was  wild  with  delight,  and  one  or  two 
business  men  took  the  Professor  in  hand,  and  "  tot- 
ing "  him  about,  from  one  store  to  another,  introduced 
him  to  every  business  man  in  the  city. 

After  I  had  shaken  hands  with  him,  and  conversed 
with  him  five  minutes.  I  met  Air.  R,  E.  Morrison, 
cashier  of  the  First  National  Bank,  a  half  hour  Itaer, 
when  he  asked  me  if  I  had  met  the  Professor,  and 
what  I  thought  of  him. 

"  Well,  Rob,"  said  I.  "  you  know  I  have  often  told 
you  that  all  I  asked,  was  the  privilege  of  shaking  hands 
with  a  man,  and  a  five-minutes  conversation,  to  decide 
whether  he  was  an  honest  man  or  a  rogue,  and  if  that 
old  fellow  isn't  worse  than  a  horse  thief,  I  shall  never 
again  pass  judgment  on  anyone.  Now,  remember 
what  I  have  told  you,  and  when  he  has  *  skinned  '  the 
town  '  good  and  plenty,'  you  will  give  me  credit  for 
knowing  something  about  men."  and  went  on  to  say 
that  while  I  couldn't,  to  save  me.  descri])e  how  I  could 
judge  a  man  by  his  hand-shake,  yet  there  were  two 
things  about   the  Professor  which  were  also  against 


A  TRIP  DOWN  EAST  225 

him;  and  that  was,  in  the  first  place,  he  couldn't  look 
you  in  the  e}^,  and  the  other  was.  that  he  mumbled  his 
words  and  talked  under  his  breath  half  the  time,  when 
conversing. 

Bob  laughed  heartily  over  my  "  diagnosis,"  as  he 
humorously  termed  it,  and  said : 
"  We'll  see." 

Inside  of  a  week  the  Professor  had  rented  spacious 
rooms,  and  had  announced,  through  the  papers,  the 
opening  of  his  college,  and  had  imported  two  expe- 
rienced canvassers,  to  sell  scholarships  at  from  one 
hundred  and  fifty  to  two  hundred  and  fifty  dollars 
each,  on  six  months'  time,  taking  promissory  notes, 
without  interest,  giving  it  out  that  he  would  rather 
have  notes  than  cash,  as  he  didn't  need  the  money,  just 
then. 

Inside  of  three  weeks  he  began  to  establish  the  habit 
of  running  in  to  this  merchant,  and  that  one,  and  bor- 
rowing from  one  to  three  hundred  dollars  and  paying 
it  back  promptly,  in  ten  days,  accompanied  by  a  neat 
little  present  of  some  kind  for  the  wife  of  the  man  who 
had  accommodated  him. 

Finally,  one  day,  he  tried  it  on  me  for  three  hundred 
dollars. 


226        IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

Without  mincing-  matters,  I  said : 

"  Not  I.  Professor,  not  I." 

"  Why,  J.  P.,  can't  you  spare  it?"  he  asked  in  his 
smooth,  suave  manner. 

"  Oil,  yes,  oh,  yes.  Professor,  but  that  isn't  it.  I 
have  money  '  to  burn ;  '  but  none  to  loan,"  and  then 
said  : 

"  Professor,  it's  a  queer  coincidence  that  two 
'  sharks  '  hke  you  and  I  should  have  struck  such  a 
small  town  as  this,  at  the  same  time,  and  it's  too  bad, 
too,  because  the  town  is  scarcel}'  large  enough  for 
one." 

He  looked  down  his  long  pointed  nose,  with  the  only 
eye  he  had,  and  in  the  most  serious  manner,  mumbled 
out  something,  and  sneaked  away. 

Ten  days  later.  T  sold  him  a  nice  saddle  mare  for  his 
lady  lx)okkeeper,  for  three  hundred  and  fifty  dollars. 

One  day  I  went  to  his  office  and  told  him  that  I 
had  come  over  to  sell  him  my  store  building,  as  it  was 
just  what  he  wanted  for  his  college,  and  was  more 
room  than  T  now  needed. 

He  laughed  at  the  idea  pnd  said  he'd  have  to  think 
it  over. 


'PROFESSCR.  ns  A  QUtER   COINCIDENCE  THAT  TWO    "SHARKS"  LIKE 

YOU  AND  1  SHOULD  HAVE  STRUCK  SUCH  A  SMALL  TOWN 

AS  THIS.  AT  THE  SAME  TIME". 


A  TRIP  DOWN  EAST  227 

"  Not  at  all,"  said  I,  "  I  am  going  to  sell  it  to  you 
inside  of  an  hour,  so  get  to  talking." 

"  Now,  see  here,"  he  said,  "  I  have  heard  of  your 
methods,  and  won't  '  stand  '  for  them.  You  can't  sell 
me  that  building  on  an  hour's  tiotice." 

"  Yes,  I  can  and  will,"  and  said : 

"  In  the  first  place,  you  need  that  building  to  inspire 
confidence,  if  nothing  else.  The  people  here  are  sus- 
picious of  you,  because  you  don't  own  a  cent's  worth 
of  property  in  the  town,  and  to  buy  this  building  will 
show  them  that  you  mean  business,  and  as  it  will  only 
cost  you  two  thousand  dollars,  with  the  ground  rental 
very  low ;  it  will  be  a  fine  investment  for  you." 

While  I  was  talking,  he  was  thinking,  and  when  I 
had  finished  with : 

"  Now,  go  ahead  and  say  something,"  he  asked  upon 
what  terms  I  would  sell  it. 

I  offered  to  take  one  thousand  dollars  down  and  one 
thousand  in  six  months. 

He  offered  me  five  hundred  dollars  cash  and  five 
hundred  every  three  months,  secured  by  chattel  mort- 
gage, and  I  took  him  up  in  a  second. 

We  called  on  an  attorney,  who  made  out  the  papers, 
and  he  gave  me  a  check  for  the  five  hundred  dollars, 


228       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

with  the  understanding  that  I  was  to  vacate  inside  of 
thirty  days. 

Three  days  later  he  sent  his  office  boy  over  to  my 
place,  with  a  note,  asking  for  a  temporary  loan  of 
four  hundred  and  fifty  dollars. 

I  wrote  on  the  bottom  of  the  note  the  words  "  Nixy, 
Jim."  and  after  signing  my  initials,  returned  it. 

That  same  day  T  met  my  friend  Morrison,  the  cash- 
ier, and  asked  him  how  he  stood  with  the  Professor, 

"  Well,"  said  he,  "  he  owes  us  eight  hundred  dol- 
lars, secured,  of  course,  and  might  have  owed  us  more, 
but  I  have  been  a  little  shy  of  him,  and  intend  calling 
these  loans  in  at  once,  and  straightening  up  with  him," 
and  then  asked  if  I  still  had  the  same  opinion  of  him. 

I  replied  that  I  certainly  did,  and  was  looking  for 
something  to  "  drop  "  any  day. 

In  just  two  weeks  from  the  day  that  I  sold  him  my 
building,  he  came  up  missing. 

Not  a  soul  about  liis  place  knew  where  he  went,  how 
he  went,  or  where  he  went,  and  not  one  word  has  ever 
been  heard  of  him  from  that  day  to  this. 

As  soon  as  it  had  become  a  settled  fact,  that  he  had 
disappeared,  several  of  the  moneyed  men  of  the  town 
began  to  look  up  the  notes  they  had  bought  from  him. 


A  TRIP  DOWN  EAST  229 

at  liberal  discounts,  and  it  was  soon  discovered  that 
the  notes  had  all  been  drawn  on  very  fine  transparent 
paper,  and  for  every  note  he  had  taken,  he  had  made 
from  two  to  three  extra  ones,  by  tracing  the  signatures, 
and  then  had  discounted  one  each,  to  as  many  different 
men  of  money,  \\ho  were  only  too  glad  to  buy  them, 
besides,  at  the  last  moment  he  had  successfully  played 
his  "  rush  act "  for  temporary  loans  among  those 
whose  confidence  he  had  gained,  and  thereby  secured 
several  hundred  dollars  more. 

It  was  said  that  his  manipulation  of  the  notes,  alone, 
netted  him  about  twenty-seven  thousand  dollars. 

So,  I  still  contend  that  the  handshake  is  the  best 
guide  I  have  in  quickly  judging  human  nature,  and 
I  really  can't  remember  when  I  have  made  a  mistake 
in  it. 

One  thing  on  which  I  complimented  myself  was, 
that  I  had  not  only  not  allowed  him  to  "touch  me," 
but  I  was  the  only  man  in  town  who  had  gotten  any 
money,  to  speak  of,  out  of  him,  all  of  which  amounted 
to  eight  hundred  and  fifty  dollars.  Of  course,  my 
wife  didn't  get  any  presents,  but  we  didn't  mind  that. 

A  few  days  after  the  final  "  explosion."  I  called  on 


230        IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

Cashier  Morrison,  at  the  hank,  one  morning,  and  asked 
him  how  he  came  out. 

He  said  they  had  gotten  all  but  eighty  dollars,  and 
that  was  secured,  and  also  said : 

"  J.  P.,  whenever  I  am  in  doubt  about  a  man,  after 
this,  I  will  bring  him  around  and  let  you  shake  hands 
with  him,  and  '  tip  him  off  '  to  me. 

I  remained  in  the  building  I  had  sold,  until  the  first 
three  months'  note  was  due,  when  I  foreclosed  my 
mortgage,  and  got  it  back  again. 

The  whole  town  was  so  badly  shaken  up  over  this 
affair,  that  it  took  several  days  for  the  losers  to  realize 
that  the  "  bird  had  flown,"  and  as  none  of  them  were 
inclined  to  throw  good  money  after  bad  money,  they 
seemed  to  go  on,  in  a  sort  of  daze,  not  allowing  the 
whereabouts  of  the  forger  to  give  them  any  concern 
whatever,  although,  from  his  description,  he  would 
have  been  the  easiest  man  in  the  world  to  run  down. 

Alx)ut  this  time.  I  traded  my  equity  in  our  summer 
home,  to  a  man  by  the  name  of  Stillwell,  for  his  equity 
in  a  house  and  lot  and  store  building  in  Harriman, 
Tennessee,  thereby  relieving  myself  of  a  heavy  encum- 
brance on  the  LaPorte  ])roperty,  and  assuming  only 
about  six  hundred  dollars  en  the  Harriman  property. 


A  TRIP  DOWN  EAST  231 

With  the  many  unfavorable  conditions  staring  me 
in  the  face,  there  was  but  one  thing  to  do,  and  that  was 
to  "  throw  up  the  sponge,"  make  an  assignment  forth- 
with, and,  if  possible,  make  a  settlement  with  my  cred- 
itors, and  continue  on,  with  a  view  to  saving  some- 
thing from  the  wreck,  or,  if  I  couldn't  make  a  com- 
promise, then  to  turn  over  to  them  the  "  whole  ball  of 
wax,"  and,  if  necessary,  fall  back  on  the  "  Incompre- 
hensible "  furniture  and  piano  polish,  of  which  I  made 
mention  so  frequently  in  "  Twenty  Years  of  Hus'ling." 


232        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 


CHAPTER  XII. 

Making  an  Assignment  for  the  Benefit  of  Creditors — 
Paying  Home  Obligations — Forcing  Creditors  to  Take 
Their  Pay — A  Few  Business  Men  Taught  Some  Wis- 
dom— My  Settlement  With  Creditors — An  Expensive 
Experiment — The  Pick-out  Scheme — How  it  was 
Worked — A  Novel  Plan  to  Decoy  Customers — 
Worked  to  a  Charm — The  Kalamazoo  Authorities  Out- 
done. 

Realizing  that  it  was  useless  to  prolong  the  struggle, 
as  conditions  all  over  the  country  seemed  to  be  grow- 
ing worse  instead  of  better,  I  decided  to  make  an  as- 
signment for  the  l^enefit  of  my  creditors,  and  began 
making  arrangements  accordingly. 

My  home  or  local  indebtedness  amounted  to  nine- 
teen hundred  and  seventy  dollars. 

As  before  stated,  my  obligations  at  the  La  Porte 
Bank  had  ])een  taken  care  of,  and  my  eastern  liabili- 
ties were  in  the  neighborhood  of  one  hundred  thousand 
dollars. 

The  thought  uppermost  in  my  mind  was  to  pay  my 
home  indebtedness  in  full  before  the  day  of  assign- 
ment,  and  arrange  to  borrow   the  necessary  amount 


SETTLEMENT  WITH  CREDITORS        233 

from  E.  H.  Scott,  city  mayor,  giving  as  security  a 
chattel  mortgage  on  a  large  safe  and  its  contents. 

I  had  chosen  for  my  assignee  Robert  E.  Morrison, 
cashier  of  the  First  National  Bank.  With  his  assist- 
ance, my  lawyer  had  prepared  the  necessary  papers, 
and  the  day  before  they  were  to  be  filed,  I  started  out 
with  the  cash  in  my  pocket,  to  liquidate  all  of  my 
home  obligations. 

My  first  call  was  at  the  oftice  of  The  LaPorte  Daily 
Herald,  where  I  owed  a  four  hundred  and  sixteen  dol- 
lar advertising  bill. 

When  I  asked  the  bookkeeper  to  make  out  my  bill, 
he  said  that  he  couldn't  possibly  do  so,  that  day,  but 
would  have  it  ready  two  days  later. 

"  No,  sir,"  said  I,  "  I  want  that  bill  to-day,  and 
must  have  it,  and  have  the  cash  with  me  to  pay  you." 

"  But,"  he  insisted,  '*  I  just  can  t  make  it  out  to-day, 
We  are  moving  our  office  and  everything  is  torn  up 
and  you  will  have  to  w^ait." 

As  it  was  necessary  to  keep,  as  a  secret,  my  intention 
of  making  an  assignment  the  next  day,  and,  as  it  was 
necessary  that  the  printing  company  should  get  their 
cash  that  day,  or  be  obliged  to  come  in  with  the  east- 


234        IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

ern  creditors,  under  the  assignment,  the  next  day,  I 
was  placed  in  a  pecuHar  predicament,  and  finally  said: 
"  Now,  sir,  here  is  the  cash  (showing  him  the 
money),  and  if  you  are  not  smart  enough  to  take 
money  when  it  is  offered  to  you,  3^ou  ought  to  lose 


"But,"  he  insisted,  "I  just  can't  make  it  out  to-day." 

every  cent  of  it,  and  if  you  won't  take  it  now  and 
should  never  get  it,  don't  blame  me.  So,  now,  do  as 
you  sec  fit." 

At  this,  he  dropped  everything  else,  and  white  with 
rage,  made  out  the  acount,  and  looked  daggers  at  me 


SETTLEMENT  WITH  CREDITORS        235 

as  he  handed  me  a  receipted  bill.  As  I  counted  out 
the  cash  to  him,  I  said  : 

"  You  will  feel  better  over  this  by  to-morrow." 

And,  sure  enough,  when  I  called  the  next  morning, 
a  half  hour  after  having  filed  my  papers,  and  told  them 
the  latest  news,  to  the  effect  that  T.  P.  Johnston  had 
just  made  an  assignment,  the  iDOokkeeper  nearly  had 
a  fit. 

I  said  to  him :  "  Moral — Always  take  money  when 
you  can  get  it." 

I  not  only  had  a  sharp  controversy  with  the  gas 
man,  but  with  three  or  four  creditors,  as  well,  all  of 
whom  were  too  busy  to  make  out  bills  at  any  other 
time  than  on  the  first  of  the  month,  as  was  their  cus- 
tom. 

Several  of  them  afterwards  acknowledged  that  this 
little  experience  had  taught  them  some  wisdom,  and 
three  months  later,  when  another  LaPorte  merchant 
made  an  assignment,  and  followed  my  plan  of  paying 
all  home  indebtedness,  the  day  before,  he  found  no 
drones  among  his  creditors ;  they  were  all  up  and  doing 
and  only  too  glad  to  accommodate  him  by  taking  his 
money. 

One  peculiarity  about  this  failure  was  that,  at  no 


236        JVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

time,  not  for  a  single  instant,  was  there  a  key  turned, 
or  a  door  of  my  place  of  business  closed,  during  busi- 
ness hours,  in  consequence  of  it.  Business  went  on 
just  as  if  nothing  had  happened;  the  stock  w^as  offi- 
cially invoiced,  without  disturbing  business. 

Mr.  Morrison,  my  assignee,  had  acted  in  a  similar 
capacity  several  times  before,  and  knew  just  how  to 
go  about  it. 

One  act  of  his,  in  particular,  gave  me  much  satisfac- 
tion, and  aided  me  materially  in  my  settlement  with 
eastern  creditors ;  it  was  the  writing  of  a  letter  to  the 
president  of  the  jewelers'  board  of  trade  at  Provi- 
dence, Rhode  Island,  in  which  he  stated  that  he  had 
been  assignee  for  several  firms,  who  had  failed,  but 
this  was  one  where  there  was  absolutely  "  no  hole," 
and  everything  was  straight  and  upright  in  every  re- 
spect. 

The  contents  of  this  letter  were  explained  to  me  by 
one  of  my  largest  creditors  and  were  commented  on 
as  having  been  of  great  help  to  me,  in  making  a  settle- 
ment. 

Inside  of  thirty  days  after  filing  my  assignment  pa- 
pers, I  had  made  a  trip  to  North  Attleboro,  Massachu- 
setts, where  a  meeting  of  creditors  was  held  and  a 


SETTLEMENT  WITH  CREDITORS        237 

settlement  made  at  twenty  cents  on  the  dollar,  I  to  give 
my  individual  notes,  without  security,  for  the  entire 
amount,  in  three  payments,  six  months  apart. 

Now  came  the  "  tug  of  war."  What  course  to  pur- 
sue to  get  the  money  out  of  my  notes,  outstanding  ac- 
counts, and  stock  on  hand,  was  a  question  hard  to 
solve. 

My  assignment  was  made  in  the  fall  of  the  year, 
and  my  first  move  was  to  send  out  as  many  selection 
packages  as  possible,  for  the  holiday  trade. 

This,  as  a  first  move,  was  all  right,  inasmuch  as  the 
average  dealer  could  always  use  more  or  less  goods  in 
mv  line  for  his  Christmas  trade,  and  by  this  method 
I  got  about  half  enough  cash  in,  to  meet  my  first  in- 
stalment of  notes. 

After  the  holidays,  I  devoted  my  time  for  several 
weeks,  to  forcing  or  trying  to  force,  collections,  and 
found  that  it  was  almost  impossible  to  collect  enough 
to  pay  for  the  postage  stamps  used,  to  say  nothing  of 
clerk  hire  and  other  expenses. 

When  time  for  the  usual  spring  trade  came,  I  ad- 
vertised in  the  Chicago  papers  for  twenty-five  expe- 
rienced salesmen — none  but  competent,  skilled  salesmen 
need  apply — and  very  soon  had  this  number  of  men 


238       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

out,  each  with  a  big  stock  on  hand,  with  which  to  de- 
hver  goods  on  the  spot,  for  cash,  and  instructions  to 
sell  at  any  price,  to  get  the  money. 

This  experiment  cost  hundreds  of  dollars,  in  the 
purchasing  of  sample  cases,  traveling  expenses,  and 
salaries,  and  not  one  out  of  the  entire  twenty-five 
salesmen  could  sell  enough  goods  to  pay  his  traveling 
expenses,  so  inside  of  two  weeks  they  came  straggling 
in  from  e\ery  direction,  declaring  that  it  w^as  almost 
impossible  to  give  the  goods  away. 

One  bright  young  man,  whom  I  had  drilled  consid- 
erably on  my  ideas  and  methods  of  selling  goods,  and 
whom  I  had  sent  into  Ohio,  wrote  me  from  Lima,  say- 
ing that  he  had  tried  my  methods  and  failed,  and  then 
had  adopted  ideas  of  his  own,  all  of  which  had  failed, 
and  to  satisfy  myself  that  the  goods  could  not  possibly 
be  sold,  lie  wished  that  I  would  come  there  and  make 
a  trip  with  him.  which  I  did. 

Arriving  there,  we  hired  a  man  with  his  team  and 
carriage  to  visit  small  towns. 

The  very  first  town  we  struck,  I  sold  the  first  mer- 
chant we  called  upon,  thirty-six  dollars'  worth,  and 
crossing  the  street  to  another  store  sold  thirty-five 
dollars'  worth — all  for  cash. 


SETTLEMENT  WITH  CREDITORS        239 

The  young  man  was  fairly  beside  himself,  and  de- 
clared that  he  had  watched  every  act  and  listened  to 
every  word  I  had  spoken,  and  he  couldn't  think  of  a 
thing  that  I  had  done,  that  he  hadn't  also  done  in  his 
eagerness  to  sell  a  bill  of  goods,  but  during  the  entire 
two  weeks  that  he  had  been  out,  not  one  dollar  had  he 
taken  in. 

Naturally  enough,  this  little  experience  would  lead 
me  to  suspect  that  salesmanship  was  the  only  thing 
needed,  and  I  had  every  confidence  in  the  world  that 
our  week's  trip  would  end  up  with  plenty  of  sales  and 
considerable  cash. 

But  imagine  how  the  conceit  had  been  taken  out  of 
me  when,  after  the  hardest  kind  of  work,  during  the 
entire  balance  of  the  week,  I  had  not  even  sold  a 
penny's  worth,  nor  could  I  scarcely  blame  the  young 
man  for  being  almost  hilarious  over  my  ultimate 
failure. 

This  experience  convinced  me  that  I  had  on  my 
hands  an  unusual  task  in  the  converting  of  this  im- 
mense stock  of  goods  into  cash. 

Every  day  the  styles  were  growing  older,  and  the 
constant  handling  of  them  was  depreciating  their  value 
more  and  more. 


240       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

Returning  to  LaPorte,  I  set  to  work  to  figure  out, 
if  possible,  some  new  plan,  and  finally  hit  upon  what 
I  termed  the  "  pick  out  "  scheme. 

The  first  town  in  which  I  tried  it,  was  Sturgis, 
Michigan. 

Renting  a  large  store-room,  I  had  racks  made 
against  the  wall  clear  around  the  room,  just  wide 
enough  for  two  ordinary  jewelry  trays,  and  on  an 
angle  of  forty-five  degrees.  On  each  side  of  the  store- 
room I  divided  the  space,  and  placed  a  large  assort- 
ment of  goods  in  trays,  to  be  sold  at  twenty-five  cents, 
fifty  cents,  one  dollar  and  two  dollars  and  fifty  cents, 
each. 

The  whole  question  had  settled  down  to  one  thing, 
and  that  was  in  order  to  realize  on  the  goods  at  once, 
a  great  sacrifice  from  the  original  cost  must  be  made, 
and  on  this  plan,  the  consumer  would  be  benefited.  For 
instance,  we  sold  the  R.  F.  Simmons  best  rolled  gold 
plate  curb  vest  chains,  in  single  strands,  for  one  dollar 
each,  the  retail  price  of  which  was  from  three  fifty  to 
six  dollars,  and  almost  everything  in  stock  was  sold 
accordingly. 

In  the  center  of  the  room,  I  arranged  a  small  plat- 
form from  which  I  delivered  an  occasional  short  talk. 


SETTLEMENT  WITH  CREDITORS        241 

describing  how  the  goods  were  made  in  the  factories, 
and  how  they  came  to  be  placed  on  the  market  at  these 
low  prices,  etc. 

Near  the  front  entrance  of  the  room  I  had  a  booth 
constructed,  in  which  stood  a  man  surrounded  with  a 
large  quantity  of  goods,  giving  nitric  acid  tests,  thus 
proving,  without  a  question  of  doubt,  their  superior 
quality. 

This  plan  was  the  most  feasible  of  any  we  had 
tried,  and  immediately  caught  the  public  and  brought 
in  the  ready  cash,  although  at  a  great  sacrifice  of 
goods. 

After  finishing  Sturgis,  we  visited  several  towns  and 
cities  in  southern  Michigan,  and  northern  Indiana, 
meeting  with  \'ery  fair  success,  after  w^iich  we  went 
to  Jackson,  Michigan. 

On  my  arrival  I  rented  a  spacious  room  in  the  heart 
of  the  city,  and  after  paying  a  month's  rent  in  ad- 
vance, and  expending  nearly  two  hundred  dollars  for 
advertising  and  carpenter  work,  the  authorities  gave 
me  notice  that  I  would  have  to  pay  twenty-five  dollars 
per  day  license  as  a  transient  merchant. 

I  was  advised  by  one  of  the  best  lawyers  in  the 
state  that   although   such   an  ordinance  was  without 


242        IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

doubt  unconstitutional,  yet  it  would  not  pay  me  to 
contest  the  matter,  and  I  therefore  pulled  up  stakes  and 
went  to  Kalamazoo. 

In  this  city  I  found  a  similar  ordinance  exacting 
ten  dollars  per  day  license,  and  knowing  that  it  w^as 
unconstitutional,  determined  tO'  place  the  authorities 
in  a  position  where  I  could  defy  them. 

The  first  thing  I  did  was  to  advertise  in  the  daily 
papers  that  J.  P.  Johnston,  the  well  known,  former 
wholesale  jeweler,  of  Chicago  and  LaPorte,  Ind.,  and 
better  known  as  the  author  of  "  Twenty  Years  of 
Hus'ling,"  was  about  to  locate  in  the  retail  jewelry 
business  in  that  city,  and  pending  the  selection  of  a 
suitable  room  in  which  to  locate,  he  would  temporarily 
occupy  the  large  rooms  on  South  Burdick  street,  for- 
merly known  as  "  The  Fair  store." 

I  then  wrote  to  a  Chicago  show  case  manufacturer, 
with  whom  I  had  considerable  dealings,  asking  him  to 
write  me  a  certain  letter  regarding  the  making  of  store 
fixtures,  which  he  could  not  complete  under  six  weeks 
or  two  months. 

With  this  letter  in  my  possession,  I  opened  up  with 
an  immense  stock,  in  a  room  fifty  feet  wide  and  one 


SETTLEMENT  WITH  CREDITORS        243 

hundred  and  fifty  feet  long,  and  began  advertising  ex- 
tensively in  every  paper  in  the  county. 

'  The  arrangement  of  the  store  and  the  manner  of 
displaying  the  goods,  were  so  different  from  the  meth- 
ods of  others  that  people  would  stop  on  the  streets, 
and  after  gazing  in  for  a  few  minutes,  would  pass  on, 
apparently  of  the  opinion  that  there  was  something 
wrong  about  the  whole  outfit. 

To  get  the  people  inside  seemed  almost  impossible, 
and  there  we  sat  for  three  days  without  a  soul  coming 
in  to  look  at  our  goods. 

Of  course  something  had  to  be  done.  I  had  al- 
ready spent  over  a  hundred  dollars  in  the  newspapers, 
besides  having  distributed  several  thousand  circulars 
from  house  to  house,  but  all  to  no  avail. 

I  saw  the  necessity  of  making  a  radical  change  of 
some  kind,  and  hit  upon  a  plan  that  worked  like  a 
charm. 

I  put  an  advertisement  in  the  papers  wanting  to 
hire  twenty-five  young  men  and  women,  as  clerks,  and 
the  next  day  the  store  was  filled  with  applicants. 

I  employed  twenty-six,  mostly  young  women,  at 
one  dollar  per  day;  six  of  them  I  kept  in  the  store 
^nd  instructed  the  other  twenty  to  keep  on  their  shawls, 


244        IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

wraps  and  hats  and  to  keep  coming  in  and  going  out 
of  the  store  all  day  long. 

Leaving  the  store,  he  or  she  would  go  around  one 
or  two  blocks  and  back  into  the  store  again,  and  after 
looking  over  the  goods,  would  make  another  trip. 

On  this  plan  twenty  persons  kept  things  pretty  well 
stirred  up,  and  gave  the  appearance  of  a  live  business. 

By  four  o'clock  in  the  afternoon  of  the  first  day 
we  tried  this  scheme,  we  had  a  large  crowd  of  buyers 
in  the  store,  and  in  three  days  more  the  big  room  was 
packed  every  day  from  three  o'clock  in  the  afternoon 
until  eleven  o'clock  at  night,  and  all  of  my  twenty-six 
clerks  were  kept  busy  wrapping  up  goods,  and  taking 
in  the  cash. 

Just  as  things  had  gotten  under  headway,  the  chief 
of  police  came  in  to  inquire  about  the  license.  I  showed 
him  my  letter  from  the  show  case  manufacturer^  and 
with  an  air  of  absolute  indifference,  walked  away  and 
went  on  with  my  business. 

A  few  moments  later  he  handed  me  the  letter,  say- 
ing: 

"  I  don't  know  about  this ;  can  you  furnish  me  with 
any  further  proof  that  you  intend  locating  here?  " 

"  Well,"  I  replied,  "  if  I  could,  I  wouldn't  turn  my 


SETTLEMENT  WITH  CREDITORS        245 

hand  to  convince  you ;  I  am  located  now,  and  don't 
propose  to  let  an  ordinance  that  is  unconstitutional 
drive  me  out  of  town,  and  if  you  interfere  with  me  I 
will  bankrupt  your  city  before  I  get  through  with  you." 
So  saying  I  walked  away,  and  heard  no  more  about  it. 

I   remained  there  six  weeks  and  had  an  immense 
business,  closing  on  Christmas  eve. 

At  eleven  o'clock  that  night  I  had  three  drays  at  the 
back  door  waiting  to  convey  my  goods  to  the  freight 
house,  and  closing  the  doors  I  called  all  of  my  help 
together,  and  after  paying  them  off,  authorized  each 
one  to  select  from  the  stock  any  piece  of  jewelry  desired 
as  a  Christmas  present,  after  which  I  wanted  all  of 
the  goods  packed  and  ready  for  shipment  inside  of 
an  hour. 
-  This  was  the  signal  for  as  busy  an  hour  as  thirty 
live,  wide-awake  people  could  make  it,  and  by  twelve 
o'clock  that  night  the  entire  stock  was  in  the  hands  of 
the  railroad  company  ready  for  shipment,  and  at  six- 
thirty  the  next  morning  we  had  taken  our  departure 
from  the  city  with  enough  cash  to  make  up  the  neces- 
sary amount  to  meet  my  first  installment  of  notes 
with  my  creditors. 

While  at  Kalamazoo  I  had  had  a  cheap,  gold  filled 


246        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

watch  stolen  from  one  of  the  show  cases,  and  had 
reported  the  same  to  the  authorities,  giving  the  number 
of  the  case  and  movement,  and  a  full  description  of 
the  engraving,  etc. 

A  few  days  later  I  received  a  nice  letter  from  the 
chief  of  police  saying  they  had  arrested  a  colored  man 
who  had  the  watch  in  his  possession,  and  were  anxious 
for  me  to  come  and  proseciite  him. 

I  replied  that  I  was  very  busy  in  Indiana  just  then, 
and  couldn't  possibly  spare  the  time  to  visit  Kala- 
mazoo. 

In  answer  to  this  letter  I  received  another,  still 
urging  me  to  come  on,  and  saying  that  unless  I  did 
so  they  would  be  obliged  to  open  the  jail  doors  and 
let  the  thief  go. 

I  replied  that  I  thought  it  would  be  better  for  the 
thief  to  get  out  of  jail  than  for  me  to  get  in,  and  I'd 
just  remain  where  I  was. 


THE  PICK-OUT  SCHEME  IN  CHICAGO   247 


CHAPTER  XIII. 

The  Pick-out  Scheme  in  Chicago-Trading  Jewelry  for 
Five  and  Ten  Cent  Stores— Disposing  of  These  Stores 
11  Big  Business  m  a  Small  Room-What  Location 
Means  in  Business-An  AH-ight  Busmess-^qv^ezed 
bv  High  Rents-In  the  Lecture  Bield-Broke  Agam 
—How  I  Made  a  Raise. 

This  "  pick  out  '*  scheme  having  proven  a  success, 
I  decided  to  try  it  in  Chicago,  and  rented  a  suitable 
room  on  Sixty-third  street,  Englewood,  for  that  pur- 

pose. 

Our  experience  in  getting  the  people  to  visit  us  was 

quite  different  from  that  of  Kalamazoo. 

The  very  first  evening  the  room  was  packed  with 
sight-seers  and  purchasers. 

\he  third  day  after  opening  this  store  a  gentleman 
came  in  and  offered  to  trade  me  three  "  five  and  ten 
cent  "  stores  in  Chicago  and  suburbs  for  a  stock  of 
jewelry,  and,  after  taking  four  days'  time  in  which  to 
invoice  his  stock,  we  closed  a  deal  and  I  found  myself 
with  three  busy  stores  on  my  hands  and  immediately 
began  to  push  them  by  advertising  extensively. 
I  also  opened  two  more  jewelry  stores  and,  as  they, 


248        IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

as  well  as  the  "  five  and  ten  cent  stores,"  were  very 
successful,  I  had  no  trouble  in  finding  something  to  do. 

I  traded  one  of  these  ten-cent  stores  for  a  livery 
barn,  a  suburban  lot  and  a  cigar  store;  another  I  ex- 
changed for  a  stock  of  drug  sundries,  a  pair  of  road 
horses,  harness  and  carriage  and  five  hundred  dollars 
in  cash ;  the  third  one  I  traded  for  one  hundred  and 
ten  head  of  sheep,  five  cows  and  two  hundred  dollars 
in  cash. 

The  horses,  cattle,  sheep  and  town  lot  I  sold  for 
cash  and  disposed  of  most  of  the  other  things  at  auc- 
tion, trading  the  balance  here  and  there,  wherever 
I  could  see  anything  in  it,  and  altogether  I  pulled  out 
in  very  good  shape. 

While  passing  the  Great  Northern  Hotel,  corner  of 
Dearborn  and  Jackson  streets,  one  day,  I  noticed  a 
vacant  room  with  a  rent  sign  up,  and,  on  making  in- 
quiries, learned  that  it  had  been  vacant  for  nearly  two 
years  and  could  be  rented  at  a  low  price. 

The  proprietor  agreed  to  let  me  have  it  as  long  as 
I  would  pay  one  hundred  and  fifty  dollars  per  month 
for  it,  and  I  immediately  paid  a  month's  rent  and  took 
possession. 

This  was  one  of  the  best  locations  in  Chicago  for 


THE  PICK-OUT  SCHEME  IN  CHICAGO    249 

a  retail  business,  and  the  one  object  I  had  in  view 
was  the  estabhshing  of  a  permanent  retail  jewelry 
business  here  should  I  be  able  to  settle  up  my  compro- 
mise indebtedness  and  have  enough  left  to  go  on  with. 

After  having  followed  my  usual  plan  of  putting  up 
racks  for  the  display  of  goods,  one  of  my  employes 
and  myself  were  working  late  on  a  Saturday  evening, 
to  get  ready  to  open  on  Monday  morning;  crowds 
kept  gathering  on  the  outside,  and,  after  looking 
through,  the  window  at  us  for  awhile,  many  of  them 
would  try  to  open  the  door  to  get  inside. 

At  just  twelve  o'clock  at  night,  when  we  had  got- 
ten about  half  of  the  goods  in  shape,  I  threw  open 
the  door  and  in  ten  minutes  the  little  store  room  was 
filled  with  people,  and  for  two  hours  we  were  kept 
busy  passing  out  goods  and  taking  in  the  cash,  which 
amounted  to  sixty-five  dollars. 

The  next  Monday  morning  we  opened  with  a  large 
crowd  waiting  outside,  and  a  livelier  place  for  its  size 
I  never  saw.  \Ye  had  three  prices  only :  twenty-five 
cents,  fifty  cents  and  one  dollar. 

Our  first  day's  receipts  were  three  hundred  and 
eighty  dollars,  and  for  several  days  they  ran  from  two 
to  four  hundred  dollars  per  day. 


250       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

I  now  saw  the  necessity  of  replenishing  the  stock 
with  new  styles  and  patterns  in  order  to  attract  the 
people  and  work  off  the  old  stock.  This  was  the  one 
drawback,  inasmuch  as  it  would  require  a  considerable 
cash  investment,  and  naturally  enough  buyers  would 
select  new  styles  in  preference  to  *'  out  of  date  "  shop- 
worn ones. 

As  an  illustration  of  what  a  good  location  means 
in  conducting  a  retail  business,  I  want  to  relate  an 
experience  I  had  while  running  this  store  under  the 
Great  Northern  Hotel. 

Just  one  and  a  half  blocks  away  from  this  store  I 
found  a  vacant  room  of  about  the  same  size,  on  Adams 
street,  where  at  least  twenty  persons  passed,  to  every 
one  who  passed  on  Dearborn  street.  The  rent  was 
the  same,  one  hundred  and  fifty  dollars  per  month,  and 
to  all  appearances  the  advantages  and  prospects  for 
large  crowds  and  a  big  trade  on  Adams  street  far  ex- 
celled that  of  the  Great  Northern  location.  There- 
fore, I  lost  no  time  in  renting  it,  and,  after  arranging 
it  exactly  the  same  for  displaying  goods,  I  stocked  it 
with  almost  a  duplicate  of  what  we  had  in  the  Great 
Northern  store  and  used  exactly  the  same  display  in 
the  show  windows  and   for  outside  advertising,  and 


THE  PICK-OUT  SCHEME  IN  CHICAGO    251 

opened  up  in  great  anticipation  of  a  wonderful  rush 
of  business. 

The  first  day  not  a  single  person  entered  this  store; 
throngs  of  people  would  alight  from  the  street  cars  on 
State  street  and  pass  by  the  place  in  a  perfect  rush. 
The  second  day  we  took  in  two  dollars;  the  third 
about  six  and  the  fourth  a  dollar  and  fifty  cents,  and 
so  it  went  for  thirty  days,  during  which  time  eight 
dollars  was  the  most  we  took  in  on  any  one  day.  All 
this  time  the  Great  Northern  store,  less  than  two 
blocks  away,  was  doing  an  immense  business. 

On  Adams  street  it  seemed  that  the  people  were 
always  in  a  hurry;  in  a  great  rush  for  some  objective 
point,  and  trooped  right  by  our  store  without  seeing 
us  or  knowing  we  were  there,  while  on  Dearborn 
street  everyone  seemed  to  be  at  leisure  and  on  a  sight- 
seeing tour,  with  plenty  of  time  to  take  in  everything 
and  nothing  to  do  but  to  spend  their  money. 

At  the  end  of  thirty  days  I  closed  the  Adams  street 
store  and  continued  on  with  the  other,  remaining 
there,  altogether,  eleven  months. 

As  soon  as  the  proprietor  of  the  hotel  discovered 
that  my  business  was  good  he  began  raising  the  rent, 
first  to  two  hundred  per  month,  then  to  two  fifty  and 


252        IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

at  last  to  three  hundred.  At  no  time  could  I  obtain  a 
lease  from  him  for  any  specified  time,  and  was  there- 
fore completely  at  his  mercy. 

During  our  stay  here  we  were  constantly  annoyed 
\\ith  street  beggars  and  tramps. 

One  day  a  typical,  all-around  tough  came  in  and, 
addressing  one  of  the  clerks,  said  : 

"  Is  de  high  mark  in  ?  " 

"The  who?"  asked  the  clerk. 

"  De  main  guy — you  knows  what  I  means ;  de 
geeser  what  owns  de  joint — de  guy  wid  de  dough — 
de  main  squeeze;  don't  yer  know?  De  mug  wid  de 
coin." 

"Oh!  you  mean  the  proprietor?" 

"Yes,  yes,  de  main  spoke;  is  he  in?" 

One  evening  I  left  the  store  rather  early,  leaving 
one  of  my  clerks  in  charge,  and  forgetting  to  leave 
a  key  with  him  he  (not  knowing  my  home  address), 
had  no  alternative  but  to  remain  all  night. 

The  next  morning  when  I  entered  the  store  I  found 
him  as  busy  with  customers  as  when  I  left  him  the 
evening  before. 

He  was  tired  and  worn  out,  and  declared  that  he 
had  been  busy  all  night  long  waiting  on  customers, 


'Yes,  yes,  de  main  spoke;  is  he  in?" 


254       IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

and  as  an  evidence  of  the  truth  of  his  statement, 
showed  me  forty-five  dollars  which  he  had  taken  in, 
and  said  there  hadn't  been  an  hour  during  the  whole 
night  that  he  did  not  do  business. 

This  illustrated  the  fact  that  many  people  in  a  large 
city  simply  turn  night  into  day,  and  this  all-night 
trade,  as  the  clerk  explained,  was  not  confined  to  men 
alone,  but  to  women,  also,  who  seemed  to  enjoy  the 
novelty  of  doing  their  shopping  in  the  "  wee  sma'  " 
hours  of  the  night. 

With  a  promise  from  the  landlord  that  I  should 
have  a  permanent  lease  within  sixty  days,  I  had  a  lot 
of  fixtures  made  especiallv  for  the  "  pick -out  "  busi- 
ness, and  expected  to  remain  there  permanently. 

During  the  holiday  trade  that  year  my  business, 
considering  the  extremely  small  room  I  occupied,  was 
something  marvelous. 

Christmas  that  year  came  on  Tuesday,  and  the  Sat- 
urday before  we  took  in  seven  hundred  and  sixty  dol- 
lars ;  on  the  Monday  before  Christmas  the  sales  were 
nine  hundred  and  nine  dollars. 

When  taking  into  consideration  the  fact  that  this 
amount  of  business  was  done  in  a  room  fourteen  feet 
wide  and  twenty  feet  long,  and  no  sale  amounting  to 


THE  PICK-OUT  SCHEME  IN  CHICAGO   255 

over  a  dollar,  it  can  readily  be  seen  that  we  were  kept 
pretty  busy. 

After  the  holidays  there  came  another  raise  of  fifty 
dollars  per  month  on  the  rent,  with  no  prospect  of 
obtaining  a  lease.  I  decided  to  close  out  the  stock  to 
some  dealer  and  get  out  of  the  business. 

Most  of  the  goods  from  the  original  wholesale  stock 
had  been  sacrificed,  and  those  that  were  still  on  hand 
had  been  handled  so  much  that  they  were  almost 
worthless.  Therefore,  to  keep  the  little  store  on  an 
up-to-date  basis  required  the  constant  replenishing  of 
stock,  with  often  only  a  small  margin  in  order  to  con- 
fine our  prices  to  sales  of  not  more  than  one  dollar. 

I  therefore  sold  the  fixtures  and  advertised  the  goods 
to  be  disposed  of  in  bulk,  and  very  soon  had  several 
would-be  purchasers,  with  one  of  whom  I  closed  a 
deal,  receiving  about  fifty  cents  on  the  dollar  for  the 
new  goods  and  possibly  ten  cents  on  the  dollar  for  the 
old  ones. 

After  using  what  cash  I  had  for  the  further  liquidat- 
ing of  debts,  I  not  only  found  myself  in  rather  close 
financial  straits,  but  entirely  out  of  business. 

During  my  stay  in  Chicago,  while  conducting  the 
Great  Northern  store,  I  had  given  my  lecture  under 


256        IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

the  auspices  of  several  different  organizations  and  so- 
cieties and  had  made  the  mistake  of  having  it  illus- 
trated at  a  heavy  cost  so  as  to  give  it  with  a  stereopti- 
con,  and  I  therefore  concluded  to  make  a  trip  through 
Michigan  to  give  the  new  plan  a  trial. 

The  first  thing  I  discovered  was  that  the  pictures 
and  talk  didn't  work  well  together.  The  one  detracted 
from  the  other ;  besides,  instead  of  having  a  lecture  1 
had  a  show,  as  people  called  it,  and,  not  having  any 
too  much  money  to  start  out  with,  it  took  about 
ten  days  to  reduce  my  finances  to  where  I  had  just 
money  enough  to  pay  car  fare  for  Mrs.  Johnston,  my 
son  and  myself  from  Hillsdale,  Michigan,  to  my  old 
home.  Clyde,  Ohio. 

I  had  always  said  that  the  worst  place  on  earth  to 
be  "  broke "  was  among  friends.  The  only  reason 
why  I  went  there  at  all  was  that  I  had  received  a  let- 
ter  from   home   telling   me   that   a   Mr.    was 

there  on  a  thirty  days'  visit,  and  as  he  owed  me  over 
two  hundred  dollars,  borrowed  money,  I  felt  that  I 
might  collect  at  least  a  portion  of  it. 

In  this,  however,  I  was  sorely  disappointed,  and  was 
once  more  in  my  life  completely  stranded. 

Had  Mr.  Keefer,  my  step-father,  been  alive,  so  I 


THE  PICK-OUT  SCHEME  IN  CHICAGO   257 

could  have  explained  to  him  "  just  how  it  all  hap- 
pened," there  would  have  been  no  trouble  in  making 
a  raise,  nor  would  I  have  hesitated  for  a  single  mo- 
ment to  ask  him  for  assistance,  but  to  make  my  cir- 
cumstances known  to  other  relatives  and  friends,  even 
though  they  were  all  well  fixed,  was  quite  a  dif- 
ferent proposition,  and  for  about  twenty-four  hours 
I  devoted  my  time  to  thinking,  and  how  to  go  about  it 
to  make  a  dollar  where  every  one  knew  me  and  where 
I  knew  almost  every  one. 

One  evening  while  walking  down  the  street  I  met 
the  mayor  of  the  town,  Mr.  Sprague,  who,  after  shak- 
ing hands  with  me,  asked  about  my  lecture  and  wanted 
to  know  if  I  was  going  to  give  it  in  Clyde. 

I  replied  that  I  had  no  intention  of  doing  so,  and 
quoted  the  old  saying  about  the  prophet  in  his  own 
country. 

"  Oh,  Pshaw !  "  said  he,  "  you  are  greatly  mis- 
taken ;  your  book  has  been  read  here  b}^  every  one, 
and  you  can  fill  our  hall  and  do  it  easily,"  and  then 
suggested  that  I  give  it  under  the  auspices  and  for 
the  benefit  of  the  G.  A.  R.  boys,  to  raise  money  for 
Decoration  day;  they  to  furnish  the  hall,  do  the  ad- 


258        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

vertising  and  sell  tickets  for  a  percentage  of  the  pro- 
ceeds. 

This  I  agreed  to  do,  provided  he  could  make  such 
arrangements,  which  he  had  no  trouble  in  doing. 

On  the  evening  of  the  lecture,  sure  enough,  the  hall 
was  filled,  and,  although  it  was  one  of  the  most  try- 
ing experiences  of  my  life,  yet  I  had  "  my  nerve  with 
me "  and  mounted  the  platform,  facing  men  and 
women  whom  I  had  known  all  my  life. 

My  mother,  sisters,  cousins  and  aunts  were  there 
to  see  me  "  break  my  neck,"  but  I  didn't  break  it.  I 
just  made  up  my  mind  that  this  proposition  beat  being 
"  broke "  among  friends  and  relatives  and,  vowing 
never  to  let  it  occur  again,  I, went  at  them  "hammer 
and  tongs,"  and  although  T  was  sorry  and  afterwards 
regretted  that  I  had  continued  to  use  the  old  stereop- 
ticon,  yet  I  made  it  go  to  v.hat  appeared  to  be  a  fairly 
enthusiastic  audience,  and  carried  away  my  share  of 
the  proceeds,  amounting  to  about  seventy-five  dol- 
lars. 

With  this  money  I  made  my  escape  in  short  order, 
and  only  hoped  that  if  I  were  ever  again  destined  to 
be  broke,  it  would  be  many  miles  from  Clyde. 

When  a  man  has  had  the  ups  and  downs  in  life  that 
I  have  experienced  and  has  handled  as  many  dollars 


THE  PICK-OUT  SCHEME  IN  CHICAGO    250 

as  I  have  handled,  and  then  finds  himself  stranded, 
he  had  better  go  to  any  stranger  for  assistance  than 
to  friends,  and  especially  relatives,  for  the  reason  that 
they  always  think  that  he  has  just  run  his  last  race 
and  will  never  make  another  rise;  besides,  as  is  often 
the  case,  these  relatives  have  accumulated  their  wealth 
by  penurious  economy,  not  by  really  making  money 
in  the  true  sense  of  it,  but  by  hanging  on  to  every 
penny  and  denying  themselves  the  pleasures,  comforts 
and  luxuries  of  life  that  a  man  with  confidence  in  him- 
self to  make  a  dollar  wouldn't  think  of  doing;  there- 
fore, they  can't  understand  why  he  hasn't  been  doing 
the  same  as  they  have. 

I  have  always  contended,  and  still  contend,  that  if 
I  have  to  get  right  down  to  hard  pan  and  deprive  my- 
self of  the  ordinary  comforts  of  life  in  order  to  save 
a  dollar,  then  I'll  lose  the  dollar  and  take  chances  on 
making  another. 

I  love  a  generous  man,  a  man  who  can  hand  out  the 
cash,  as  fast  as  he  can  get  it  in  if  necessary,  for  the 
comforts  of  those  depending  upon  him ;  on  the  other 
hand  I  can  "  sit  up  nights  "  and  hate  a  stingy,  penuri- 
ous, miserly  man,  whose  sole  ambition  is  to  hoard 
up  money,  and  whose  whole  life  has  been  spent  in 
educating  himself  and  family  to  all  sorts  of  denials. 


260       JVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

I  surely  don't  believe  in  useless  extravagance,  nor 
improvident  methods.  In  my  opinion  every  man 
should  think  of  the  rainy  day  proposition,  but  not  to 
the  extent  of  anything  bordering  on  penuriousness. 

I  despise  a  stingy  man  as  I  despise  a  thief,  and 
have  no  more  use  for  a  lazy  man  than  I  have  for  a 
liar. 

I  dislike  a  spendthrift,  but  if  a  man  has  a  dollar  to 
spend  I  say  spend  it  like  a  prince. 

People  often  say  to  me : 

"  Wouldn't  it  have  been  better  never  to  have  had 
anything  than  to  have  had  so  much  and  then  lost  it 
all?" 

I  say  "  No,  emphatically  no." 

I  have  seen  the  time  when  T  was  making  money  so 
fast  (from  fifty  to  sixty  thousand  dollars  a  year)  that 
it  simply  became  a  question  as  to  how  my  family  and 
myself  should  get  the  most  good  out  of  it. 

I  don't  think  that  my  son  ever  asked  for  a  dollar 
that  T  didn't  give  liim  two.  nor  did  my  wife  ever  ask 
for  five  that  T  didn't  give  her  ten,  and  if  my  days  are 
to  end  in  pauperism  T  don't  believe  I  shall  ever  regret 
having  done  so. 

I  have  never  been  ambitious  to  become  a  million- 


THE  PICK-OUT  SCHEME  IN  CHICAGO   261 

aire.  I  love  to  make  money  for  the  fun  of  making  it, 
and  I  love  to  spend  it  for  the  pleasure  there  is  in  it, 
and  I  have  no  fear  of  ever  coming  to  actual  want. 

Whatever  I  undertake  to  do  I  do  it  with  all  my 
might. 

If  it  were  only  to  sell  pins  and  needles  I  should 
procure  for  my  stock  in  trade  none  but  the  best,  and 
at  as  low  a  figure  as  possible,  and  should  sell  for  all 
I  could  get ;  either  make  a  good  profit  or  quit  the  busi- 
ness, but  try  to  give  my  patrons  their  money's  worth 
in  quality. 

My  own  experience  has  been  that  I  was  happier 
while  making  money  than  after  I  had  accumulated  it, 
and  if  by  the  turning  of  my  hand  I  could  procure 
Rockefeller's  wealth  and  was  to  be  burdened  with  its 
care  and  the  responsibilities  connected  with  it,  I  should 
prefer  to  keep  right  on  "  Hus'ling,"  as  I  am  now 
obliged  to. 

A  moderate  income,  with  just  enough  responsibility 
to  keep  one's  mind  occupied,  and  not  be  a  man  of  leis- 
ure, would  be  to  me  an  ideal  life  and  one  by  which  I 
should  be  glad  to  round  out  my  life's  career. 


262       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 


CHAPTER  XIV. 

A  Profitable  and  Interesting  Lecture  Tour — Tangled  in 
My  Lecture — Escaped  by  Telling  an  Amusing  School- 
boy Experience — M\  Experience  with  a  Brother  K.  of 
P. — Dr.  Johnson  and  His  Millionaire  Sweetheart — The 
Street  Doctor  and  His  Stomach  Cure — How  it  Cured 
Him. 

After  my  lecture  at  Clyde  I  discarded  the  stereop- 
ticon,  and  my  wife  and  I  started  out  with  an  experi- 
enced advance  agent,  giving  the  lecture  in  both  large 
and  small  towns  in  northwestern  Ohio,  and  through 
Michigan. 

What  the  people  wanted  was  a  lecture  and  not  a 
show,  and  as  my  books  had  had  an  extensive  sale  in 
nearly  every  tow-n  we  visited,  there  was  but  little  trou- 
ble in  getting  audiences. 

I  had  often  heard  of  the  humiliating  experiences  of 
public  speakers  when  some  trifling  incident  would 
occur  to  attract  their  attention  to  a  different  subject, 
thereby  causing  a  general  rnixup  and  often  a  complete 
failure,  but  had  never  had  anything  of  the  kind  hap- 
pen me  until  this  trip. 

The  opera  house  in  a  small  town  where  I  was  giving 


A  LECTURE  TOUR 


263 


the  lecture  stood  close  to  the  railroad  tracks,  and  when 
I  had  about  half  finished,  a  freight  train  came  in  and 
about  twenty  minutes  were  spent  switching  cars. 

While  I  was  telling  one  of  my  most  amusing  stories, 
one  that  never  failed  to  make  a  big  laugh,  and  just 
as  T  was  about  to  come  to  the  climax,  the  old  engine, 
right  under  the  window  where  I  was  speaking,  shrilled 
out   "Hoot,   Toot."      In  an   instant   I   had   forgotten 
where  I  was  or  what  I  was  doing;  as  for  the  story 
and   its  climax  I  hadn't  the  slightest   recollection  of 
either;  I  didn't  know  whether  I  had  just  begun,  or 
was  ending  up  the  lecture.    There  I  stood,  staring  and 
Aheming!  and  Hawing!  while  the  audience  looked  on 
with   apparent   pity.     The  more   I   tried  to  think   of 
"  where  I  was  at."  the  more  I  got  mixed  up. 

My  wife,  who  had  been  selling  tickets  at  the  door, 
discovered  my  awful  predicament  and  tried  to  come  to 
my  rescue  by  reminding  me  of  where  I  had  left  off, 
but  I  was  too  "  rattled  "  to  catch  on,  and  finally,  pull- 
ing myself  together,  decided  to  kill  time  by  taking  a 
drink  of  water.  While  doing  so.  1  happened  to  think 
of  a  little  episode  of  my  schoolboy  days  and  said  : 

"This  little  flurry  reminds  me  of  an   exciting  ex- 
perience I  had  one  time  when  a  youngster. 


264        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

"  My  mother  decided  to  send  me  to  Green  Springs, 
Ohio,  to  school,  and  I  began  about  four  weeks  after 
the  fall  term  had  commenced. 

"  The  first  day  the  teacher  canie  to  me  and  showed 
me  the  spelling  lesson,  and  explained  that  my  class 
was  competing  for  a  first  and  second  prize,  and  sug- 
gested that  I  should  take  c  special  interest  in  it  and 
try  and  win  a  prize. 

''  While  studying  the  lesson  I  came  to  the  word 
*  olfactory,'  and  it  immediately  occurred  to  me  that 
some  one  in  the  class  would  be  very  likely  to  spell  the 
first  syllable  '  all  '  instead  of  '  ol,"  and  charged  my 
mind  in  particular  about  it. 

"  Being  my  first  day,  1,  of  course,  took  my  place 
at  the  foot  of  the  class. 

"  In  the  class  were  two  girls,  both  '  crack  '  spellers, 
one  a  cousin  of  mine  Gena  Finch,  and  Abbie  Lischy. 
My  cousin  was  at  the  head  and  Miss  Lischy  next  to 
me,  having  left  head  the  evening  before. 

"  The  word  that  I  had  '  spotted  '  was  given  to  Miss 
Finch,  at  the  head,  cmd  was  missed  by  her,  as  was  also 
the  case  clear  down  the  line  of  twenty-three  scholars, 
each  having  liad  the  sccc.nd  trial  and  all  having 
missed,  just  as  I  had  predicted.     By  the  time  it  reached 


A  LECTURE  TOUR  265 

Miss  Lischy  and  was  missed  by  her  I  was  almost  in 
a  state  of  collapse.  I  was  just  ready  to  land  with  a 
single  bound  at  the  head  of  the  class,  and  began :  '0-1 ' 
— 'That's  right.'  shouted  the  teacher;  'go  on,  go  on;' 
'  f-a-c,'  I  continued.  '  Go  ahead,  go  ahead.'  '  T-o-r^ 
a-p-h-y,'  I  blurted  out.  and  everybody  laughed  but 
me." 

By  the  time  I  had  finished  relating  this  little  story, 
which  brought  a  hearty  laugh,  I  had  "  gotten  my 
head  "  once  more,  and  began  where  I  had  left  off  in 
the  lecture,  coming  out  triumphantly  in  the  end. 

After  a  fairly  successful  trip  through  Ohio,  we 
started  through  Michigan,  where  many  of  the  scenes 
of  my  book  were  laid,  and  where  it  had  had  an  im- 
mensely large  sale. 

Just  before  leaving  Chicago  on  this  lecture  trip,  I 
had  joined  the  Knights  of  Pythias  and,  like  most  new 
members,  was  wearing  a  K.  of  P.  badge. 

Ludington.  ^Michigan,  was  our  first  town,  and  on 
account  of  a  delay  in  receiving  advertising  matter  we 
were  obliged  to  remain  there  ten  days. 

No  sooner  had  we  gotten  nicely  settled  than  a  fine 
looking  gentleman  stopping  at  the  same  hotel,  who 
was  also  a  K.  of  P..  took  special  pains  to  get  acquainted 


266        IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

with  me,  and  was  quite  profuse  in  calling  me  "  Brother 
Johnston  "  when  addressing  me. 

The  only  secret  organization  I  had  ever  belonged 
to.  before  this  one,  was  that  of  the  "  Patriotic  Order 
of  Sons  of  America,"  which  I  had  joined  several  years 
liefore  while  in  Chicago.  At  that  time  I  was  half 
owner  of  a  livery  barn,  and  was  right  in  the  zenith  of 
my  glory  in  the  wholesale  jewelry  and  optical  busi- 
ness, and  inside  of  two  weeks  after  I  had  joined  this 
society  my  dear  brother  members  were  in  debt  to  me 
for  livery  hire,  gold  watches  and  chains  and  borrowed 
money  to  the  extent  of  nearly  two  hundred  dollars. 
When  I  came  to  look  up  their  financial  standing 
I  discovered  that  those  I  had  trusted  were  a  l(Jt  of 
dead-beats  and  paupers,  and  immediately  sent  my 
resignation  to  the  secretary,  saying  that  if  I  wanted 
to  mix  up  with  a  band  of  horse-thieves  I  could  do  so 
without  joini!ig  a  secret  organization.  As  I  had  never 
collected  a  cent  from  any  of  them  I  had  no  oc- 
casion to  change  my  mind,  and,  although  I  felt  con- 
fident that  the  Knights  of  Pythias  were  of  an  entirely 
different  class  of  men,  yet  I  had  determined  to  keep 
my  "  eye  skinned  "  and  take  no  chances  until  I  posi- 
tively knew  what  T  was  doing. 


A  LECTURE  TOUR  267 

Therefore,  when  my  newly  made  friend  and  brother 
K.  of  P.  at  Ludington  became  so  much  interested  in 
me  I  told  my  wife  that  I'd  bet  he  would  strike  me  for 
a  loan  inside  of  three  days,  and  determined  to  have 
a  little  story  all  fixed  up  for  him  in  case  he  did,  so 
I  made  up  one  that  came  about  as  near  being  a 
"  whopper  ''  as  one  could  possibly  imagine  and  still 
keep  in  the  straight  and  narrow  path. 

We  had  arrived  there  on  Wednesday,  and  on  Sat- 
urday morning  he  came  to  me  with  a  message  from 
his  wife  in  Milwaukee.  Wisconsin,  saying  that  their 
daughter  was  sick  and  she  had  mailed  a  fifty-dollar 
draft  to  him  which  he  should  get  on  Saturday  morn- 
ing, which  would  enable  him  to  leave  on  the  two 
o'clock  steamer  from  Ludington  to  Milwaukee. 

He  explained  that  he  had  just  been  to  the  postoffice 
and  found  no  letter  there,  and  as  it  was  then  about 
noon  wanted  to  borrow  twenty-five  dollars  with  which 
to  pay  his  hotel  and  laundry  bill  and  buy  a  ticket  home. 

I  had  my  story  so  well  learned  and  was  so  certain 
that  I  had  "  nipped  in  the  bud  "  the  plans  of  a  dead- 
beat  that  I  shot  it  at  him  in  such  a  manner  as  to  ap- 
parently elicit  his  sympathy  for  my  sad  predicament, 
and  after\varcls  congratulated  myself  on  being  "  wise  " 


2G8       IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTOM 

for  once  in  my  life  and  of  ridding  myself  of  an  im- 
postor. 

My  wife  asked:     "How  alx)ut  his  handshake?" 

I  replied  that  he  had  a  good  handshake,  but  that  I'd 
have  to  treat  handshakes  as  I  once  heard  a  Republican 
politician  treat  Democrats,  when  he  said  that  all  Dem- 
ocrats were  not  drunkards  nor  thieves,  but  that  all 
thieves  and  drunkards  were  Democrats,  and  just  so 
with  the  bad  handshake.  I  had  known  men  who  had 
a  good  handshake  and  were  still  dishonest,  but  I  had 
never  known  one  with  a  bad  handshake  who  had 
turned  out  to  be  honest. 

Instead  of  the  steamer  leaving  Ludington  at  two 
p.  m.,  it  was  announced  that  it  would  not  leave  until 
seven  p.  m. 

That  afternoon  my  brother  K.  of  P.  came  to  me  with 
a  broad  grin  on  his  face  and,  slapping  me  on  the  knee, 
said : 

"  Say,  Brother  Johnston,  I  am  all  right.  I  just 
came  from  the  postoffice  and  there  found  my  letter 
witli  the  fifty-dollar  draft,"  and  then  he  explained  that 
a  farmer  of  the  identical  name,  of  his  initials  and  all, 
had  sent  his  son  to  the  postoftice  in  the  morning  and 
had  gotten   the  letter  and,   upon  opening  it   and  dis- 


A  LECTURE  TOUR  ^^^ 

covering  that   it  belonged  to  someone  else,  had  re- 
turned it  at  once. 

"  Now,"  said  he,  "  Brother  Johnston,  I  don't  need 
but  twenty-five  dollars  of  this,  and  I  want  you  to  take 
the  other  twenty-five  and  use  it  until  you  get  out  of 
your  bad  plight.  I  will  leave  you  my  address  and  you 
can  send  it  to  me  whenever  you  find  it  convenient  to 

do  so." 

In  all  of  my  life,  with  all  the  experiences  I  had  had, 
I  never  felt  as  I  did  on  this  occasion,  and  vowed  then 
and  there  never  to  distrust  another  K.  of  P. ;  nor  have 
I,  and  not  in  a  single  instance  have  I  had  occasion  to 
regret  having  taken  that  stand. 

I  actually  felt  as  though  I  might  find  relief  and  com- 
fort to  my  feelings  if  I  could  go  off  by  myself  some- 
where and  weep  awhile. 

I  assured  him  that  I  always  took  a  great  deal  of 
pride  in  working  my  way  out  of  close  quarters  with- 
out borrowing,  and,  thanking  him  most  profusely  for 
his  generous,  manly  offer,  declined  to  accept  it. 

At  this  same  town,  Ludington,  my  wife  and  I  were 
out  for  a  walk  one  evening  when  we  noticed  a  short 
distance  away  a  street  man  selling  medicine ;  approach- 
ing closer,  1  discovered  that  it  was  a  St.  Louis  physi- 


270        JVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

cian.  Dr.  Anselem.  an  old  acquaintance  of  mine,  who 
had  gotten  up  a  patent  medicine  and  had  started  out 
with  two  colored  minstrels  to  help  entertain  the  crowds, 
and  two  wdiite  men  to  distribute  and  make  sales  after 
his  lecture. 

The  next  day,  Sunday,  I  called  at  his  hotel  and 
learned  that  he  would  remain  there  two  weeks  and 
possibly  longer. 

While  we  were  talking  his  two  salesmen  came  in 
from  a  long  walk.  He  had  just  finished  telling  me 
about  their  peculiar  ways  and  general  makeup.  One 
of  them  was  very  tall  (over  six  feet)  and  very  thin, 
while  the  other  was  also  \-ery  thin,  but  not  quite  five 
feet  tall.  Both  had  very  high  pitched,  squeaky  voices, 
feminine  in  their  looks  and  appearance.  Each  wore 
a  silk  hat,  with  cutaway  or  full-dress  suit,  red  neck- 
ties, diamonds  galore  (and  good  ones  too),  and  each 
sported  a  gold-headed  cane. 

As  they  passed  us  the  doctor  said : 
"  Now  I  want  you  to  listen  to  their  talk." 
They  seated  themselves  directly  back  of  us,  and  the 
taller  one,  who  styled  himself  Dr.  Johnson,  in  an  ex- 
tremely high   ])itched    feminine   voice  kept  up  a   con- 


HIS  TWO  SALESMEN  CAME  IN  FROM  A  LONG  WALK, 


A  LECTURE  TOUR  271 

versation   that   they   had    evidently   been   engaged   in 
while  out  walking,  which  ran  about  as  follows : 

"  Oh,  my  heavens !  you  ought  to  have  seen  that 
beautiful  creature,  with  her  lovely  dark  hair  and  eyes, 
her  rosy  cheeks  and  elegant  teeth,  and  was  worth  a 
million  dollars;  yes,  sir^^  a  million  dollars,  and  she 
wanted  me  to  marry  her ;  yes,  sir,  me.  But  no,  sir,  I 
wouldn't  marry  her  when  I  didn't  love  her;  no.,  in- 
deed! Not  me.  Doctor  Johnson  (referring  to  him- 
self). I  wish  you  could  have  seen  her  beautiful  jewels, 
her  elegant  mansion  and  horses  and  carriages.  Yes, 
sir,  and  all  hers,  too,  all  hers,  and  not  a  soul  to  divide 
with.  Yes,  sir,  she  was  the  most  beautiful  woman  I 
ever  saw,  and  she  wanted  me  to  marry  her;  yes,  sir, 
me — Dr.  Johnson;  but  do  you  think  I'd  marry  her 
when  I  didn't  love  her?  No,  sir,  not  me — Dr.  John- 
son, not  me — Dr.  Johnson." 

Right  here  the  little  fellow,  with  his  squeaky,  high 
pitched  voice,   interrupted  with : 

"  Say,  Dr.  Johnson,  don't  you  think  you  were  a 
d fool?" 

Dr.  Anselem  had  employed  a  big  husky  colored 
man,  a  resident  of  Ludington,  to  act  as  a  handy  man 
while   in   that  citv.     This  colored   man   had  taken  a 


272        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

particular  liking  to  the  doctor,  he  being  a  very  liberal 
man  and  a  good  paymaster,  and  was  therefore  always 
ready  to  champion  the  doctor's  cause. 

The  handy  man  had  a  chum,  another  big  colored 


"Every  healthy  man  belches." 

man,  and  every  evening  they  would  hang  around  the 
doctor's  carriage  while  he  delivered  his  lecture. 

One  e\'ening  T  went  out  upon  the  square  where  an 
immense  crowd  was  gathered  to  hear  the  doctor  talk, 
and  eventually  came  up  to  the  carriage. 


A  LECTURE  TOUR  273 

Just  at  this  time  the  doctor  was  right  in  the  midst 
of  extolling  the  wonderful  merits  of  his  medicine  as 
a  stomach  remedy,  and  made  an  exceedingly  long  and 
effective  talk  of  its  wonderful  cure  of  weak  stomachs. 

Noticing  that  I  was  standing  by  he  lowered  his  head 
and  in  a  low  voice  said : 

"  I  am  as  sick  as  a  horse  at  my  stomach  and  will 
have  to  heave  up  Jonah  inside  of  a  minute,  and  right 
on  top  of  all  of  this  stomach  medicine  talk,  too.  Great 
heavens,  what  shall  I  do?'' 

"  Why,"  said  I,  "  there  is  nothing  to  do  but  let  her 

go." 

And,  leaning  over  the  dash-board,  he  did  "  let  her 
go. 

The  big  colored  handy  man  and  his  pal  stood  there. 
The  latter,  almost  paralyzed,  said  : 

"  Foh  de  lawd  sake !  what  you  think  of  dat  ar  man 
stan'in'  up  dar  and  tellin'  de  folks  all  'lx)ut  how  dat 
ar  medicine  cures  de  stomach,  an'  pukin'  like  dat?" 

"  \Miatch  you  talkin'  'bout,  whatch  you  talkin' 
'bout,  you  big  nigga?"  cried  the  handy  man;  *' dat 
man  ain't  pukin'.  dat  man's  jest  belchin' ;  every  healthy 
man  belches." 


27-i        IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 


CHAPTER  XV. 

A  Bad  Man  in  a  Small  Town— Settled  With  Him  With- 
out an  Argument — The  Audience  Surprised  and 
Pleased — The  Landlord  and  His  Early  Riser — No 
Changing  Minds  in  Plis  Hotel — A  Bad  Case  of  In- 
somnia— Went  Sound  Asleep  While  Lecturing — A 
Terrible  Experience — Owned  a  Boat  and  Acted  as 
Captain  for  One  Day — Sold  Out  at  a  Profit — Mark 
Twain  and  His  Lecture — Buying  and  Selling  a  Gro- 
cery— An  Interesting  Newspaper  Report  of  my  Lec- 
ture— Delivering  the  Lecture  to  a  One  Man  Audience. 

My  lecture  at  Ludington  was  in  every  way  a  suc- 
cess, and  from  there  we  began  taking  in  the  smaller 
as  well  as  the  larger  towns. 

One  thing  particularly  noticeable  was.  that  the  larger 
the  town,  the  easier  it  was  to  entertain  the  audiences 
and  stories  and  incidents  that  seemed  excruciatingly 
funny  to  an  audience  in  a  large  town  would  often  be 
received  with  absolute  silence  in  a  small  one. 

One  evening,  in  a  small  tcnvn,  I  had  a  very  small 
audience  seated  on  one  side  of  the  hall,  with  the  ex- 
ce])tion  of  one  man,  who  sat  alone  on  the  opposite 
side. 

I  started  out  with  my  usual  enthusiasm  and  finally. 


A  BAD  MAN  IN  A  SMALL  TOWN        275 

after  relating  three  or  four  of  my  best  and  most  laugh- 
able stories  without  causing  the  slightest  amusement, 
began  to  feel  that  I  was  "  up  against  a  hard  proposi- 
tion," when  finally  T  tried  another  one  on  them,  with 
the  same  result,  and  had  passed  on,  when  suddenly 
the  man  sitting  alone  on  the  opposite  side  of  the  hall 
from  the  others  "  let  go  "  w'ith  a  laugh  that  fairly  took 
the  roof  off  the  building. 

Stopping  quickly  and  turning  to  him  I  said : 

"If  I  catch  you  laughing  again  I'll  have  you  ar- 
rested." 

Then  he  let  go  with  another,  and  thereafter  the  en- 
tire audience  laughed  and  cheered  at  almost  every 
incident  related. 

In  another  small  town  where  the  hall  was  packed  I 
had  just  gotten  under  headway  with  the  lecture  when 
a  burly-looking  fellow  in  the  rear  interrupted  me  by 
saying  that  I  was  an  impostor,  as  the  man  who  wrote 
"  Twenty  Years  of  Hus'ling  "  was  a  verv  much  older 
man  than  I,  and  that  he  was  ]^ersonallv  acquainted 
with  J.  P.  Johnston  and  had  been  all  his  life,  and 
knew  what  1ie  was  talking  about. 

T  reminded  him  that  in  the  beginning  of  the  book 
T  had  stated  that  T  was  born  in  T8=i2.  and.  therefore. 


276        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

this  being  the  case,  the  author,  w]ioe\'er  he  was,  could 
not  possibly  be  a  very  old  man,  and  suggested  tb.at  if 
he  would  call  on  me  after  the  lecture  I  could,  easily 
convince  him  that  I  was  no  impostor. 

I  then  attempted  to  proceed  with  my  talk,  when  in 
a  boisterous  way  he  again  interrupted  me. 

I  asked  him  to  remain  quiet  while  I  finished,  and 
then  tried  once  more,  only  to  be  ridiculed  by  him  the 
third  time. 

Calling  to  Mrs.  Johnston,  I  asked  her  to  refund  his 
money  and  request  him  to  leave  the  hall. 

She  did  so,  but  he  refused  to  take  his  money  back, 
and  with  an  oath  declared  that  there  were  not  enough 
men  in  the  hall  to  put  him  out. 

I  then  asked  if  there  happened  to  be  an  officer  in 
the  audience,  and,  receiving  no  response,  addressing 
my  audience,  said : 

"  Ladies  and  gentlemen,  I  have  just  one  request  to 
make  of  you ;  T  ask  that,  during  the  next  two  minutes, 
not  a  single  one  of  you  shall  leave  your  seat,  and  in- 
side of  that  time  I  promise  you  that  that  loafer  will 
be  put  out  of  the  hall  and  T  will  be  back  here  talking 
as  if  nothing  had  happened." 

So  saying.  T  stepped  down  (^ff  of  the  platform  and. 


A  BAD  MAN  IN  A  SMALL  TOWN        277 

walking  directly  up  to  him.  (he  was  now  backed  up 
against  the  wall  in  the  rear  of  the  room),  without 
stopping  to  argue  a  second  I  landed  right  and  left 
good  and  liard  on  both  his  stomach  and  face,  and  in 
less  time  than  it  takes  to  tell  it  he  threw  up  both  hands 
and  pleaded  for  mercy ;  his  face  looked  like  a  pounded 
beefsteak,  and  the  last  I  saw  of  him  was  when  he 
struck  on  his  head  out  on  the  ground  in  front  of  the 
building. 

I  quickly  closed  and  locked  the  door  and  had  a  full 
half  minute  to  spare  when  ready  to  resume  my  talk. 

At  this  juncture  an  old,  gray-headed  and  gray- 
whiskered  man  arose  from  his  seat  and  said : 

"  Mr.  Johnston,  before  you  begin  your  talk  again 
I  want  to  say  a  few  words.  I  have  been  a  resident  of 
this  town  and  vicinity  all  of  my  life,  and  I  want  to 
assure  you  that  that  ruffian  is  not  a  sample  of  our 
citizens.  \\'here  he  came  from  I  don't  know,  but 
since  he  entered  our  community,  about  six  months  ago. 
he  has  always  been  looking  for  a  scrap,  always  trying 
to  bully  some  one,  and  T  guess  this  is  the  first  time  he 
ever  found  anyone  willing  to  accommodate  him,  and 
I  am  very  sure  if  he  has  ever  read  your  book,  as  I 
have,  he  is  con\'inced  bv  this  time  that  von  are  the 


5(0)l"Pt;?/n\  I't'mf 


"Struck  oil  liis  head  in  froiil  o(  llw  luiildiii}^." 


A  BAD  MAN  IN  A  SMALL  TOWN        279 

man  who  wrote  it,  and  I  believe  I  express  the  senti- 
ment of  the  entire  audience  when  I  tell  you  that  I 
heartily  congratulate  you  on  your  prompt  and  decisive 
way  of  disposing-  of  such  a  character." 

\Mien  the  old  gentleman  sat  down  everybody 
shouted  and  clapped  their  hands,  and  when  I  had  fin- 
ished and  stepped  down  from  the  platform  everyone 
wanted  to  shake  hands  and  congratulate  me. 

During  all  of  my  yeais  of  experience  in  dealing 
with  the  people,  I  had  always  made  it  a  point  to  avoid 
scenes  of  this  kind,  if  possible  to  do  so  without  show- 
ing cowardice. 

In  almost  every  small  town  can  be  found  one  or  two 
so-called  bullies,  whose  ambition  is  to  attack  some 
stranger,  knowing  full  well  that  he  is  unprotected  by 
friends  and  must  fight  his  battles  alone. 

In  cases  of  this  kind  I  ne\-er  resorted  to  anything 
like  an  argument.  An  argument  is  just  what  such 
fellows  expect  and  desire ;  their  idea  is  to  carry  out  a 
good  strong  bluft'  by  cowing  the  stranger  and  then 
gloat  over  it  for  another  year. 

My  idea  always  was  to  "  lick  'em  "  first  and  argue 
with  them  afterwards,  if  it  reallv  had  to  be  done,  and 


280       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

I  don't  remember  of  ever  having  very  much  of  an 
argument  afterward. 

At  Freemont  Center,  Michigan,  we  stayed  at  a  hotel 
kept  by  an  old  friend  of  mine,  Johnny . 

The  afternoon  of  the  day  we  arrived  there,  Johnny 
had  let  his  night  clerk  go  because  business  was  very 
dull. 

That  evening  an  old  Jew  traveler  registered  and 
said : 

"  Landlord,  I  vant  you  to  call  me  by  der  two  o'clock 
train  in  der  mornin'." 

"  All  right."  said  Johnny,  and  turning  to  me  said 
in  a  low  voice,  "There  you  are;  I  have  had  a  night 
clerk  here  for  six  months  ?nd  not  a  soul  has  asked  to 
be  called  for  that  two  o'clock  morning  train,  and  now 
I  am  doomed  to  sit  up  all  night  to  drag  him  out." 

That  night  the  Jew  occupied  a  room  directly  across 
the  hall  from  ours,  and  in  the  "  wee  sma'  "  hours  of 
the  night  I  was  awakened  (as  was  also  the  whole 
house)  by  pounding  on  the  Jew's  door  and  incessant 
calls  for  him  to  get  up. 

Then  came  a  lull,  when  an  instant  later  came  more 
pounding  and  Johnny  yelling,     "Git    up!      Git    up! 


A  BAD  MAN  IN  A  SMALL  TOWN        281 

Are  you  up  ?  Time  for  the  two  o'clock  train.  Git  up, 
I  tell  you.    Are  you  up?    Are  you  up?  " 

"  No,  I  am  not  up  yet,"  came  a  faint  response. 

"  Well,  then,  git  up !  It's  time  for  your  train.  Are 
you  up?     Are  you  up?" 

"  Vel,  no,"  came  another  faint  reply.  "  I  have 
changed  my  mind,"  and  so  saying  turned  over  in  bed 
for  another  nap. 

"You  have  changed  your  mind,  did  you  say?" 
and  more  pounding  by  Johnny. 

''  Vel,  yes,  I  have  changed  my  mind." 

"  \\'ell.  you  haven't  changed  your  mind,  d if 

you  have !  "  shrieked  Johnny.  ''  You  git  out  of  here, 
and  git  out  m'ighty  quick,  before  T  break  this  door  in. 
Are  you  up?     Are  you  up?" 

"  Vel,  yes,  I  am  up." 

"  Well,  open  the  door,"  yelled  Johnny;  "  I  want  to 
know  that  you  surely  are  up." 

As  the  door  opened  Johnny  stepped  inside  the  room 
and  said : 

"  You're  a  d nice  man,  aren't  you  ?     Perhaps 

you  think  I  never  sleep.  1  suppose  this  is  your  way 
of  getting  your  money's  worth.  Now  get  dressed  and 
get  out  of  this  in  short  order.     I've  been  up  all  night 


282       IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

to  wait  on  you.  If  you  had  changed  your  mind,  why 
in  thunder  didn't  you  tell  me  so  last  night,  so  I  could 
get  a  little  rest,  too?  " 

"  Vel,"  whined  the  Jew,  in  a  high  pitched  voice, 
"  but  I  didn't  change  my  mind  till  you  call't  me." 

About  this  time  our  advance  agent  was  taken  sick 
and  went  to  a  hospital,  leaving  me  in  bad  shape. 

I  picked  up  two  or  three  inexperienced  men  on  the 
road,  none  of  whom  could  fill  the  position.  At  last, 
rather  than  to  lie  idle,  I  adopted  a  new  plan  and  did 
all  the  work  myself,  in  addition  to  delivering  the  lec- 
ture. This  was  done  on  the  plan  of  getting  into  a 
town  in  the  morning  and  flooding  it  with  circulars  and 
bulletin  advertising  announcing  the  lecture  that  even- 
ing. 

While  we  didn't  get  as  large  audiences  as  before, 
yet  the  expenses  were  considerably  less  and  the  profits 
equally  as  good,  but  I  was  simply  working  myself 
into  a  nervous  w-reck. 

At  Manistee,  Michio-an,  I  arranged  to  give  it  under 
the  auspices  of  the  W.  C.  T.  U.  at  the  opera  house. 

For  five  days  and  nights  I  had  been  suffering  from 
ins(minia  and  hadn't  slept  a  minute. 

The  night  of  the  lecture  we  had  a  fine  audience  and. 


VELL".  WHINED  THE  JEW,  "BUT  I  DIDN'T  CHANGE  MY  MIND  TILL  YOU 
GALLT  ME". 


A  BAD  MAN  IN  A  SMALL  TOWN        283 

after  working  very  hard  all  day,  I  went  upon  the  plat- 
form to  deliver  it.  and  when  about  half  through  I 
suddenly  lost  all  consciousness  and  went  sound  asleep. 

\\'hen  I  came  to  it  seemed  to  me  that  I  had  been 
sleeping  for  an  hour,  and.  realizing  that  I  had  kept 
right  on  talking,  I  wondered  v.hat  I  had  been  saying; 
where  to  begin  over  T  didn't  know,  but  finally  started 
in  again,  and  instantly  lost  myself  and  went  sound 
asleep  again,  and  still  kept  on  talking  or  mumbling 
away  as  before. 

When  I  rallied  the  second  time.  I  said : 

"  Ladies  and  gentlemen,  T  don't  know  how  many 
of  you  have  ever  suffered  \\  ith  insomnia,  but  I  haven't 
slept  a  wink  for  five  days  and  nights,  until  just  now. 
right  here  on  this  platform,  twice  I  have  been  sound 
asleep,  and  if  you  know  what  I  have  been  talking 
about  you  know  more  than  I  do.  and  if  any  of  you 
have  ever  had  insomnia  you  know  how  terrible  it  is." 

At  this  many  of  the  audience  responded  by  the 
clapping  of  hands,  and,  after  offering  to  refund  their 
money  at  the  box  office,  I  closed  the  lecture ;  but  not 
a  single  one  called  for  their  money. 

After  resting  a  few  days  at  Manistee  we  continued 
our  trip  northward,  on  the  west  shore  of  Michigan, 


284       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

and  took  our  time  for  it  in  working  up  business  rather 
than  rush  matters  as  we  had  been  doing. 

The  first  place  where  I  gave  my  lecture  after  leav- 
ing Manistee  was  a  small  town  located  on  an  inland 
lake,  which  was  frequented  by  summer  resorters. 

The  morning  after  the  lecture  T  took  a  short  walk 
after  breakfast  and,  stopping  at  the  boat  landing,  I 
met  and  got  into  conversation  with  the  owner  of  a 
naphtha  launch. 

He  was  a  summer  visitor  there  and  wanted  to  sell 
the  boat  because  he  had  ordered  a  very  fine  new  one, 
which  would  be  there  inside  of  a  week. 

Without  the  slightest  thought  of  buying  it  I  in- 
quired what  his  price  was. 

He  said  he  had  been  holding  it  at  four  hundred 
dollars  and  asked  how  much  I'd  give  for  it. 

"  Well."  said  I,  "  I  haven't  any  use  for  a  boat,  but 
I  will  give  you  two  hundred  dollars  spot  cash  for  it." 

"  All  right."  said  he,  "  give  me  your  money."  And 
I  counted  it  out  to  him. 

Returning  to  the  hotel  T  told  Mrs.  Johnston  that  I 
had  bought  a  boat,  and  suggested  that  we  make  a  trip 
around  the  lakes  that  day,  and  let  me  try  my  hand  as 
captain. 


A  BAD  MAN  IN  A  SMALL  TOWN        285 

The  man  from  whom  I  bought  the  boat  had  in  his 
employ  two  young  men,  one  who  understood  the  run- 
ning of  the  engine  and  the  other  as  an  all-around  man. 

I  arranged  to  keep  them,  and  inside  of  a  half  hour 
we  had  started  out,  and  took  in  during  the  day  all  the 
different  landings  and  small  towns  on  the  lakes,  re- 
turning to  our  starting  point  about  five  o'clock  in  the 
evening. 

On  reaching  the  hotel  the  landlord  informed  me 
that  a  party  of  summer  resorters  had  arrived  that  day 
and  wanted  to  charter  my  boat  for  ten  days  or  two 
weeks,  and  a  few  moments  later  introduced  me  to 
the  gentleman  in  charge  of  the  party. 

When  asked  how  much  I  would  charge  for  the  use 
of  the  boat  for  ten  days,  I  remarked  that  it  was  for 
sale  very  cheap,  and  that  it  would  pay  him  better  to 
buy  it  than  to  charter  it. 

"  Wha,t  will  you  take  for  it,  cash  in  your  fist?  "  he 
asked. 

"  Three  hundred  dollars,"  I  replied. 

"  I  will  give  you  two  hundred  and  fifty,"  said  he. 

"  All  right,  it's  a  go ;  give  me  your  money."  And 
he  counted  it  out. 

I  had  had  the  honor  of  being  captain  of  a  boat  and 


286        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

had  made  fifty  dollars  that  day,  and  was  ready  to  try 
something  else. 

A  few  days  later  I  gave  my  lecture  at  Charlevoix 
to  a  good-sized  audience,  and  there  learned  that  Alark 
Twain  was  to  lecture  at  Petoskey  the  following  even- 
ing, and,  heing  anxious  to  hear  him,  Mrs.  Johnston 
and  1,  accompanied  by  several  Charlevoix  people,  made 
the  trip  to  Petoskey  expressly  to  hear  him. 

Special  boats  and  special  trains  came  into  Petoskey 
that  day  and  evening  from  every  direction,  loaded 
with  people  for  the  lecture. 

About  half  past  seven  over  fifty  guests  of  the  hotel 
where  we  were  stopping  had  congregated  in  the  parlors 
preparatory  to  starting  for  the  opera  house,  and  just 
before  leavmg  I  said  to  them : 

"  Now%  liefore  we  start  out,  1  want  to  make  a  pre- 
diction, and  that  is  that  every  one  of  you,  and  every 
person  who  attends  this  lecture  to-night,  will  leave 
the  opera  house  more  or  less  disappointed,  for  the 
smi]:ile  reason  that  e\-eryone  is  expecting  too  much, 
and  more  than  an)'  mortal  being  can  ]>()ssibly  give.  I 
don't  mean  tliat  the  lecture  will  not  l)e  good,  but  that 
it  cannot  jiossibly  come  up  to  their  expectations,  and 


A  BAD  MAN  IN  A  SMALL  TOWN        287 

all  because  of  Mark  Twain's  great  reputation  as  a 
humorist." 

Nearly  every  person  present  seemed  almost  dis- 
gusted at  my  audacity,  and  a  few  used  plain  talk  in 
expressing  their  opinion  of  my  foolish  suggestion. 

"  Very  well."  said  I,  "  but  after  the  lecture  I  wish 
you  would  all  meet  here  in  the  parlor  and  let  each  one 
speak  for  himself  or  herself,  and  now,  remember  what 
I  tell  you,  the  lecture  will  be  good  and  would  be  most 
highly  appreciated  by  everyone  were  it  delivered  by 
some  person  of  less  notoriety." 

The  opera  house  was  packed  and  I  don't  believe  any 
man  ever  made  a  finer  and  more  striking  appearance 
on  the  platform  than  IMark  Twain  did  on  that  occa- 
sion, and  the  lecture  was  immensely  entertaining,  at 
least  to  Mrs.  Johnston  and  myself — not  what  he  said, 
altogether,  but  the  way  he  said  it. 

We  had  read  in  his  books  almost  every  story  he 
told,  but  that,  in  my  estimation,  made  them  better  be- 
cause of  his  extremely  humorous  and  original  way  of 
relating  them. 

During  the  entire  evening  there  was  not  a  hearty 
laugh  or  applause  given  by  over  a  dozen  persons  in 
the  whole  audience,  and  on  our  wav  to  the  hotel  we 


288       IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

could  hear  comments  on  all  sides  criticising  the  lec- 
ture. 

When  the  crowd  gathered  at  the  hotel  parlors  I 
asked  for  a  verdict.  A  bright-looking  lady  stepped 
forward  and  said : 

"  I  acknowledge  that  I  am  sorely  disappointed,  but 
I  don't  think  I  can  give  you  credit  for  having  made 
the  suggestion  you  did,  because  I  am  quite  sure  that 
you  had  heard  him  l>efore  and  knew  what  you  were 
talking  about." 

I  assured  her  that  I  had  never  seen  Mark  Twain 
before  and  knew  absolutely  nothing  of  his  lecture,  and, 
as  I  had  regarded  him  as  only  human,  and  incapable 
of  doing  more  than  might  be  expected  from  a  human 
being,  I  had  been  highly  entertained,  and  in  my  opin- 
ion the  appearance  of  the  man  alone  was  worth  the 
dollar  admission  fee.  However,  there  were  but  few 
in  the  parlor  that  evening  who  agreed  with  me,  as 
nearly  all  were  greatly  disappointed. 

It  was  a  plain  case  of  the  people  overestimating  and 
expecting  more  than  a  human  being  could  possibly 
give  them,  for  T  am  sure  that  no  man  could  have  been 
more  entertaining  and  interesting. 

The    day    following    Mark    Twain's    lectu^'e,    while 


A  BAD  MAN  IN  A  SMALL  TOWN        289 

walking  down  the  street  in  Petoskey,  I  noticed  a  sign 
in  a  p-rocerv  and  notion  store  which  read: 

"  Stock  and  fixtures  for  sale  cheap." 

Stepping  inside  and  taking  a  general  glance  at 
things,  I  asked  for  the  proprietor  and  inquired  his 
reasons  for  wanting  to  sell  out,  and  if  there  were  any 
incumbrances  on  the  stock. 

His  answer  being  satisfactory,  and  believing  him 
to  be  honest  in  his  statement,  I  asked  his  price. 

He  said  the  actual  origmal  cost  of  the  stock  and 
fixtures  was  seven  hundred  and  fifty  dollars  and  he 
would  sell  out  for  five  hundred  and  fifty,  and  would 
prove  to  me  that  there  were  no  incumbrances  and  that 
everything  was  all  right. 

I  offered  him  four  hundred  and,  to  excite  his  ava- 
rice, showed  him  a  good-sized  roll  of  money,  and  in- 
side of  five  minutes  he  had  the  cash  and  I  had  taken 
possession. 

I  immediately  hired  four  men  and  women  to  help 
clean  up,  and,  locking  the  door,  everyone  went  to  work 
with  a  vim  and  gave  the  store  such  a  cleaning  as  it 
never  had  before. 

I  retained  the  services  of  the  two  young  clerks  and 
immediately  ordered  from  a  wholesale  house  in  Grand 


290       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

Rapids,  two  hundred  dollars'  worth  of  new  goods,  and 
put  a  big  sign  up  on  the  front  of  the  store  that  it  would 
be  reopened  inside  of  a  week  by  its  new  owner  with 
a  fresh,  new  stock  at  cut  prices. 

By  the  time  the  store  and  stock  had  been  thoroughly 
cleaned  and  renovated  and  the  new  goods  had  arrived 
I  had  the  town  flooded  with  circulars  announcing 
the  grand  opening. 

The  morning  of  my  opening  the  old  gentleman  from 
whom  I  had  purchased  the  store  came  in  and  declared 
that  he  wouldn't  have  known  it  was  the  same  place, 
and  seemed  almost  heart-broken  that  he  hadn't  done 
the  same  as  I  had,  and  kept  up  a  nice,  clean,  up-to- 
date  store,  instead  of  putting  his  money  away  and 
letting  his  stock  run  down  and  his  trade  get  away 
from  him,  and  wanted  to  know  what  I'd  take  and  let 
him  have  it  back.  T  told  him  if  he  would  pay  me  back 
what  T  had  paid  for  the  new  goods  and  pay  me  what 
it  had  cost  to  renovate  and  ad^'ertise  and  one  hundred 
and  fifty  dollars  more  than  I  paid  him  for  the  store, 
he  could  have'it,  if  he  would  take  it  inside  of  thirty 
minutes,  liut  that  under  no  circumstances  was  it  a 
standing  offer. 


A  BAD  MAN  IN  A  SMALL  TOWN        291 

He  offered  me  a  hundred  dollars  profit,  which  I  re- 
fused. 

Inside  of  two  hours  the  people  began  pouring  in.  I 
hired  the  old  gentleman  to  help  out,  and  employed 
three  other  men  as  clerks. 

A  slight  reduction  in  the  prices  on  a  few  leading 
staples  resulted  in  bringing  patrons  from  every  direc- 
tion. 

About  noon  the  old  gentleman  came  to  me  and  said 
he  guessed  he'd  take  me  up  at  my  offer. 

"  Oh,  no,"  said  I.  "  not  now ;  you  let  the  half  hour 
go  by  and  therefore  lost  your  opportunity.  If  you 
want  it  now  it  will  cost  just  twenty-five  dollars  extra, 
and  I  will  give  you  thirty  minutes  to  decide  in." 

He  shook  his  head  and  went  on  waiting  on  cus- 
tomers. 

During  the  afternoon  the  store  was  crowded  and 
the  cash  kept  pouring  in,  and  about  three  o'clock  the 
old  gentleman  came  to  me  and  said : 

"  Well,  Johnston,  I'll  take  that  offer." 

"What  offer?"  I  asked. 

"  Why,  to  pay  twenty-five  dollars  extra,  as  you 
agreed  to  at  noon." 

"  But,"   said   I,    "  you   didn't   decide   inside  of   the 


292       IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

thirty  minutes,  so  you  see  you  keep  getting  deeper 
and  deeper  into  tlie  mire  all  the  time.  Now  it  will 
cost  you  fifty  dollars  extra  with  thirty  minutes  to  de- 
cide in;  which  altogether  means  two  hundred  dollars 
clear  for  me,  you  to  refund  to  me  all  that  I  have  paid 
out  and  meet  all  hills  contracted  for,  clerk  hire  and 
everything,  and  the  receipts  of  the  day  to  go  to  you." 
Again  he  shook  his  h.ead  and  walked  away,  and  once 
more  we  settled  down  to  business. 

When  the  old  gentleman  concluded  to  buy  me  out 
at  three  o'clock  in  the  afternoon  he  admitted  that  he 
never  thought  such  a  business  could  be  worked  up  at 
that  store,  but  the  amount  of  the  business  done  from 
about  four  until  ten  o'clock  that  night  almost  set  him 
crazy,  and  when  ready  to  close  up  for  the  night  he 
said : 

"  Well,  I  guess  you  and  T  will  have  to  make  a  deal ; 
I'll  take  it  as  you  offered  this  afternoon." 

"  Oh,  no,  you  won't,"  said  T  :  "  you  very  foolishly 
let  that  half  hour  pass  again,  and  this  time  it  will  cost 
yon  fifty  dollars  more." 

He  said  that  he  couldn't  understand  why  that  should 
make  an}-  difference,  and  hardly  thought  T  was  dealing 
fair  with  him. 


A  BAD  MAN  IN  A  SMALL  TOWN        293 

At  this  I  took  occasion  to  give  him  a  httle  lecture 
about  the  importance  of  keeping  a  clean,  tidy,  well- 
stocked  and  up-to-date  store,  instead  of  hoarding  up 
his  money,  and  scored  him  good  for  his  old  fogy 
ideas  about  carrying  on  business  without  advertising 
and  letting  people  know  that  he  was  on  earth  and 
where  on  earth  he  could  be  found ;  and  explained  to 
him  that  I  wasn't  out  demonstrating  to  merchants 
what  could  be  done  with  a  petered  out  business,  and 
getting  nothing  for  it ;  and  if  he  had  an  idea  that  I 
was  going  to  take  all  the  chances  in  showing  what  a 
good  thing  there  was  in  his  store  and  then  hand  it 
back  to  him  he  was  mistaken,  because  I  wasn't  doing 
business  for  glory. 

"  Now,"  said  I,  "  if  you  want  to  give  me  what  I 
offered  to  take  at  three  o'clock  this  afternoon  and 
fifty  dollars  of  to-day's  receipts  besides,  you  and  I  can 
do  business ;  otherwise  we  will  close  the  store  and 
there  will  be  no  harm  done." 

Concluding  that  he  had  better  nip  it  in  the  bud  be- 
fore another  raise  of  twenty-five  or  fifty  dollars  had 
been  placed  on  it,  he  decided  to  accept  my  offer,  and 
we  very  quickly  closed  the  deal,  leaving  me  two  hun- 
dred and  fifty  dollars  to  the  good. 


294       IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

My  wife  suggested  that  we  drop  the  lecture,  as  it 
was  a  hard  hfe  to  lead,  and  make  it  our  business  to  go 
into  a  town  and  buy  out  the  run-down  stock  of  some 
old  fossil,  who  di'dn't  believe  in  advertising  and  whose 
only  theory  was  to  take  in  money  and  never  pay  any 
out,  and,  after  renovating,  replenishing,  rearranging 
and  advertising  the  stock  and  demonstrating  what  a 
little  life  and  activity  would  do,  then  sell  it  back  to 
the  original  owner  for  a  good  profit  and  try  another 
town. 

I  partially  agreed  with  her  that  we  might  make  a 
regular  businesss  of  it,  but  decided  that  we  would  at 
least  give  two  more  lectures,  one  at  Cadillac  and  the 
other  at  Mt.  Pleasant,  before  giving  it  up,  as  we  al- 
ready had  some  advertising  matter  sent  to  those  towns. 

At  Cadillac  we  gave  the  lecture  under  the  auspices 
of  the  W.  C.  T.  U.  in  the  opera  house. 

The  day  of  the  lecture  I  called  upon  a  lawyer  of  the 
town,  whom  I  knew  by  reputation  as  having  been  in 
the  lecture  field,  and  introduced  myself  and  gave  him 
some  complimentaries. 

In  the  course  of  our  conversation  he  remarked  that 
my  lecture,  being  of  a  humorous  character,  would  not 
go  in  that  town. 


A  BAD  MAN  IN  A  SMALL  TOWN        295 

I  replied  that  about  all  the  pretentions  I  made  was 
that  of  amusing  and  entertaining  the  people  for  the 
time  being,  and  that  when  I  made  them  laugh  I  had 
accomplished  ail  1  set  out  for. 

He  said  I  was  going  up  against  the  coldest  audi- 
ence I  had  ever  confronted  and  I  wouldn't  be  able 
to  make  a  single  laugh  during  the  whole  evening; 
he  had  delivered  lectures  there  and  knew  exactly  the 
kind  of  an  audience  I  would  have  to  contend  with. 

The  afternoon  before  the  lecture,  upon  the  streets, 
I  met  a  hotel  man  with  whom  I  had  stopped  many 
times  when  I  traveled  in  the  northern  part  of  the 
state,  years  before. 

He  informed  me  that  he  w-as  running  a  hotel  in 
Caddlac  and,  knowing  that  I  was  staying  at  a  hotel 
there  which  was  in  close  competition  with  him,  tried 
to  persuade  me  to  leave  there  and  come  to  his  house. 

This  I  refused  to  do,  saying  it  would  be  unfair  to 
my  landlord,  whereupon  he  showed  his  temper  to  some 
extent. 

Before  going  to  the  opera  house  that  night  I  told 
]\'Irs.  Johnston  what  the  lecturer  had  told  me  about 
the  cold,  unapprcciati^•e  audience  I  would  have,  and 
suggested  that  she  keep  tab  on  the  number  of  laughs 


296        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

and  applauses,  just  for  the  satisfaction  of  the  thing, 
as  it  was  my  intention  to  make  them  laugh,  and  more 
than  once,  too. 

The  opera  house  was  filled,  and  just  as  I  walked 
upon  the  platform  I  noticed  the  lecturer,  the  landlord 
who  wanted  me  to  move  to  his  hotel,  and  the  editor 
of  one  of  the  papers  there,  with  whom  I  had  had  a 
controversy  about  an  overcharge  for  advertising. 

Something  I  said,  out  of  the  ordinary,  that  evening 
in  the  opening  of  my  lecture,  took  the  entire  audience 
(except  these  three)  by  storm  and  evoked  an  unusually 
hearty  laugh  before  I  had  spoken  a  dozen  words. 

This  naturally  put  me  at  my  best  and  prepared  the 
audience  for  a  good  evening's  entertainment. 

If  there  was  ever  anything  T  enjoyed,  it  was  to 
entertain  a  wideawake,  appreciati\'e  audience,  and  be- 
fore I  had  talked  twenty  minutes  I  realized  that  I  had 
never  had  a  more  appreciative  one  than  this. 

I  instantly  set  my  v.its  to  work  to  drag  out  all  the 
good  things  T  could  tliink  of,  some  of  which  T  had 
never  before  used  in  the  lecture,  which  resulted  in  al- 
most constant  rounds  of  applause  and  laughter. 

I  was  so  well  pleased  myself  that  I  felt  like  return- 


A  BAD  MAN  IN  A  SMALL  TOWN 


297 


ing   them  their   money   and   giving   the   lecture  over 


aeam. 


I  kept  my  eye  on  the  trio  before  mentioned  and  ob- 
served that  thev  were  absohitely  the  only  ones  who 
didn't  laugh.  That  part  of  it,  however,  I  enjoyed  much 
more    than    if    thev    had    shown    appreciation,    as    it 


^j.M^Wi 


li 


I    "^''i' 


E-'V'S?- 


"Absolutely    the    only    ones   zvho    didn't    laugh." 

only  acted  as  an  incentive  to  keep  me  spurred  on,  and 
I  finished  with  a  round  of  apjjlause  that  was  flattering 
in  the  extremie. 

From  Cadillac  we  went  to  Alt.  Pleasant,  Alicliigan. 
and  remained  there  a  few  days  prior  to  giving  the 
lecture. 

The  summer   or   outing   season   had   come  on   and 


298       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

Mt.  Pleasant  was  almost  deserted  by  its  better  class  of 
citizens.  However,  we  went  abead  witb  out  adver- 
tising, baving  arranged  to  give  tbe  lecture  at  tbe  opera 
bouse. 

During  our  entire  trip  we  bad  not  failed  to  receive 
excellent  press  notices  in  every  town  or  city  we  visited, 
and  before  leaving  Cadillac,  Mrs.  Jobnston  bad  re- 
marked tbat  we  must  not  fail  to  procure  a  copy  of 
tbe  papers  tbere,  as  we  would  get  some  nice  notices. 

I  bad  told  her  of  our  tbree  silent  visitors  at  tbe  lec- 
ture, one  of  wbom  was  a  newspaper  man,  and  sug- 
gested tbat  bis  notice  would  probably  be  a  little  off 
color. 

Two  days  after  our  arrival  at  Mt.  Pleasant  tbe 
leading  druggist  of  Cadillac  came  to  town  and  reg- 
istered at  our  bote!  and  assured  me  tbat  I  bad  made 
a  great  mistake  in  not  remaining  at  Cadillac  and  giv- 
ing tbe  lecture  tbe  next  nigbt,  as  every  one  witb  wbom 
be  bad  talked  was  bigbly  pleased,  and  many  people 
were  sorry  tbey  badn't  attended. 

Tbe  next  day  I  called  at  one  of  tbe  Mt.  Pleasant 
newspaper  offices  and  asked  to  see  tbeir  Cadillac  ex- 
changes. 

The  only  one  they  had  was  the  one  edited  and  pub- 


A  BAD  MAN  IN  A  SMALL  TOWN        299 

lished  by  the  newspaper  man  who  was  one  of  the 
three  in  attendance  at  my  lecture. 

The  notice  read : 

"  J.  P.  Johnston,  author  of  '  Twenty  Years  of 
Hus'Hng,'  gave  his  humorous  lecture  at  the  opera 
house  last  Monday  evening  to  what  appeared  to  be  a 
very  appreciative  audience,  but  for  the  life  of  us  we 
can't  understand  what  good  such  a  lecture  does.  It 
was  like  going  to  a  circus  where  everybody  but  the 
clown  was  laid  off,  and  one  can  get  too  much  clown 
sometimes.  Evidently  Johnston  is  out  on  the  road 
with  the  idea  that  the  public  likes  to  be  skinned  and 
proposes  to  deal  out  his  share  of  the  medicine." 

To  my  notion,  this  was  a  splendid  notice.  The  tone 
of  it  showed  malice  on  the  part  of  its  writer,  and  yet 
he  was  forced  to  admit  all  we  claimed  for  the  lecture, 
which  was  simply  to  entertain  and  amuse. 

Mrs.  Johnston  was  highly  incensed  and  declared 
that  I  should  never  give  the  lecture  again  after  the 
one  I  was  to  give  at  Mt.  Pleasant. 

"  The  idea,"  she  said,  "  of  getting  such  a  notice, 
after  having  an  audience  who  showed  the  enthusiasm 
that  thev  did  at  Cadillac,  was  ridiculous." 


800 


WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 


The  advance  sale  for  the  lecture  at  Mt.  Pleasant 
was  but  eighteen  dollars. 

The  evening  of  the  lecture  it  began  to  rain  at  seven 
o'clock.     It  came  down  in  torrents  for  over  two  hours. 

When  it  was  time  for  me  to  appear  on  the  platform 


"The  entire  audience  came  forward  and  embraced  me." 
there  was  just  one  man  present  as  an  auditor.  I  waited 
a  half  hour  lieyond  the  regular  tin:e  and,  this  man 
being  the  only  person  present,  the  manager  of  the  opera 
house  offered  him  his  money  back,  saying  that  we 
would  not  g'we  the  lecture. 

The  mrm  refused  the  monev,  remarking  he  had  read 


A  BAD  MAN  IN  A  SMALL  TOWN        301 

Johnston's  book  and  insisted  upon  hearing  the  lec- 
ture. 

"  Well,"  I  replied,  "  I  can  stand  it  if  you  can.  and 
as  I  have  nothing  else  to  do,  why,  here  goes."  And 
went  at  it. 

My  first  thought  was  that  I'd  even  up  with  him  by 
cutting  it  short,  but  he  was  so  thoroughly  apprecia- 
tive and  made  so  much  noise  in  his  enthusiasm  that  it 
turned  out  to  be  about  as  much  of  an  entertainment 
for  me  as  it  was  for  him,  and  I  gave  him  the  benefit 
of  the  whole  of  it. 

When  I  had  finished  and  had  left  the  platform  he 
came  up  and,  after  shaking  hands,  embraced  me  and 
declared  that  if  Fd  stay  and  give  it  the  next  night 
he  would  come  again  and  bring  all  of  his  friends. 

From  that  day  until  this  1  have  never  gotten  through 
telling  my  friends  about  the  lecture  I  gave  up  in 
Michigan,  where  the  entire  audience  came  forward 
after  I  had  finished  and  shook  hands  with  and  em- 
braced me. 


302       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 


CHAPTER  XVI. 

Back  to  Chicag^o — How  I  Lost  a  Thousand  Dollars — An 
Unexpected  Find — In  the  Street  Auction  Business — 
Cornering:  the  Show  Business  on  an  Indiana  Fair 
Ground — Over  Six  Hundred  Dollars  Profit  in  Three 
Days. 

The  hot  summer  season  having  come  on,  we  left 
the  lecture  field  and  went  to  Chicago. 

I  had.  as  a  result  of  this  two  months'  trip,  just  a 
thousand  and  twenty-five  dollars. 

On  reaching  Chicago  we  were  undecided  what  to  do 
until  the  lecture  season  would  open  again,  hut  con- 
cluded to  spend  a  few  days  in  the  city  and  see  what 
might  turn  up. 

The  second  day  after  our  arrival  there  I  met  an  old 
friend  who  said  he  was  on  his  way  to  the  Palmer 
House  to  attend  a  meeting  of  a  few  friends,  and  ex- 
plained that  they  were  going  to  pool  together  and 
put  in  a  thousand  dollars  apiece  to  go  into  the  market 
and  sell  Chicago  Gas,  as  they  had  received  a  tip  right 
from  the  fountain  head,  and  nothing  was  more  sure 
than  that  they  would  make  a  fortune  in  three  days. 


BACK  IN  CHICAGO  303 

He  then  asked  me  if  I  ^^■ould^'t  like  to  go  up  to  the 
meeting,  as  he  himself  had  instigated  it  and  would 
like  to  have  me  attend. 

Including  my  friend,  there  were  just  ten  men  pres- 
ent, and  in  a  very  short  time  arrangements  were  made 
for  each  to  put  in  a  thousand  dollars  and  let  one  of 
the  ten  manipulate  the  funds. 

It  looked  so  good  to  me  that,  although  I  had  never 
bought  or  sold  a  dollar's  worth  of  stock  of  any  kind, 
nor  speculated-  in  that  way,  I  expressed  a  desire  to 
take  a- thousand  dollars'  interest  in  their  pool  myself, 
if  they  would  let  me  in. 

This  they  agreed  to,  and  I  counted  out  the  cash. 

On  the  strength  of  the  "  dead  open  and  shut  "  prop- 
osition I  telephoned  to  a  friend  at  LaPorte  to  come  to 
the  city  and  bring  some  of  his  friends  and  plenty  of 
cash  and  take  a  hand  in  this  "  sure  thing  game." 

He  promised  to  do  so,  and  that  evening  six  of  them 
came,  and  I  met  them  at  the  Great  Northern  Hotel. 

They  read  the  papers  carefully  and  made  other  in- 
vestigations, and  decided  to  "  copper  "  my  proposi- 
tion, i.  e..  to  buy  Chicago  Gas  instead  of  selling  it, 
which  they  did,  and  each  one  of  them  went  home  with 


304        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

his  pockets  filled  with  money,  while  our  party  lost 
every  dollar  in  the  pool  inside  of  three  days. 

This,  to  me,  was  a  clear  case  of  plaAang  another 
man's  game,  something  I  had  always  talked  against  to 
my  friends  and  had  refused  to  do  a  thousand  times. 

Had  my  friend,  or  any  member  of  his  pool,  invited 
me,  or  attempted  to  persuade  me  to  join  them.  I  am 
sure  I  should  have  left  in  disgust.  As  it  was,  there 
was  nothing  to  call  forth  an  argument  and  conse- 
quently nothing  to  set  a  fellow  to  thinking  about  it, 
except  to  just  put  your  money  in  and  draw  it  out 
again  in  two  days  with  a  big  surplus  added. 

As  soon  as  it  became  a  settled  fact  that  I  had  lost 
the  entire  thousand  dollars  T  told  my  wife  about  it, 
when  she  said  that  she  had  always  thought  that  I 
would  make  a  good  board  of  trade,  or  stock  speculator, 
and  asked  what  I  would  do  next,  now  that  we  only 
had  about  ten  dollars  left. 

The  following  morning,  as  I  was  preparing  to  go 
down  town,  Mrs.  Johnston  asked  if  T  didn't  think 
things  looked  rather  gloomy  with  only  ten  dollars  on 
hand,  and  in  a  big  city,  without  a  business. 

I  replied  that  T  never  felt  better  in  my  life,  and  that 
nothing  gloomy  had  appeared  to  me,  while  on  the  con- 


BACK  IN  CHICAGO  305 

trary,  everything  seemed  bright  and  cheerful,  and  to 
be  candid  about  it,  I  rather  enjoyed  the  situation,  as 
I  always  had  been  a  firm  believer  in  the  theory  that 
the  "  Devil  takes  care  of  his  own,"  and  was  confident 
something  good  would  turn  up  very  soon. 

That  afternoon,  after  having  called  upon  several  old 
friends  and  acquaintances,  I  had  started  to  take  the 
elevated  cars  to  go  back  to  where  we  were  staying, 
when  I  happened  to  think  that  I  never  had  a  full 
settlement  with  a  certain  news  company,  to  whom  I 
had  for  years  been  consigning  thousands  of  copies  of 
"  Twenty  Years  of  Hus'ling,"  and  as  I  was  only  a 
block  away,  thought  I  would  call  and  see  if  I  might 
not  possibly  have  ten  or  fifteen  dollars  coming. 

The  book  had  had  its  big  sale,  and  although  I  knew 
this  company  had  quite  a  large  number  of  books  con- 
signed to  them  several  months  before,  yet  I  expected 
to  find  a  large  number  of  them  on  hand  to  be  returned. 

Imagine  my  surprise  when  the  manager,  after  con- 
ferring with  the  bookkeeper,  brought  forth  a  state- 
ment, showing  a  balance  of  three  hundred  and  seventy- 
five  dollars  due  me,  and  asked  me  to  receipt  it,  saying 
he  would  pay  me  the  cash,  which  he  did. 

When   I   showed   my  wife  a   nice,  big,   fat  roll  of 


306        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

greenbacks  that  night,  she  said  she  hadn't  worried  at 
all,  and  didn't  intend  to. 

The  following  morning  I  went  down  town  again, 
with  a  view  to  reconnoitering  a  little,  and  if  possible 
hit  upon  something  in  which  to  invest  my  small  capital. 

My  wife  and  I  had  discussed  the  possibility  of  going 
on  the  road  fitting  glasses,  but  inasmuch  as  nearly 
every  small  town  had  its  optician,  especially  in  the 
thickly  settled  portions  of  the  country  where  we  would 
care  to  travel,  we  were  somewhat  doubtful  as  to  the 
feasibility  of  attempting  it  just  at  that  time. 

That  afternoon  T  called  upon  a  big  wholesale  notion 
firm,  and  after  laying  out  a  route  through  Indiana,  I 
purchased  a  nice  stock  of  Yankee  notions,  jewelry,  etc., 
and  ordered  packages  sent  to  several  different  towns,  as 
was  my  old  time  custom  that  T  might  not  get  short  of 
stock,  and  two  days  later  Mrs.  Johnston  and  I  started 
out  in  the  street  auction  business. 

This  experience  brought  me  back  to  twenty -five 
years  before. 

We  started  in  with  good  results  right  from  the  be- 
ginning, and  had  smooth  sailing  all  summer. 

We  were  not  making  a  fortune,  but  were  gaining 


BACK  IN  CHICAGO  307 

ground  every  day,  and  getting  acquainted  with  the 
people. 

Early  ni  the  fall  season,  when  the  country  fairs 
began  to  open,  there  was  little  trouble  to  make  money. 

My  plan  was  to  hire  four  well  matched  horses 
hitched  to  a  two-seated  carriage,  and  with  my  own 
fancy  horse  blankets  and  plumes,  drive  out  on  the  fair 
grounds  during  the  day,  and  upon  the  streets  down 
town  in  the  evening. 

Naturally  enough,  people  would  suppose  I  was  driv- 
ing my  own  outfit,  which  of  course  gave  me  more  or 
less  prestige,  and  helped  business  to  a  great  extent. 

At  one  of  these  fairs,  the  very  first  day  a  man  opened 
up  with  a  kangaroo,  trained  to  throw  balls  at  the 
wooden  nigger  babies. 

He  used  the  animal  merely  to  draw  a  crowd,  after 
which  he  would  induce  the  people  to  play  his  game, 
but  so  long  as  the  animal  was  even  in  sight  it  put  every 
other  man  on  the  ground  out  of  business. 

Another  man  had  a  large  show  tent,  but  a  poor  show 
— the  wild  man  from  Borneo,  the  bearded  woman,  etc., 
while  still  another  had  a  good  show  and  no  tent,  and 
all  of  them  were  stranded,  financially. 

The  man  with  the  show  and  no  tent  had  an  educated 


308        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

pig,  a  half  dozen  trained  dogs  and  two  trained  ponies, 
a  baboon,  two  rabbits,  a  guinea-pig  and  a  squirrel. 

As  the  weather  was  fine  and  large  crowds  usually 
attended  this  fair,  I  set  to  work  to  form  a  combination 
of  these  three  shows. 

My  first  object  was  to  get  rid  of  the  kangaroo,  by 
putting  him  under  a  tent  where  only  those  who  paid 
an  admission  fee  could  see  him,  and  my  next  object 
was  to  make  some  money  out  of  the  scheme,  if  pos- 
sible. 

My  first  step  was  to  see  what  I  could  hire  the  man, 
his  two  freaks  and  the  big  tent  for,  during  the  three 
days. 

Then  I  called  upon  the  kangaroo  man  and  arranged 
for  his  whole  outfit  for  the  three  days,  after  which  I 
hired  the  man  with  the  show  and  no  tent. 

By  noon  of  the  first  day  we  had  the  three  shows 
under  one  tent. 

I  had  a  local  painter  draw  a  large  picture  of  a  kan- 
garoo throwing  a  ball  at  a  row  of  wooden  niggers,  and 
stretched  it  in  front  of  the  tent  and  made  this  exhibi- 
tion the  leading  feature  of  the  show. 

I  was  not  long  in  writing  up  a  talk  for  the  "  bark- 
ers "  to  use  on  the  outside. 


BACK  IN  CHICAGO  309 

I  then  hired  a  band  of  three  ItaHans  with  a  mando- 
hn.  guitar  and  piccolo,  who  had  been  playing  on  the 
streets  the  night  before  and,  all  considered,  I  had 
"  framed  up  "  a  fair  show,  with  a  very  good  prospect. 

Business  was  light  the  first  day,  only  about  thirty 
dollars  in  receipts,  but  it  gave  us  a  chance  to  arrange 
our  program  and  shape  things  up. 

The  first  thing  I  discovered  was  that  my  employes 
were  inclined  to  ''  cut ''  the  show,  thereby  giving  the 
people  as  little  for  their  money  as  possible. 

I  very  soon  put  a  stop  to  this  and  made  it  plain 
that  nothing  less  than  a  full  program,  and  the  test  they 
had,  would  satisfy  me,  and  insisted  that  unless  my  or- 
ders w'ere  carried  out,  no  salaries  would  be  paid. 

I  made  it  a  point  to  locate  my  auction  wagon  right 
near  the  tent. 

The  second  day,  by  ten  o'clock  in  the  morning,  the 
fair  ground  was  crowded. 

First,  T  had  my  musicians  come  outside  on  a  plat- 
form and  play  their  liveliest  pieces,  after  which  the 
kangaroo  was  brought  out  and  gave  a  twO'  or  three- 
minute  exhibition  of  ball  throwing. 

As  soon  as  he  had  finished  and  was  taken  back  into 


310        PVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

the  tent  my  "  barkers  "  would  begin  telling  of  the  mar- 
velous exhibition  upon  the  inside. 

All  the  showmen  declared  that  nothing  but  a  ten- 
cent  show  would  go-  there,  but  I  insisted  that  if  they 
would  give  a  good  show,  such  as  I  knew  they  were 
capable  of  giving,  and  a  charge  of  twenty-five  cents  for 
adults  and  fifteen  cents  for  children  was  made,  I  was 
sure  the  people  would  be  willing  to  pay  it,  and  at  any 
rate,  it  would  give  a  semblance  of  being  a  high-class 
show,  and  would  therefore  be  patronized  by  a  better 
class  of  people,  who  would  pass  by  a  ten-cent  show 
without  noticing  it. 

In  nO'  time  my  theory  was  demonstrated  as  being 
correct. 

Whenever  the  kangaroo  made  his  appearance  and 
was  taken  back  into  the  tent  the  people  fairly  fell  over 
each  other  to  get  inside. 

As  soon  as  the  tent  was  filled  the  show  would  begin, 
and  the  moment  they  were  dismissed  and  began  pass- 
ing out,  I  would  mount  the  auction  wagon  and  devote 
fifteen  minutes  of  rapid  talk,  disposing  of  goods  at  a 
lively  rate.  Having  thoroughly  exhausted  this  crowd, 
the  music  and  then  the  kangaroo  were  again  brought 


BACK  IN  CHICAGO  311 

forth  to  attract  another  crowd,  and  so  we  kept  it  up  for 
two  days,  or  until  the  close  of  the  fair. 

Everybody  seemed  more  than  pleased,  and  no  one 
complained  of  the  show,  or  the  price  of  admission. 

The  second  day  of  the  fair  a  man  with  a  snake  show 
(but  stranded)  came  up  to  one  of  my  ['  barkers  "  and 
wanted  to  know  who  was  running  that  show. 

I  was  pointed  out  as  the  man,  when,  stepping  up  to 
me,  he  said : 

"  Just  outside  of  the  fair  ground  I  have  a  large  plat- 
form wagon  with  a  pit  made  in  the  center,  in  which 
I  have  a  large  number  and  variety  of  snakes,  princi- 
pally wild  rattlesnakes.  Around  this  pit  is  a  railing 
with  a  platform  on  the  outside,  and  with  steps  leading 
to  the  platform.  I  have  an  ideal  way  of  giving  an  ex- 
hibition. My  son  enters  the  den  of  snakes  and  fear- 
lessly handles  them,  w^hile  the  audience  stands  up  by 
the  railing  and  witnesses  the  performance  down  in  the 
pit." 

He  then  explained  that  he  had  hired  a  man,  with  his 
team,  to  bring  the  wagon  forty  miles  across  country. 
Besides,  the  man  was  to  collect  a  small  hotel  bill,  and 
it  would  take  thirty-five  dollars  to  pay  these  bills  and 
pay  his  license  for  exhibiting  there,  and  if  I  would 


312       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

advance  him  the  price  he  would  give  me  a  half  interest 
during  the  balance  of  the  fair. 

I  told  him  I  would  advance  the  money,  provided  I 
could  take  charge  of  the  show,  and  I  was  also  to  have 
the  first  thirty-five  dollars  taken  in,  to  reimburse  me, 
after  which  we  would  run  the  thing  together  and  di- 
vide the  balance  of  the  proceeds. 

This  he  agreed  to,  and  I  paid  his  bills  and  had  the 
snake  show  hauled  in  close  to  the  show  tent,  and 
near  my  auction  wagon. 

A  young  man  of  the  town,  whom  I  had  hired  to 
watch  my  auction  goods  when  I  was  away  at  intervals, 
was  anxious  to  take  charge  of  the  snake  show  in  my 
behalf,  and  I  set  him  to  work  and  hired  another  chap 
to  watch  the  auction  goods. 

The  snake  man's  price  of  admission  was  five  cents. 
I  insisted  that  ten  cents  was  cheap  enough  and  assured 
him  that  the  snakes  would  look  bigger  at  ten  than  at 
five  cents  admission. 

He  reluctantly  consented,  Init  shook  his  head  and 
declared  that  it  would  bankru])t  him. 

The  snake  man  was  a  good  talker,  and  whenever  I 
appeared  on  the  auction  wagf:)n  T  never  failed  to  put 


BACK  IN  CHICAGO  313 

in  a  word  for  the  snakes,  and  in  no  time  we  had  a 
corner  on  the  show  business. 

The  ten  cent  pieces  rolled  in  so  fast  that  the  snake 
man  wanted  to  go  and  get  drunk,  and  would  have  done 
so  had  I  not  given  him  a  temperance  lecture,  when  he 
asked  me  if  I  wouldn't  like  to  take  a  "  smile  "  with 
him,  from  a  bottle  he  had  in  his  valise. 

By  noon  that  day  I  had  my  thirty-five  dollars  back, 
and  by  six  o'clock  that  night  the  snakes  had  taken  in 
a  hundred  and  two  dollars  more,  one-half  of  which 
was  "  velvet  "  to  me. 

The  second  day,  the  big  show,  as  I  called  it,  took 
in  four  hundred  and  thirty  dollars,  and  my  auction 
sales  were  over  a  hundred  and  twenty-five. 

When  I  drove  to  the  hotel  that  night,  with  two  big 
pasteboard  boxes  full  of  money  for  my  wife  to  count, 
she  asked  me  if  I  couldn't  find  anything  else  for  her 
to  do  but  to  count  money. 

I  replied  that  the  only  thing  we  needed  to  complete 
the  outfit  was  a  Gypsy  fortune  teller  to  occupy  a  small 
tent  in  the  big  show,  and  I'd  give  her  three  dollars  a 
week  and  "  find  her,"  if  she  would  make  up  for  the 
character  and  take  the  job. 

The  next  dav  the  snakes  took  in  ninety  dollars ;  the 


314       IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

big  show,  three  hundred  and  forty,  and  my  receipts 
were  seventy  dollars. 

I  had  paid  the  man  with  the  tent  sixty-five  dollars 
for  the  three  days ;  the  kangaroo  man.  sixty-five,  and 
the  one  with  the  big  show,  one  hundred  dollars,  besides 
the  small  incidentals,  leaving  me  nearly  six  hundred 
and  fifty  dollars  as  a  profit  for  the  show  venture,  alone. 

I  tried  to  hire  the  entire  outfit  to  take  in  another  fair 
with  me,  but  my  success  had  settled  that  question,  and 
once  more  it  was  a  case  of  each  "  feller  "  for  himself. 


DISASTROUS  TRIP  TO  THE  SOUTH      315 


CHAPTER  XVII. 

Visiting  a  Book  Auction  in  Indianapolis— Employing  an 
Assistant  Auctioneer — A  Case  of  Clothes  Not  Making 
the  Man — A  Transformation  Scene — Money  Well  In- 
vested—A Disastrous  Trip  to  the  South— A  Barefooted 
Audience— Everything  Sold  but  Soap — Returning 
North  Nearly  Stranded— A  Grand  Blufif  With  Empty 
Boxes  our  Financial   Salvation. 

With  the  additional  funds  from  the  proceeds  of  the 
show  venture  we  looked  forward  with  much  satisfac- 
tion to  the  opening  of  a  nice  auction  store  in  some  large 
city,  and  with  this  object  m  view  we  went  to  Indian- 
apolis, hoping  to  find  a  storeroom  in  a  suitable  loca- 
tion, in  which  we  might  open  up. 

On  arri\-ing  there  we  found  that  the  only  room  that 
could  be  rented  for  that  i^urpose  was  occupied  by  a 
large  book  auction  concern. 

On  the  first  evening  of  our  arrival  there  we  attended 
the  auction  sale,  accompanied  by  an  acquaintance 
whom  we  had  met  at  the  hotel,  and  who  told  us  of  the 
interesting  and  amusing  talk  the  auctioneers  were  ac- 
customed to  make  when  introducing  and  selling  my 
book. 


316        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

We  had  been  in  the  store  possibly  twenty  minutes, 
when  the  auctioneer  picked  up  a  copy  of  the  book  and 
began : 

"  Ladies  and  gentlemen,  here  is  a  book  that  is  so 
well  known  that  it  really  needs  no  introduction:  J.  P. 
Johnston's  "  Twenty  Years  of  Hus'ling,"  the  funniest, 
the  most  instructive  and  most  interesting  book  pub- 
lished to-day.  This  lx)ok  is  worth  five  dollars  to  any 
man  to  read,  and  it  is  worth  ten  dollars  to  any  man  to 
take  home  and  let  his  son  read.  Mr.  Johnston  started 
out  in  life  a  green  country  bumpkin,  but  he  was  not 
born  to  blush  unseen.  He  tried  first  one  thing,  and 
then  another,  meeting  with  successes  and  reverses,  but 
finally  struck  his  lead  and  made  a  fortune  in  Chicago 
in  the  wholesale  jewelry  and  optical  business,  and  only 
recently  died  in  Cincinnati,  Ohio,  worth  ten  millions 
of  dollars." 

He  then  called  for  a  bid,  and  when  a  man  yelled 
twenty  cents  he  closed  the  book,  and  with  an  intensely 
disgusted  look  on  his  face,  said : 

"  Think  of  it!  Think  of  it!  Only  twenty  cents,  the 
paltry  sum  of  twenty  cents  offered  as  a  starter  for  this 
wonderful  book.  Why,  my  friends,  if  J.  I'.  Johnston 
knew  that  his  book  had  been  offered  at  public  auction 


'ONLY   TWENTY    CENTS;   THE   PALTRY   SUM   OF  TWENTY    GENTS   FOR. 
THIS  WONDERFUL  BOOK". 


DISASTROUS  TRIP  TO  THE  SOUTH      317 

and  only  twenty  cents  bid  for  it,  he  would  turn  over 
in  his  grave." 

At  this,  the  gentleman  who  had  accompanied  us 
stepped  up  to  the  auctioneer  and  said  : 

"  Excuse  me,  sir,  but  will  you  permit  me  to  set  you 
right  by  introducing  you  to  J.  P.  Johnston,  the  author 
of  that  book,  and  the  liveliest  dead  man  in  the  United 
States  to-day?  " 

The  auctioneer  reached  down  from  the  platform  and 
grabbing  me  by  the  hand,  said : 

"  Get  right  up  here,  Johnston,  and  tell  this  audience 
'  just  how  it  all  happened,'  and  then  write  your  auto- 
graph in  one  of  the  books  and  sell  it  to  the  highest 
bidder." 

This  I  did,  after  making  a  little  talk  in  which  I 
related  a  couple  of  stories,  and  succeeded  in  selling  it 
for  tw^o  dollars  and  fifty  cents,  although  sixty  cents  was 
the  usual  price. 

As  soon  as  I  had  finished  and  gotten  back  among  the 
crowd  a  tall,  rather  heavy-set  man  came  elbowing  his 
way  through  the  crowd  and,  approaching  me,  said: 

"  Mr.  Johnston,  I  am  an  old-time  auctioneer  and  I 
want  to  shake  hands  with  you." 

I  at  once  noticed  that  he  had  a  bright  face,  fine  ad- 


318        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

dress  and  spoke  with  more  than  ordinary  intelligence, 
but  was  dressed  like  the  worst  type  of  tramp,  and  as 
I  was  anxious  to  employ  an  assistant,  was  not  long  in 
asking  for  an  explanation. 

He  told  me  of  how  he  had  started  out  early  in  the 
spring  with  an  inexperienced  farmer  boy,  with  a  capi- 
tal of  one  hundred  aiid  fifty  dollars,  and  with  the  idea 
of  curtailing  expenses,  carried  a  tent  along  with  them, 
m  which  they  camped  out  and  sold  Yankee  notions  on 
the  streets,  afternoons  and  evenings. 

It  had  been  a  case  of  too  small  a  business  for  two 
men,  and  with  him  from  the  very  first  it  was  like  the 
man  who  had  the  Inill  by  the  horns  and  dare  not  let  go. 
He  had  a  wife  to  support  and  the  rough  camping  life 
had  ruined  his  only  suit  of  clothes,  and  with  barely 
enough  profit  to  eke  out  an  existence  from  day  to  day 
he  had  hung  on  like  a  dog  to  a  root,  hoping  in  vain 
that  each  day  would  bring  better  results. 

The  first  thing  that  I  did  was  to  accompany  him  to 
his  wife,  where  I  found  things  exactly  as  he  had  pic- 
tured them.  T  then  had  him  give  me  a  sample  of  his 
auction  talk  and  methods  of  conducting  sales,  all  of 
which  were  above  the  average. 

The  next  day  I  arranged  to  take  him  along  with  me, 


DISASTROUS  TRIP  TO  THE  SOUTH      319 

at  a  salary  of  twenty  dollars  per  week  and  expenses,  to 
start  with, 

I  gave  him  fifty  dollars  in  advance  for  household 
expenses  and  to  get  his  wife  in  more  comfortable  cir- 
cumstances, after  which  I  spent  seventy-five  dollars 
more  for  an  outfit  of  wearing  apparel  for  him,  and 
such  a  transformation  scene  I  never  witnessed  before. 

A  bath,  a  shave,  a  hair  cut,  a  manicure,  a  new  silk 
hat,  new  up-to-date  shoes,  linen  shirts,  collars,  and  silk 
tie  with  a  fine  Prince  Albert  suit  of  broadcloth  made 
him  look  and  feel  like  a  new  man,  and  a  better  invest- 
ment I  never  made. 

He  had  traveled  every  inch  of  Indiana,  w'hile  I  had 
not,  and  he  knew  just  what  the  license  was  in  each 
town  and  how  and  where  to  have  goods  shipped  to  ad- 
vantage. 

He  was  always  a  gentleman,  thoroughly  temperate 
and  faithful  and  honest  to  a  fault,  and  a  more  careful 
man  with  his  clothes  and  personal  appearance  I  never 
met. 

As  soon  as  we  began  operating  indoors,  we  ordered 
a  nice  stock  of  books  to  combine  with  the  notions,  and 
made  it  a  point  to  conduct  our  business  in  such  a  way 


320        IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

as  to  command  the  respect  and  patronage  of  the  better 
class  of  trade  in  every  town  we  visited. 

One  of  my  mottoes  was,  and  always  had  been,  to 
handle  a  line  of  goods  that  didn't  have  to  be  misrepre- 
sented in  order  to  sell  them  ;  never  to  misrepresent  nor 
handle  shoddy  goods,  but  never  to  sell  them  without 
a  good,  round  profit,  and  in  this  my  new  man  heartily 
agreed  with  me,  and  we  were  not  long  in  stirring  things 
up  generally. 

In  order  to  successfully  carry  on  a  business  of  this 
kind  one  must  be  able  to  calculate  on  about  the  length 
of  time  he  will  be  able  to  remain  in  each  town  before 
the  people  are  supplied  with  his  line,  and  then  order 
goods  from  the  wholesaler  to  be  sent  ahead,  in  accord- 
ance with  calculations  made. 

My  new  man,  Mr.  Axtel.  assisted  me  in  this  work, 
and  we  ordered  quantities  of  goods  sent  ahead  to  sev- 
eral different  places,  known  to  him  as  first-class  auc- 
tion towns. 

My  wife,  having  been  raised  in  the  south,  had  never 
been  satisfied  with  the  severe  northern  winter  climate, 
and  had  for  years  l:)een  trying  to  get  me  to  go  south, 
as  soon  as  cold  weather  set  in. 

On  Saturday,  when  we  were  holding  our  last  day's 


DISASTROUS  TRIP  TO  THE  SOUTH      321 

sale  in  Nnl3leville,  Indiana,  my  wife  came  to  me  with 
a  newspaper  in  her  hand  and  read  to  me  the  low  priced 
excursion  rates  from  that  point  to  St.  Louis,  Missouri, 
and  urged  that  we  pack  up  at  once  and  take  tlie 
eleven  o'clock  train  that  night  and  work  the  balance  of 
the  fall  and  winter  through  Missouri,  where  it  would 
he  summerlike  all  winter,  and  anxious  to  please  her, 
on  account  of  her  failing  health,  and  without  stopping 
to  think  for  a  single  moment  about  the  importance  of 
having  goods  sent  ahead,  with  which  to  replenish  our 
stock,  I  consented  to  the  trip,  and  in  no  time  we  had 
the  goods  packed  and  into  the  freight  depot  and 
shipped  to  DeSoto,  Missouri. 

None  of  us  even  thought  of  what  we  were  going  to 
do  for  goods  to  replenish  our  stock  until  we  were  in- 
side the  city  limits  of  St.  Louis,  the  next  morning, 
when  1  happened  to  "  wake  up  "  to  a  realization  of 
what  a  foolhardy  thing  we  had  done ;  besides,  it  hadn't 
occurred  to  us  that  our  goods  might  be  forever  and  a 
day  in  reaching  the  Missouri  town  by  freight.  In  fact, 
Airs.  Johnston's  enthusiasm  and  my  desire  to  gratify 
her  wishes  took  me  so  unawares  that  I  didn't  stop  to 
think  of  anything  else  hut  just  to  get  there  as  soon  as 
possible,  and  in  all  our  many  years  of  experiences  to- 


322       IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

gether  I  don't  think  I  ever  knew  Mrs.  Johnston  to  feel 
quite  so  badly  over  anything  as  she  did  over  this  move. 

Mr.  Axtel  and  myself  tried  to  persuade  her  that  it 
was  I,  and  not  she,  that  was  to  blame,  as  I  was  sup- 
posed to  be  managing  the  business,  and  tO'  have  head 
enough  on  me  to  do  so. 

Had  it  not  been  for  the  fact  that  we  had  sent  our 
goods  by  freight  from  Nobleville,  we  would  have  taken 
our  back  tracks  for  Indiana,  but  there  we  were,  nearly 
all  the  money  I  had  was  invested  in  goods  which  were 
out  of  our  hands  and  there  was  nothing  to  do  but  lay 
out  a  new  route,  order  more  goods  sent  ahead,  and 
then  wait,  with  no  income,  but  a  constant  outgo  of 
cash  confronting  us. 

At  last,  when  our  goods  arrived,  we  opened  up  in  a 
nice  storeroom,  and  in  a  splendid  location,  but  with 
such  an  audience  I  never  before  came  in  contact. 

The  men  were  all  dressed  alike;  a  checkered  shirt, 
pair  of  overalls,  one  home-made  suspender  and  a  dinky 
hat,  and  everybody  barefooted  with  a  "  chew  of  tebac- 
cer  "  as  big  as  they  could  possibly  cram  into  their 
mouths. 

We  sold  a  very  little  of  everything  but  soap. 

Before  opening  up  we  harl  called  on  the  authorities 


'We  sold  a  very  little  of  everything  but  soap,' 


324       tVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

and  paid  our  city  license,  as  we  had  always  done  be- 
fore, and  supposed  of  course  that  was  all  that  was 
necessar3\  Howe\'er,  the  second  flay  an  officer  called 
and  demanded  a  township  tax,  which  I  paid,  rather 
than  argue  the  question. 

The  next  day  another  officer  called,  with  instruc- 
tions to  collect  a  county  tax,  which  I  also  paid,  after 
which  another  official  called  upon  me  for  a  state  tax. 
This  I  paid,  the  same  as  the  others,  and  asked  the 
officer  if  they  had  any  laws  there  permitting  them  to 
collect  a  United  States  tax  from  an  outsider. 

It  was  a  case  of  losing  money  from  the  very  start; 
no  income,  and  all  outgo. 

Money  was  a  thing  unheard  of  in  that  section  of 
the  country,  and  when  some  one  did  hap])en  to  get 
hold  of  a  dollar  he  was  unable  to  decide  A\hat  to  do 
with  it.  For  instance,  a  regular  ragamuffin  came  in 
one  day  and  said : 

"  I  got  a  dollah  and  I  wanter  buy  somethin'  fer  it." 

"  What  do  you  want?  "  asked  Mr.  Axtel,  as  we  were 
not  then  selling  at  auction. 

"  O,  I  don't  care  much— whatchcr  got?  " 

We  took  in  a  number  of  towns.  ho|)ing  with  each 
move  we  made  to  find  an  improvement,  and  not  until 


DISASTROUS  TRIP  TO  THE  SOUTH      325 

we  had  run  behind  and  lost  nearly  everything  we  had, 
did  we  decide  to  go  back  north,  and  ship  what  little 
we  had  left  to  Illinois. 

By  this  time  spring  had  come  again,  and  with  our 
small  stock  we  were  able  to  go  out  upon  the  streets, 
on  pleasant  days,  which  helped  us  out  considerably. 

When  we  first  opened  in  Illinois  we  rented  a  large 
room  at  Mt.  Vernon,  and.  with  our  very  small  stock 
of  goods,  were  unable  to  make  any  kind  of  a  showing. 

We  had  sold  off  our  books  and  hadn't  money  enough 
to  replenish  them.  Therefore,  the  only  thing  we  had 
for  sale  was  Yankee  notions. 

A  gents'  furnishing  goods  man  had  just  moved  out 
of  a  storeroom  adjoining  ours,  and  had  left  behind  a 
large  number  of  very  nice  boxes,  upon  which  were  the 
labels  of  different  kinds  of  goods,  such  as  socks,  un- 
derwear, etc..  and  we  were  not  slow  in  taking  advan- 
tage of  the  opportunity  to  make  good  use  of  these. 

When  ready  to  open  up,  the  shelves  of  our  store 
were  filled  with  these  boxes. 

We  then  built  a  high  counter  in  front  of  the  auc- 
tioneer, and  so  high  that  no  one  could  see  what  wc 
had  on  top  of  it,  and  there  we  placed  the  few  goods 
we  had  and  went  to  work,  and  always  laid  particular 


326        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

stress  on  the  fact  that  we  hoped  to  sell  at  least  twenty 
thousand  dollars'  worth  of  goods  in  that  town. 

We  had  taken  the  precaution  to  have  a  number  of 
small  packages  sent  to  this  town,  and  as  fast  as  the 
cash  came  in  we  would  take  out  a  new  package,  and 
thereby  keep  the  ball  constantly  rolling. 

Our  success  in  the  town  was  remarkable  and  our 
stock  grew  quite  fast.  However,  when  we  left  there 
for  the  next  town  we  took  the  empty  boxes  along,  and 
continued  to  do  so  until  we  had  goods  enough  to  fill 
the  shelves  without  them. 

We  stayed  in  Illinois  all  summer  and  until  late  in 
the  fall,  meeting  with  fairly  good  success. 

During  the  fall,  at  Greenville,  Illinois,  I  met  Will- 
iam Jennings  Bryan.  He  stopped  at  the  same  hotel 
that  we  did  (the  Adams  House),  for  nearly  a  week, 
while  making  free  silver  speeches  in  that  city  and  vi- 
cinity, for  ex-Congressman  Lane. 

Although  I  had  never  taken  any  special  interest  in 
politics  and  had  paid  no  particular  attention  to  finan- 
cial questions,  I,  nevertheless,  became  considerably  in- 
terested in  Bryan's  inflated,  wind-bag  ideas,  and  after 
listening  to  one  of  his  long,  tiresome,  two-hour 
speeches,  one  day,  I  told  !iim  that  evening  at  the  sup- 


DISASTROUS  TRIP  TO  THE  SOUTH      327 

per  table  that  he  would  see  the  day  when  he  would  be 
ashamed  that  he  had  ever  advocated  such  a  hollow, 
nonsensical  theory. 

Of  course,  I  didn't  know  at  the  time  that  Bryan  was 
such  a  great  man,  and  never  even  mistrusted  it,  until 
he  afterwards  received  the  nomination  for  President 
of  the  United  States.  Had  I  known  it  I  should  have 
taken  a  better  look  at  him,  and  would  possibly  have 
been  rather  more  reserved  in  my  denunciation  of  his 
theories. 


328        IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 


CHAPTER  XVIII. 

Getting  Back  Into  Indiana — An  Interesting  Interview 
With  a  Newspaper  Man — How  I  Got  His  Money — 
Buying  and  Selling  Second  Hand  Furniture — Bad  Fri- 
day at  Seymour,  Indiana — Skunked  for  the  First  Time 
— A  Combination  Auction  Sale — Patent  Rights  a  Side 
Issue — Closing  out  the  Auction  Stock. 

From  Illinois  we  worked  back  into  Indiana.  By 
this  time  we  were  carrying  a  nice  stock  and  having  a 
fine  business. 

When  ready  to  go  to  a  new^  town  it  was  customary 
for  one  of  us  to  go  ahead  and  arrange  for  a  storeroom, 
license,  etc.,  l^efore  moving  the  stock. 

Washington,  Indiana,  was  considered  a  good  town, 
and  Mrs.  Johnston  and  I  went  there  and  arranged  to 
locate  for  a  few  weeks,  and  ^^■ired  Mr.  Axtel  to  ship 
the  goods. 

The  evening  of  the  first  day  of  my  arrival  there, 
wdiile  sitting  in  the  hotel  ofiice,  conversing  with  sev- 
eral traveling  men  and  l)oarders,  I  happened  to  men- 
tion to  the  landlord  that  one  of  the  druggists  in  Wash- 
ington, \\'alter  Jackson,  was  from  the  town  where  I 


SKUNKED  FOR  THE  FIRST  TIME        329 

was  raised  Clyde,  Ohio,  and  that  I  had  known  him 
from  boyhood. 

At  this  a  smooth-faced,  keen  looking  young  man, 
who  had  just  told  me  that  he  was  a  newspaper  man, 
asked  me  if  I  knew  J.  P.  Johnston,  formerly  of  Clyde, 
Ohio,  who  wrote  "Twenty  Years  of  Hus'ling." 

"  Well,  I  should  think  I  ought  to  know  him,"  I  re- 
plied.    "■  I  am  about  his  age." 

"  What  do  you  think  of  his  book?  "  he  asked. 

"  Oh,  I  think  it's  a  pack  of  lies;  at  least  I  suppose  it 
is.  Of  course  I  ImvQ  never  read  it,  and  wouldn't  care 
to,  after  knowing  the  man." 

"  What  do  you  know  about  him  that  is  so  terribly 
bad?  "  he  asked. 

"  Well,  in  the  first  place,  he  is  a  man  that  is  out  for 
the  money.  He  would  trade  his  interest  in  heaven  for 
a  jack-knife  rather  than  not  trade  at  all,  and  I  don't 
like  a  man  like  that." 

"  So  you  think  he  is  a  liar,  do  you  ?  " 

"  Of  course  I  do." 

"  Well,  now  let  me  ask  )-ou  if  you  ever  knew  Frank 
Welker,  wlio  runs  the  Empire  House  at  Clyde,  and 
\\  as  one  of  the  principal  characters  mentioned  in  John- 
ston's book?  " 


330        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

"  Of  course  I  knew  him,  and  he's  a  prime  good  fel- 
low, too ;  a  mighty  fine  fellow." 

"  Do  you  think  he  is  a  liar,  too?  " 

"Oh,  no;  Frank  is  all  right." 

"  Well,"  said  the  young  man,  "  I  stopped  with  Wel- 
ker  for  six  weeks  there  in  Clyde,  a  year  ago,  and  I  had 
many  a  talk  with  him  about  Johnston  and  his  book, 
and  Welker  says  that  all  the  stories  relating  to  his  ex- 
perience with  Johnston  are  true,  so  what  are  you  going 
to  make  of  that  ? 

"  At  any  rate,  I  have  said,  more  than  once,  that  it's 
the  only  book  I  ever  paid  fifty  cents  for  that  I  thought 
I  had  gotten  fifty  dollars'  worth  of  good  out  of." 

"  Well,"  T  answered,  "  I  wouldn't  care  to  read  it 
after  knowing  the  author  so  well." 

"  But.   d it."   he  went   on,   almost   in   a   rage, 

"why  don't  you  show  us  wherein  the  man  is  bad? 
You  are  simplv  jirejudiced.  I  presume  you  are  '  hot 
under  the  collar  '  liecause  Johnston  has  turned  things 
over  while  you  have  been  dozing." 

"  One  thing,"  I  ventured,  "  what  little  I  have  in  the 
world  T  have  made  honestly,  anyhow." 

"  Have  you  ever  heard  of  Johnston's  making  a  dol- 
lar in  a  way  tliat  you  or  T  wouldn't  have  made  it  in 


SKUNKED  FOR  THE  FIRST  TIME        331 

the  very  same  way  if  we  had  the  chance?  "  he  howled, 
in  a  passion. 

"  Yes,"  said  I ;  "  just  think  of  that  Incomprehen- 
sible furniture  and  piano  lustre  that  he  used  to  sell; 
do  you  think  that  was  honest?  " 

"  Of  course  I  think  it  was  honest.  Besides,  every 
fool  couldn't  sell  it." 

"  What  about  that  patent  right  business?  "  I  asked. 
"Would  you  sell  patent  rights?" 

"  I  would  if  I  knew  enough,  and  so  would  you/'  he 
answered,  in  a  huff. 

"  And  about  his  running  that  hotel  up  in  Michigan 
at  Pontiac,  or  '  Pocahontas,'  as  he  called  it ;  do  you 
think  that  was  all  right?  " 

"  Of  course  it  was  all  right.  \Miat  did  he  do  there 
that  wasn't  all  right?  Oh,  thunder!  It's  jealousy, 
petty  jealousy;  that's  what  ails  you." 

"  Indeed,"  I  replied,  "  it's  not  jealousy.  Would  you 
have  the  nerve  to  get  up  on  the  street  corner  and  sell 
Yankee  notions  at  auction,  as  he  did?  " 

"  Indeed  I  would,  if  I  knew  how,  and  would  con- 
sider it  all  right,  too." 

"  Do  you  think  Johnston's  wholesale  jewelry  and 
optical  business  in  Chicago  was  all  right?  "  I  asked. 


332       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 
"Why   not?"    he   yelled,    "why    not?      D— 


Hadn't  he  as  much  right  in  that  business  as  any  man, 
and  is  there  any  reason  why  he  couldn't  run  it  in  a 
legitimate  way,  the  same  as  anyone  else?  " 

"  Then,"  said  I,  "  look  at  that  livery  business  that 
he  was  interested  in,  in  Chicago.  Do  you  think  an 
honest  man  would  do  that  ?  " 

"  Great  Heavens !  "  he  yelled.  "  You  are  crazy.  I 
thought  you  had  never  read  the  book.  You  know-  a 
mighty  sight  about  it  for  a  man  that  has  never  read 
it.  Say,"  said  he,  "I  want  to  tell  you  one  thing;  I 
have  read  that  lx)ok  through  twice  and  am  going  to 
read  it  again,  and  I'd  give  a  dollar  to  see  the  man  that 
wrote  it." 

"  Now,  see  here,"  said  I,  "  you  wouldn't  give  a  dol- 
lar, nor  even  ten  cents  to  see  him,  and  you  know  it." 

"  Yes,  I  would :  yes,  I  would.  I'd  give  a  dollar 
right  now  to  see  him." 

"Now-."  said  I,  "  just  to  prove  to  these  people  that 
you  wouldn't  do  anything  of  the  kind,  I  will  make  you 
a  proposition,  and  if  you  mean  ])usiness  you  will  accept 
of  it. 

"  Now,  then,  I  will  put  a  dollar  in  the  landlord's 
hands  and  you  do  the  same,  and  if  T  produce  Johnston 


SKUNKED  FOR  THE  FIRST  TIME        333 

inside  of  two  minutes  the  dollar  that  you  put  up  be- 
longs to  me ;  if  I  don't,  my  dollar  belongs  to  you." 

"  All  right,"  said  he,  "  here  goes,"  and  each  gave 
the  landlord  a  dollar. 

I  then  asked  him  to  look  on  the  register,  and  see  if 
J.  P.  Johnston  wasn't  registered  there,  and  have  the 
landlord  point  him  out. 

He  did  so,  when  the  landlord,  pointing  to  me,  said : 

"  Right  there  is  your  man,  sir." 

I  spent  the  dollar  treating  the  crowd  to  cigars. 

At  Washington  we  had  an  exceedingly  large  room 
in  which  to  conduct  our  auction  sale,  and  I  immedi- 
ately put  an  "  ad  "  in  the  paper,  to  buy  for  cash,  or  sell 
on  commission,  second-hand  furniture. 

The  second  day  after  the  advertisement  appeared  a 
man  came  in  and  wanted  me  to  go  with  him  to  look 
at  his  entire  household  of  furniture.  He  wanted  to 
go  south,  and  would  sell  cheap  if  I  would  buy  it  all. 

;\fter  satisfying  myself  that  there  were  no  encum- 
brances on  it,  I  looked  the  things  over  and  made  a  deal 
to  buy  the  entire  outfit  for  sixty-five  dollars. 

His  wife  consented  and  showed  a  great  deal  of  inter- 
est in  effecting  the  sale. 

After  they  had  given  me  a  receipted  bill  of  sale  his 


"Right  there  is  your  man,  sir. 


SKUNKED  FOR  THE  FIRST  TIME        335 

wife  began  looking  about,  and  first  selecting  the  sew- 
ing machine,  declared  that  she  couldn't  possibly  let  it 
go,  because  it  was  a  present  from  her  father,  and  after 
she  had  shed  a  few  tears  I  gave  it  back  to  her.  A 
further  search  and  she  found  a  rocking-chair  that  her 
mother  had  given  her,  and  a  large  vase  that  her  sister 
had  sent  her,  and  two  nice  pictures  that  she  had  earned 
herself,  and  a  rug  that  was  hers  before  they  were  mar- 
ried; none  of  these  she  could  possibly  let  go. 

''Well,"  said  I,  "is  there  anything  else  you  want? 
Suppose  I  give  it  all  back  to  you  and  let  you  select  a 
chair  or  a  bed  quilt  or  something  of  that  kind,  and 
give  to  me  for  my  sixty-five  dollars,  how  would  that 
please  you?  " 

She  took  the  matter  in  earnest,  and  said : 

"Oh,  pshaw !  We  would  give  you  more  than  that, 
wouldn't  we  John?  " 

At  first  I  was  half  inclined  to  give  her  back  the  fevv 
things  she  had  selected,  but  convinced  that  they  were 
playing  a  game  that  they  had  previously  planned.  I 
gave  her  the  sewing  machine  and  sent  down  town  for 
a  mover's  wagon,  and  saw  that  everything  was  taken 
out  of  the  house  before  I  left  it. 

After  placing  the  furniture  on  the  floor  of  our  store, 


33G        JVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

in  nice  shape,  I  advertised  the  entire  lot  at  auction,  the 
coming  Saturday,  beginning  at  nine  o'clock  in  the 
morning,  and  closed  it  out  at  a  profit  of  a  hundred  dol- 
lars (almost  to  a  penny),  after  deducting  drayage  and 
advertising  expenses. 

From  that  time  on,  for  four  weeks,  we  did  a  thriving 
business,  buying  and  selling  anything  and  everything 
that  was  offered  for  sale,  in  addition  to  our  regular 
notion  and  book  auction  sales. 

About  this  time  my  assistant,  Mr.  Axtel,  had  a  most 
excellent  partnership  proposition  made  to  him  to  go 
into  the  exclusive  book  auction  business :  he  to  man- 
age the  business  and  do  the  selling,  as  an  offset  to  the 
capital  invested. 

While  I  had  raised  his  salary  and  disliked  to  lose 
his  most  valuable  services,  T  advised  him,  by  all  means, 
to  accept  the  offer,  and  was  obliged  to  insist  upon 
his  doing  so,  for  his  own  interest,  before  he  would 
leave  me. 

His  had  proved  to  l^e  a  clear  case  of  the  old  saying 
that  "  clothes  don't  always  make  the  man." 

Clad  as  he  was  when  I  f  rst  met  him  in  that  glossy, 
dirty,  wornout  suit  of  clothes,  with  soiled  linen,  run- 
over  shoes,  unkempt  hair  and  bearded  face,  he  was. 


SKUNKED  FOR  THE  FIRST  TIME        337 

nevertheless,  a  man;  a  man  worthy  of  the  name  and 
worthy  of  every  confidence;  a  loyal  husband,  generous 
to  a  fault,  and  honest  to  the  last  penny,  with  not  a 
lazy  hair  in  his  head,  and  a  conscience  that  would  not 
stretch  an  inch. 

I  have  since  heard  of  him  only  indirectly,  but  have 
been  told  that  he  is  on  the  high  road  to  success. 

After  Mr.  Axtel  left  us  we  kept  our  course  eastward 
through  Indiana,  taking  in  every  town  of  importance. 

By  the  time  we  had  reached  Seymour  our  stock  was 
in  fine  shape,  and  we  were  carrying  a  big  line  of  no- 
tions, books  and  blankets  of  almost  every  description, 
besides  a  fine  line  of  table  silverware  and  a  few 
watches. 

I  rented  a  nice  storeroom  in  this  city,  for  which  I 
paid  forty  dollars  cash,  in  advance,  for  thirty  days, 
and  after  paying  twenty-five  dollars  for  a  thirty-days' 
license,  I  found  myself  without  a  penny  left,  but  with 
a  fine  stock  of  goods  and  a  Friday  evening  before  me 
to  make  my  opening  sale. 

When  we  came  to  look  after  our  lights  we  found 
that  it  would  cost  three  dollars  to  have  a  gas  meter 
put  in,  for  which  we  were  expected  to  pay  cash,  but 
in   an  offhand   sort  of  way  I   said  to  the  gas  man : 


338        IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

"  Well,  go  on  and  pnt  it  in  to-night  and  present  your 
bill  in  the  morning,"  which  he  did. 

"  Suppose,"^  said  Mrs.  Johnston,  "  that  it  so  hap- 
pened that  you  didn't  sell  three  dollars'  worth  to-night 
and  that  man  should  call  in  the  morning  with  his  bill, 
what  would  you  do?  " 

I  replied  that  such  a  thing  couldn't  be  possible,  with 
that  fine  stock  of  goods  on  hand,  even  though  it  was 
unluck}'  Friday. 

I  always  said  that  I  was  not  one  bit  superstitious. 
However,  I  never  cared  to  begin  anything  new  on  Fri- 
day, nor  on  the  tliirteenth  of  the  month,  and  didn't 
like  to  see  the  new  moon  over  my  left  shoulder  the 
first  time,  nor  fall  over  a  Ijlack  cat  up  a  dark  alley, 
on  a  stormy  night,  nor  hear  a  donkey  bray  before 
breakfast;  yet  little  did  T  dream  what  this  particular 
Friday  had  in  store  for  me  in  the  opening  of  my  sale 
in  Seymour. 

The  large  rooui  was  crowded  with  what  looked  to 
be  a  substantial  lot  of  buyers;  therefore  I  opened  with 
a  great  deal  of  confidence. 

No  matter  how  high  u])  1  piled  the  goods,  nor  how 
cheap  I  offered  them,  not  a  sale  could  I  make. 


SKUNKED  FOR  THE  FIRST  TIME        389 

I  went  through  the  entire  stock  once,  twice,  three 
times  with  not  a  penny  in  sight. 

Seeing  the  utter  uselessness  of  trying  further,  I 
told  them  that  it  didn't  matter  to  me,  anyhow.  I  had 
plenty  of  money ;  in  fact,  more  than  I  knew  what  to 
do  with,  that  I  was  merely  traveling  as  a  public  bene- 
factor. 

Just  at  this  juncture,  a  merchant,  occupying  a  room 
adjoining  m.ine,  came  in  and,  stepping  up  to  me,  asked 
if  I  would  change  a  five  dollar  bill  for  him. 

T  told  him  that  I  was  sorry,  that  the  very  smallest  I 
had  was  a  fifty  dollar  bill,  as  I  scarcely  ever  had  any 
small  money  about  me.  The  crowd  half  saw  the  point, 
and  seemed  to  enjoy  the  situation  greatly. 

I  then  said :  "  Ladies  and  gentlemen,  we  will  re- 
main here  all  day  to-morrow,  at  least,  and  would  be 
pleased  to  see  you  again,  but  please  bring  your  pocket- 
books.    This  will  conclude  our  evening's  sale." 

At  this,  a  big,  awkward  appearing  fellow  got  an- 
other laugh  on  me  by  blurting  out : 

"  Gosh !  1  been  here  all  the  evenin'  and  haint  seen 
ye  sell  anything  yet." 

Of  the  many  ups  and  downs  that  Mrs.  Johnston  and 
I  had  experienced  together,  this  was  the  first  time  I 


340        iVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

ever  knew  her  to  weaken.  After  we  had  closed  the 
store,  I  noticed  tears  standing  in  her  eyes,  and  asked 
what  it  meant. 

She  said  she  had  no  fears  of  the  next  day's  results, 
but  was  afraid  that  the  gas  man  would  present  his  bill 
before  we  took  in  enough  to  pay  it,  in  which  case  it 
would  be  very  embarrassing,  and  didn't  see  how  I 
could  explain  it. 

I  tried  to  console  her  by  assuring  her  that  I  was  not 
in  the  least  worried  over  the  matter,  and  that  someone, 
at  that  very  moment,  no  doubt,  had  the  cash  in  his 
pocket,  ready  to  hand  it  over  the  next  morning;  that 
we  had  no  other  intentions  but  to  do  exactly  as  we  had 
agreed  with  the  gas  meter  man,  and  that  there  would 
be  a  way  out  of  it,  and  too,  without  suffering  the 
slightest  humiliation,  and  suggested  that  it  was  too 
small  a  matter  to  worry  over,  anyhow. 

It  was  the  smallness  of  the  matter,  she  explained, 
that  made  it  look  bad.  Had  it  been  three  hundred,  in- 
stead of  three  dollars,  there  might  be  an  excuse  for 
not  having  the  money. 

When  we  were  at  Mt.  Vernon,  Illinois,  a  tall,  husky, 
energetic  young  man  came  to  me  one  day  and  said  he 
had  fifty  dollars  saved  up  and  wanted  to  i'.ivc?.t  it  in 


SKUNKED  FOR  THE  FIRST  TIME        341 

Yankee  notions  and  peddle  among  the  farmers,  pro- 
vided I  would  sell  them  cheap  enough. 

He  had  gotten  his  inspiration  from  reading 
"  Twenty  Years  of  Hus'ling  "  and  if  I  was  going  to 
travel  from  one  town  to  another,  he  would  follow  me 
and  make  his  headquarters  in  the  town  where  I  was 
located,  thus  enabling  him  to  replenish  his  stock  every 
day,  if  necessary. 

I  sold  him  what  he  needed,  at  an  advance  of  ten  per 
cent  above  cost,  and  as  I  bought  them  in  quantities  and 
at  bottom  prices,  he  was  able  to  realize  a  good  margin. 

Up  to  the  time  of  our  stay  in  Seymour,  he  had  been 
following  us  for  six  months,  with  splendid  results,  but 
for  some  reason  we  hadn't  seen  him  for  three  weeks 
and  began  to  feel  that  he  had  deserted  us. 

The  next  morning  after  our  failure  in  the  auction 
sale,  I  started  for  the  store  about  eight  o'clock,  and 
arriving  there,  found  this  young  man  waiting  at  the 
door,  and  inside  of  an  hour  had  sold  him  fifty  dollars' 
worth  of  goods,  for  cash. 

The  meter  man  called  a  few  moments  later,  and  at 
that  instant  Mrs.  Johnston  also  crime  in.  As  he  pre- 
sented his  bill  she  seemed  bewildered  enough,  until  I 


342 


WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 


drew  from  my  pocket  a  good  sized  roll  of  small  bills, 
and  with  the  promptness  of  a  millionaire,  said : 
"  Just  receipt  your  bill,  sir  ;  here  is  your  money." 
We  sent  out  a  boy  with  a  bell,  crying  "  auction," 
and  got  together  a  fine  crowd  in  the  forenoon,  and  had 


"Auction!" 

a  sixty  dollar  sale.  In  the  afternoon  we  took  over 
eighty  dollars,  and  at  our  Saturday  evening  sale  nearly 
a  hundred. 

We  remained  there  the  thirty  days,  meeting  with  ex- 
cellent success. 

From  there  we  went  to ,  Indiana. 


SKUNKED  FOR  THE  FIRST  TIME        343 

On  reaching  there  we  learned  tliat  two  young  who 
were  managing  a  hig  dry  goods  store  for  another  man 
had  advertised  to  sell  the  goods  at  auction,  the  sale  to 
begin  the  following  Saturday. 

I  called  upon  them  and  asked  why  we  couldn't  ar- 
range to  work  together,  and  made  them  a  proposition 
to  put  in  my  Yankee  notions,  jewelry  and  tableware, 
and  I  would  sell  thirty  minutes  on  their  goods,  and 
thirty  on  my  own. 

They  had  engaged  an  auctioneer,  whose  specialty 
w^as  farm  implements  and  stock,  but  after  I  gave  them 
a  little  specimen  of  my  work,  they  quickly  arranged 
with  me. 

One  day  there  came  to  the  hotel  where  we  were 
stopping,  a  man  with  a  patent  self-heating  flat  iron. 
He  was  the  patentee,  and  was  out  selling  county  and 
state  rights. 

Our  hotel  was  run  by  the  wife  of  a  dry  goods  mer- 
chant, his  storeroom  adjoining  the  hotel. 

The  morning  after  the  arrival  of  the  patent  right 
man  I  was  sitting  in  the  hotel  office,  reading  the  morn- 
ing paper,  when  T  overheard  the  patent  right  man  say 
to  a  man  with  whom  he  was  trying  to  make  a  sale 
that  the  landladv's  husband  had  offered  him  fiftv  dol- 


344        IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

lars'  worth  of  anything  in  his  store  for  Marion  county, 
Indiana. 

I  instantly  went  to  the  landlord  and  said : 

"  Landlord,  what  do  you  think  of  that  self-heating 
flat  iron?" 

"  Well,  sir,"  said  he,  "  I  think  it's  a  fine  things  and 
if  I  could  close  out  my  store  I  would  like  to  go  into  it." 

"  What  will  you  give  for  a  good  county,"  I  asked, 
"  in  case  I  am  able  to  deal  for  some  territory?  " 

"  I  will  give  fifty  dollars'  worth  of  anything  in  my 
store,  at  first  cost,  or  wholesale  price,  for  Marion 
county,"  was  his  reply. 

Returning  to  the  hotel  office  1  took  from  my  pocket 
a  brand  new  brass  watch,  the  cost  of  which  was  two 
dollars  and  sixty  cents,  and  showing  it  to  the  patent 
right  man,  said : 

"  I  will  give  you  this  watch  for  Marion  County  in 
your  patent,  and  will  allow  you  just  two  minutes  in 
which  to  decide.  Say  yes  or  no,  and  I  don't  care  the 
snap  of  a  finger  whether  you  trade  or  not.  Say  quick, 
do  you  want  to  trade  or  not  ?  " 

"  A]]  riglit,  it's  a  '  go,'  "  said  he,  and  stepping  into 
the  store,  I  ascertained  the  full  name  of  the  merchant, 
and  when  about  to  make  out  the  paj^ers,  I  said : 


SKUNKED  FOR  THE  FIRST  TIME        345 

"  Tust  make  this  deed  out  to  the  landlady's  husband; 
I  have  traded  the  county  to  him." 

"  Great  Caesar !  "  he  yelled,  "  I  was  intending  to 
sell  him  a  county,  myself.  How  did  you  come  to  do 
business  with  him?  " 

Inside  of  an  hour  I  had  selected  fifty  dollars'  worth 
of  dry  goods,  all  of  which  I  sold  at  the  auction  sale, 
and  for  which  I  received  about  seventy-five  dollars. 

The  man  who  owned  the  big  stock  of  dry  goods  and 
clothing  that  we  were  selling  out,  lived  in  the  northern 
part  of  the  state,  and  had  come  down  there  to  attend 
the  auction. 

I  soon  discovered  that  he  was  of  a  speculative  turn 
of  mind,  owned  lots  of  property,  had  plenty  of  cash ; 
in  fact,  was  a  capitalist,  and  was  always  open  for  busi- 
ness. 

I  therefore  set  to  work  to  make  a  deal  between  him 
and  the  patent  right  man. 

In  a  rear  room  of  the  store  was  a  lot  of  old-style, 
shop-worn  clothing,  such  as  had  been  accumulating 
for  years,  all  of  which  was  almost  absolutely  worth- 
less. 

In  another  room  in  a  large  showcase  was  an   im- 


346        IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

mense  stock  of  cheap  fire-gilt  jewelry,  all  old  styles 
and  badly  tarnished. 

First,  I  went  to  the  patent  right  man  and  explained 
that  I  might  be  able  to  trade  for  a  stock  of  clothing 
and  jewelry  and  get  some  cash  difference,  if  he  would 
give  me  half  of  whatever  we  got  out  of  it,  which  he 
agreed  to,  and  I  instructed  him  to  call  at  the  store  when 
we  were  not  selling  at  auction  and  to  bring  his  samples, 
and  while  doing  some  shopping,  to  set  them  on  the 
counter  near  where  the  owner  of  the  store  and  I  might 
be  talking. 

He  followed  my  instructions,  when  I  picked  up  the 
flat  iron  and,  showing  to  the  capitalist,  said : 

"  This  is  something  new,  and  looks  to  me  like  a  good 
seller." 

He  was  at  once  taken  with  it,  when  I  remarked  that 
I  believed  I  could  trade  ofi  that  lot  of  clothing  in  the 
back  room  for  some  county  riehts,  if  he  thought  it  was 
a  good  thing,  and  was  willing  to  invest  some  cash,  be- 
sides. 

He  said  he  would  be  glad  to  make  some  such  a 
deal,  and  would  give  me  a  half  interest  in  whatever 
territory  he  traded  for  if  1  would  put  the  thing  through. 

I  at  once  discovered  thai,  the  tw)  young  men  who 


SKUNKED  FOR  THE  FIRST  TIME        347 

were  managing  the  store  were  awake  to  the  fact  that 
something  was  going  on,  and  unless  "  I  fixed  them  "  I 
would  feel  them  an  obstacle  in  my  way,  and  was  there- 
fore not  long  in  arranging  to  give  each  of  them  a  quar- 
ter of  whatever  I  got  out  of  both  sides  of  the  deal, 
provided  they  would  work  with  me.  That  settled  it, 
and  in  no  time  the  patent  right  man  had  taken  the 
stock  of  clothing  at  seventeen  hundred  dollars  and 
received  eight  hundred  dollars  in  cash  for  twenty-five 
counties  in  northern  Indiana. 

As  soon  as  this  deal  was  consummated,  I  set  to  work 
to  trade  the  stock  of  cheap  jewelry  to  the  patent  right 
man  for  more  county  rights. 

I  told  the  capitalist  that  I  felt  certain  that  if  he 
would  take  ten  counties  more  at  a  hundred  dollars 
each  he  could  turn  that  show  case  of  jewelry  in  at  six 
hundred  dollars. 

Of  course  while  these  deals  were  pending  the  two 
young  managers  were  working  for  a  better  proposition 
for  their  employer,  but  at  last  advised  him  each  time 
to  nip  them  in  the  bud  and  close  the  deals  before  the 
other  fellow  backed  out. 

The  closing  of  the  second  deal  left  me  with  a  half 
interest  in  thirty-fi\'e  county  rights. 


::48        IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

One-half  of  my  interest  was  to  go  to  the  two  man- 
agers. 

I  then  received  half  of  the  twelve  hundred  dollars 
in  casli  which  the  capitalist  had  paid  over,  one-half 
of  which  I  handed  over  to  the  two  managers,  leaving 
mc  three  hundred  dollars  in  money,  Ijesides  I  still 
owned  a  half  interest  in  the  stock  of  clothing  and  the 
show  case  of  jewelry,  to  be  divided  with  the  two  young 
men. 

The  amusing  part  of  this  transaction  was  that  the 
patent  right  man,  who  had  never  had  the  least  experi- 
ence in  business,  had  traded  for  the  clothing  and  jew- 
elry, presuming  that  the  two  stocks  combined  were 
worth  something  like  twenty-three  hundred  dollars. 

He  wanted  me  to  make  him  an  ofTer  for  his  half  of 
these  goods. 

"  No,"  said  I,  "  you  have  suggested  selling  out,  now 
you  make  me  an  offer  to  give  or  take." 

He  said  he  wouldn't  begin  to  give  what  we  had 
taken  it  in  for,  and  would  take  a  good  deal  less  than 
that  for  his  half. 

"  Well,"  I  insisted,  "  make  me  an  offer  to  give  or 
take." 

He  thought  it  over  for  a  moment  and  said : 


SKUNKED  FOR  THE  FIRST  TIME        349 

"  I  think  I'd  be  willing- to  take  four  hundred  dollars 
in  cash  for  my  interest,  and  will  give  you  that  amount 
for  yours,  so  you  can  buy  or  sell." 

"  I  will  sell,"  I  quickly  answered,  and  he  counted 
out  the  cash ;  two  hundred  of  which  I  counted  out  to 
the  young  men. 

As  soon  as  the  patent  right  man  had  packed  up  his 
jewelry  and  clothing  and  shipped  them  to  York  state, 
and  had  taken  his  departure,  I  set  about  selling  my 
half  interest  in  the  thirty-five  county  rights  to  the 
capitalist,  and  with  the  assistance  of  his  managers  suc- 
ceeded in  trading  them  for  ten  town  lots  in  a  small 
town  in  northern  Indiana,  taking  them  at  his  price, 
one  hundred  and  fifty  dollars  each,  or  a  consideration 
of  fifteen  hundred  dollars. 

As  a  half  interest  in  these  lots  belonged  to  the  young 
men,  I  suggested  that  they  make  me  an  offer  to  buy 
or  sell,  when  a  few  moments  later  they  offered  to  give 
or  take  two  hundred  dollars  spot  cash. 

"  Very  well,"  said  I.  "  I  will  sell,"  and  closed  out, 
making  a  clean  cash  transaction  of  the  w'hole  deal  so 
far  as  I  was  concerned. 

In  the  meantime  we  had  been  conducting  successful 
auction  sales,  afternoons  and  evenings,  and  remaining 


350        IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

there  four  weeks  longer,  I  closed  out  my  entire  stock 
of  goods,  converting  them  all  into  cash,  and  decided 
to  locate  in  some  good  li\e  town,  in  a  permanent  retail 
jewelry  and  optical  business. 


A  TRIP  TO  TENNESSEE  351 


CHAPTER  XIX. 

An  Interesting  Trip  to  Tennessee — Investigating  Real 
Estate  at  Harriman — Two  Quick  Deals — On  to  Chat- 
tanooga— The  Small  Boy  and  the  Frogs — Assuming 
to  be  Stranded,  With  Plenty  of  Cash  on  Hand^A 
Unique  Experiment — The  Jew  and  His  Socks. 

With  enough  money  to  start  a  small  business  in  al- 
most any  town  or  city  up  to  twenty  thousand  inhab- 
itants, and  anxious  on  account  of  Mrs.  Johnston's  poor 
health  to  locate  permanently  in  some  good  town,  I  sug- 
gested that  we  take  a  trip  to  Harriman,  Tenessec,  and 
take  a  look  at  the  house  and  lot  and  store  building  in 
which  we  owned  an -equity,  having  taken  it  in  exchange 
for  our  summer  home  at  LaPorte,  Indiana,  a  few  years 
before. 

I  had  never  paid  any  of  the  taxes,  nor  the  interest 
on  the  mortgage,  and  had  no  intention  of  doing  so 
until  I  should  see  the  property  and  become  convinced 
that  it  was  worth  protecting. 

A  young  attorney  of  Harriman,  who  acted  as  agent 
for  the  property,  had  written  me  se\eral  times  that 
both  the  house  and  store  room  were  rented,  but  I  never 


352        JVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

received  a  dollar  from  him,  nor  any  one  else,  for  any 
of  the  rental,  so  we  decided  to  take  a  trip  down  there 
and  look  it  over. 

The  morning  following  our  arrival  there  we  in- 
quired of  the  landlord  where  the  Stilwell  property  was 
located,  and  were  directed  to  the  very  outskirts  of  the 
city. 

Arriving  there  we  found  an  ideal  little  cottage  with 
a  good  sized  lot  and  garden  spot,  and  a  modern  huilt 
store  room  on  an  adjoining  lot. 

The  house  was  vacant,  but  the  store  was  occupied 
with  a  stock  of  drug  sundries,  attended  by  a  small  boy. 

I  asked  him  who  the  stock  belonged  to.  He  said 
it  was  owned  by  a  down  town  druggist,  Mr. . 

I  asked  him  how  long  they  had  occupied  it,  and  he 
said  he  guessed  about  three  years,  and  thought  that 
five  dollars  per  month  was  the  rental. 

When  I  asked  him  how  much  he  took  in  a  day,  he 
smiled  and  said  it  ..'RS  hardly  enough  to  make  men- 
tion of. 

The  property  liad  been  built  right  near  the  rolling 
mills  and  w  hen  they  shut  down  about  nine  out  of  every 
ten    families  moved   away,   and    there   was   scarcely  a 


A  TRIP  TO  TENNESSEE  353 

\acant  house  that  a  stone  hadn't  been  thrown  through 
every  pane  of  glass. 

As  we  started  l^ack  down  town,  I  said  to  Mrs.  John- 
ston, "  I  am  going  to  sell  my  equity  to  that  druggist  to- 
day if  I  don't  get  over  twenty-five  dollars  for  it  and 
if  I  can't  get  that  I  will  make  him  a  present  of  my 
interest  in  it  rather  than  keep  it  and  be  bothered 
with  it." 

When  I  called  upon  the  druggist,  I  said  to  him,  "  My 
name  is  J.  P.  'Johnston.  I  own  an  equity  in  that  Stil- 
well  property  where  you  have  a  small  drug  sundry 
stock,  and  I  am  going  to  sell  it  to  you,  to-day." 

"  Well,"  said  he,  "  I  guess  you  will  hardly  do  that." 

"  But  I  shall;  you  will  own  it  before  the  five  o'clock 
train  leaves  here  for  the  south  this  evening,  so  you 
might  as  well  get  to  talking.  How  much  will  you 
give  for  it,  and  you  assume  all  encumbrances?" 

"  Why,  sir,"  said  he,  '*  we  are  not  taking  in  enough 
money  here  to  pay  our  water  tax,  and  don't  know  that 
we  ever  will." 

I  argued  that  there  was  talk  of  a  new  boom  in  the 
town,  and  that  when  it  came  and  the  rolling  mills 
opened  up  again  that  property  would  be  valuable,  and 
said : 


354       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

"  Now.  then,  you  and  I  might  as  well  get  together, 
first  as  last,  for  I  am  going  to  sell  it  to  you  to-day,  or 
trade  it  to  you  for  something,  because  you  are  the 
man  who  should  own  it." 

He  looked  me  over  carefully  for  a  moment  and  then 
asked  where  I  was  from. 

I  replied  that  Chicago  had  been  my  home  for  a  num- 
ber of  years. 

"  And  that  is  the  way  they  do  business  in  Chicago, 
is  it? — just  do  business  anyhow,  whether  the  other 
fellow  is  willing  or  not." 

"  Well."  I  answered.  "  that's  what  I  am  here  for  to- 
day, and  you  and  I  will  do  business  before  five  o'clock. 
What  have  you  got  to  trade,  anyhow  ?  You  must  have 
a  jack  knife  or  a  dog  or  something,  haven't  you?  " 

"  Now,  see  here,"  said  he,  "  T  have  a  lot  up  here 
on  the  hill.  It's  a  fifty-foot  front,  by  about  a  hundred 
and  forty  in  length,  and  lies  between  the  Baptist  church 

and  Judge 's  tenement  house,  and  I  will  give 

you  that  lot,  which  is  clear  of  all  encumbrances,  for 
your  equity  in  the  Stillwell  property." 

"  All  right,  sir,  it's  a  trade,"  said  T.  "  Go  and  get 
your  papers.     Mine  are  at  the  hotel." 


A  TRIP  TO  TENNESSEE  355 

"  Don't  you  want  to  see  it,"  he  asked,  "  before  yoil 
trade  for  it?  " 

"  Wliy.  no,"  I  answered,  "  I  don't  care  to  see  it. 
Yon  say  it's  there,  and  unless  you  think  the  wind  wih 
1)low  it  away  or  something  of  that  sort,  then  I  don't 
care  to  see  it." 

As  he  was  about  to  go  home  for  his  papers,  I  asked 
him  to  show  me  where  the  judge  Hved  who  owned  the 
tenement  house  he  spoke  of. 

Pointing  from  his  store  window  he  said : 

"  That  house  away  across  the  field  is  his  and  he  is 
in  the  yard  making  flower  beds  now." 

As  the  druggist  started  for  his  papers  I  started  for 
the  judge's  home.  Arriving  there  I  introduced  myself, 
and  said : 

"  Judge  ,   I   own  that   Stillwell   property 

down  by  the  rolling  mills,  and  have  just  traded  it  to 

Druggist for  that  lot  that  lies  between  your 

tenement  house  and  the  Baptist  church,  and  I  am  going 
to  sell  the  lot  to  you  to-day,  because  you  are  the  man 
who  should  own  it,  and  will  own  it  before  five  o'clock 
to-night,  so  we  might  as  well  get  to  talking." 

The  judge  was  a  large,  fleshy,  good  natured  man. 
and  at  my  last  declaration  he  straightened   up,   and 


356       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

throwing  1)ack  his  head  and  shoulders,  let  go  a  good, 
hearty  langh  and  said  : 

"  Well,  I  like  your  style,  anyhow.  So  you  are  going 
to  sell  it  to  me  to-day,  are  you  ?  Well !  Well !  I  am 
obliged  to  you  for  taking  the  pains  to  consult  me  about 
it.  Hadn't  you  better  mention  it  to  my  wife  before 
you  make  out  the  papers?  \\'here  are  you  from?" 
he  asked. 

"  I  am  from  Chicago,"  I  answered. 

"  From  Chicago,  eh?  Well,  I  guess  that's  the  way 
they  do  business  there.  When  will  this  transaction 
take  place,  anyhow  ?  "  he  inquired. 

"  Well,"  said  I,  "  within  the  next  two  hours  at  least, 
and  no  joking,  sir :  it  should  belong  to  you,  and  will 
be  yours  in  a  very  short  time." 

"  How  much  do  you  want  for  it  ?  "  he  asked. 

"  Well,"  said  I,  "  I  thought  two  hundred  dollars 
would  be  very  cheap." 

"  I  will  give  you  a  hundred  dollar  bill  for  it."  said 
he. 

"  All  right,  sir,"  I  answered,  "  it's  a  go.  Come  right 
down  town  and  get  your  papers." 

VsHien  the  druggist  w^as  ready  to  transfer  his  prop- 
ertv,  T  said  to  him  : 


"WELL,,  I  UKE  YCUR  STYLE  ANYHOW,  SAID  THE  JUDGE. 


A  TRIP  TO  TENNESSEE  357 

"  You  can  just  make  out  your  papers  direct  to  Judge 
,  as  I  have  sold  the  lot  to  him." 

"  Great  Caesar !  "  cried  the  druggist,  "  had  I  known 
that  there  was  a  man  in  this  city  wnth  a  dollar  in  money 
and  speculation  enough  about  him  to  buy  a  lot,  I 
never  would  have  traded  this  one  off  for  cats  and  dogs." 

We  left  Harriman  for  Chattanooga  on  the  five  o'clock 
train  that  evening,  and  on  our  way  there  the  train 
stopped  at  a  small  station  where  the  air  resounded 
with  the  croaking  of  frogs.  This,  in  midwinter,  was 
to  us  something  new,  and  raising  my  car  window  I 
said  to  three  little  colored  boys  standing  by : 

"  Say,  boys,  how  long  have  the  frogs  been  hollering 
down  in  this  country?" 

As  if  disgusted  by  the  question,  they  looked  from 
one  to  the  other  for  a  moment,  when  the  smallest  of 
them  turned  to  me  and  said  : 

"What's  de  matter  wid  ye?  Dey's  alius  bin  hol- 
lerin'." 

On  our  way  to  Chattanooga  Mrs.  Johnston  remarked 
that  it  would  be  an  interesting  experience  to  put  what 
money  we  had  away,  and  play  that  we  were  landing 
in  Chattanooga  without  a  penny,  and  that  it  was  an 
absolute  necessity  that  I  should  get  out,  and  without 


358       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

any  possil}le  outlook  for  making  a  dollar,  try  and  raise 
enough  in  some  way  to  meet  our  expenses. 

"  All  right,"  said  I,  "  we  will  try  it."  and  remarked : 
"  Now,  from  the  moment  we  get  off  the  cars  we  are 
supposed  to  be  broke ;  not  one  penny  are  we  supposed 
to  have  for  at  least  twenty-four  hours.  Our  baggage, 
of  course,  would  be  sufficient  to  entitle  us  to  hotel 
accommodations,  but  under  no  circumstances  were  we 
to  spend  a  penny  unless  I  should  in  some  way  make 
some  money. 

The  very  first  demand  for  mone3^  after  reaching  the 
hotel,  was  when  the  transfer  man  wanted  a  dollar  for 
bringing  our  trunks  from  the  depot. 

Turning  to  the  clerk  of  the  hotel,  T  said : 

"  Pay  this  man  a  dollar  and  charge  it  to  my  account, 
please,"  and  passed  out. 

That  evening  about  nine  o'clock  a  traveling  man 
came  in  the  hotel  with  a  couple  of  big  leather  sample 
cases,  and  setting  them  down  said : 

"  I'll  bet  tlie  man  doesn't  live  that  can  sell  a  bill  of 
goods  in  tliis  infernal  town." 

"  What  is  your  line?  "  I  asked. 

"  Collar  buttons  and  sleeve  buttons,"  he  answered, 


%^ 


'I'll  let  the  man  doesn't  live  that  can  sell  a  bill  of  goods  in  this 
infernal  town." 


360        IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

"  and  the  finest  line  on  earth,  but  you  can't  give  them 
away  in  this  city." 

"  Oh,  pshaw !  "  said  I,  "  it's  because  you  don't  know 
how." 

I  then  went  on  to  tell  him  of  my  many  years'  experi- 
ence in  handling-  that  class  of  goods,  and  of  the  im- 
mensely large  bills  T  used  to  sell  in  northern  Michigan, 
and  how  I  delivered  the  goods  on  the  spot  and  got 
the  cash. 

He  said  that  that  was  his  plan  exactly ;  he  delivered 
as  he  went  along,  and  sold  for  cash  exclusively. 

He  was  from  Providence,  Rhode  Island,  and  had 
bought  his  goods  direct  from  the  manufacturers,  and 
after  T  had  mentioned  the  names  of  over  twenty  manu- 
facturers there  with  whom  T  had  had  lots  of  dealings, 
he  showed  me  his  line,  which  was  very  fine,  an  1  ex- 
plained that  the  goods  had  cost  him  a  uniform  price 
of  forty  cents  per  dozen  for  collar  buttons,  and  one 
dollar  anrl  twenty  cents  per  dozen  for  sleeve  buttons. 
His  price  to  the  retail  dealer  was  one  dollar  per  dozen 
for  collar  buttons  and  three  dollars  ])er  dozen  for  sleeve 
buttons,  but  he  insisted  that  no  man  could  sell  them 
in  this  town. 


A  TRIP  TO   TEXXESSEE  3(51 

I  laughed  at  the  idea,  and  remarked  that  I  would 
like  to  try  it  the  next  morning. 

"  Very  well."  said  he.  "  I  will  be  here  until  one 
!)"clock  to-morrow,  and  if  you  wish  to  try  it,  you  may 
have  all  you  can  make  over  and  above  the  manu- 
facturer's cost.'' 

"  I  will  be  ready  to  start  to-morrow  morning  at 
eisfht  o'clock."  said  I,  "  so  don't  fail  to  be  around." 

The  next  morning  I  started  out,  and  the  first  three 
dealers  I  called  upon  could  not  be  induced  to  look  at 
the  goods  under  any  circumstances;  the  fourth  man 
bought  a  dozen  collar  Ijuttons  at  one  dollar  and  sixty 
cents,  and  a  dozen  sleeve  buttons  at  four  dollars,  mak- 
ing me  a  cash  profit  of  four  dollars. 

As  I  stepped  into  the  fifth  store  at  which  I  called, 
the  proprietor,  a  little  Jew,  surprised  me  by  saying: 

"  Veil,  by  Jiminy !  if  here  ain't  J-  P-  Johnston.  Veil, 
veil,  how  you  vas,  and  where  'bouts  you  come  from  ?  " 

I  at  once  recognized  him  as  a  former  customer  of 
mine,  Mose ,  from  Greenville,  Michigan. 

"  Now,"  said  jNIose,  "  Mr.  Johnston,  I  am  mighty 
glad  to  see  you.  but  don't  show  me  any  goods,  nor  try 
to  sell  me  any,  for  I  don't  need  them." 

"  But.  Mose,"  said  I,  "  T  must  show  you " 


362        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

"  Not  a  bit  of  it ;  not  a  bit  of  it,"  he  interrupted.  "  I 
vill  not  look  at  your  goods ;  I  vill  not,  I  vill  not." 

"  But,  Mose,"  I  went  on,  "  you  cert " 

"  No,  indeed !  I  certainly  will  not  look  at  dem  goods. 
I  know  you,  Mr.  Johnston,  and  I  vondt  look  at  dem ; 
I  know  better." 

Anxious  to  change  the  subject  for  a  moment  and 
noticing  a  large  quantity  of  cheap  socks  piled  upon 
the  counter,  I  said : 

"  Mose,  what  are  you  doing  with  so  many  of  one 
brand  of  socks  ?  " 

"  I  do  some  jobbing,"  he  answered, 

"  Well,  sir,"  said  I,  "  I  expect  I  have  sold  more  of 
that  particular  brand  of  socks  in  my  day  than  you 
could  pack  away  in  this  big  store  room." 

"  I  suppose  so,  to  hear  you  tell  it,"  cried  Mose,  with 
an  incredulous  smile,  and  then  said : 

"  Say,  Johnston,  I'll  tell  you  vat  I'll  do.  I'll  trade 
you  a  dozen  socks  for  a  dozen  collar  buttons,  and 
remember,  now,  a  dozen  collar  buttons  is  all  I  vant." 

"  All  right,"  said  I,  "  I  will  trade  with  you  (only 
too  anxious  for  an  excuse  to  open  up)  ;  how  much  are 
your  socks  a  dozen,  Mose  ?  " 

"  One  dollar  and  twenty  cents,"  he  answered. 


A  TRIP  TO  TENNESSEE  363 

After  displaying  the  jewelry  nicely,  I  said : 

"  Mose,  how  foolish  you  are  to  job  a  lot  of  socks  to 
peddlers  at  such  a  small  margin,  when  you  could  in- 
vest the  same  amount  of  money  in  collar  buttons  and 
sleeve  buttons  and  make  twice  as  much  on  the  invest- 
ment," and  then  quoted  him  his  choice  of  collar  buttons 
at  one  dollar  and  sixty  cents  per  dozen,  and  sleeve  but- 
tons at  four  dollars  per  dozen. 

I  then  selected  one  gross  of  sleeve  buttons,  assorted 
styles,  and  twenty  dozen  collar  buttons  and  undertook 
to  sell  them  to  him. 

After  looking  them  over  carefully  for  a  moment,  he 
said : 

"  I'll  tell  you  vat  I'll  do ;  if  you  take  all  der  socks, 
forty-eight  dozen  pairs  at  one  dollar  and  twenty  cents 
per  dozen,  I  take  der  jewelry." 

"  All  right,  Mose,  it's  a  trade,"  said  I.  "  Therefore 
you  owe  me  eighty  dollars  for  the  jewelry  and  I  owe 
you  fifty-seven  dollars  and  sixty  cents  for  the  socks, 
leaving  a  balance  due  me  of  twenty-two  dollars  and 
forty  cents." 

"  All  right,  here  is  your  money,"  and  he  counted  it 
out. 

I   then    said,    "  Mose,   these   socks   cost   vou   about 


364        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

eighty-seven  and  a  half  cents  per  dozen,  or  ten  dollars 
and  fifty  cents  per  gross,  and  as  I  don't  need  them,  I 
will  sell  them  back  to  you  for  eighty  cents  per  dozen." 
"  Veil,  now."  said  he,  "  I  told  you  vat  I  do,  I  take 
'em  at  nine  dollars  a  gross  and  pay  you  der  cash." 


You  Mumccr  Bcnhancdy,  you  gut  dose  socks  for  nothing." 


"  All  right,"  said  I,  and  received  the  money. 

"  Now,"  said  he,  "  you  think  you  know  so  much 
aboudt  der  cost  of  der  socks ;  T  tell  you  vat  I  do.  I  vill 
mark  on  der  piece  of  paper  what  der  socks  cost  me, 
if  you  vill  mark  on  another  piece  of  paper  vat  der  jew- 
elry cost  you." 


A  TRIP  TO  TENNESSEE  ■         365 

"  All  right,  Mose,  go  ahead  and  mark,"  I  replied. 

As  he  marked  his  cost  price,  "  ten  dollars  per  gross," 
I  marked  on  my  paper,  "  sleeve  buttons  one  dollar  and 
twenty  cents  per  dozen,  collar  buttons  forty  cents,  total 
twenty-two  dollars  and  forty  cents." 

He  turned  his  paper  over  with  a  broad  grin  on  his 
face,  but  it  instantly  turned  to  a  death-like  pallor  when 
he  caught  sight  of  my  figures,  especially  the  amount 
total,  at  which  he  threw  up  both  hands  and  said : 

"  You  Mumzer  Benhanedy !  I  pay  you  twenty-two 
dollars  and  forty  cents  to  boot,  and  you  got  dose  socks 
for  nothinsf." 


366       IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 


CHAPTER  XX. 

A  Visit  to  tiie  Inman  Mines — Releasing  a  Prisoner  on 
a  Writ  of  Habeas  Corpus — My  Extraordinary  Experi- 
ence With  the  Convict — A  Visit  to  the  Mines  and  the 
Stockades — Our  Visit  to  the  Battlefields  of  Chicka- 
mauga  and  Lookout  Mountain — Returning  to  the 
North — A  Business  Venture  in  Indiana — Wiped  Out 
of  Business  by  a  Fire — Stranded  Once  More — How  I 
Made  a  Raise — A  Stirring  Week's  Business — The 
Fake  Doctor  and  His  Weak  Patient. 

When  I  returned  to  the  hotel  and  handed  the  trav- 
eling man  twenty-four  dollars,  with  a  statement  of 
wdiat  I  had  done,  he  was  mu^n  surprised,  and  asked  if 
I  had  sold  the  goods  at  cost,  in  order  to  make  a  record. 

I  showed  him  four  ten  dollar  bills  as  my  profit,  but 
didn't  explain  the  last  transaction. 

That  afternoon  T  happened  to  recall  the  fact  that 
a  lawyer  from  near  my  old  liome  in  Ohio  was  living  in 
Chattanooga,  and  called  upon  him  at  his  office.  After 
a  half  hour's  visit  with  him,  during  which  time  I 
explained  that  my  wife  and  T  were  there,  merely  to 
look  around  and  to  take  a  few  days'  vacation,  he 
asked  me  if  I  wouldn't  like  to  take  a  two  or  three  days' 
'trip  over  to  the  Inman  mines  for  a  lady  client  of  his, 


A  VISIT  TO  THE  IN  MAN  MINES         367 

Avhose  brotlier  was  a  convict  there ;  it  would  be  a  rare 
experience  and  as  there  would  he  my  expenses  and 
twenty-five  dollars  in  cash  in  it,  perhaps  I  had  better 
take  it. 

I  had  been  reading  in  one  of  the  leading  magazines 
of  the  day  a  harrowing  description  of  convict  life  in 
these  very  mines,  and  was  therefore  doubly  interested 
in  making  the  trip. 

The  lawyer  explained  that  they  were  trying  to  get 
their  man  released,  under  a  law  recently  enacted,  al- 
lowing good  time  for  good  behavior,  and  the  object 
of  sending  a  man  there  was  to  take  to  the  sheriff  of 
Marion  County  a  writ  of  halieas  corpus,  authorizing 
him  to  produce  the  prisoner  in  the  Chattanooga  courts. 

The  following  morning  I  started  for  Jasper,  the 
county  seat  of  Marion  County,  with  the  papers  to  be 
turned  over  to  the  sheriff. 

On  arriving  at  Jasper  and  alighting  from  the  train 
I  enquired  of  a  bystander  where  I  would  be  likely 
to  find  the  sheriff,  and  was  told  that  he  had  gone  to 
Inman  on  the  early  morning  train. 

With  this  information  I  again  boarded  the  train 
and  went  on  to  Inman. 

Arriving  there  about  three  o'clock  in  the  afternoon 


368       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

I  was  informed  that  the  sheriff  had  returned  to  Jasper 
on  the  train  leaving  an  hour  before. 

As  there  was  no  train  leaving  until  the  next  day,  I 
determined  to  first  wire  the  sheriff  to  come  to  Inman 
and  then  try  and  witness,  if  possible,  some  of  the 
horrors  of  that  terrible  prison  life. 

Before  sending  my  telegram  I  called  upon  the  war- 
den of  the  prison  and  in  the  course  of  our  conversa- 
tion mentioned  the  fact  that  I  had  in  my  possession 
a  writ  of  habeas  corpus  for  one  of  his  prisoners. 

He  asked  to  see  it,  and  after  looking  it  over  in  a 
careless  sort  of  way,  said  : — 

"  All  right,  I  will  send  a  man  over  to  the  mines 
for  him."  So  saying,  he  called  one  of  his  deputies 
and  instructed  him  to  bring  the  man  from  the  mines 
to  the  stockades,  where,  after  securing  his  few  per- 
sonal effects,  he  should  be  turned  over  to  me. 

While  I  felt  in  my  own  mind  that  this  was  a  peculiar 
transaction,  yet,  being  ignorant  of  the  laws,  and  sup- 
posing that  the  warden  knew  what  he  was  doing,  I 
could  see  nothing  else  for  me  to  do  but  to  take  the 
prisoner  and  start  back,  and  to  avoid  delay  I  arranged 
with  the  owner  of  a  team  of  horses  and  a  lumlx'i- 
wagon,  to  take  the  prisoner  and  myself  across  coun- 


A  VISIT  TO  THE  INMAN  MINES         369 

try  from  Inman  to  Jasper,  the  county  seat,  where  I 
could  see  the  sheriff  and  place  the  prisoner  in  his  care. 

When  the  deputy  warden  started  for  the  mines  I 
asked  and  gained  permission  to  accompany  him. 

After  entering  the  mines  we  walked  a  long  distance 
in  a  stooping  position  before  reaching  the  gang  where 
our  man  was  working. 

About  four  out  of  five  of  these  convicts  were  negroes 
of  the  blackest  type,  and  I  should  judge  that  at  least 
three  hundred  of  those  miserable  creatures  were  there, 
all  working  in  a  stooping  position  from  morning  until 
night. 

The  ceilings  of  these  mines  were  too  low  to  permit 
a  man  to  stand  erect  and,  as  my  prisoner  afterwards 
told  me  of  the  cruelty  and  domineering  spirit  of  the 
overseers  in  keeping  them  almost  constantly  at  work, 
1  could  easily  understand  what  a  terrible  life  it  meant. 

The  stockades,  where  the  prisoners  w'ere  housed  and 
fed,  was  built  of  logs,  with  rough  looking  guards 
standing  at  each  corner. 

Upon  reaching  these  stockades  with  the  prisoner  I 
asked  permission  of  the  deputy  to  visit  the  inside. 

Thiis  was  granted  and  I  accompanied  the  prisoner 


370       JVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

to  a  large  room  where  at  least  two  hundred  of  the 
prisoners  slept  and  spent  their  spare  time. 

For  beds,  immense  ticks  made  of  what  was  once 
white  muslin,  but  was  now  black  with  dirt  and  filth 
and  stuffed  with  straw,  were  used. 

These  straw  ticks  were  each  large  enough  for  six 
or  eight  men  and,  as  my  prisoner  explained,  whites 
and  blacks  were  obliged  to  sleep  together.  He  him- 
self, a  refined,  educated  man,  had  more  than  once  slept 
with  a  black  negro  on  each  side  of  him,  and  at  no  time 
was  there  ever  such  a  thing  thought  of  as  cleaning  day. 

While  he  was  packing  his  scanty  effects  I  made  a 
pretty  thorough  investigation,  and  raising  one  of  the 
great  straw  ticks  about  two  feet  from  the  floor,  I 
was  almost  panic  stricken  with  the  sight  of  all  kinds 
of  vermin  scattering  in  every  direction. 

I  asked  the  prisoner  if  he  knew  of  this  condition  of 
affairs. 

"  Oh,  yes,"  he  replied,  "  but  we  don't  mind  a  little 
thing  like  that." 

While  the  prisoner  was  waiting  for  his  supper  I 
again  called  upon  the  warden  and  arranged  to  take 
supper  with  him, 


A  VISIT  TO  THE  INMAN  MINES         371 

As  I  paid  for  it,  I  presume  I  have  a  right  to  criti- 
cise it. 

My  prisoner  had  taken  time  to  explain  that  their 
diet,  three  meals  a  day.  the  year  round  consisted  of 
tainted  bacon  and  corn  cake,  neither  of  which  was 
ever  more  than  half  cooked. 

The  only  difference  between  the  meals  described 
by  the  prisoner  and  the  one  furnished  me  by  the  war- 
den, was  that  we  had  a  cup  of  weak  tea.  with  neither 
cream  nor  sugar;  butter  seemed  to  be  a  thing  unheard 
of  by  the  warden's  household. 

After  supper,  and  just  at  nightfall,  we  started  by 
team  across  country  to  Jasper,  and  a  more  interesting 
narrative  T  never  listened  to  than  that  of  the  prisoner 
relating  his  terrible  experiences  of  thirteen  years  of 
convict  life  in  Tennessee. 

He  had  been  convicted  of  robbery  and  murder,  but 
according  to  his  statement  he  had  shot  a  man  in  the 
heat  of  passion  and  had  no  tlioughts  of  robbery,  but 
was  sentenced  for  twenty-one  years. 

On  arriving  at  Jasper  I  took  the  prisoner  to  tlie 
hotel  and  left  him,  while  I  went  in  search  of  the  sheriff. 
On  explaining  to  him  what  I  had  done  he  laughed 
heartily  and  explained  that  I  had  no  rights  whatever 


372        JVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

to  the  possession  of  the  prisoner  and  that  the  warden 
had  no  aiith.ority  to  turn  him  over  to  me. 

However,  as  the  lihtnder  had  been  made  through 
ignorance,  he  said  he  would  ahow  me  to  go  on  to  Chat- 
tanooga the  next  morning  with  the  prisoner,  while  he 
would  go  over  to  Inman  with  the  papers  and  fix  up 
the  matter  with  the  warden  in  a  legal  way. 

This  plan  was  carried  out.  much  to  the  amusement 
of  my  lawyer  friend,  whose  client  gladly  paid  me  the 
twenty-five  dollars  and  expenses. 

This  little  experience  of  clearing  sixty-five  dollars 
in  three  days  in  a  strange  town  went  far  toward 
strengthening  ]\Irs.  Johnston's  lielief  that  come  what 
would.  I  would  always  be  able  to  provide  her  with 
three  meals  a  day  and  a  comfortable  bed. 

After  visiting  Lookout  Mountain  and  the  battlefield 
of  Chickamauga.  we  decided  to  return  north,  where, 
as  it  seemed  to  us,  money  was  more  plentiful  and  busi- 
ness more  brisk. 

Wc  had  two  different  towns  in  mind  of  which  we 
had  heard  a  great  deal  as  possible  coming  business 
points;  one  was  Lorain.  Ohio,  and  the  other  Mont- 
pelier,  Indiana. 


A  VISIT  TO  THE  IX MAN  MINES         373 

W't  decided  to  visit  Lorain  first,  and  if  prospects 
looked  favorable,  to  start  a  retail  jewelry  store. 

On  arriving  there  we  found  a  booming,  wide-awake 
town  with  not  a  store  room  to  be  had,  and  from  there 
went  to  Montpelier,  Indiana,  where  we  rented  a  fine 
store  room  in  a  good  location,  and  went  to  Chicago  to 
buy  stock. 

When  once  in  the  market  T  soon  saw  the  need  of 
more  money  than  we  had  in  order  to  carry  the  line  I 
desired,  and  took  a  run  to  LaPorte,  Indiana,  where  I 
had  an  interview  with  my  friend,  Robert  E.  Morrison, 
who  had  acted  as  my  assignee. 

I  explained  to  him  that  T  had  something  over  two 
thousand  dollars  in  cash,  but  needed  aonther  thousand 
to  start  the  kind  of  store  that  I  wanted  to  open  at 
Montpelier. 

"  W'ell,"  said  he,  "  of  course  I  can't  let  you  have  the 
bank's  money  unless  you  furnish  securitv,  but  I  will 
loan  you  a  thousand  dollars  from  mv  own  private 
funds."  This  he  did.  and  T  returned  to  Chicago  and 
made  my  purchases,  after  which  I  went  back  to  ^lont- 
pelier.  and  arranged  my  store  fixtures,  preparatory  to 
receiving  the  goods. 

As  soon  as  my  stock  arrived  I  called  upon  an  in- 


374       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

surance  agent  to  have  it  insured,  and  was  told  that  all 
the  insurance  companies  were  withdrawing  their  poli- 
cies in  Montpelier  because  the  town  had  no  fire  pro- 
tection, but  assured  me  that  within  a  space  of  three 
weeks'  time  everything  would  be  adjusted  so  that  he 
could  insure  it  for  me. 

This  was  on  Saturday,  and  the  very  next  night  at 
eleven  o'clock  the  fire  bells  rang  and  the  first  dis- 
covery I  made,  on  inquiring,  was  that  the  block  in 
which  was  my  store  had  been  almost  burned  to  the 
ground  before  a  single  efifort  had  been  made  to  save  it. 

This  town  being  a  natural  gas  and  oil  town,  there 
seemed  to  be  no  end  to  the  number  of  fires  there,  the 
result  of  which  was  that  die  insurance  companies  had 
quit  the  town. 

There  wasn't  a  dollar's  worth  of  any  of  my  goods 
saved ;  I  had  just  ninety  cents  in  my  pocket,  and  owed 
a  dray  bill  of  seven  dollars  and  a  half. 

But  I  didn't  sit  down  on  the  curbstone  and  cry  my 
eyes  out;  on  the  contrary,  I  just  looked  the  world  fairly 
and  squarely  in  the  face,  shook  hands  with  myself  and 
said : 

"  Well,  Mr.  Hard  I-uck,  here  T  am  again  readv  for 
another  round,"  and  then  I  thought  of  the  story  Vrr.i 


A  VISIT  TO  THE  IN  MAN  MINES         375 

Abraham  Lincoln  used  to  tell  of  the  boy  who  stubbed 
his  toe  and  said  it  hurt  too  much  to  laugh,  but  he  was 

too  d big  to  cry. 

The  next  morning  while  on  the  way  to  the  post- 
office  I  met  a  stranger  who  questioned  me  about  the 
fire,  and  my  loss,  and  then  said : 

"  By  the  way,  Mr.  Johnston,  according  to  your  book, 
you  used  to  be  an  auctioneer,"  and  then  he  asked  if  I 
could  still  sell  at  auction. 

I  replied  that  I  thought  I  could  if  I  had  anything  to 
sell. 

"  Well,"  said  he,  "  I  have  a  nice  lot  of  furniture  and 
have  two  friends  who  also  have  a  lot  of  furniture  to 
sell.  Why  can't  you  sell  it  for  us  to-day  here  on  the 
public  square  ?  " 

"  Certainly,"  I  answered.  "  Bring  it  out  and  I  will 
sell  it  on  commission  for  you." 

He  agreed  that  by  ten  o'clock  he  would  have  enough 
on  hand  for  a  big  sale. 

This  agreement  suggested  to  me  the  idea  of  possibly 
inducing  a  few  merchants  in  town  to  "  dig  up  "  a  lot 
of  remnants  and  shop-worn  goods  and  let  me  make 
an  auction  sale  of  them. 

Inside  of  twenty  minutes  T  had  m.ade  a  proposition  to 


^76        IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

one  of  the  leading  merchants,  who  readily  fell  in  with 
the  plan  and  agreed  to  furnish  a  good  big  lot  for  an 
outdoor  auction  sale. 

At  the  hotel  where  we  were  staying  was  a  bright 
young  man  of  about  twenty-h\e  years  of  age,  who 
had  been  stranded  in  the  town  by  the  collapse  of  a 
show  com])any  of  N\hich  he  was  a  member. 

1  knew  he  was  anxious  for  something  to  do,  and 
liired  him  to  assist  me,  agreeing  to  pay  him  two  dol- 
lars and  fifty  cents  per  day  as  long  as  1  had  business 
for  him. 

1  instructed  him  to  look  around  and  try  to  rent,  f<jr 
a  day  or  two,  three  or  four  long  tables,  to  Ije  placed 
in  the  square,  upon  which  we  could  place  the  different 
kinds  of  merchandise  furnished  by  the  dealers. 

While  he  was  searching  for  the  tables  1  was  making 
arrangements  with  other  merchants  for  more  shop- 
worn stock,  and  very  soon  had  the  promise  from  sev- 
eral to  furnish  all  they  could  find. 

By  the  time  1  returned  to  the  public  square  my  as- 
sistant had  half  a  dozen  long  tables  ready  to  receive 
the  merchandise. 

At  ten-thirty  I  began  the  sale  on  the  furniture  and 
met  with  the  most  flatterincr  success. 


A  VISIT  TO  THE  IX MAN  MINES         377 

During  the  day  one  person  after  another  came  to  me, 
each  explaining  that  he  had  a  horse,  cow,  pig  or  piece 
of  furniture  for  sale,  and  wanted  to  arrange  for  me 
to  sell  them. 

I,  of  course,  advised  them  to  bring  on  whatever 
they  had,  and  I  would  sell  it  on  commission. 

One  man  drove  up  with  a  wagon  load  of  bee-hives, 
and  said  he  had  deli^•ered  tliem  that  morning  to  a  man 
who  had  bargained  for  theiu,  but  who  failed  to  carry 
out  his  agreement  to  pay  cash  for  them,  and  he 
wanted  me  to  sell  them  for  him. 

I  explained  that  there  would  quite  likely  be  but  little, 
if  any,  demand  for  them,  and  I  didn't  care  to  waste 
my  time  on  them. 

At  this  he  produced  a  cheap,  gold  plated  watch  and 
said  he  would  give  it  to  me  for  attempting  the  sale, 
and  would  pay  me  my  regular  commission  besides, 
should  I  succeed. 

There  was  a  greater  demand  for  bee-hives  than  any- 
thing else  that  day.  and  we  had  no  trouble  in  closing 
them  out  at  a  good  price. 

Inside  of  thirty  minutes  after  disposing  of  them  a 
man  came  along  leading  a  big  sway-backed  horse. 


378       TyVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

I  asked  him  if  he  wanted  to  sell  the  animal  at  auc- 
tion. 

He  said  he  thought  not,  as  he  was  going  to  have  the 
hlacksmith  shoe  him  and  trade  him  off,  or  sell  him  at 
private  sale. 

I  showed  him  the  watch  that  the  bee-hive  man  had 
just  given  me,  and  asked  him  how  he  would  trade. 

I  asked  him  ten  dollars  to  boot,  and  he  offered  to 
trade  even. 

"  All  right,"  I  replied,  "  it's  a  go,"  and  he  took  the 
watch,  and  I  sent  the  horse  to  the  livery  barn  with 
instructions  to  haxe  him  clipped  and  shod. 

By  the  time  I  had  finished  closing  out  the  furniture, 
my  assistant  had  one  of  the  long  tables  filled  with 
goods  of  almost  every  kind  and  description. 

Every  few  moments  during  the  day,  I  would  explain 
to  the  crowds  that  I  would  be  there  all  the  week  clos- 
ing out  remnants  and  shop-worn  goods  belonging  to 
the  different  merchants,  and  invited  them  to  bring  any- 
thing they  had  to  sell,  and  I  would  close  it  out  on 
commission. 

I  woiuid  up  my  first  day's  business  with  fifty  dollars 
in  my  ])()cket,  after  having  paid  my  assistant  two  dol- 


A  VISIT  TO  THE  IN  MAN  MINES.         379 

lars   and   fifty   cents,    and   my   indebtedness   of   seven 
dollars  and  fifty  cents  to  the  drayman. 

Before  retiring  that  evening,  I  mailed  a  letter  to  a 
wholesale  firm  in  Chicago  ordering  an  assortm.ent  of 
Yankee  notions  to  be  sent  by  express  at  once. 

The  next  morning  opened  bright  and  pleasant  with 
a  good-sized  crowd  present,  and,  as  I  was  obliged  to 
confine  my  sales  principally  to  goods  belonging  to  mer- 
chants, business  was  by  no  means  as  brisk  as  tlie  previ- 
ous day. 

The  third  day,  after  we  had  begun  to  exhaust  our 
supply  of  shop-worn  goods,  people  began  bringing  in 
anything  and  everything  they  had  to  dispose  of — 
horses,  cows,  wagons,  harness,  pieces  of  furniture,  car- 
pets, rugs,  etc.,  etc.,  all  of  which  kept  my  assistant  and 
myself  pretty  busy. 

One  man  offered  a  light  spring  wagon  and  single 
harness  which  I  bid  in  myself,  and  immediately  set  a 
wagonmaker  to  work  arranging  it  into  an  auction 
wagon,  and  ordered  more  goods  to  be  sent  at  once, 
with  which  to  stock  it. 

My  order  of  Yankee  notions  arrived  Thursdav  even- 
ing, and  Friday  morning  T  was  out  upon  the  streets 


380        IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

supplying  the  people  with  Yankee  notions  galore  from 
a  dry  goods  box. 

Saturday  afternoon  I  appeared  upon  the  streets  with 
my  own  horse,  harness  and  wagon,  and  a  nice  assort- 
ment of  goods,  and  wound  up  the  week's  business  with 
this  outfit,  and  a  hundred  and  two  dollars  in  cash,  after 
paying  my  assistant  fifteen  dollars  for  his  salary  and 
every  penny  I  owed  in  the  town  besides. 

On  Saturday  evening  I  had  a  little  competition  in  my 
efforts  to  hold  the  crowd,  as  a  patent  medicine  doctor 
had  arrived  at  our  hotel  a  day  or  two  Ijefore  anc^  had 
advertised  a  great  Ijalloon  ascension  and  fireworks 
upon  the  street  the  coming  Saturday  evening,  and  at 
the  same  time  advertised  his  wonderful  restorative 
remedy. 

His  three-sheet  posters,  circulars  and  newspaper  no- 
tices attracted  large  crowds.  He  delivered  his  lecture 
from  a  two-seated  carriage,  and  he  announced  that  he 
would  be  at  the  hotel  all  the  next  week  making  a  free 
diagnosis  of  all  cases. 

He  would  mention  every  few  minutes  that  at  the 
'Mose  of  his  talk  he  would  give  a  display  of  fireworks 
and  the  liallonn  ascension  as  advertised. 

At  last,  when  he  lin-l  finished,  he  reached  down  into 


A  VISIT  TO  THE  IN  MAN  MINES 


:!81 


the  bottom  of  the  carriage,  and  producing  a  single  fire- 
cracker, hghted  it  and  held  it  in  his  fingers  until  it 
exploded :  then  said  with  a  smile.  "  This  concludes  our 
fireworks,"  and  picking  up  a  small  toy  balloon,  and 


"And  now  zve  zvill  have   the   balloon   ascension." 

holding  on  to  th.e  short  string,  said :     "  And  now  we 
will  have  the  balloon  ascension,"  and  let  it  go. 

Of  course  be  had  succeeded  in  holding  a  large  crowd 
till  the  close  of  his  talk,  but  how  he  could  expect  to 
gain  their  confidence  by  such  methods  was  more  than 
I  could  understand ;  however,  he  had  all  the  business 


382        JVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

he  could  take  care  of  for  a  week  or  ten  days,  as  I 
afterwards  heard. 

The  next  morning  (Sunday)  about  ten  o'clock  I 
called  upon  the  doctor  at  his  rooms,  and  learned  that 
he  had  already  had  several  callers,  and  while  talking 
with  him  a  rap  came  at  the  door,  and  with  alertness, 
the  doctor,  a  big,  burly  man  weighing  two  hundred  and 
fifty  pounds,  with  a  large,  red  mustache,  long,  sandy 
hair,  with  a  florid  complexion  and  brusque  manner, 
opened  the  door  and  courteously  invited  his  visitor  in- 
side. 

I,  of  course,  started  to  leave  the  room,  when  the  doc- 
tor urged  me  to  stay. 

I  quickly  perceived  that  he  was  overly  anxious  to 
have  me  see  his  quick  and  efficient  way  of  diagnosing 
cases  and  separating  people  from  their  money. 

The  caller  was  a  tall,  thin,  cadaverous  looking  man, 
with  immensely  long  hands  and  claw-like  fingers,  and 
scarcely  able  to  raise  his  feet  from  the  floor,  shuf- 
fled along  in  a  dazed  sort  of  way. 

Between  breaths,  in  a  thin,  piping  voice,  he  said : 

"  Good  morning,  doctor,  I  thought  I'd  come  in  and 
have  you  look  me  over  and  see  what  you  thought  of 
me." 


A  VISIT  TO  THE  IN  MAN  MINES         383 

With  a  single  bound,  the  doctor  pounced  upon  that 
poor,  frail  specimen  of  humanity  like  a  tiger  on  a  jay 
bird,  and  throwing  the  lapels  of  his  coat  back,  pounded 
the  poor  fellow  on  the  breast  with  sledge  hammer 
blows,  and  after  placing  his  ear  down  against  the  fel- 
low's vest,  as  if  listening  to  his  breathing,  raised  up 
and  said  in  his  intensely  brusque  w-ay  and  lion-like 
voice :  "  Let  me  see  your  tongue,"  and  then  gouging 
his  thumb  and  fingers  into  his  eyes,  pulled  the  lids 
down,  and  shouted  at  the  top  of  his  voice : 

"  I  can  cure  you,  sir,  I  can  cure  you  if  you  will  take 
my  medicine,  but  I  can't  cure  you  if  you  set  it  on  the 
clock  shelf  and  leave  it  there." 

"  How  much  will  it  cost,  doctor?"  came  the  weak, 
frail,  piping  voice. 

Grabbing  up  a  tablet  and  pencil,  the  doctor  stood 
erect,  figuring  away  for  possibly  a  half  minute,  when 
he  shouted : 

"  It  will  cost  you  eighty-four  dollars  and  ninety-six 
cents  for  medicine  enough  to  last  you  as  long  as  you 
live." 

"  Great  Heavens !  "  piped  the  victim,  "  I  can't  af- 
ford that." 

"  All  right,"  yelled  the  doctor,  "  then  go  home  and 


'It  will  cost  you  eighty-four  dollars  and  ni. 


lie fy -six  cents. 


A  VISIT  TO  THE  IX MAX  MIXES         385 

die — go  home  and  die."  And  opening  the  door  as  if 
the  parlors  were  filled  with  waiting  people,  again  yelled 
at  the  top  of  his  voice,  "  Next,  Next?  " 

By  this  time  the  poor  invalid  had  about  collapsed, 
but  still  had  life  enough  to  say : 

"  Doctor,  did  you  say  that  that  would  give  me  medi- 
cine enough  to  last  me  a  lifetime?  " 

"  Yes,  sir,"  shouted  the  doctor. 

"  Well,"  ventured  the  patient,  "  unless  you  give 
quality  instead  of  quantity,  any  man  ought  to  live  a 
good  many  years  to  get  his  money's  worth  at  that 
price"  and  then  asked,  "  Doctor,  what  is  the  trouble 
with  me?  " 

This  question  seemed  tc  stagger  the  doctor  for  a 
moment,  as  evidently  from  his  flustered  manner  he 
had  not  yet  given  the  subject  any  thought,  but  with 
rare  presence  of  mind  said  : 

"  Well,  sir,  you  have  '  plumpetous.'  " 

"  Plumpetous,  plumpetous;  w^hat's  that,  doctor?" 

"  Well,"  yelled  the  doctor,  in  a  flurried  sort  of  w'ay, 
"  your  heart  is  in  the  wrong  place." 

An  instant  later  the  poor  consumptive  raised  quietly 
from  his  chair,  dragged  along  till  he  got  to  the  door, 
and  after  opening  it  wide  enough  so  that  he  evidentlv 


386        IVHJT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

felt  confident  of  making  his  escape,  turned  to  the  doc- 
tor and  piped  out : 

"  Doctor,  I  suppose  if  I'd  leave  you  my  pocketbook, 
my  heart  would  be  in  the  right  place,  wouldn't  it?" 
and  passed  out. 

As  the  door  closed,  the  doctor,  with  a  silly,  depress- 
ing sort  of  look,  said : 

"  The  d fool." 


A  FRIEND  IN  NEED  387 


CHAPTER  XXL 

A  Friend  in  Need  was  Friend  Indeed — A  Few  Sugges- 
tions— Our  Departure  With  the  Sway-back  Horse 
and  Auction  Wagon — A  Breakdown  and  a  Back-up — 
How  We  Surprised  a  Blacksmith — Mrs.  Johnston's 
Departure  for  Chicago — I  Continue  Through  Indiana 
— An  Early  Morning  Sale — How  I  Surprised  the  Na- 
tives— How  the  Natives  Fooled  Me — Six  Auction 
Sales  in  One  Day — Decided  to  go  Into  the  Optical 
Business — How  I  Went  About  It — The  Meeting  of  a 
Former  Protege — A  Few  Remarks  About  Moralizing. 

The  Monday  after  the  fire  which  burned  up  my  stock 
of  goods  in  Montpelier,  I  sent  my  mother  one  of  the 
daily  papers  containing  an  account  of  my  total  loss, 
and  the  following  Monday  I  received  a  letter  from  her 
containing  a  draft  for  one  hundred  dollars,  as  a  loan, 
until  I  could  get  on  my  feet. 

This,  although  too  late  to  catch  me  "  ofif  my  feet," 
was  nevertheless  a  touching  incident  of  my  life,  as  it 
was  the  first  time  in  many  a  moon  that  she  had 
"  thawed  out,"  yet  it  was  a  splendid  demonstration  of 
the  truth  of  the  old  adage,  "  A  friend  in  need  is  a 
friend  indeed,"  and  that  a  mother's  love  never  forsakes 
her  child. 


388        IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

In  my  earlier  experiences  I  could  scarcely  understand 
how  or  why  she  had  l3een  so  persistent  in  refusing 
me  aid,  and  in  trying  to  influence  my  stepfather,  Mr. 
Keefer,  to  desist  from  loaning  me  money  when  I  would 
arrive  home  broke,  and  explain  "  just  how  it  all  hap- 
pened." 

In  later  years,  when  I  had  become  the  father  of  a 
son  growing"  to  manhood,  and  whom  many  people 
declared  was  a  "  chip  off  of  the  old  block,"  I  began 
to  change  my  opinion  and  see  things  differently,  and 
realized  that  my  mother's  head  had  been  pretty  level 
all  these  years. 

Her  idea  was  that  to  ascertain  the  true  metal  of  the 
boy  it  was  necessary  to  put  him  absolutely  on  his  own 
resources;  that  to  hand  out  money  to  him  whenever  he 
was  in  need  of  funds  was  making  life  too  easy  for 
him. 

I  now  believe,  with  her,  that  almost  every  indolent 
man  has  more  or  less  latent  energy,  which  if  properly 
handled  at  the  proper  time,  could  be  brought  out  and 
developed,  making  a  more  stirring,  enterprising  per- 
son. 

Making  things  too  easy  for  him  has  been  the  down- 
fall of  many  a  young  man. 


'AT  FiRoT   THOUGHT   THAT    ONE   OF  THEM    AIRE   AUTOMOBILES  HE'D 
BEEN  READIN  ABOUT,  HAD  ARRIVED". 


A  FRIEND  IN  NEED  38'.) 

An  observation  that  I  have  made  during  my  many 
years'  experience  with  human  nature  is  that  it  is  not 
always  the  boy  at  the  head  of  the  class  who  *'  turns 
the  world  over."  It  is  too  often  the  case  that  these 
bright,  intellectual  youngsters,  who  mature  so  early, 
are  very  apt  to  decay  correspondingly  early,  while  the 
boy  with  the  abnormally  large  head  and  undeveloped 
brain  is  slow  to  grasp  things  generally,  and  to  master 
his  studies,  but  is  nevertheless  slowly  but  constantly 
growing  until  he  develops  into  the  hard-headed,  broad- 
gauged,  successful  man. 

When  ready  to  leave  Montpelier  with  the  old  sw'ay- 
back  horse  and  auction  wagon,  I  explained  to  Mrs. 
Johnston  that  in  order  to  carry  our  goods  and  baggage 
it  would  be  necessary  to  place  the  seat  on  the  front  of 
the  wagon,  with  our  feet  hanging  over  the  dashboard, 
regular  peddler's  style,  and  suggested  that  she  had 
better  go  to  her  folks  in  Chicago  for  a  few  weeks  until 
I  could  make  a  few  trades  and  procure  a  better  and 
more  up-to-date  outfit. 

This  she  indignantly  refused  to  do,  saying  that  what 
was  good  enough  for  me  was  good  enough  for  her, 
and  that  all  that  was  needed  was  a  lap  blanket,  and 


390        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

that  her  place  was  with  me,  and  there  she  would  stick 
as  long  as  her  health  permitted. 

When  ready  to  start,  sure  enough  she  was  equal  to 
the  occasion,  and  took  her  seat  by  my  side,  as  de- 
scribed, and  without  a  falter  or  a  murmur. 

A  few  miles  out  of  Montpelier,  at  the  foot  of  a  steep 
hill,  we  came  to  a  blacksmith  shop,  the  double  doors  of 
which  were  thrown  wide  open. 

After  passing  the  shop  and  almost  at  the  top  of  the 
hill  the  iron  clip  that  held  one  side  of  the  shafts  broke, 
letting  that  side  of  the  shaft  fall  to  the  ground. 

The  moment  the  wagon  lurched,  the  other  clip  also 
broke,  and  the  wagon  immediately  began  backing  down 
hill. 

I  instantly  let  go  of  the  reins,  leaving  the  old  horse 
and  the  shafts  in  the  middle  of  the  road,  and  in  no 
time  we  were  backing  down  that  hill  at  a  terrific  speed. 

Just  as  we  reached  the  front  of  the  blacksmith  shop, 
one  of  the  wheels  struck  a  small  rock,  causing  the 
wagon  to  turn  quickly,  and  the  next  instant  we  had 
landed  with  a  crash,  "  right  side  up,  with  care,"  in  that 
old  blacksmith  shop. 

The  proprietor,  who  was  busy  in  the  rear  at  the 


A  FRIEND  IN  NEED  391 

time,  said  that  he  first  thought  that  "  one  of  them  aire 
automobiles  "  he'd  been  readin'  aljout  had  arrived. 

The  blacksmith's  Ijoy  went  after  the  horse  and  shafts 
and  Mrs.  Johnston  and  I  remained  in  the  wagon  until 
the  blacksmith  had  repaired  the  clips,  when  the  boy 
hitched  up  the  old  horse  and  we  made  a  new^  start. 

My  business  was  fairly  successful,  but  nothing  to 
boast  of. 

We  had  laid  out  a  route  through  the  gas  belt  and 
had  ordered  goods  sent  ahead,  but  the  terrible  odor 
of  gas  was  so  prevalent  as  to  cause  Mrs.  Johnston  much 
suffering  from  nausea,  and  at  the  expiration  of  two 
weeks  she  concluded  to  return  to  her  folks  in  Chicago, 
where  she  would  be  able  to  place  herself  under  the  care 
of  a  competent  physician. 

I  continued  on,  visiting  one  town  after  another,  and 
bantered  every  man  I  met  for  a  horse  trade,  but  not  a 
Hoosier  could  I  find  that  was  on  the  sw^ip. 

The  roads  in  central  Indiana  were  all  macadamized, 
and  I  soon  discovered  that  my  old  horse  was  capable  of 
making  exactly  six  miles  an  hour,  no  more,  and  no 
less. 

In  a  small  town  where  I  stopped  over  night  the 
heat  was  so  intense  and  mosquitoes  so  annoying  that 


392        JVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

I  arose  at  three  o'clock  in  the  morning  and  started  for 
my  next  town,  a  distance  ot  twelve  miles. 

When  I  reached  there,  the  town  was  filled  with  the 
teams  of  farmers,  possibly  twenty-five  or  more  being 
strung  along  at  the  hitching  posts. 

I  immediately  removed  my  baggage  to  the  sidewalk, 
and  mounting  the  wagon  with  my  auction  bell  in  hand, 
stood  up  and  drove  about  the  town  ringing  the  bell 
and  yelling  at  the  top  of  my  voice : 

"  /\uction  !  Auction !  on  the  ]\Iain  street !  Every- 
body come  a  running !  Come  out !  Come  out !  Every- 
body come  out !  " 

In  a  jiffy  windows  were  being  raised,  and  doors 
thrown  open  in  every  house,  and  people  invariably  ap- 
peared in  their  sleeping  attire ;  everyone  seemed  excited 
and  disgusted  and  at  a  loss  to  understand  what  was 
going  on,  but  they  understood  me  about  as  well  as  I 
understood  them,  as  it  was  a  mystery  to  me  why  they 
should  not  be  dressed  like  other  people  and  up  and 
doing  business. 

As  I  drove  back  on  Main  street,  and  was  about  to 
open  my  sale  to  a  crowd  of  farmers,  who  had  gathered, 
I  asked  what  class  of  people  they  had  in  that  town  and 


A  FRIEND  IN  NEED  393 

why  they  should  not  be  up  and  dressed  Hke  other 
folks. 

In  answer  to  my  question,  one  of  the  men  remarked 
that  most  of  them  were  in  the  habit  of  sleeping  nights, 
and  not  accustomed  to  being  called  up  in  the  midst  of 
their  slumbers  to  attend  an  auction  sale. 

''But."' I  replied,  "this  isn't  night,  is  it?" 

"  Well,  not  far  from  it.'"  he  replied,  "  as  it's  only  a 
little  after  five  o'clock  in  the  morning." 

I  could  scarcely  believe  it.  and  didn't  until  I  looked 
at  my  watch,  and  then  asked  how  it  happened  that  so 
many  farmers  were  out  so  early  in  the  morning. 

One  of  them  explained  that  during  that  season  of 
the  year  they  came  to  market  when  it  was  cool  in  the 
morning,  and  returned  home  in  time  to  put  in  :i  full 
day's  work. 

Xot  accustomed  to  rising  so  early,  and  the  sun  ap- 
pearing so  high.  I  was  sure,  when  I  started  out  "  !)alla- 
hooing  "  the  town,  that  the  forenoon  was  half  gone. 

Before  I  had  finished  my  sale,  many  men  and  a  feu- 
women  residents  of  the  town  had  appeared,  half  clad, 
with  frowzy  hair  and  a  disturbed,  sleepy  appearance, 
half  of  them  yawning  and  stretching  their  arms  and 
f.ome  of  tb.em  cursing  the  man  who  had  gall  enough 


394        IVHAl^  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

to  open  a  street  auction  in  the  middle  of  the  night  with- 
out leave  or  license. 

The  farmers  were  good  buyers,  and  when  J  had 
finished  my  early  morning  sale  I  had  been  well  re- 
warded for  my  efforts,  and  had  learned  that  five  o'clock 
in  the  morning  was  the  time  to  reach  the  farmers  at 
that  season  of  the  year,  and  thereafter  I  was  one  of 
the  "  early  birds  "  on  that  trip  through  Indiana,  and 
never  failed  on  a  pleasant  morning  to  have  a  nice  sale 
before  breakfast. 

On  the  day  of  my  first  early  morning  sale  I  made  six 
sales  altogether,  in  as  many  different  towns. 

As  I  was  about  to  close  my  sale  at  eleven  o'clock 
that  night,  an  old-time  Chicago  optician  drove  up  with 
a  horse  and  buggy,  near  where  I  was  selling,  and  asked 
if  I  wasn't  J.  P.  Johnston.     I  replied  that  I  was. 

With  much  surprise,  he  asked  how  in  the  world  it 
happened  that  I  was  traveling  about  in  that  business, 
as  he  supposed  I  was  in  Chicago  and  worth  possibly  a 
million  dollars,  if  not  more. 

T  replied  that  it  was  easily  explained,  but  would  take 
a  little  more  time  than  I  had  to  spare  just  then. 

He  put  up  at  the  same  hotel  that  T  did  that  night, 


A  FRIEND  IN  NEED  395 

and  told  me  of  the  fine  success  he  has  having  fitting 
glasses  among  the  farmers. 

I  could  scarcely  comprehend  how  an  entire  stranger 
could  accomplish  so  much  in  a  community  where  local 
opticians  were  so  numerous,  and  at  once  decided  to 
close  out  my  auction  business  and  make  the  optical 
business  a  specialty. 

I  had  always  taken  an  interest  in  the  business  and 
had  taken  a  course  in  a  leading  Ophthalmic  Institute  of 
Chicago,  and  felt  that  with  practical  work  and  a  little 
time  spent  in  brushing  up  on  new  methods  and  sys- 
tems, I  could  make  the  work  a  grand  success,  and  it 
would  be  something  with  which  I  could,  some  day, 
locate  permanently  in  some  large  city  and  establish 
a  fine  business. 

From  the  little  town  where  I  had  met  my  optician 
friend  I  made  my  way  into  Illinois,  making  my  first 
stop  at  St.  Anne. 

From  there  I  went  to  Chicago  by  train,  leaving  my 
horse  and  wagon  and  auction  stock  in  the  care  of  a 
liveryman. 

I  purchased  a  nice  stock  of  optical  goods  and  an 
outfit  for  testing  eyes,  and  after  buying  a  new  Prince 
Albert  coat  and  a  plug  hat  returned  to  St.  Anne. 


396       IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

I  hired  a  well  known  man  there  to  make  a  few  trips 
in  the  country  to  introduce  me,  using  my  old  horse  and 
a  hired  light  buggy  as  a  conveyance,  wearing  my  new 
coat  and  hat  as  a  professional  proposition,  and  return- 
ing at  evening,  would  don  my  sack  coat  and  Stetson 
slouch  hat  and  driving  out  upon  the  street,  with  two 
big  gasoline  lamps,  would  make  auction  sales. 

The  first  day  I  cleared  fourteen  dollars  selling  spec- 
tacles, the  second  day,  nine  dollars,  and  the  third, 
twenty-six,  and  so  on,  and  also  met  with  very  good 
success  at  auctioneering,  evenings  and  Saturdays. 

I  kept  the  combination  up  long  enough  to  demon- 
strate that  the  optical  business  was  all  right,  w^hen  I 
determined  to  close  out  the  notions,  as  the  combined 
work  was  more  than  any  one  man  could  endure  physi- 
cally. 

My  last  sale  of  notions  was  at  Lowell,  Indiana,  just 
across  the  state  line  of  Indiana  and  Illinois. 

Twenty-five  years  before  this  I  had  stopped  four 
weeks  in  this  little  town  selling  government  goods,  such 
as  guns,  saddles,  harness,  and  soldiers'  clothes  that  the 
government  had  had  left  over  after  the  war. 

Along  with  my  notions  T  had  kept  in  stock  a  supply 
of  my  book.  "  Twenty  Years  of  Hus'ling,"  of  which  I 


A  FRIEND  IN  NEED  397 

sold  a  large  number,  and  that  evening  the  moment  I 
introduced  the  book  to  a  large  croAvd,  and  mentioned 
that  I  was  the  man  who  wrote  it,  a  bright  faced,  well 
dressed  gentleman  stepped  forward,  and  said : 

"  Were  you  ever  in  this  town  before  ?  " 

"  Yes,  sir,"  I  replied,  "  i  was  here  twenty-five  years 
ago  and  made  a  sale  of  government  goods,  and  stayed 
at  a  hotel  that  used  to  stand  right  over  there,"  point- 
ing to  the  place. 

"  That's  right."  said  he,  "  and  at  that  time  I  was  a 
boy  about  eight  years  of  age,  without  parents,  or  a 
home,  and  when  you  found  this  out  you  asked  me  why 
I  didn't  get  a  shoe  blackinj^  outfit,  and  shine  the  travel- 
ing men's  shoes  as  they  would  come  and  go,  and  when 
I  told  you  that  I  had  no  money  to  buy  it  with,  you  gave 
me  the  necessary  amount,  and  then  gave  me " 

"  Ten  cents,"  I  interrupted,  "  to  shine  my  shoes  " 
(as  I  distinctly  recalled  the  incident). 

"  Yes,  sir,"  said  he,  "  and  that  w^as  the  first  ten  cents 
I  had  ever  earned,  and  from  that  minute  I  have  always 
supported  myself,  and  I  want  to  shake  you  by  the 
hand. 

He  then  explained  that  he  had  read  my  book,  in 
which  I  had  narrated  my  experience  of  selling  govern- 


398        JVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

ment  goods,  and  of  my  visit  to  Lowell,  and  he  had 
many  times  related  the  incident  of  his  first  start  in 
business,  and  that  the  moment  I  mentioned  being  the 
author  of  the  book,  he  didn't  feel  that  he  could  wait 
until  after  my  sale  to  speak  of  the  episode. 

He  further  explained  that  he  had  a  wife  and  family 
and  owned  a  home  in  Lowell,  and  had  been  for  years 
a  traveling  representative  for  a  large  wholesale  es- 
tablishment of  Chicago,  with  an  advance  of  salary  at 
regular  intervals. 

During  all  of  my  many  •  years'  experience  1  have 
never  failed  to  take  more  or  less  interest  in  boys  and 
youngsters  with  whom  I  have  come  in  contact,  espe- 
cially those  W'ho  were  out  of  money  and  position,  and 
who  have  ambition  enough  to  want  to  do  something 
for  themselves,  and  in  this  connection,  without  wishing 
to  flatter  myself,  I  have  the  satisfaction  of  knowing 
that  of  the  many  youngsters  whom  I  have  taken  more 
or  less  interest,  in  starting  out,  either  as  an  employe, 
or  with  a  small  financial  backing,  or  a  few  suggestions, 
not  a  single  one  that  I  know  of  has  failed  to  do  well 
and  several  that  1  know  of  are  now  better  fixed  for  this 
world's  goods  than  myself. 

One  of   my   mottoes   is,    and   always   has  been,    no 


A  FRIEND  IN  NEED  399 

matter  how  awkward,  or  stupid,  or  dull  a  boy  is,  never 
to  hint  or  suggest  to  him  that  he  is  other  than  a  bright, 
interesting  chap  with  a  splendid  prospect  for  the  fu- 
ture. 

Another  thing  I  always  avoided  was  too  much  moral- 
izing. I  believe  that  parents  are  apt  to  moralize  too 
much  with  their  children,  especially  with  their  sons. 

The  sort  of  man  that  a  boy  likes  to  come  in  contact 
with  is  a  practical,  worldly  man ;  and  almost  any  boy 
will  listen  to  advice  given  by  such  a  man,  whereas  he 
would  regard  the  advice  of  the  moralist  as  a  sort  of 
every-day,    matter-of-fact    proposition. 

The  average  boy  would  likely  heed  the  advice  of  the 
man  who  would  agree  with  the  noted  Hoosier  poet,  J. 
\Miitcomb  Riley,  in  one  of  the  verses  of  his  noted 
poem,  "  An  Old  Sweetheart  of  ]\Iine,"  where  he  says: 

"  In  fact  to  speak  in  earnest,  I  believe  it  adds  a  charm. 
To  spice  the  good  a  trifle  with  a  little  dust  of  harm." 

My  observation  is  that  the  lx)y  who  is,  and  always 
has  been,  so  very  susceptible  to  strictly  moral  advice, 
is  likely  to  turn  out  to  be  one  of  those  "  mamma's 
boys "  of  the  real  goody-goody  kind — the  namby- 
pamby  sort  of  man,  whose  stock  in  trade  is  morality. 


400        fVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

and  who  usually  keeps  his  friends  busy  watching  his 
various  sides. 

Teach  your  boy  to  keep  the  truth  on  his  side,  to  be 
can(Hd,  sincere,  energetic  and  upright  in  his  deahngs, 
Ijut  to  always  dri\e  a  shrewd  bargain  for  the  money 
there  is  in  it,  and  not  to  do  business  for  glory. 

Teach  him  good  manners  (table  manners  above  all), 
and  to  be  gentlemanly,  obliging  and  courteous,  but 
don't  moralize  too  much  with  him ;  don't  try  to  make 
him  too  good. 

Should  Ite,  in  your  presence,  or  should  you  hear  of 
his  violating  the  fourth  commandment,  don't  take  him 
to  task  about  it  right  on  the  spur  of  the  moment,  as 
though  you  expected  to  see  him  land  head  foremost 
into  Hades  for  his  terrible  sin,  but  watch  for  an  op- 
portunity to  let  him  know  in  an  indirect  w^ay  that  you 
do  not  approve  of  such  things;  impress  him  with  the 
idea  that  you  expect  him,  with  his  superior  miml,  to 
fall  in  W'ith  your  ideas,  without  attempting  to  frighten 
him  into  it. 

Should  you  by  accident  find  him  while  in  the  act  of 
imbibing  in  a  social  drink,  you  better  ask  him  to  take 
one  with  you  than  reprimand  him  on  the  spot  or  show^ 
the  sli2:htest  concern  about  the  matter,  and  then  watch 


A  FRIEND  IN  NEED  401 

for  the  favorable  opportunity  to  show  him  indirectly 
yonr  view  of  the  matter. 

As  soon  as  your  boy  is  able  to  understand  tell 
him  that  no  matter  what  sort  of  trouble  he  might  get 
into,  you  want  him  to  come  to  you  first,  and  tell  you 
all  about  it,  and  if  he  ever  does  so,  don't  reprimand 
him,  but  sympathize  with  him  and  show  an  interest  in 
trying  to  help  him  out,  no  matter  what  he  has  done, 
and  then  ^^■atch  for  the  favorable  opportunity. 

Make  him  know  that  you  are  his  friend,  as  well  as 
his  father,  and  a  better  friend  than  any  other  he  has; 
get  his  confidence  and  keep  it,  point  out  his  mistakes, 
but  don't  moralize. 

Teach  him  that  no  matter  how  many  times  in  life 
he  may  become  financially  embarrassed  or  poverty 
stricken,  never  to  use  the  expression,  "  I  am  a  poor 
man  "' ;  tell  him  that  if  he  ever  gets  a  family  and  should 
be  poorer  than  "  Job's  turkey,"  never  to  allow  a  mem- 
ber of  his  family  to  use  the  expression,  "  we  are  a  poor 
family." 

This  acknowledgment,  in  my  estimation,  is  enough 
to  keep  any  family  "  threadbare  "  all  the  balance  of 
their  lives. 

I  might  be  "  broke  '"  or  financially  stranded  forty 


402        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

times  a  year,  and  have  no  hesitancy  in  saying  so,  but 
never  would  I  acknowledge  that  I  was  a  "poor  man." 

Good  health,  with  a  whole  hat,  and  a  whole  pair  of 
shoes,  a  presentable  suit  of  clothes,  clean  linen  and 
sufficient  soap  and  water  to  take  a  bath  and  keep  my 
face  clean,  and  I  should  never  feel  that  I  was  a  "  poor 
man,"  though  I  hadn't  a  cent  on  earth. 

Never  suggest  to  any  boy  that  you  doubt  his  ability 
to  succeed  in  life :  on  the  contrary,  even  at  the  risk  of 
stretching  your  conscience  a  little,  you  had  better  try 
and  encourage  him  with  the  idea  that  his  future  looks 
bright. 

If  your  boy  is  unruly,  punish  him  by  shaming  him ; 
if  he  has  no  pride  and  can't  be  shamed,  then  he  has 
no  manhood,  and  is  to  be  pitied. 


-J^tii'^J^ 


OPTICAL  BUSINESS  A  SUCCESS  403 


CHAPTER  XXII. 

Closing-  Out  the  Auction  Stock — Embarking  in  the  Ex- 
clusive Optical  Business — Back  to  LaPorte,  Indiana — 
A  Trip  to  Ohio — The  Optical  Business  a  Success — A 
Few  Amusmg  Incidents — Dealing  With  a  Few  Pre- 
varicators— The  Difference  Between  a  Liar  and  a  Pre- 
varicator— The  Coal  Dealer  and  His  Hundred  Dollar 
Bill. 

After  closing  out  my  auction  stock  at  Lowell.  In- 
diana, I  traded  my  wagon  for  a  light  buggy  and  em- 
barked in  the  exclusive  optical  business  and  headed 
for  LaPorte,  Indiana,  where  I  rented  a  suite  of  rooms 
for  light  housekeeping  and,  after  furnishing  them, 
sent  for  Mrs.  Johnston. 

Her  health  was  now  very  poor,  and  we  w^ere  anx- 
ious to  place  her  under  the  care  of  Dr.  Fahnstock,  who 
had  previously  done  more  for  her  than  any  other  phy- 
sician. 

During  the  remainder  of  the  summer  I  fitted  many 
people  in  and  around  LaPorte  with  glasses,  although 
I  was  obliged  to  devote  a  great  portion  of  my  time 
to  the  care  of  Mrs.  Johnston. 

I   still   owed   my   friend.    Robert   E.   Morrison,   the 


404        IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

thousand  dollars  borrowed  money,  the  interest  on 
which  1  had  kept  up,  but  was  thus  far  unable  to  do 
more. 

This  being  the  year  that  Bryan  and  McKinley  ran 
for  the  presidency,  I  found  considerable  amusement 
from  time  to  time  in  making  curbstone  talks  in  favor 
of  McKinley. 

The  Bryanites  were  always  demanding  more  silver, 
and  one  day,  noticing  a  large  crowd  congregated  on 
a  corner  and  knowing  that  they  were  talking  politics, 
I  elbowed  my  way  in,  thinking  1  would  take  a  hand  in 
the  controversy  myself. 

When  I  had  almost  reached  the  men  who  were  doing 
the  talking  I  happened  to  glance  down  at  the  ground 
and  noticed  a  silver  dime  lying  there  with  dried  mud 
on  it  and  slightly  bent  from  having  been  stepped  on. 

Without  picking  it  up  or  paying  the  slightest  atten- 
tion to  it,  I  entered  into  the  argument  and  finally  said : 

"  You  Democrats  are  all  the  time  howling  for  more 
silver.  Your  continual  cry  is  for  more  silver,  more 
silver,  when  the  truth  is,  there  is  too  much  silver 
now;  in  fact  there  is  so  much  of  it  that  T  have  no 
trouble  in  finding  silver  money  lying  around  on  the. 
streets  almost  any  place." 


OPTICAL  BUSINESS  A  SUCCESS         405 

At  this  statement  the  whole  crowd  yelled  and 
laughed  vigorously.     I  then  said : 

"  I  will  bet  any  silverite  a  dollar,  and  put  up  the 
Phoney,  that  I  can  start  out  right  where  I  now  stand, 
and  before  1  reach  the  next  corner  I  will  find  lying 
on  the  ground  one  or  more  pieces  of  silver  money,  with 
the  mud  dried  on  it  and  bent  and  battered,  where  you 
fellows  have  been  walking  over  it." 

No  sooner  had  I  made  this  statement  than  several 
men  said,  "  Oh,  that's  a  blufif,  you  know  you  wouldn't 
make  that  bet." 

"  But,"  I  insisted,  "  here  is  my  money ;  who  wants 
to  bet?  " 

In  a  jiffy  six  men  each  had  a  dollar  up,  and  T  took 
them  all  in  and  put  the  money  in  the  hands  of  a  by- 
stander. 

I  then  said,  "  Now.  gentlemen,  everyone  step  back 
and  let  me  do  the  looking."  As  they  did  so  I  turned 
around  and.  looking  about  me  for  a  moment,  pointed 
to  the  ground  and  said : 

"There!  What's  that  lying  there  but  a  silver 
dime?  " 

I  picked  it  up  \\ith  a  piece  of  dry  mud  still  sticking 
to  it,  and  badly  bent.     Another  shout  went  up  as  the 


40G        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

stakeholder  passed  the  twelve  dollars  to  me,  six  of 
which  were  my  winnings,  and  were  the  more  appre- 
ciated because  they  were  all  good  Democratic  silver 
dollars  and  helped  out  on  a  poor  day's  optical  busi- 
ness. 

When  winter  set  in  Mrs.  Johnston's  health  was 
greatly  improved,  and  as  I  had  heard  that  business 
was  1>etter  in  Ohio  than  in  any  other  state  I  became 
anxious  to  go  there,  but  on  account  of  having  been 
handicapped  by  Mrs.  Johnston's  sickness  I  was  in 
need  of  more  cash  than  I  had,  and  immediately  called 
upon  Mr.  Morrison  and  said : 

"  Rob,  I  owe  you  a  thousand  dollars,  which  I  am 
sure  I  will  be  able  to  pay  now  that  Mrs.  Johnston's 
health  is  much  improved,  and  as  one  good  turn  de- 
serves another,  1  want  you  to  let  me  have  another 
hundred  dollars,  so  I  can  go  down  in  Ohio  to  work, 
where  they  tell  me  times  are  good." 

"All  right,  J.  P.,"  said  Rob;  "here  is  a  hundred, 
and  if  anything  serious  happens  you,  wire  me." 

The  principal  part  of  this  hundred  dollars  was  soon 
spent  in  paying  up  a  few  small  accounts  and  making 
a  few  necessary  purchases,  and  the  following  Monday 
morning  we  started  for  Holgate,  Ohio,  arriving  there 


OPTICAL  BUSINESS  A  SUCCESS         407 

at  four  o'clock  in  the  afternoon,  with  one  dollar  and 
fifty  cents  in  cash,  but  with  a  fine  stock  of  optical 
goods. 

My  first  arrangements  were  with  the  proprietor  of 
the  hotel,  to  provide  us  with  a  comfortable  room  and 
board  for  not  less  than  three  weeks,  after  which  we 
settled  down  for  the  night. 

The  next  morning  we  were  up  at  six  thirty,  making 
ready  for  me  to  start  out  on  a  house  to  house  canvass. 

When  Mrs.  Johnston  raised  the  window  curtain 
that  morning  and  saw  without  a  raging  snowstorm, 
with  snowdrifts  several  feet  high  in  places,  she  said : 

"  Horrors !  Look  outside ;  you  will  not  be  able  to 
do  a  thing  to-day." 

"  Indeed  I  will,"  I  replied ;  "  this  is  just  the  day  to 
find  everyone  at  home,  and  eight  o'clock  will  find  me 
kicking  my  way  through  those  snow  banks  in  search 
of  some  one  in  need  of  spectacles."  And,  sure  enough, 
at  eight  o'clock  I  was  out  and  after  them  in  hot  pur- 
suit, even  though  on  a  cold,  blustering,  stormy  day, 
and  succeeded  in  taking  twelve  dollars  at  the  very 
first  house  at  which  I  called. 

I  spent  the  entire  forenoon  in  two  houses,  and  re- 
turned to  the  hotel  for  dinner  with  twenty-two  dollars 


408       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

in  cash,  and  did  nine  dollars'  worth  of  business  in  the 
afternoon. 

I  remained  in  this  little  town  for  six  weeks  and  had  a 
nice  business  every  day. 

In  our  opinion  the  proper  way  to  conduct  an  optical 
business  on  the  road  was  to  engage  suitable  rooms  at 
the  hotel  and  advertise  extensively  and  have  the  people 
come  to  us,  rather  than  for  me  to  go  to  them,  but.  as 
it  required  considerable  money  back  of  such  a  propo- 
sition, and  there  being  more  or  less  risk  in  it,  we  felt 
that  until  we  could  pay  up  our  indebtedness  to  Mr. 
Morrison  and  my  mother  we  had  better  continue  on  a 
sure  footing,  and  therefore  decided  to  stick  to  the 
small  towns  and  to  the  house  to  house  canvas  for  the 
time  being. 

Ohio  proved  just  what  it  had  been  represented  to 
me ;  business  of  all  kinds  was  good ;  money  more 
plentiful  and  sales  brisk. 

Our  plan  was  to  hire  a  man  of  good  reputable  stand- 
ing in  each  town,  a  man  not  less  than  sixty  years  of 
age,  whose  face  was  familiar  to  every  man,  woman 
and  child,  and  have  him  accompany  me  and  introduce 
me  to  the  people.  As  his  compensation  we  woulc^  pay 
him  one  dollar  per  day  and  a  commission  on  all  sales. 


OPTICAL  BUSINESS  A  SUCCESS         409 

By  SO'  doing,  he  became  an  interested  partner  in  the 
business  and  was  ever  on  the  alert  for  an  opportunity 
to  make  sales. 

In  these  house  to  house  canvasses,  day  in  and  day 
out,  it  would  naturally  follow  that  many  amusing  in- 
cidents would  take  place,  only  a  few  of  which  space 
will  now  permit  of  relating. 

One  day  an  elderly  lady  had  purchased  a  pair  of 
glasses  from  me  and  had  paid  me  ten  dollars  for  them. 
As  my  man  and  I  were  about  to  take  our  departure 
she  discovered  that  her  new  glasses  were  missing,  and 
naturally  enough  made  the  fact  known. 

We  searched  the  rooms  high  and  low,  but  no  glasses 
could  be  found. 

Thinking  that  it  was  possible  that  I  had  packed 
them  away  with  my  stock,  we  opened  my  cases  and 
made  a  careful,  vigorous  search  without  finding  any 
trace  of  them. 

By  this  time  she  was  thoroughly  convinced  that  I 
had  put  them  in  my  pocket,  and  that  this  was  my  plan 
of  operating. 

I  remained  perfectly  calm  over  the  matter  and  tried 
to  convince  her  that  they  had  simply  been  mislaid  and 
would  turn  up  all  right  very  shortly. 


We  searched  the  rooms  high  and  lozv,  but  no  glasses  could  be 

found." 


OPTICAL  BUSINESS  A  SUCCESS  411 

A  little  grandson  took  delight  in  spreading  the  news 
among  the  neighbors,  many  of  whom  called,  and  a 
general  demand  was  made  for  the  return  of  the  money, 
which  I  refused  to  do  for  two  reasons :  first,  to  give 
back  the  money  would  be,  virtually,  an  admission  of 
guilt;  and  second,  I  would  not  give  it  back  because  it 
was  too  hard  to  get. 

Then  they  wanted  me  to  submit  to  being  searched, 
which  I  refused  to  do,  saying  that  as  an  innocent  man 
I  would  not  suffer  any  such  humiliation  and  subject 
myself  to  such  an  indignity;  that  if  they  wanted  to 
search  me  they  should  call  an  officer  and  provide  him 
with  the  necessary  papers  to  make  the  search  in  a  legal 
manner,  all  of  which  would  give  me  recourse  when 
my  time  came. 

In  a  short  time  the  house  and  door-yard  were  filled 
with  neighbors  and  friends  of  the  family. 

The  fact  that  I  stubbornly  refused  to  submit  to  being 
searched  was  about  all  the  evidence  they  wanted  that 
I  was  the  culprit. 

I  assured  them  that  I  was  perfectly  willing  to  re- 
main right  there  until  they  should  prepare  the  papers 
and  call  an  officer,  but  under  no  other  conditions  or  cir- 
cumstances would  I  submit  to  being  searched. 


412       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

As  I  was  comfortably  occupying  the  big  rocking 
chair  I  took  things  coolly  and  let  them  do  the  worry- 
ing" and  in  the  midst  of  all  of  this  hubbub  and  turmoil 
the  oldest  daughter  of  the  family  jumped  to  her  feet 
and  said : 

"  Mother,  when  you  went  to  the  woodshed  for  some 
wood,  didn't  you  take  your  glasses  with  yoii  ?  " 

"No,  indeed,  I  didn't,"  came  the  answer;  ''I  left 
them  lying  right  here  on  the  table." 

"  Well,  I  think  you  took  them  with  you."  And  so 
saying  the  daughter  started  for  the  woodshed,  fol- 
lowed by  a  half  dozen  neighbors,  and  immediately  re- 
turned with  the  glasses,  having  found  them  just  where 
her  mother  had  laid  them  while  picking  up  the  wood. 

Of  course  everyone  was  sorry  but  me;  I  was  glad 
it  happened,  as  I  readily  saw  a  grand  opening  for 
business,  and,  after  graciously  accepting  the  profuse 
apologies  of  the  family,  and  especially  of  the  old  lady, 
I  asked  permission  to  use  their  sitting  room  to  make 
a  few  examinations  of  persons  who  had  gathered  and 
who  had  expressed  a  desire  to  purchase  glasses,  and 
the  balance  of  the  day  I  was  kept  busy  looking  after 
friends  and  neighbors  of  theirs,  whom  they  ahnost 
knocked  down  and  dragged  in  to  get  business  for  me. 


OPTICAL  BUSINESS  A  SUCCESS         413 

My  sales  that  day  were  over  a  hundred  and  thirty 
dollars — better  than  canvassing  from  house  to  house; 
besides,  through  this  incident  I  had  become  pretty 
weh  estabHshed  in  the  town  and  did  all  kinds  of  busi- 
ness there  for  several  weeks.  At  any  rate,  before 
leaving  there  I  had  sent  my  friend  Morrison  five  hun- 
dred dollars  to  be  credited  on  my  note. 

In  one  of  my  little  towns  I  hired  an  old  gentleman, 
nearly  seventy  years  of  age,  by  the  name  of  Snod- 
grass,  to  introduce  me.  He  was  a  devout  Christian 
and  an  earnest,  hardworking  man. 

One  day  we  sold  a  lady  a  pair  of  glasses  for  five 
dollars ;  she  said  she  had  worn  her  old  glasses  for  four 
years  without  a  change  and  was,  delighted  with  the 
pair  I  let  her  have. 

When  ready  to  leave  the  house  she  said  I  would 
have  to  call  at  her  husband's  coal  and  lumber  oflice  for 
my  pay. 

While  on  the  way  to  his  ofiice  I  remarked  to  Mr. 
Snodgrass  that,  under  all  probability,  we  would  have 
to  sell  them  all  over  again  before  we  would  get  our 
money. 

"  Not  at  all,  not  at  all."  he  answered;  "  this  man  is 


414        JVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

a  member  of  our  church  and  superintendent  of  our 
Sabbath  school  and  can  be  rehed  on  in  every  way." 

As  we  entered  his  office  and  Mr.  Snodgrass  intro- 
duced me,  I  said : 

"  Mr.  ,  I  am  out  fitting  spectacles " 

"  Well,"  he  interrupted,  rubbing  his  hands  vigor- 
ously, "  you  are  too  late ;  an  optician  from  Cincinnati 
fitted  my  wife  and  I  in  good  shape  about  ten  days  ago." 

"  Indeed,"  said  I,  "  he  might  have  fitted  you,  but 
you  are  certainly  mistaken  about  his  having  fitted  your 
wife " 

"  Oh,  no,  I  am  not ;  oh,  no,  I  am  not " 

"Indeed  you  are,  sir,"  I  insisted;  "because  I  just 
came  from  your  house,  where  1  fitted  your  wife  with 
a  pair  of  glasses,  which  she  says  is  the  only  pair  she 
has  had  in  four  years,  and  she  sent  me  here  to  get 
the  money  for  them,  the  price  of  which  was  five  dol- 
lars." 

By  this  time  he  had  taken  a  scat  at  his  desk  and, 
plainly  greatly  flustered,  he  began  in  a  nervous,  ex- 
cited way  by  picking  up  the  ink  bottle  and  setting  it 
over  on  one  side  of  the  desk  and  then  setting  it  back 
again,  and  then  went  through  the  same  performance 
with   pajierweight  and   various  articles ;   in  the  mean- 


OPTICAL  BUSINESS  A  SUCCESS         415 

time  he  kept  stammering  away,  evidently  trying  to 
think  of  something  to  say,  and  finally  blurted  out : 

"  Well,  I  will  not  pay  for  any  glasses  until  I  know 
for  sure  that  she  can  see  to  read  with  them  after  lamp- 
light." 

"  Very  well,"  said  I;  "  then  if  you  will  be  at  home 
this  evening  at  eight  o'clock  I  will  call  and  see  about 
it." 

He  agreed  to  this,  and  we  made  another  start. 

Mr.  Snodgrass  was  grieved  and  shocked  at  what  had 
happened  and,  upon  reaching  the  street,  asked  me  if 
I  didn't  think  the  man  was  crazy. 

"  Indeed,  I  do  not,"  I  replied.  "  I  have  seen  too 
many  of  that  kind  in  my  travels.  That  man  is  simply 
a  hypocrite  and  a  liar — not  a  prevaricator,  but  a  liar." 

"  But  think  of  it,"  lamented  Mr.  Snodgrass ;  "  he 
is  a  member  of  my  church  and  the  superintendent  of 
our  Sabbath  school.  What  am  I  to  think  of  such  a 
man? " 

"  Well,"  I  replied,  "  in  this  case  you  must  not  think ; 
just  think  you  are  thinking  and  let  it  go  at  that." 

I  then  gave  him  some  consolation  by  declaring  that 
Christians  were  by  no  means  all  hypocrites,  but  that 
it  would  be  most  natural  for  a  hypocrite  to  don  the 


41G        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

cloak  of  religion,  and  that  that  was  one  of  the  un- 
fortunate things  that  the  Christian  would  always  have 
to  contend  with. 

I  then  said,  "  Mr.  Snodgrass,  do  you  know  that  the 
average  person  is  unconsciously  a  prevaricator,  regard- 
less of  sex,  creed  and  religion?" 

"  How  so?  "  he  asked. 

"  Well,"  said  I,  "  in  a  million  ways,  but  I  have  one 
particular  way  of  introducing  my  business  by  which 
the  average  person,  no  matter  how  much  they  need 
glasses,  will  unconsciously  prevaricate  in  order  to 
get  rid  of  me.  Now,"  I  continued,  "  I  want  you  to 
take  notice  that,  after  you  have  introduced  me  and  in 
an  abrupt  way  I  say,  '  Madam,  I  am  out  selling  spec- 
tacles:  do  you  need  anything  in  that  line?'  invariably 
the  answer  will  come,  '  No,  sir ;  T  don't  need  anything 
in  that  line,'  but  when  I  change  from  my  abrupt  man- 
ner and  tone  of  voice  to  a  more  courteous  manner  and 
a  modulated  voice,  and  say,  '  Madam,  I  am  giving  free 
tests  and  examinations  of  eyes  and  never  urge  any  one 
to  buy,'  she  will  iinariably,  right  on  the  verge  of  hav- 
ing said  that  she  didn't  need  them,  acknowledge  that 
she  has  poor  glasses  and  liad  eyes.  W'hat  else  can  you 
make  of  this  but  prevaricating?"  T  asked. 


OPTICAL  BUSINESS  A  SUCCESS  417 

Air.  Snodgrass  wanted  me  to  define  the  difference 
between  a  liar  and  a  prevaricator. 

I  explained  that  al:)nut  the  only  difference  was  that 
one  was  a  liar  and  the  other  a  liar. 

x\s  we  were  about  to  enter  the  next  house,  after  this 
little  discussion,  yir.  Snodgrass  said : 

"  Now,  here  lives  a  woman  that  I'd  like  to  have 
you  try  your  plan  on,  and  I  don't  think  that  you  can 
make  it  work,  for  I  have  known  her  for  many  years 
and  know  that  she  is  too  candid  and  honest  to  be  caught 
in  that  way." 

After  being  introduced  I  said  in  a  cold-blooded  sort 
of  way,  "  Madam,  are  your  spectacles  perfectly  satis- 
factory to  you?     I  am  out  selling  glasses." 

"  O,  yes."  she  replied ;  "  I  don't  need  any  new 
glasses;  no,  no,  indeed,  T  don't." 

I  then  said,  "  Aly  examinations  are  free  and  I  never 
feel  that  any  one  should  buy  glasses  because  I  examine 
their  eyes.     Let  me  see  your  glasses." 

Holding  them  up  to  an  object  and  looking  through 
them,  T  asked : 

"Why.  madam,  do  these  glasses  fit  you?" 

"Well,  no."  she  replied;  "they  do  not  and  never 
d.id,  and  T  am  afraid  they  arc  ruining  mv  eyes." 


418       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

As  I  glanced  toward  Mr.  Snodgrass  he  shook  his 
head  sHghtly,  as  much  as  to  say,  "  Well,  it  does  beat 
the  devil,"  as  Mr.  Keefer  would  have  said. 

After  having  sold  this  lady  a  pair  of  glasses,  she 

remarked  that  the  wife  of  Rev. needed  glasses, 

and  we  started  forthwith  to  try  and  make  the  sale. 

On  the  way  there  I  asked  Mr.  Snodgrass  what  min- 
ister it  was,  and  he  said  it  was  the  minister  of  his 
church,  and  that  I'd  not  catch  him  napping. 

The  moment  I  was  introduced  to  him  I  said : 

"Are  any  of  you  in  need  of  glasses  here?  I  am 
out  selling  spectacles  and  eye  glasses." 

"  Oh,  no,"  he  quickly  answered;  "  none  of  us  wears 
glasses  here." 

"  But  are  any  of  you  in  need  of  glasses?  "  I  urged. 

"  Well,  no;  we  are  all  right  on  the  spectacle  ques- 
tion," he  answered. 

I  then  explained  that  I  was  giving  free  examina- 
tions and  urged  no  one  to  buy,  and  would  willingly 
put  up  my  time  against  theirs  should  they  wish  to  have 
their  eyes  looked  after. 

At  this  suggestion  he  excused  himself  and,  stepping 
from  the  parlor  into  the  sitting  room,  leaving  the  door 
slightly  ajar,  we  heard  him  say  to  his  wife: 


OPTICAL  BUSINESS  A  SUCCESS         419 

"  Mary,  there  is  a  gentleman  in  the  parlor  with  Mr. 
Snodgrass,  who  is  out  giving  free  examinations  of 
eyes.  You  have  been  having  so  much  trouble  and 
talking  so  long  about  needing  glasses,  perhaps  you  had 
better  let  him  examine  your  eyes." 

Another  glance  at  Mr.  Snodgrass  was  enough  to 
convince  me  that  he  was  about  ready  to  resign  his  job 
in  disgust. 

After  selling  a  pair  of  glasses  to  the  preacher's  wife, 
and  while  on  our  way  to  dinner,  I  asked  Mr.  Snod- 
grass which  he  thought  was  the  worse,  a  liar  or  a 
prevaricator. 

He  scarcely  smiled  as  he  shook  his  head  and  walked 
on  in  silence,  but  afterwards  declared  that  his  experi- 
ence in  the  spectacle  business  had  shaken  his  confi- 
dence in  human  nature  more  than  all  of  the  experiences 
of  his  sixty-five  years. 

That  evening  I  called  at  the  home  of  the  coal  and 
lumber  dealer  at  eight  o'clock,  as  agreed  upon,  and,  as 
I  expected,  found  him  away. 

His  wife  was  reading  by  lamplight  with  her  new 
spectacles,  and  assured  me  that  they  were  all  right. 

I  asked  if  her  husband  had  explained  that  I  was  to 


420        IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

call  at  eight  o'clock  for  my  pay  for  the  glasses.  She 
said  he  had  not  mentioned  the  matter. 

I  at  once  saw  through  his  little  game,  and  decided 
to  remain  there,  if  necessary,  until  twelve  o'clock  or 
midnight,  rather  than  let  him  evade  me.  I  therefore 
made  myself  as  entertaining  as  possible  to  his  wife 
and  daughter  and  when,  out  of  politeness,  I  once  or 
twice  proposed  to  go,  they  urged  me  to  remain  longer, 
feeling  sure  that  he  would  return  very  soon. 

It  was  eleven  o'clock  when  he  appeared.  I  immedi- 
ately mentioned  that  his  wife  had  been  reading  by 
lamplight  with  the  glasses  and  was  well  pleased  with 
them. 

After  sitting  there  for  fully  twenty  minutes  he 
reached  down  into  his  pocket  three  or  four  times,  as 
if  about  to  withdraw  his  purse,  when  suddenly  he 
would  remove  his  hand  from  his  pocket  and  wait  an- 
other ten  or  fifteen  minutes  before  making  another 
motion  toward  his  purse.  At  last,  as  if  under  a  terri- 
ble strain  he  drew  his  purse  from  his  pocket  and  said  : 

"  Well,  I  can  pay  you,  but  vou  will  have  to  change 
a  hundred  dollar  bill." 

"  All  right,  sir,"  said  I,  and  when  I  began  counting 
out  his  ninety-five  dollars  change  he  said  : 


OPTICAL  BUSINESS  A  SUCCESS         421 

"  By  the  way.  I  guess  I  have  about  five  dollars  in 
change  in  my  vest  pocket." 

"  Never  mind,"  said  I,  as  I  piled  his  lap  full  of  cur- 
rency and  silver;  "this  hundred  dollar  bill  just  suits 
me,  as  it  will  make  a  fine  wrapper  for  my  roll." 

While  buying  our  tickets  at  the  depot,  when  leaving 
this  little  town,  I  overheard  with  amusement  a  con- 
versation between  the  ticket  agent  and  a  farmer,  both 
of  whom  stammered  painfully. 

As  the  farmer  laid  down  his  money  and  said,  'G-g-g- 
give  me  a  t-t-ticket  t-t-to  C-C-C-Columbus  and  return." 

The  agent  said,  "  S-s-say,  you  ought  t-t-to  c-c-call 
on  Doctor  French." 

Farmer :  "  W-w-w-what  t-t-the  devil  d-d-d-do  I 
want  t-t-t-to  call  on  D-D-Doctor  French  for?" 

Agent :  "  H-h-h-he  can  c-c-cure  you  from  s-s-stut- 
tering." 

Farmer  :     "  T-t-the  hell  he  c-c-can  !  " 

Agent :  "  W-w-well,  h-h-he  c-c-cured  me,  by 
gosh!" 

This  incident  reminds  me  of  an  episode  of  my  boy- 
hood days,  when  I  visited  an  uncle,  Darias  Finch,  and 
other  relatives  in  Illinois  for  the  first  time. 

This  uncle  was  mv  mother's  brother,  and  was  one 


422        JFHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

of  the  richest  farmers  in  LaSalle  county,  Illinois.  He 
was  a  very  energetic  man,  thoroughly  honorable  and 
upright  in  all  his  dealings,  but  somewhat  inclined  to 
use  swear  words  on  state  occasions,  and  he  had  been 
afflicted  with  the  stuttering  habit  from  the  time  he  be- 
gan to  talk. 

He  had  a  brother,  Briggs,  who  was  inclined  to  take 
the  world  easy,  was  a  devout  Christian,  had  a  very 
large  family,  was  poorer  than  Job's  turkey  and  lived 
in  an  old,  rented,  ramshackle  house  fourteen  miles 
distant. 

For  many  years  Uncle  Darias  had  never  failed  to 
load  up  a  lot  of  vegetables,  flour,  etc.,  together  with 
a  quarter  of  beef  and  a  dressed  pig  at  butchering  time, 
and  take  them  over  to  Uncle  Briggs. 

On  the  occasion  of  this  visit  there  I  accompanied 
him  on  his  annual  visit  to  Uncle  Briggs,  with  a  large 
sleigh  loaded  to  the  brim. 

Arriving  at  our  destination  we  found  the  gates  and 

fences  all. down,  as  might  be  supposed,  and,  under  a 

full  trot,  we  drove  right  up  to  the  front  of  the  house 

and,  with  a  single  step,  landed  on  the  porch. 

■  In  an  instant  Uncle  Briggs,  his  wife  and  the  entire 


'NOW  MY  DEAR  BROTHER.  CAN  YOU  DOUBT  THE  EFFICACY  OF  PKAV'ER"? 


OPTICAL  BUSINESS  A  SUCCESS  423 

family  of.  I  don't  know  how  many  children,  came 
pouring  out. 

After  introducing  me.  Uncle  Darias  pointed  to  the 
loaded  sleigh  and  said.  "  B-B-Briggs,  I-I-I  brought 
you  o-o-over  a  p-p-porker  a-a-and  s-s-s-some  other 
things." 

At  this  Uncle  Briggs  stepped  forward  and.  affection- 
ately putting  his  arms  around  Uncle  Darias'  shoulders, 
said,  "  My  dear  brother,  how  kind  of  you,  but  do  you 
know  that  this  is  the  Lord's  answer  to  my  prayer  ?  " 

"  W-W-When  d-  d-did  you  p-p-pray  for  it,  Briggs  ?  " 
asked  Uncle  Darias. 

"  Why,  brother,"  came  the  answer,  "  we  had  eaten 
our  last  morsel  of  food  for  breakfast  this  morning  and 
were  all  on  our  knees  and  1  was  praying  the  Lord  to 
provide,  when  we  heard  the  sound  of  sleighbells  and 
you  came  driving  up  with  this  bountiful  supply.  Now, 
my  dear  brother,  can  you  doubt  the  efficacy  of  prayer 
after  this  ?  " 

With  a  look  of  utter  disgust.  Uncle  Darias  said, 
"  W-w-why,  Briggs.  d-d-d-don't  you  know  I-I-I  left 
home  with  this  load  t-t-t-two  hours  b-b-b-before  you 
c-c-c-commenced  to  pray  at  all,  you  d fool !  " 


424       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 


CHAPTER  XXIII. 

Our  Trip  to  Freemont,  Visiting  Relatives — An  Interest- 
ing and  Amusing  Experience  With  a  Typical  Irish 
Woman — Mrs.  Johnston's  Advent  in  the  Optical  Busi- 
ness— Our  First  Hotel  Experience  in  Fitting  Glasses 
— A  Long  Wait,  but  a  Successful  Ending — A  Few 
Suggestions  About  Advertising — Local  Opticians  as 
Heavyweight  Advertisers — A  Few  Suggestions  About 
Spectacle  Peddlers. 

About  the  times  of  my  experience  with  Mr.  Snod- 
grass  and  his  prevaricating  neighbors  my  wife  and  I 
decided  to  make  a  trip  to  Clyde  and  Freemont  for  a 
few  days'  visit  with  relatives. 

While  visiting  an  aunt  at  Freemont  we  put  an  ad- 
vertisement in  the  papers  stating  that  I  would  give 
free  examinations  of  eyes  at  her  residence. 

One  afternoon  a  typical  old  Irish  woman,  accom- 
panied by  her  daughter  Mary,  called  on  me.  The 
weather  was  intensely  hot,  and  I  was  making  my  ex- 
aminations on  the  large  veranda  which  almost  sur- 
rounded the  house. 

As  they  came  up  on  the  porch  I  stepped  forward 
and  asked  what  I  could  do  for  them. 


"JUST  LOOK  AT  THAT  MARY,  1  CAN  SEE  DE  BIRDS  ON   DE  TOP   OF   DE 
TELEGRAPH  POLES". 


SUGGESTIONS  ABOUT  ADVERT ISIXG    425 

In  response  the  old  lady  said : 

"  I  want  to  git  me  eyes  tested." 

"  Very  well,"  said  I,  "  I  will  give  you  a  distant  test 
first  and  then  fit  you  for  reading  and  close  work." 

"  I  don't  care  a  d what  you  give  me,"  she  re- 
plied, "  jes'  so  I  git  me  eyes  tested." 

After  having  finished  the  distance  test  and  finding 
that  she  needed  glasses  for  constant  wear,  I  put  a  pair 
of  suitable  lenses  in  a  trial  frame  and  placed  them 
before  her  eyes ;  as  she  had  very  poor  sight  they  made 
a  wonderful  improvement  for  seeing  ofif  and  taking  in 
the  sights  up  and  down  the  streets.  With  loud  excla- 
mations in  her  Irish  brogue,  she  cried  out,  "'  Oh, 
heavens !  Mary.  I  never  did  see  the  likes  of  this  be- 
fore. Oh,  my !  my !  I  can  see  way  down  the  streets 
ever  so  far.  Just  look  at  that,  Mary,  just  look  at  that. 
I  can  see  de  birds  on  top  of  de  telegraph  poles.  How 
much  be  dem  glasses,  Mr.  Johnston?" 

"  Three  dollars  for  the  lenses  put  into  your  frame," 
I  replied. 

"  All  right,  I  take  dem,"  she  assured  me. 

As  I  was  about  to  put  them  in  her  frame  her  daugh- 
ter Mary  asked: 


426        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

"  How  much   did   you   say  these  were,   Mr.  John- 
ston ?  " 

"  Three  dollars,"  I  replied. 
■  "  Three  dollars!  "  she  ejaculated;  "  why,  I  hope  you 
don't  charge  three  dollars  for  them  two  little  pieces  of 
glass." 

"  How  much  did  you  say  dey  was?  "  chimed  in  the 
old  lady. 

"  Three  dollars,"  I  repeated. 

"  Thra   dollars?     \\hd.t  you   tank  of  that,   Mary? 

Thra  dollars  for  dem  two  d little  pieces  of  window 

glass?  I'll  not  pay  it;  indade  I'll  not." 

By  this  time  I  had  put  them  in  her  frame  and,  plac- 
ing them  before  her  eyes,  said : 

"  Now  see  how  nice  these  are." 

As  she  gazed  down  the  street  she  said : 

"  Mary,  I  can't  see  one  d thing ;  indade,  I  can't 

see  de  hitchin  post  right  there.     Oh.  my !  dem  glasses 

is  no  good,  Mary  ;  I  can't  see  one  d thing  wid 

dem." 

]\Iy  aunt  then  suggested  that  I  fit  her  with  a  pair  of 
bifocal  glasses  such  as  she  was  wearing. 

"  Yes,  yes,"  cried  the  old  Irish  woman ;  "  give  me 
de  befocals." 


SUGGESTIONS  ABOUT  ADVERTISING    427 

I  then  said :  ''  To  fit  you  with  bifocals  it  will  be 
necessary  to  also  fit  you  with  a  new  frame,  as  yours 
is  about  worn  out,"  and  I  offered  to  trade  her  a  new 
gold-filled  frame  even  up  for  her  old  solid  gold  ones, 
which  I  would  take  as  old  gold  and  charge  three  dol- 
lars and  fifty  cents  for  the  lenses. 

"  All  right,"  said  she.  ''  1  will  do  that. 

When  I  had  finished  fitting  her  and  had  put  up  the 
lenses  in  a  new  frame  and  had  taken  her  old  frames  in 
exchange,  I  put  the  new  pair  of  glasses  on  her  face, 
w^hen  she  started  off  without  paying  for  them,  and 
when  I  mentioned  the  fact  she  said : 

"  I  pay  you  to-morrow." 

"  Oh,  no,"  said  I.  "  you  must  pay  me  now." 

"  I  have  no  money,"  she  answered,  and  started  again. 

"  But,"  I  insisted,  "  you  must  pay  me  for  those 
glasses  or  leave  them  until  you  get  the  money." 
Which  she  decided  to  do,  agreeing  to  call  for  them  the 
next  day. 

As  soon  as  she  and  her  daughter  had  left  I  said  to 
Mrs.  Johnston : 

"  Now,  if  I  am  a  judge  of  human  nature,  in  order 
to  clinch  this  sale  and  at  the  same  time  avoid  telling  a 
falsehood  when  she  returns  to-morrow,  the  thing  for 


428       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

us  to  do  is  to  send  her  old  frames  off  to  the  smelter 
to-night  with  what  other  old  gold  we  have,  and  when 
she  calls  to-morrow  and  wants  to  back  out  we  can  truth- 
fully tell  her  that  we  have  sent  her  old  frames  to 
Chicago  to  be  melted  up,  thereby  compelling  her  to 
stick  to  her  bargain." 

Sure  enough,  the  next  day  when  she  and  her  daugh- 
ter called  she  folded  her  hands  in  a  pious  sort  of  way 
and  said : 

"  Mr.  Johnston,  I  am  going  to  come  to  you  in  about 
thra  months  and  have  you  fit  me  with  a  good  pair  of 
glasses." 

"  Do  you  mean  that  you  are  not  going  to  take  these 
glasses  to-day?"  I  asked. 

"  I  do,"  she  replied,  "  and  I  want  me  old  frames 
back." 

"  Well,  I  hardly  see  how  you  can  get  them  back ;  I 
sent  them  to  Chicago,  to  the  refiners,  last  night." 

"Sent  them  to  Chicago!  Sent  them  to  Chicago! 
What  you  tank  of  that,  Mary  ?  Dem  frames  were  not 
your  frames ;  dey  belongs  to  my  Moike." 

"  No,  indeed,  they  don't  belong  to  your  Mike,"  I 
answered,  "  they  belonged  to  me,  as  I  traded  for  them 
yesterdlay," 


SUGGESTIOXS  ABOUT  ADVERTISING  '429 

"  Who  traded  'em  to  you  ?  "  she  asked. 

"  You  did,  and  you  know  it,"  I  answered. 

"  Indade,  I  never  traded  dem  to  you,  did  I,  Mary?  " 

Mary  made  no  answer. 

"  Did  I,  Mary?  "  she  insisted. 

"  Yes,  mother,  you  did  trade  them  to  him." 

"  I  did  not,"  she  persisted,  "  and  you  know  d 

well,  Mary,  that  I  never  traded  'em  to  him." 

"  No  matter,"  I  went  on,  "  I  sent  them  to  Chicago 
last  night." 

"  Sent  them  to  Chicago,  did  you?  Well,  you  sent 
them  d quick,  didn't  you  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  I  replied,  "  and  I  have  got  you  on  a  limb, 
too." 

"On  a  limb,  eh?" 

"  Yes'm,  on  a  limb,  and  all  I've  got  to  do  is  to  saw 
you  off." 

"  Saw  me  off,  eh  ?  Saw  me  off  ?  What  you  tank, 
Mary,  me  on  a  limb?    He  saw  me  off." 

"  All  right,  I  am  satisfied,  if  you  are.  They  are 
worth  two  dollars,  so  I  am  that  much  ahead,  anyhow." 

"  Dat's  what  you  mane  by  '  on  de  limb  and  saw  me 
off,'  eh?  I'll  go  home  and  tell  my  Moike.  and  he'll 
come  and  saw  you  off  on  a  limb." 


430       IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

At  this  she  and  Mary  left  in  high  dudgeon  and  inside 
of  ten  minutes  Mary  returned  with  the  money  and  took 
the  glasses. 

While  at  Freemont,  Mrs.  Johnston  decided  that  inas- 
much as  her  health  was  greatly  improved,  she  would 
like  to  take  a  course  in  optics  in  a  Chicago  Ophthalmic 
College,  with  a  view  to  joining  me  in  the  work,  when 
I  should  begin  advertising  and  fitting  in  the  hotel  par- 
lors. 

She  began  at  once,  stopping  with  her  parents,  who 
were  living  in  Chicago,  until  she  had  taken  the  full 
course,  after  which  she  joined  me  at  Wellington,  Ohio. 

It  was  at  this  flourishing  little  city  that  we  made  our 
first  attempt  at  hotel  work. 

When  I  called  at  the  old  American  House  there  and 
asked  for  rates  for  at  least  a  three  weeks'  stay,  the 
landlord  showed  me  some  desirable  rooms,  but  de- 
clared that  we  would  not  be  there  over  three  days,  when 
we  would  pack  up  and  leave,  the  same  as  every  other 
optical  man  had  done,  and  insisted  upon  a  rate  of  two 
dollars  per  day  each. 

I  then  made  him  a  proposition  to  pay  him  four  dol- 
lars a  day  each  if  we  stayed  less  than  a  week,  with  the 
understanding  that  if  we  remained  a  week  or  more  we 


SUGGESTIONS  ABOUT  ADVERTISING    431 

should  pay  him  ten  dollars  per  week  for  room  and 
board  for  both  of  us. 

He  agreed  to  this,  and  I  wrote  up  my  ads  and  ar- 
ranged with  the  semi-weekly  paper  there  for  all  the 
space  I  could  get. 

We,  of  course,  would  naturally  expect  some  business 
the  first  week,  but  in  this  we  were  disappointed,  but 
looked  forward  to  a  good  beginning  the  second  week. 

At  the  close  of  the  first  week  one  of  the  leading  ladies 
of  the  town  came  in  to  have  her  spectacle  frames 
straightened,  and  expressed  great  surprise  at  our  even 
attempting  to  fit  glasses  there,  because  Wellington  was 
the  home  of  Dr.  Ed.  Rust,  whose  reputation  was  ex- 
cellent, both  as  a  citizen  and  as  an  oculist. 

I  then  remembered  of  having  heard  a  great  deal  of 
him,  and  his  splendid  reputation  and  regretted  that  we 
had  overlooked  the  fact  that  this  was  his  home  town. 

By  the  time  the  second  week  came  around,  without 
having  done  a  penny's  worth  of  business,  we  began  to 
feel  that  we  were  liable  to  make  a  complete  failure,  but 
determined  not  to  be  thwarted  in  our  first  town  in 
an  effort  to  do  a  hotel  business.  We  kept  piling  the 
advertisements  into  the  paper,  and  very  soon  demon- 


482      IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

strated  what  perseverance  and  sticktoitiveness  will  often 
do  in  surmounting  an  obstacle. 

On  Tuesday  of  the  third  week  of  our  stay  there  a 
wagon  load  of  people  called  upon  us,  four  of  whom 
bought  glasses,  and  before  they  left,  the  rooms  were 
filled  with  people  wanting  their  eyes  examined ;  and 
for  six  weeks  we  were  busy  from  morning  until  night, 
and  left  there  with  a  roll  of  money  large  enough,  as 
the  hotel  clerk  expressed  it,  "  to  choke  an  ox." 

From  Wellington  we  went  to  New  London,  then 
Shelby  and  from  there  to  Kenton,  Ohio,  meeting  with 
splendid  success. 

Mrs.  Johnston,  always  an  enthusiastic  and  energetic 
worker  in  whatever  she  undertook,  proved  to  be  an 
expert  optician,  and  an  excellent  saleswoman,  possess- 
ing rare  tact  and  genius  in  expediting  her  work  and 
closing  sales,  therefore  she  was  of  inestimable  help  to 
me  on  all  occasions.  As  an  illustration,  when  w^e  were 
at  Kenton,  I  advertised  to  be  at  Mt.  Blanchard,  a  small 
town  a  few  miles  away,  on  Saturday. 

On  that  day  I  left  her  in  charge  of  the  hotel  office  at 
Kenton,  while  I  filled  this  date. 

When  T  returned  that  night  she  anxiously  inquired 


SUGGESTIONS  ABOUT  ADVERTISfNG    433 

how  business  was,  and  offered  to  bet  me  a  box  a  candy 
that  she  had  done  more  than  I  had. 

I  made  the  bet  and  with  every  assurance  that  I  had 
more  than  discounted  her,  I  proudly  stated  the  amount 
I  had  taken  in,  which  was  one  hundred  and  seven 
dollars. 

"  Well,"  she  replied,  "  you  may  go  and  buy  the 
candy,  as  I  took  in  one  hundred  and  eleven  dollars." 

From  Kenton  we  went  to  Upper  Sandusky. 

Wherever  we  went  we  filled  the  newspapers,  dailies 
and  weeklies,  with  advertising,  always  taking  all  the 
space  they  would  give  us,  and  never  attempted  to  curtail 
a  single  penny's  worth. 

Whenever  a  good  thought  or  idea  came  to  us  on  the 
subject  of  optics,  into  the  papers  it  went,  always  closing 
our  eyes  to  the  cost  and  looking  for  results  to  pay  the 

bills. 

Past  experience  had  caused  me  to  believe  in  exclu- 
sive newspaper  advertising  (excepting  always  a  book- 
let or  catalogue  of  your  own). 

Circulars,  banners,  theatre  programs,  and  the  hun- 
dreds of  other  side  schemes,  such  as  souvenirs,  etc., 
are,  to  my  idea,  poor  methods,  and  nearly  always  ex- 


434        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

pensive,  as  compared  with  newspapers,  in  results  at- 
tained. 

With  hut  few  exceptions,  wherever  we  would  locate 
and  hegin  our  extensive  advertising,  after  we  had 
been  tliere  about  two  or  three  weeks,  and  had  gotten 
things  to  humming,  some  one  of  the  local  opt'cians 
would  suddenly  wake  up  and  with  his  ''  club  "  would 
go  into  the  newspapers  and  give  us  a  boost  by  trying 
to  "  knock  "  us. 

Tliey  nearly  all  have  one,  and  the  same  idea  of  say- 
ing funny  things,  and  then  "  rubbing  it  in." 

The  narrow-gauged  fellows  haven't  had  experience 
enough.,  and  haven't  seen  enough  of  the  world  to  know 
that  the  advent  of  a  stranger  in  their  town,  spending 
hundreds  of  dollars  in  advertising  advanced  ideas  in 
optics,  will  bring  almost,  if  not  fully  as  much,  new 
business  to  them  as  to  the  advertiser. 

Many  opticians  learned  this  in  towns  where  we  lo- 
cated for  three  and  four  months  at  a  time,  but  they 
never  could  ha\c  been  made  to  l^elieve  such  a  thing, 
had  they  not  experienced  it  themselves. 

The  local  optician  scarcely  ever  spends  over  thirty 
cents  a  year  advertising  and  educating  his  townspeople 


SUGGESTIOXS  ABOUT  ADVERTISIXG    435 

and  the  farming  community  to  the  use  of  glasses  in  the 
overcoming  of  headaches,  nervousness,  nausea,  etc. 

When  the  stranger,  \vh(j  knows  how,  comes  along 
and  does  it  for  them,  there  are  hundreds  of  people  in 
the  community  who  will  visit  and  patronize  th.e  ad- 
vertiser, while  there  are  hundreds  of  others  who  for 
the  first  time  in  their  lives  have  been  enlightened  on 
the  subject  of  eye  strain,  and  who  will  not  stop  to^  con- 
sider that  the  stranger  who  had  educated  them  through 
his  advertisements  might  be  a  more  skilled  fitter  of 
glasses  than  their  local  dealer,  and  will  therefore  go 
to  the  latter  for  their  glasses. 

Of  course  it  is  rather  hard  for  a  local  optician,  in  a 
small  town  to  stand  by  and  see  a  stranger  come  in  and 
carry  ofif  a  lot  of  money,  but  I  never  knew  it  to  fail 
in  any  of  the  towns  we  visited  that  these  dealers  didn't 
more  than  double  their  business  from  two  to  three 
weeks  after  we  had  arri\'ed  in  the  town  up  to  six  weeks 
after  we  had  left,  and  I  ha\-e  many  times  had  a  heart 
to  heart  talk  with  them  on  our  return  trips,  when  they 
v/oidd  admit  it,  and  w  ould  r.cknowledge  that  they  were 
glad  to  see  us  back  again,  and  to  know  that  we  were 
going  to  stir  things  up  once  more. 

For  years,  in  almost  every  state,  the  optical  asso- 


436        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

ciations  have  been  setting  up  a  hue  and  cry  against  the 
spectacle  peddlers,  declaring  that  a  law  should  be  passed 
prohibiting  them  from  following  their  vocation.  In 
this  they  do  not  stop  to  consider  that  they  are  standing 
in  their  own  light. 

No  man  can  be  a  successful  peddler  of  spectacles  un- 
less he  is  thoroughly  wide  awake,  energetic  and  per- 
severing. Such  a  man  will  do  more  in  one  day  toward 
educating  the  public  to  the  reed  of  glasses  than  a  dozen 
ordinary  local  opticians  will  accomplish  in  a  week,  and 
where  a  peddler  sells  one  pair  of  glasses,  he  has  had 
an  effective  talk  with  possibly  three  persons  who  were 
not  prepared  to  buy,  and  whom  he  leaves  for  some  else 
to  sell  to,  after  he  has  gotten  the  idea  into  their  heads, 
and  so  it  goes,  "  a  wheel  within  a  wheel." 

I  wish  I  knew  that  there  were  a  tliousand  opticians 
going  out  of  my  town  everv  Monda\-  n.mrning  to  ped- 
dle spectacles  from  house  to  house  during  the  week. 

I  should  consider  that  they  were  out  doing  mission- 
ary work  for  me,  no  matter  how  much  they  did  for 
themselves. 


PURCHASED  AN  AUTOMOBILE  43T 


CHAPTER  XXIV. 

Another  Long  Wait  at  Upper  Sandusky — How  They 
Came  at  Last — A  Narrow-minded  Optician  with  a 
Narrow-minded  Proposition — Almost  Stranded  in 
Southern  Ohio — Our  Return  North — Big  Success  at 
Warren,  Ohio — Locating  in  Clevehnd — Methods 
Which  Led  to  Success — Building  a  Residence  in  Cleve- 
land— Purchased  an  Automobile — How  I  Forgot  to 
Stop  It — The  Darky  and  the  Automobile. 

At  Upper  Sandusky  we  had  another  waiting  experi- 
ence similar  to  the  one  at  Wellington. 

After  I  had  made  my  contract  with  the  different 
newspapers  for  advertising  space,  the  editor  and  pro- 
prietor of  '*  The  Chief  "  came  to  me  and  said : 

"  Mr.  Johnston,  I  know  you  are  a  liberal  advertiser, 
and  \\'\\\  be  likely  to  get  business,  if  there  is  any  to  be 
had,  but  I  don't  want  to  see  you  lose  money  in  our 
town,  therefore  my  advice  would  be  to  "  cut  it  out," 
as  we  have  a  very  queer,  conservative  people  here,  who 
are  always  suspicious  of  strangers  and  in  favor  of 
patronizing  home  people." 

"  Very  well,"  I  replied,  "  if  they  are  conservative,  so 
much  the  better;  it  will  take  me  a  little  longer  to  get 


438        IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

them  started,  but  when  they  do  come,  they  will  pile 
in  thick  and  fact. 

The  first  week  not  a  soul  came  near  us.  We  kept 
the  papers  full  of  advertising.  The  second  week  three 
women  called  and  had  examinations  and  went  home 
to  talk  it  over  with  their  husbands. 

Still,  we  kept  up  the  advertising,  and  as  we  were 
doing  our  fitting  in  the  parlor,  wdiich  was  adjoining 
the  hotel  office,  traveling  men  and  persons  passing  by 
could  see  that  we  were  doing  no  business,  and  quite 
frequently  the  landlord  or  some  of  his  employes  would 
express  sympathy  for  our  ill  luck. 

The  editor  of  "  The  Chief  "  was  a  daily  visitor,  and 
one  of  our  principal  sympathizers,  and  almost  hesitated 
about  taking  our  money  for  advertising  wdien  we  set- 
tled wnth  him  on  Saturday  evenings. 

One  of  the  principles  we  followed  when  on  the  road, 
as  well  as  since  opening  and  establishing  a  permanent 
business,  was  never  to  put  a  pair  of  glasses  on  any 
person  who  didn't  need  them,  and  if  we  found  on  ex- 
amination that  a  person  was  wearing  glasses  that  we 
couldn't  improve,  to  tell  them  so. 

The  third  week  in  Upper  Sandusky  we  had  a  number 
of  callers  for  examinations,  a  few^  of  whom  we  told  they 


PURCHASED  AN  AUTOMOBILE  439 

did  not  need  glasses,  while  others  were  told  that  their 
glasses  did  not  need  changing.  Those  wdio  did  need 
them  promised  to  call  again. 

The  week  passed  without  an  order  having  been  taken 
until  Saturday,  when  Mrs.  Johnston  "  broke  the  ice  " 
by  selling  a  cheap  pair. 

The  week,  however,  hadn't  been  spent  in  vain,  for 
the  report  scattered  broadcast  that  the  Johnstons  were 
not  "  fakirs,"  inasmuch  as  they  had  actually  told  sev- 
eral people  that  they  did  not  need  glasses,  etc.,  etc. 

Monday  morning  they  began  piling  in — men,  women 
and  children — and  before  the  week  was  over,  the  parlor 
and  hotel  office  were  filled  almost  constantly  from 
morning  until  night,  and  we  remained  there  two  months 
longer,  doing  a  fine  business. 

We  visited  Bucyrus,  Fostoria,  Tiffin  and  Marion, 
doing  our  fittings  in  iiotels  and  meeting  with  flatter- 
ing success. 

At  Marion  I  sent  my  mother  the  hundred  dollars  I 
owed  her,  and  also  the  balnace  I  owed  my  friend  INIor- 
rison  at  LaPorte,  and  took  up  the  notes. 

Finding  the  need  of  more  help  in  our  work,  after 
the  rush  came  at  Upper  Sandusky,  we  arranged  with 
my  wife's  sister  of  Chicago,  Miss  Bertha  Emmert,  to 


440       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

take  a  course  in  optics  and  join  us  in  the  work,  which 
she  did,  and  the  three  of  us  worked  together,  adver- 
tising as  Mr.  and  Mrs.  J.  P.  Johnston  and  Miss  Em- 
mert,  of  Chicago. 

At  Mt.  Vernon  we  ran  across  one  of  those  local 
opticians  who  had  never  spent  a  cent  to  advertise  his 
own  business,  but  who  unhesitatingly  took  all  the  space 
there  was  left  in  the  newspapers  to  help  advertise  us. 

We  were  not  very  much  surprised  at  his  actions  until 
he  called  at  the  hotel  where  we  were  stopping,  and 
proposed  to  the  landlord  that  he  refuse  to  acc«mmo- 
date  us,  that  by  so  doing,  we  would  be  unable  to  procure 
suitable  rooms  in  which  to  do  our  fitting  and  would  be 
obliged  to  leave  town. 

The  landlord,  Mr.  Aikenhead,  who  was  a  new-comer 
there,  and  in  fact  had  opened  the  hotel  on  the  day  we 
arrived,  had  formerly  been  in  the  hotel  business  in 
both  Cleveland  and  Toledo,  and  being  a  man  of  broad 
ideas,  was  thoroughly  disgusted  at  the  proposition 
made  by  the  local  optician. 

"  How  about  my  business?"  asked  Mr.  Aikenhead. 
"  Who  is  going  to  support  this  hotel  if  I  turn  people 
away  to  please  you?  Are  you  willing  to  bring  your 
family  here  and  pay,  even  one-half  the  rates  that  Mr. 


PURCHASED  AN  AUTOMOBILE  441 

Johnston  pays?     If  so,  I  will  comply  with  your  re- 
quest/' 

"  Oh,  no,"  the  answer  came.  "  I  can't  afford  to  do 
that,  but  I  should  expect  to  lend  my  influence  in  your 
behalf." 

"  Influence  be  hanged !  "  said  Mr.  Aikenhead.  "  I 
can't  draw  my  check  against  your  influence;  what  I 
want  is  a  bank  account." 

The  day  that  Mr.  Aikenhead  told  me  of  this  inter- 
view, he  said : 

"  Johnston,  I  am  ready  to  sell  out.  I  don't  care  to 
live  in  a  community  where  such  '  pin  heads  '  reside." 

And  before  we  left  there  he  had  sold  out,  and  shortly 
afterwards  moved  to  Buffalo. 

We  worked  toward  the  southern  part  of  the  state, 
and  encountered  a  very  poor  business,  so  poor  that  we 
began  running  behind,  and  came  nearly  being  stranded 
once  or  twice. 

We  worked  back  north  as  far  as  Circleville,  where 
I  left  Mrs.  Johnston  and  her  sister,  and  I  started  for 
the  Western  Reserve. 

Before  leaving  Circleville,  I  wired  a  friend  of  mine, 
Burt  Ramsay,  who  was  engaged  in  the  retail  jewelry 
business  in  the  Colonial  Arcade,  Cleveland,  Ohio,  that 


442       IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

I  would  be  at  his  store  at  nine  o'clock  that  night,  and 
asked  him  to  wait  for  nie. 

Mrs.  Johnston's  health  had  begun  failing  again  and 
we  were  very  anxious  to  locate  in  some  large  city 
as  soon  as  we  were  financially  able  to  do  so. 

The  moment  I  stepped  foot  inside  of  the  Colonial 
Arcade  I  determined,  if  possible,  to  rent  a  room  there 
and  hold  it  until  I  was  able  to  furnish  it  and  begin 
business. 

Mr.  Ramsay  informed  me  that  there  was  just  one 
vacant  room  left,  at  fifty  dollars  per  month. 

The  next  morning  he  and  I  looked  at  the  rooui  and 
then  called  upon  the  owner,  when  I  rented  it  for  one 
year,  and  paid  twenty-five  dollars  down,  with  the  prom- 
ise of  sending  twenty-five  more  in  a  few  days. 

This  left  me  with  not  more  than  twenty-five  dollars 
in  my  pocket,  and  that  afternoon  I  started  for  War- 
ren. Ohio. 

Arriving  there,  I  first  made  arrangements  for  rooms 
at  the  Elliott  House,  and  then  called  upon  the  different 
newspa]iers  and  contracted  for  all  the  space  I  could  get. 
I  also  contracted  for  all  the  space  I  could  get  in  sur- 
rounding towns  in  that  county,  and  advertised  to  berrin 


PURCHASED  AN  AUTOMOBILE  443 

giving  free  examinations  the  following  Monday  morn- 
ing. 

Before  noon  on  Alonday  I  had  taken  in  sixty  dol- 
lars, and  immediately  wired  Mrs.  Johnston  and  Miss 
Emmert  to  come  on  there  and  help  out. 

When  they  arrived  the  rooms  were  packed  with  peo- 
ple, waiting  to  have  their  eyes  examined. 

Almost  every  one  needed  glasses  and  every  one 
seemed  to  have  the  money  to  buy  them  w'ith. 

We  took  every  pains  to  fit  them  right  and  to  treat 
them  right,  and  by  the  middle  of  the  second  w^eek  we 
couldn't  take  care  of  the  callers. 

Suffice  to  say,  that  at  the  end  of  just  four  wrecks, 
after  paying  all  of  our  advertising  bills,  hotel  bills  and 
all  other  expenses,  and  cost  of  prescription  work,  Mrs. 
Johnston  and  I  returned  to  Cleveland,  with  twelve  hun- 
dred and  fifty  dollars  in  cash,  and  opened  up  with 
beautifully  furnished  and  equipped  rooms  and  with  a 
two  and  three  column  advertisement  in  the  different 
papers. 

We  left  Miss  Emmert  in  Warren,  and  she  sent  us 
one  hundred  dollars  per  week  profit  on  her  work  for 
eight  successive  weeks. 

Occasionally  an  acfiuaintance  would  step  in  when  we 


444       IVHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

were  furnishing  up  our  rooms,  and  almost  invariably 
would  suggest  that  it  would  be  better  to  begin  with 
cheaper  furniture,  and  on  a  less  expensive  scale,  until 
we  could  determine  whether  or  not  it  would  be  a  suc- 
cess. 

We  explained  that  we  were  going  into  it  to  succeed, 
with  no  thoughts  of  failure,  and  that  our  idea  was, 
to  make  a  good  first  impression  upon  all  callers. 

Business  began  to  come  right  in  the  start,  and  by 
the  time  Miss  Emmert's  eight  weeks  had  expired  at 
Warren,  we  were  having  business  enough  to  keep  us 
all  busy. 

Although  my  office  was  overrun  with  agents,  repre- 
senting all  sorts  of  advertising  schemes,  I  adhered 
strictly  to  newspaper  advertising  and  instead  of  using 
small  space,  I  adopted  the  plan  of  using  large  space, 
though  less  frequently,  and  always  used  a  photo  en- 
graving of  myself  as  a  sort  of  trade  mark. 

Of  course,  as  might  be  expected,  as  soon  as  our 
big  ads  began  to  appear  in  the  daily  papers,  a  general 
howl  of  "  fakirs  "  went  up  from  numerous  opticians,  in 
and  around  Cleveland,  most  of  them  contending  that 
no  firm  of  opticians  cnuld  possibly  stand  up  under  such 
enormous  advertising  expenses   witlmut   cheating"  the 


PURCHASED  AN  AUTOMOBILE  445 

people,  and  every  day  we  could  hear  the  report  coming 
from  some  of  our  so-called  competitors,  that  we  in- 
tended to  remain  in  Cleveland  only  long  enough  to 
scoop  in  a  lot  of  money  and  then  skip  out. 

While  all  kinds  of  reports  were  being  circulated  by 
these  people  we  were  driving  ahead,  as  though  nothing 
had  been  said,  and,  on  all  occasions,  took  the  utmost 
pains  to  give  as  perfect  corrections  as  possible,  realizing 
that  results  attained,  together  with  a  liberal  method  of 
advertising  and  letting  the  people  know  who  and  where 
we  were,  would  win  the  day,  in  spite  of  all  obstacles. 

Whenever  a  person  called,  whose  eyes  needed  med- 
ical treatment,  or  an  operation,  instead  of  glasses,  we 
told  them  so,  and  advised  them  to  go  to  an  oculist. 
If  their  glasses  didn't  need  changing,  or  if  their  eyes 
were  not  defective,  they  were  told  so,  and  no  charges 
were  made  for  the  information. 

When,  however,  we  found  glasses  were  needed  and 
that  we  were  able  to  give  a  first  class  correction,  we 
had  no  hesitancy  in  charging  a  good  round  price  for 
our  work,  always,  however,  giving  a  printed  agree- 
ment that  we  would  stand  ready  to  make  any  necessary 
re-corrections  or  changes  of  lenses,  free,  any  time  with- 
in two  years. 


446        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

Our  motto  was  "  Good  work,  good  pay  and  good 
results." 

As  soon  as  our  so-called  competitors  became  aware 
of  the  fact  that  our  business  was  and  had  been  con- 
stantly increasing  from  the  day  we  opened  our  office 
and  that  our  prices  were  higher  than  theirs,  the  howl 
"  robbers,  robbers,"  went  up. 

As  soon  as  we  learned  that  they  were  using  this  as 
a  weapon  against  us,  we  noi  only  advocated  good  work 
and  good  prices  to  patients,  but  came  out  boldly  in  the 
newspapers  and  acknowledged  that  although  we  were 
the  highest  priced  opticians  in  the  United  States,  we 
were  nevertheless  the  busiest,  and  had  been  for  years, 
all  of  which  was  a  demonstration  of  the  one  fact,  that 
results  attained  were  what  the  people  wanted,  and  were 
willing  to  pay  for. 

This  bold  assertion  in  the  papers  was  hailed  with 
delight  by  the  "  sore  heads,"  as  tliey  were  certain  that 
it  would  drive  people  awa};  and  close  our  doors  in  no 
time. 

On  the  contrary,  our  business  increased,  and  al- 
though we  had  then  in  our  employ  my  son,  Frank, 
\\'ho  had  taken  up  the  work,  and  two  extra  opticians, 
we  kept  adding  to  our  staff  until  we  had,  altogether, 


PURCHASED  AN  AUTOMOBILE  447 

seven  of  the  highest  salaried  opticians  in  the  country, 
and  although  eight  and  ten  thousand  dollars  a  year  in 
an  exclusive  refracting  optical  business  is  considered 
good,  our  business  that  year  exceeded  fifty  thousand 
dollars. 

One  day  I  called  upon  an  old  established  optical 
firm  in  the  city,  which  hsd  the  reputation  of  doing  a  big 
business.  As  I  entered,  a  lady  patient  of  theirs  passed 
out,  and  the  optician  who  had  waited  on  her  said  to 
me :     "  Well,  I  soaked  her  for  two  dollars." 

"  What  do  you  mean  by  '  soaking  '  her?  "  I  asked. 

"  Well,"  said  he  (with  a  wise  expression  of  counte- 
nance, as  if  certain  that  I  would  approve  of  the  trans- 
action). I  changed  her  lenses  for  her,  and  gave  her 
exactly  the  same  as  she  had  been  wearing  and  got  her 
little  two  dollars  in  cash." 

I  said  to  him,  while  his  employer  stood  by :  "  Young 
man,  you,  like  many  other  opticians  of  this  city,  are 
evidently  under  the  impression  that  because  we  adver- 
tise and  get  good  prices  that  we  are  '  faking  '  the  people, 
but  I  want  to  say  this  to  you,  that  if  you  were  in  my 
employ,  and  I  should  know  of  your  doing  a  trick  of 
that -kind,  I  would  discharge  you  as  quickly  as  I  would 
if  you  had  reached  your  hand  in  my  pocket  and  stolen  a 


448       IV HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

ten  dollar  bill,  and  I  now  regard  you  as  no  better  than 
a  thief.  I  believe,"  I  continued,  "  in  good  prices, '  mak- 
ing those  who  dance  pay  the  fiddler,'  but  as  I  belong 
to  no  church  and  have  no  creed,  my  religion  is  '  a 
shrewd  bargain,  biit  a  square  deal.'  " 

Soon  after  we  located  in  Cleveland  Mrs.  Johnston's 
health  became  so  impaired  as  to  compel  her  to  give 
up  her  work,  and  as  we  were  tired  of  boarding  and 
restaurant  life,  we  went  to  housekeeping,  having  bought 
a  hundred  foot  front  lot  at  Mayfield  Heights,  a  suburb 
of  Cleveland,  upon  which  we  built  an  eight-room  house 
with  the  latest  improvements  and  furnished  completely 
with  modern  furniture,  carpets,  etc.  We  found  our- 
selves once  more  enjoying  the  luxuries  of  a  home  of 
our  own. 

About  this  time  I  found  myself  in  a  highly  nervous 
condition,  as  a  result  of  overwork  and  many  sleepless 
nights  in  attendance  upon  Mrs.  Johnston. 

As  rest,  recreation  and  fresh  air  were  recommended 
by  our  physicians  for  both  of  us,  I  purchased  an  auto- 
mobile, and  took  my  first  and  only  lesson  in  running  it, 
after  which  I  started  out  rlone. 

I  had  no  sooner  reached  the  busy  part  of  the  city 
than  a  woman  leading  a  small  child  got  in  my  way  and 


'Great  Caesar,  get  out  of  the  wayJ" 


450        ll'HAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

seemed  determined  to  be  run  o\'er.  In  my  excitement 
I  forgot  that  I  could  stop  the  thing  at  all,  and  yelled 
at  the  top  of  my  voice  (attracting  the  attention  of  every 
one  on  the  street),  "  Get  out  of  the  way!  Get  out  of 
the  way,  there !  Great  Caesar,  get  out  of  the  way !  " 
Then  it  suddenly  occurring  to  me  that  it  could  be 
stopped,  I  threw  the  lever  back  and  came  to  a  stand- 
still. The  woman  and  child  had  disappeared,  a  large 
crowd  had  gathered,  every  one  was  excited,  but  no  one 
knew  what  it  was  about. 

My  next  effort  resulted  in  my  running  into  and 
knocking  down  an  old  colored  man. 

I  instantly  brought  the  machine  to  a  halt,  and  turn- 
ing quickly  in  my  seat,  cried  out,  "  Look  out  there, 
sir!" 

By  this  time  the  old  darkey  had  recovered  himself, 
and  while  knocking  the  dust  from  his  hat  and  rolling 
the  chalky  part  of  his  eyes  toward  me,  said : 

"  Well,  fo'  de  lawdy  sakes,  I  hope  yo'  haint  comin' 
back  agin,  is  ye?  "  ^ 


"WELL  FOR  DE  LAWDY  SAKE,  I  HOPE  YO'  AINT  COMIN  BACK 
AGAIN,  IS  YE'? 


AMNOYED  BY  IMPOSTORS  451 


CHAPTER  XXV. 

Annoyed  by  Impostors — How  We  Ran  One  Down — It 
Cost  Him  Over  Five  Hundred  Dollars — How  Other 
Opticians  Copied  Our  Advertising — Mrs.  Johnston's 
Death — My  Mother  and  I  Living  Under  the  Same  Roof 
for  the  First  Time  in  Thirty-five  Years — The  Circum- 
stances Which  Led  to  My  Writing  "What  Happened 
to  Johnston." 

One  of  the  annoyances  we  were  constantly  experi- 
encing after  we  had  become  established  in  Cleveland, 
was  that  men  of  all  calibre  and  nationality  were  travel- 
ing about  the  country  in  every  direction  representing 
themselves  either  as  J.  P.  Johnston  or  as  his  agent,  and 
giving  poor  fits  and  cheap  glasses  at  enormous  prices. 

Scarcely  a  day  passed  that  one  or  more  persons  didn't 
call  at  our  office  with  a  pair  of  glasses  that  they  sup- 
posed they  had  purchased  either  from  Mr.  Johnston 
himself  or  his  brother  or  agent,  anxious  to  have  them 
changed  for  glasses  that  would  fit  them  better. 

Letters  came  pouring  in  from  every  direction,  some 
from  over  a  hundred  miles  distant,  complaining  of  their 
glasses,  and  demanding  immediate  settlement. 

W^e  sent  out  thousands  of  circulars  and  offered  a  re- 


452       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

ward  in  all  the  city  papers  for  the  capture  of  any  one 
representing  himself  as  our  agent,  as  we  had  no  such 
agent  out.  Yet  complaints  kept  coming  ii"L,  and  one 
of  the  worst  cases  we  ever  had  to  contend  with  and 
which  shows  how  very  unreasonable  people  can  be, 
was  where  a  woman  brought  in  a  pair  of  these  glasses 
which  she  had  broken,  and  after  explaining  that  she 
had  bought  them  from  a  man  whom  she  had  since 
learned  was  an  impostor,  and  who  had  represented  him- 
self as  Mr.  J.  P.  Johnston,  wanted  to  know  what  we 
proposed  to  do  about  it. 

"  Why,"  I  asked,  "  whai  is  there  for  us  to  do  ?  What 
can  you  expect  of  us  ?  An?  we  to  blame  because  you  al- 
lowed a  stranger  to  swindle  you,  or  can  you  blame 
us  because  your  glasses  are  broken  ?  " 

"  Well,"  she  insisted,  "  you  had  no  right  to  allow 
such  a  man  to  run  around  the  country  telling  people 
that  he  was  you,  besides,  the  glasses  are  no  good  or 
they  wouldn't  have  broken." 

Because  we  wouldn't  repair  them  for  nothing,  she 
vowed  that  she  would  take  them  somewhere  else  to  be 
fixed,  which  she  did. 

At  last  the  time  came  when  we  ran  down  one  of 
tliese  impostors. 


ANNOYED  BY  IMPOSTORS  453 

One  of  our  patients  'phoned  us  one  day  from  New 
London,  saying  tliat  a  man  had  been  making  his  head- 
quarters there  for  three  days  travehng  among  the 
farmers  and  representing  himself  to  be  J.  P.  Johnston's 
brother,  of  No.  2,7  Colonial  Arcade,  Cleveland,  and  he 
was  selling  glasses  as  high  as  forty  dollars  a  pair  on 
the  strength  of  that. 

I  took  the  first  train,  arriving  there  about  four  o'clock 
in  the  afternoon,  and  about  six  o'clock  the  liveryman, 
who  had  driven  him  to  the  country,  returned  alone,  say- 
ing that  his  man  had  taken  a  train  at  a  small  station, 
stating  that  he  was  going  to  Cleveland. 

My  first  thought  was  tha^  this  was  a  ruse  on  his  part 
to  avoid  being  traced,  and  that  I  would  be  apt  to  find 
him  at  Wellington,  the  next  station  from  where  he 
boarded  the  train. 

I  therefore  hired  the  liveryman  to  drive  me  over  to 
Wellington,  where  I  found  the  gentleman  registered 
at  the  hotel. 

He  had  retired  for  the  night,  and  as  he  had  made 
arrangements  with  one  of  the  liverymen  there  to  drive 
him  to  the  country  the  next  mornmg,  I  had  no  trouble, 
after  explaining  my  cause,  to  arrange  with  the  livery- 
man what  direction  he  should  take  him,  and  that   I 


454        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

should  be  kept  posted  by  telephone  (as  nearly  every 
farmer  had  a  'phone),  and  notified  as  to  whether  or 
not  he  represented  himself  as  me,  my  brother  or  as  our 
agent,  and  just  where  I  could  capture  him,  with  an 
officer. 

The  plan  worked  like  a  charm,  and  before  noon  an 
officer  and  myself,  armed  with  a  state  warrant,  had 
overtaken  and  placed  him  under  arrest. 

We  had  no  sooner  landed  him  in  the  office  of  the 
justice  of  the  peace  than  he  began  to  weaken,  admitting 
that  he  had  done  wrong  and  wanting  to  make  a  com- 
promise. 

I  explained  that  the  matter  was  in  the  hands  of  the 
law,  but  if  he  wanted  to  hand  o\'er  to  me  a  thousand 
dollars  to  cover  the  expenses  I  had  in  running 
him  down,  pay  my  attorney's  fees  and  other  local  ex- 
penses, and  sign  papers  to  leave  the  state  and  never  re- 
turn in  the  optical  business,  I  would  let  him  go,  pro- 
vided tlie  authorities  were  willing,  but  I  would  not 
agree  not  to  prosecute  him. 

Tie  plead  poverty,  saying  he  had  lost  all  he  had  six 
months  before  he  had  started  out  on  this  scheme,  and 
could  not  pay  more  than  five  hundred  dollars  and  local 


ANNOYED  BY  IMPOSTORS  455 

expenses,  which  he  would  be  glad  to  do,  and  I  agreed 
to  this. 

Inside  of  two  hours  from  the  time  we  made  the 
agreement  he  had  telephoned  to  his  wife  in  Detroit, 
Michigan,  and  she  had  telegraphed  five  hundred  and 
fifty  dollars  to  the  leading  bank  at  Wellington,  and  I 
had  the  cash  in  my  pocket  ready  to  leave  for  home. 

Another  annoyance  we  experienced  was  the  copying 
of  our  advertisements  by  opticians  in  towns  and  cities 
within  a  radius  of  three  hundred  miles  from  Cleveland. 

We  got  out  a  small  booklet,  setting  forth  our  plans 
and  methods,  and  describing  the  different  eye  defects 
and  their  relation  thereto,  and  had  it  copyrighted. 

A  few  months  afterwards  some  one  sent  me  a  small 
booklet,  which  had  been  gotten  out  by  an  optician  in 
Alliance,  Ohio,  and  whoever  sent  it  had  marked  several 
paragraphs  as  copied  from  J.  P.  Johnston's  booklet. 

Sure  enough,  on  reading  it,  I  saw  that  he  had  copied, 
word  for  word,  many  paragraphs  and  had  copied  sev- 
eral of  my  testimonials,  only  adding  to  them  the  names 
and  addresses  of  his  patients. 

T  immediately  called  him  up  by  'phone  and  advised 
him  to  come  to  Cleveland  for  an  interview  with  mv 
lawyer,  as  my  booklet  was  copyrighted. 


456        WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

He  paid  no  attention  to  the  matter  until  I  had  placed 
it  in  the  hands  of  my  attorney,  whose  letter  brought 
him  to  terms,  when  he  was  only  too  glad  to  pay  the 
price  demanded,  as  damages. 

One  of  the  ideas  for  which  I  have  always  contended 
is,  that  if  a  man  is  a  competent  fitter  of  glasses  and 
understands  the  theory  and  science  of  refraction,  he 
ought  to  be  capable  of  writing  his  own  advertising,  at 
any  rate,  I  hope  I  may  never  be  tempted  or  obliged  to 
resort  to  the  unscrupulous  method  of  copying  or  im- 
itating others,  nor  be  obliged  to  hire  someone  to  write 
them  for  me. 

As  pre\'iously  stated,  Mrs.  Jolmston's  health  had 
been  greatly  impaired  for  several  years.  There  was 
scarcely  a  town  or  city  which  we  had  visited  for  the 
past  ten  years  where  one  or  more  physicians  had  not 
been  called  m  to  try  to  diagnose  her  case  and  prescribe 
for  her. 

Not  in  a  single  instance,  how^ever,  as  was  ultimately 
shown,  did  one  of  them  make  the  proper  diagnosis, 
although  one  or  two  were  successful  in  partially  restor- 
ing her  health. 

vShe  kept  growing  worse  after  we  located  in  Cleve- 
land, and  was  up  one  day  and  down  the  next,  until,  on 


ANNOYED  BY  IMPOSTORS  457 

the  5th  of  May,  1903,  a  young  physician  was  called, 
and  after  a  day's  hard  lal3or,  in  trying  to  locate  her 
trouble,  decided  that  she  had  appendicitis,  and  calling 
an  expert  who  agreed  with  him  on  his  final  diagnosis, 
with  her  consent  and  wishes,  she  was  removed  to  the 
Huron  Street  Hospital,  when  on  the  following  morning 
an  operation  proved  that  she  had  had  chronic  appen- 
dicitis for  years. 

She  rallied  from  the  operation  and  seemed  much  im- 
proved for  a  day  or  two,  with  every  prospect  of  recov- 
ery, but  on  the  following  Saturday  blood  poison  set  in, 
and  at  four  o'clock  Sunday  morning.  May  loth,  she 
passed  away. 

A  truer,  better  wife  no  man  ever  had,  and  the  many 
ups  and  downs  experienced  during  our  nineteen  years 
of  married  life  fully  demonstrated  her  ability  to  con- 
tinue in  prosperity  and  adversity  alike — never  a  com- 
plainant in  adversity,  generous  and  charitable  in  pros- 
perity, a  woman  of  refinement  and  rare  personality, 
with  unusual  talent  for  art  and  music,  and  a  kindly, 
amiable  disposition,  with  exceptional  tact  in  the  man- 
agement of  domestic  affairs.  All  these  qualities  made 
her  a  lovable  companion  and  a  devoted  wife. 

A  few  weeks  after  her  death  I  broke  up  housekeep- 


458       WHAT  HAPPENED  TO  JOHNSTON 

ing,  sold  out  a  portion  of  my  household  furniture  at 
auction,  and  l^egan  boarding  at  a  family  hotel,  with 
the  result  that  three  months  were  sufficient  to  convince 
me  that  housekeeping  was  the  only  satisfactory  way  to 
live  in  Cleveland. 

My  mother,  now  a  widow,  consented  to  come  to 
Cleveland  and  take  charge  of  my  household,  if  I  wished 
to  return  to  housekeeping,  an  offer  which  I  readily  ac- 
cepted, and  for  the  first  time  since  I  was  sixteen  years 
of  age  we  are  living  under  the  same  roof ;  she  is  a  well 
preserved  woman  of  seventy-three  years,  in  appearance 
not  over  sixty,  with  all  her  faculties,  and  a  mind  as 
clear  as  a  bell. 

On  the  last  day  of  December,  1903,  I  received  a  tele- 
gram from  Chicago  stating  that  one  of  my  favorite 
aunts,  my  father's  sister,  Frances  E.  Owens  (author  of 
Mrs.  Owens'  Cook  Book)  and  her  daughter  Amy  had 
been  killed  in  the  terrible  Iroquois  Theatre  fire. 

My  trip  there  in  attendance  at  the  funeral  resulted 
in  my  calling  upon  the  publishers  of  my  book,  "  Twenty 
Years  of  Hus'ling,"  who  informed  me  that,  although  it 
had  been  seventeen  years  since  its  first  publication,  in- 
stead of  decreasing  in  its  sale,  it  had  for  several  years 
past  been  steadily  increasing,  and  as  over  a  million  and 


ANNOYED  BY  IMPOSTORS  459 

a  half  copies  had  been  sold  they  believed  a  new  book 
on  the  same  line,  or  as  a  sequel  to  "  Twenty  Years  of 
Hus'ling,"  would  prove  a  big  seller,  and  made  me  a 
flattering  offer  to  begin  at  once,  with  the  agreement  that 
it  must  be  completed  by  July  ist,  1904,  hence  "  What 
Happened  to  Johnston." 


AA    001120  482    3 


